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Tip: forget about sex. Stop being needy. She'll come around when she feelz it. She'll let you know.

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November 21, 2017

I see a lot of guys come on here because their sex life sucks. They start the RP journey and 2-4 weeks later they post complaining about the lack of sex or starfish sex or being butt hurt.

I have some advice for RP newbies: forget about sex. If you were separated and single, would you need sex ? Nope, you could do without it. If you were on a business trip away from your wife, would you need sex ? Nope. You'd do without it. You've done it before, you can do it again.

For a lot of newbie RP guys, sex is either a compliance test for the wife or the man needs sexual affirmation from her. Neither is a good thing !

In the early days of MAP, forget about sex. Stop fapping, stop begging, stop being butt hurt. Yes it hurts emotionally that she is rejecting your needs, but continually asking her only reinforces that she has the power and makes you look desperate and needy. Do you want these things ? No.

So forget about sex, until it is obvious that she is ready.

The lack of sex in your relationship is just a symptom. You need to fix things before the sex will return. So work on fixing things. OYS. Dig in and get the work done. Start your dread program. Lift. Read. Sleep. Rinse. Repeat. She'll let you know when she finds you attractive. Initiate periodically, be OI, but don't be focused on sex. Focus on you.

And don't think that just because you transform that the sex will come. That is a covert expectation. You can fix you. You can't fix her. You can't control her emotions. You can't negotiate her desire. So don't try and don't expect it to.

You control you. You can build yourself into an awesome man. And if the relationship, including sex, doesn't meet your expectations, you have options. Options are what transform victims into survivors.

It is almost impossible to eliminate a behaviour without substituting a new behaviour. So what are you going to do instead of asking for and having sex ?

Post Information
Title Tip: forget about sex. Stop being needy. She'll come around when she feelz it. She'll let you know.
Author ImSteveMcQueen
Upvotes 12
Comments 28
Date 21 November 2017 12:32 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPdread gamelift

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

She'll start sucking when you stop sucking.

[–]Learningtomrp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This should be written in every work email signature line

[–]Alphaphux4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

I can vouch for this as someone who discovered Rollo and Athol 18 months before I discovered MRP and improved myself but couldn’t quite understand why it wasn’t working as efficiently as I would have liked (butthurt was never a word I read until I came here)

The self improvement only comes into play when you quit with the butthurt covert contract. Becoming Hercules helps with her dread (I better suck his dick or he’ll leave me) but when you quit the butthurt you quit being a PITA to be around and you get the (I want to suck his dick). She’ll either be repulsed by your fat or your brooding, both need removing.

[–]AustralianArm2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

And when it is brooding + fat, your dick never gonna get sucked.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

But what if I want it reeeeeaaalllly bad?

[–]AustralianArm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell your LTR that and make her understand that you NEED it. Tears help also.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy


FYI, someone wrote about those two types of dread responses, calling the first one active or overt ? and the second one passive or covert ?, from her perspective. The first one builds resentment over time. The second one flows from her natural desire.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let her build that resentment. It is not going to blot away my resentment for those years of shit tests, arrogance, bullying and sexual denials.

Anger is a tool but first you have to recognize it and second you have to feel it before finally you can get motivated to take action.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You make some interesting points. Yet I disagree with ignoring sex and the need for it.

The lack of sex in your relationship is just a symptom.

This is truth. It becomes the goal for many men on the Red Path. It's ok at first, it's the point of Rule Zero, what you have to do is separate your current girl from the idea. At this point she is your sparring partner. Someone present that you can work against. Yet YOU are the sole judge. Still part of the path is to see and recognize outside stimulus that you are improving and moving forward as a man should. Hence the idea of gaming, whether you act on it or not...that isn't the point. If you use her? You will get no where.

She's seen you at your worse and there is a degree of chance she will never come around. Some women can't let it go. Some are so deeply entrenched in their Feminist ideals that they can't see straight. Being a man is the easiest thing in the world once you have achieved it.

Your premise is accurate. Sex is easy. Go get laid if that's what you want/need. Even betas can get laid.

