Wife lays out “I don’t love you anymore” after 25 years of being married to a drunk captain. I’m beside myself with grief and my fucking world is coming apart. (My original puke is on MRP for details.) Seven weeks later I’m coming to grips with reality and accepting that my life is changing forever. That my future, as I always saw it, was a mirage and I don’t know what lies ahead.
I knew on day 2, after the bomb got dropped, that unfucking myself was the only path forward. So I started in to save my marriage. I’m lifting and eating right for a net loss of 40 pounds to date. No alcohol, and started to plan for an awesome life with or without her. No doubt in the beginning I was doing it for her. Now I am doing it for me. The thing is now after 7 weeks I’m getting mixed messages. I think magical thinking has me wanting to believe there is hope. I’ve never gone through this before so I don’t know how to interpret her behavior. We don’t fight, she converses easily with me. She will not initiate affection but will receive it ok. She calls me “hon.” Thanks me when I do something for her. In conversation will reference the future as if we are together. For example, last weekend we attended my company Christmas party. Afterward, she mentioned that she was looking forward to seeing were they would hold it next year. I mentioned that I have always wanted to get SCUBA certified and had found a place to do that this winter. She said she wanted to go too.
Then last weekend we had a conversation where I told her calmly that life was short and getting shorter. That if her path to happiness was divorce then I would support her decision and help make the transition as amicable as possible. I told her that I did not want a divorce but if she was emotionally invested in another man or involved with another man that we were done. No point in thrashing around in that mess. She claims there is no other man and she has no feelings for anyone. She then said, “I’m glad you aren’t giving up…I don’t want you too.” At which point I left the room before saying something I would regret. She has also begun asking my permission to do things. For instance her best friend asked her to meet her for dinner after work tonight and she texted and asked me if that was ok. Normally she would just tell me what she was doing. She has also stopped working out and gained a couple of pounds. I’m just going to keep working my MAP and make my life so wildly awesome that none of this matters, but I am confused!