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Seven weeks after SO drops the "I don't love you anymore" getting mixed messages... magical thinking has me wanting to see a glimmer of hope

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December 6, 2017
8 upvotes

Wife lays out “I don’t love you anymore” after 25 years of being married to a drunk captain. I’m beside myself with grief and my fucking world is coming apart. (My original puke is on MRP for details.) Seven weeks later I’m coming to grips with reality and accepting that my life is changing forever. That my future, as I always saw it, was a mirage and I don’t know what lies ahead.

I knew on day 2, after the bomb got dropped, that unfucking myself was the only path forward. So I started in to save my marriage. I’m lifting and eating right for a net loss of 40 pounds to date. No alcohol, and started to plan for an awesome life with or without her. No doubt in the beginning I was doing it for her. Now I am doing it for me. The thing is now after 7 weeks I’m getting mixed messages. I think magical thinking has me wanting to believe there is hope. I’ve never gone through this before so I don’t know how to interpret her behavior. We don’t fight, she converses easily with me. She will not initiate affection but will receive it ok. She calls me “hon.” Thanks me when I do something for her. In conversation will reference the future as if we are together. For example, last weekend we attended my company Christmas party. Afterward, she mentioned that she was looking forward to seeing were they would hold it next year. I mentioned that I have always wanted to get SCUBA certified and had found a place to do that this winter. She said she wanted to go too.

Then last weekend we had a conversation where I told her calmly that life was short and getting shorter. That if her path to happiness was divorce then I would support her decision and help make the transition as amicable as possible. I told her that I did not want a divorce but if she was emotionally invested in another man or involved with another man that we were done. No point in thrashing around in that mess. She claims there is no other man and she has no feelings for anyone. She then said, “I’m glad you aren’t giving up…I don’t want you too.” At which point I left the room before saying something I would regret. She has also begun asking my permission to do things. For instance her best friend asked her to meet her for dinner after work tonight and she texted and asked me if that was ok. Normally she would just tell me what she was doing. She has also stopped working out and gained a couple of pounds. I’m just going to keep working my MAP and make my life so wildly awesome that none of this matters, but I am confused!


Post Information
Title Seven weeks after SO drops the "I don't love you anymore" getting mixed messages... magical thinking has me wanting to see a glimmer of hope
Author dirk626
Upvotes 8
Comments 26
Date 06 December 2017 12:42 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205099
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7huajc/seven_weeks_after_so_drops_the_i_dont_love_you/
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Comments

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is why we say "Watch what they do, and not what they say."

You are in an interesting position. She has overtly "breached" her marriage agreement by stating that she no longer wants to be with you, and I assume, is contributing to your involuntary celibacy.

At the same time, she is temporarily enjoying the comforts and positives of commitment by being your plus one at social functions, and continuing to live in the family home without restriction.

Until you foster some abundance, you'll never be able to tell if the behavior is cordiality between roommates, or a wife giving her retarded husband an ultimatum that produced the change she hoped for. If she believes the later, who gives a fuck if either of you believe he or she is responsible for the change, because YOU do the work.

Regardless, the "stay plan" and the "go plan" have to be the same. If she wants to come to SCUBA, cool. Do it because you want to, regardless of her reaction.

All women lose the right to your exclusivity the moment "I don't love you" crosses her lips. She recognizes this risk, I'm sure. She gets first shot at the new you, because, for some of us, value and history is recognized. But don't rule out new pussy. Your sex life matters. Don't be shamed for it.

[–]crimson_chris3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

What a woman says does not mean SHIT. She says what she feelz at-the-moment. That is why your plan is the same no matter what. Stop chasing the dragon.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

FUCK YOUR HOPE.

Hope is bullshit. This entire post was you hoping we’d say her behavior is an indication of her interest. We can’t know that and it doesn’t matter right now.

You’ve changed and with every aspect of your life you must exhibit this change. 25 years is a long time, she probably doesn’t believe you wont go back to being shit. You need to cement your positive behavior with consistency. You have zero DLVs allowed moving forward.

You must do this in your frame. Stop fucking worrying about what she thinks or wants. Learn to do you, she is a guest now.

Outcome independence. She is welcome to participate in your new awesome life but she is optional. She can leave at any time but she’s always welcome provided you’re available.

Start doing awesome shit. Invite her but go no matter. Build and become, leave the door open. If she walks out someone else will find their way in.

[–]dirk626[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are dead on! Thanks

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seven weeks later I’m coming to grips with reality and accepting that my life is changing forever.

It took 7 weeks?

there is hope

Hope is for things outside your control. Determination is for things inside your control.

We don’t fight, she converses easily with me. She will not initiate affection but will receive it ok. She calls me “hon.” Thanks me when I do something for her.

Who's a good boy? WHO'S A GOOD BOYYYYY. Doing things for her. You're so good. Like a brother to her.

I’m glad you aren’t giving up…I don’t want you too.

This sentence is SINISTER!!! It sounds all lovey dovey like "oh I love you and couldn't take it if you left" but no. You want to know what that really means? It means "I'm glad you're sticking around, my dear beta bux. I need you here to support me until I have a branch to swing to." She wants you to keep chasing that carrot.

 

The messages aren't mixed. They sound mixed, but they are directly in line with her actions. As I said in your last post...Spend the last 3rd of your life getting better for you. She can come if she wants. Get rid of the hope. You don't need it.

[–]MisfitPL96 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

" I dont love you anymore " is the end - it is the nail in the coffin.

You are still doing this for your wife - not for you, which is why you are confused. You are scared of losing her.

Previously from matrixtospartanatLV:

The bottom line is this;

Do MRP for you and you will succeed.

Do MRP for your wife and/or marriage and you will fail.

Period.

