How to Handle Demand for Unwarranted Apology Well?

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November 25, 2017
8 upvotes

6 weeks RP, lifting, 174 (-19), 23%bf, me 50 her 43, captaining well, her floating off in tethered life boat, frame pretty good, sidebar, NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, Gorilla Mindset, TRM, reading Conversation Casanova.

 

Second month tracking her cycle. For the second consecutive month, during pms she took great offense at something minor and started week-long cold treatment. Now, just like last time, we've had 8 days of winter and ovulation is about to start, now whenever I'm trying to initiate she is saying how if I want to get some action then we "need to discuss a few things." I recognize the pattern; she is going to demand an apology--single-mindedly--so that a week of enthusiastic sex (lingerie, initiating, etc) will ensue. She's going overt because I haven't "picked up on" the cold treatment and apologized already, I guess.

 

Needless to say, at one level I am tempted to give in and make the stupid apology so as not to miss the only action I have going at the moment. But of course I don't want to do that either.

 

I am preparing to try fogging her and using negative inquiries but I don't think it is going to work. I don't mean to sound negative but she really doesn't listen in these conversations and just broken records me with the demand for a full and unqualified groveling apology.

 

Even more dangerous, I also feel tempted to say that what she is offering me is transactional love and I really want to tell her to shove it up her ass and keep it. In my mental rehearsals (bad I know) we get to discussing the "big D" about two sentences later.

 

I am in STFU stage and know it but I am concerned that without a good strategy going into the inevitable conversation--which will be sprung at the least convenient moment--things could go sideways badly. I appreciate any suggestions and have the flame suit all zipped up.

 

tl;dr: Wife planning to demand an unreasonable apology for some minor b.s., thirty days of no sex at stake, need a strategy going in beyond toughing it out so I don't wimp out.


Post Information
Title How to Handle Demand for Unwarranted Apology Well?
Author wildnight98
Upvotes 8
Comments 28
Date 25 November 2017 03:26 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205127
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7fftoi/how_to_handle_demand_for_unwarranted_apology_well/
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Comments

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret23 points24 points  (5 children) | Copy

so as not to miss the only action I have going at the moment

There's your issue. Laugh at her demands. Go find somewhere else to be for a few hours. If it happens again, double the time.

Bonus points if you can actually find someone who wants to touch your dick

[–]Learningtomrp6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

This I agree. Laugh at the demands, because really, they are funny as hell. What are you, her puppet. Nope:)

[–]darkscout593 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. And when you come back go straight to the shower and STFU or say out when she asks where you've been

[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Maybe closer to 12 % body fat this is a good idea. 23%? Would she actually give a fuck?

I like what you are saying... I mean her using sex to manipulate has to be countered.

But let’s face it this guy is fat and new in his RP journey.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Then gym, diet, and getting out of the house should be his only concerns

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed.

[–]hystericalbonding7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

She can only wield sex as a weapon if you allow it. Why do you want to have sex with this woman so much that you'll sacrifice your own self-respect? Pussy is pussy.

Stop thinking of the tools in WISNIFG as a means to get other people to do things. They are tools that you can use to maintain your self-respect. Stop trying to control her behavior. Better yet, stop giving a fuck about her behavior. Look after yourself.

Your next book should be the subtle art of not giving a fuck.

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stop thinking of the tools in WISNIFG as a means to get other people to do things.

 

That's a good point, I'm going to think about that carefully. Here though, I guess I don't want her to do something so much as I want to flip this on her and tell her that 8 days of passive aggressive b.s. it what is really disrespectful. But in a way that demonstrates NGAF.

[–]hystericalbonding4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I want to flip this on her and tell her that 8 days of passive aggressive b.s. it what is really disrespectful. But in a way that demonstrates NGAF

Yep. STFU about sex until you give fewer fucks about it.

You're getting close to the turning point where you'll recognize that some of your MRP-related efforts are a big covert contract with your wife.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm trying to initiate she is saying how if I want to get some action then we "need to discuss a few things."

"Talking is not what I had in mind." Then continue.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

I went back through your post history and found your problem.

You’ve been at this for 36 days of a minimum course expectation of 14 months for phase one of ingesting the Red Pill by MRP standards.

Compounding your problem is that you are a smart motherfucker, think deeply about shit, you are a master negotiator, and probably bank pretty well.

And at the end of the day, all of that doesn’t amount to a cup of warm piss to your wife on a cold day, because while you are Alpha as fuck in the courtroom, you are an equally big beta pussy in your deadbedroom.

Read this, counselor, and read it again as many times as it takes to be able to teach it to someone else;

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/

You are looking for DL6-7 results from a maximum time investment of DL2.

You might be able to get to DL6 in 30 days, on paper, but it will still take HER a minimum of six fucking months to see the real changes and respond to them in a seminal way.

Time to get with the program, the MRP program. If you’d like an outline of the sidebar, let me know.

And before you post again, read this;

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting_quality_guide_for_rmarriedredpill/

Please realize the following;

Your education, Alpha status, and $$$ work against you in this situation.

Your EGO is your biggest problem.

Kill your ego, do the fucking work, all of it, and I’ll bet your wife is crawling to you on her hands and knees, naked, begging to swallow your cum in less than a year.

You don’t need to ask me how I know that.

Now,

STFU

and

Do the fucking work.

Work over time equals success.

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This was really helpful, thank you. I️ think I️ have got my head right for this next round.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a big hurdle to get over when you’re still a recovering nice guy. It’s a learned skill like anything else.