[–]albus_scirocco5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Think about it like this:

everything you are doing, you are doing for you. She freed you. So be free. Go out, spin plates, meet women.

If the woman you meet is her, OK.

[–]BobbyPeru9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

When she said she didn’t love you, that means she flipped the switch down to the “off” position. It doesn’t get turned back on after that.

She claims there is no other man and she has no feelings for anyone

Did you really expect her to admit if there was?

Good you’ve been working out and improving yourself, but should have started to phase yourself out emotionally after she said that. Start doing that now, and when you’re ready, serve her.

I may come across as harsh, but swallowing TRP Means facing these truths head on and sometimes making very tough decisions.

key questions below

Are you the breadwinner? Does she work? How often are you having sex? The answer to these questions will reveal much.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

when she said she didn’t love you, that means she flipped the switch down to the “off” position. It doesn’t get turned back on after that.

Sure it does. Women change their mind quick when they see a younger, hotter, tighter thing on your arm.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t think that’s the case any time soon with OP

[–]dirk626[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She works, but I make about 30k more a year than her. She can support herself ok without me if she budgets. 1-2 a week but dropped off to 0 for the last two weeks. After the divorce talk.

[–]BobbyPeru5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

So she could make it, but she wouldn’t be nearly as comfortable.

And now she’s not having sex with you.

Add those 2 together

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea, of course there is hope. You started putting yourself first. If you went out and fucked Jennifer Lawrence tomorrow your wife would be all over your dick, problem solved.

You are your life, and women are an accessory to your life based on the value of the life you have created for yourself. They always have the option to bail and find someone else, and they will always blame you for any shortcomings on the life you have created for yourself. From now on, put yourself first and foremost. If your wife will help you in your mission to better your life, let her, if she will be a burden, drop her. You are the only thing that matters in your life, so put yourself first and foremost and don't be afraid to burn your wife or be an asshole to her if it will benefit you.

If she comes around, let her share the benefits if shes worthy, otherwise, you gotta look out for #1.

[–]crimson_chris3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Fuck. Re-read your original post and all the comments. That was some of the best group advice I have seen. Based on this post it will be over soon for you. Why?

has me wanting to see a glimmer of hope

Hope = expectations. Expectations = disappointment (for you). Disappointment = butthurt (for you). Butthurt is unattractive. If I were you I'd act like I never heard it. Why? Because it does not fucking matter. Your plan if she stays is the same plan if she leaves. The plan is your plan. You have a plan, right?

Hope means you have not internalized that shit. Hope means you still have her pussy on a pedestal. Hope means that you value her pussy more than she values your commitment. Hope means you are not the prize.

Hope is not a strategy. Children hope that Santa will bring them a present. I am going to build myself something for Christmas this year. What are you going to do for yourself. If I were you I'd stop hoping and get to work.

[–]dirk626[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

The advice handed out on my original post was off the charts awesome! Man I get the information, and I understand it's logic and power. But I have been with this woman for almost 30 years and known her for 37. I met her when we were 15 years old. I have loved her beyond measure and I'm having a tough time shutting that off. I know none of that matters. "All of man's suffering comes from his inability to accept reality" and all that. I know what all of you say are is true... Progress is slow emotionally, but I am comprehending what all of you are writing and it is making a big difference for me. Thanks

[–]crimson_chris4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Okay I am going to over share.

I met my wife when I was a sophomore in college. She was my first. I have spent over half my life with her. Love for me used to mean "who would I want holding my hand on my deathbed." That person was my mom at one point, but that changed after I met my wife. I have ADHD. I have lived all over the country and had about 8 jobs in an 18yr span with three different career changes. The only constant in my life has been my wife. But you know what? IT-DOES-NOT-MEAN-SHIT. The second I stop improving or giving her feelz - the sex will dry up and she will leave.

It almost happened. I was living in a fantasy land. That is how I found MRP. Until you let that shit go you can't truely move forward. She does not love you, she loves how you make her feel. Once she does not get her feelz, it's over. Hell, even if she get's feelz it may still be over.

I sometimes forget that my wife pursued me when we met. I was a pretty fucking awsome guy ( I blame the Catholic church on me being a virgin when we met). But - the key is that I was awesome for ME. I had a mission and she came along for the ride. As long as you are doing this shit for her you will fail. Why? Because it comes with expectation on your end. Kill your ego. Kill your expectations. Be an awesome man because that is what awesome men do.

Women are NOT loyal like men. You always have to perform. Make sure you are performing according to your plan. Take her off the pedestal. That does not make her less of a person - but her pussy is not platinum and she is not a god (but being with an awesome man will make her feelz like one).

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Until you let that shit go you can't truely move forward.

Watch fight club.

It's only when you have lost everything that you are free to do anything.

[–]bowhunter60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great response.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're 2 months into your 24 month plan.

Stop trying to read anything into wife's actions, behaviours, speech...

Who you doing this for again?

Stop talking to her so much. AKA STFU.

Wives follow an alarmingly predictable script when man starts MRPing.

So do men.

Follow the script.

Virtually everybody goes Rambo, though. Men tend to put our heads down and grind through the problem. Remember that if you don't take your crew on the occasional pleasure cruise, they will mutiny. Nobody wants a continual sufferfest. So don't forget you're an awesome guy, and that includes having fun.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She asks you to kill the puppy, you ask her to be the man and do it if it's ok because you don't want to.

Just pick a restaurant already.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am confused

I call bullshit. You know exactly what is up and what you need to do. That is why wifey poo is poking around and trying to be a nice submissive little girl. Believe me I bet the girl is more confused.

[–]tacoduck_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you are working the sidebar and seeing gains in your life, health, and marriage. My advice: STFU and see where you are in 6 months. If she wants to follow, then great... If not, find younger and hotter.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bro listen... There. Is. Somebody. Else. Period.



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