IF you have nothing to apologize for, then just don’t. She can make all the demands she wants. Be as distant as she wants to be, only you can choose wether or not her emotions will affect you. It’s not your job to fix her feels.

Would she apologize to you if she feels she hasn’t made a mistake?

Learn to take comfort in the discomfort. Saying “sorry” so you can get back to sex next week just puts her back on the pedestal and you beneath her. Remember that.

Now only you can be the judge of you actions. IF you have in fact erred and are in the wrong, then I would say man up for your actions. Depending on the severity a “sorry, my bad” may be warranted. More than likely a simple “mistakes we made” will suffice.

I’d rather deal with the deep freeze for a year than apologize when none is warranted now. Last time my wife tried this she lasted a day. My response to her demand for an apology the next day?

“I’m sorry you misinterpreted me, I’m moving on from this if you care to join me”.

She accused me of saying “sorry, not sorry”. I laughed and said “that’s why I married you, you don’t miss anything”.....grabbed her, twirled her around, gave her a kiss and grabbed her ass, put her down in the other room and walked away.

She could choose to stay mad, or join me in getting back to having fun. She chose the latter.

Refusing to get sucked into her feels is the best way to deal with it. GIVE LESS FUCKS.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

"we need to talk" is powertalk for "I am going to yell at you and try to make you feel bad"

why would you submit yourself to this?

"We need to talk"

you have three basic options. Ignore and laugh. Not be there and laugh.

The third you are not ready for. Because you still care about getting pussy from her.

my most recent verbal answer to "we need to talk" sounded something like "Nah, I am going over to Stacy's house. She said something about Netflix"

[–]snatch_haggis4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

So IMO you need 100% outcome independence and to be mentally prepared for monk mode.

You have someone who doesn't respect you and is using sex as a weapon in an unhealthy way. You don't need to threaten divorce or anything else, you just need to 100% embrace the idea that you may not get laid for awhile and you don't give a fuck.

If you continue to do that, continue to become more attractive, and continue to have a life outside of her, she'll figure it out eventually.

she is saying how if I want to get some action then we "need to discuss a few things."

If you can 100% hold frame, you may be able to just give her a listen but not give any ground. That's not gonna be easy and is gonna require you to hold off from anger or butthurt at a whole litany of bullshit complaints that are ultimately just designed to test your frame.

In my case I had to weather a bunch of cold spells to kill the covert contracts, and it took several months.

I know we say not to talk about fight club, and I don't, but under similar circumstances to yours, I have said "I'm not going to negotiate sex anymore, you either want to fuck me or you don't. You aren't rewarding me with your pussy for being a good boy, you want to fuck just as much as I do."

Saying something like that without anger, and following through on it isn't easy, but it can be done.

IMO it's also okay to own your failures if the grievances she wants to talk about are truly valid, but IMO you should do that without sex being on the table, like on the nights she pulls the negotiation shit, you listen to her talk about whatever she wants to, and then you get up to go do something else afterwards, so it's clear you're not interested in honoring the terms of the covert contract.

Don't let her ring Pavlov's bell, and every time she tries, just let her know you do that hear it, and you're not interested in being her performing dog.

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pavlov is a good analogy for my situation. I️ need to break operant conditioning.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Which do you want more: sex now, which means groveling and a loss of self-respect, or real change which starts now but may mean a temporary loss of sex with your wife?

Hint: you can't have both at this stage. Go for long-term results.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seems like this might be a timely lesson for you as well.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Man alive, STFU is about just being quiet when you really have nothing to say, it’s not a phase

As a matter of fact, if you act deaf, dumb and mute, Strange Love Rambo is in control

You are missing that you need to lift, read and use “STFU” in situations of feelz dumping, verbal diarrhea of her tough day, accusations of you being a shitty captain with no good response, until you slowly respond from a position of uttering AA/AM from your frame that is not influenced from anger, covert contracts or eye fir eye aggressiveness

No matter what, everyday, and every conversation should be direct and NOT influenced by the shitty OP’s frame controlling previous behavior, or comments

At 50, you have enough life experience to look back and analyze your transactions with all women and think about your disposition in conversations going your way. Therefore, you compose and influence future interactions with those experiences.

In regards to your SO and you weak-sauce behavior Read this book concentrating on Lesson 8, then the part of of Womanese

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, you’re taking her too seriously.

Like others said, leave if she intolerable. Don’t do it in a butthurt or confrontational way though. That’s the key because if you act butthurt it will only feed into it.

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Thanks.

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, OI. It’s like I️ missed it completely.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can't figure out much about you via your post (or history). But, typically a dead bedroom is the result of being a shitty man/husband.

Your wife does not want to fuck you for a reason, and I am 100% sure the real reason is not some stupid recent argument. You can talk OI and DNGAF til the cows come home, but none of that matters if you are not Captaining the ship first. So do you OYS at home? Would you want to fuck you? How have you contributed to your dry dick? I don't see any of that in your post.

Your post reads like someone who has studied the instructions manual on how to drive stick, but has never actually done it.Or, maybe you are just the snowflake with a 100% harpy bitch for a wife and you are just an awesome motherfucker.

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

More like a baby stepper. I️ get the concepts but putting them reliably into practice is going to take time.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The last few posts, including this one, all have people who give too many fucks.

You need to change the pattern, because what was done in the past didn't work. Start being a bit of a asshole, and don't apologise for stuff you shouldn't be apologizing for.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You have a long way to go. Follow the process, don't take shortcuts, and eventually she will be worried that she isn't fucking you frequently enough.



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