BUT if you want to be Alpha. You want to be in control of your life. Here's some advice.

  1. Live in the moment
  2. Be always your better self
  3. Control your frame/emotions.
  4. The World is hypocrisy (no point in understanding it, just live it)
  5. Humour is the strongest most attractive weapon in your arsenal
  6. Do what makes YOU happy
  7. Live in abundance
  8. Never look back and if you do, take a moment to appreciate who you became (the progress)

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

She'll let you know when she finds you attractive.

I think this is underplayed, and i think "fake it till you make it" is overplayed.

The irony is that most of the time you have to really have changed (e.g. REALLY DNGAF) before it starts to work. Pretending to NGAF, or not be butthurt, does not work. She will smell it like the stench it is. You may as well pretend to be thinner.

As OP says, let it all go, expect nothing. Only then does it happen, or as in the Wayne's world movie quote "Build it and they will come"

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

But beware, that sometimes it may never happen, even when it should.

I'm dating a HB8 right now, the ultimate form of dread and DNGAD. My STBX is a HB5 these days. I've got my life together better than it has ever been. Would my STBX swallow her pride and admit she finds me attractive ? Nope. She is fighting me tooth and nail over everything. She is incredibly angry.

If the woman wants to control you, increasing dread and thus your options and DNGAF only infuriates her and drives you apart. But you have to start somewhere in the journey, and ceasing to be needy is a first good behaviour.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fake it until you make it is not pretending to be thinner. It is like going to the gym and getting your diet straight, even though you are not yet jacked. Then one day, you'll realize you really DNGAF.

Still, you keyed in on an excellent point. However, looking only at this puts you in danger of seeking validation and forgetting about the 1000 foot rope.

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not a full-on RP response here. But 'Wayne's World'???

Try again...

Field of Dreams If you build it, they will come

And ... James Earl Jones' speech

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

ok, i thought it was in WW2, when some dude convinces them to hold the concert / festival. But memory is hazy of that tbh.

[–]johneyapocalypse1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is very good advice. I have also seen the trend of new users "discovering" MRP and then expecting blowjobs and more by day five.

I chose to focus on me, to the exclusion of sex. Some might call it monk mode, but I found it beneficial to do so. In fact, I was vacillating between going in that direction and pushing for more closure until I read a general consensus that basically says "do what works for you, the individual."

I made the choice for a specific reason: I was journaling and chronicling my progress and found that the more I focused on sex the more unhappy I was. Conversely, the less I focused on sex, the better my days in the gym were, the more quality time I spent with my children, and the happier I found myself. I decided then and there to stop obsessing over "she didn't initiate" and just said "fuck it."

So the funny thing is that she started initiating more. A lot more. Granted, I have muscles now. Maybe my choices meant fuck-all in the grand scheme of things.

ImSteveMcQueen is right. Stop fucking focusing on sex!

At the same time, I agree with ReddJive, too.

So what happens if you believe both? Well that’s where the "you do you" comes into play. You can only learn through trial and error. I chose to follow point 6 of ReddJive's post "do what makes You (me) happy" and that meant - in my case - to stop chasing sex. The result? More sex.


[–]johneyapocalypse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And by the way, I see alucard205's post and have to take exception to his premise. Sure there's this whole hormone thing. But there's something much, much more powerful than hormones: the revulsion of a woman not interested in sex with her husband. That is a powerful emotion and impacts both parties equally.

When you point it out - like I did - it becomes even worse. Now you feel like a steaming pile of shit and she feels like satan on earth for making her husband feel so bad. Yet she can't fucking help it - she's only human after all.

So do you choose to keep pushing in those circumstances? To keep going for more? Well good luck to you if you do. I tried and was miserable. I stopped and became happy. In the end I got what I wanted and like I said above, I chronicled all of it, and it wasn't until I stopped pushing for sex that things turned around.

[–]EveryGodDamnDay0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

And if the relationship, including sex, doesn't meet your expectations, you have options.

A lot of new guys (me included) just can't imagine going with another woman and won't be able to fathom that "relationship doesn't meet expectations" could mean ending it. Doing the internal work helps resolve that problem, too.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I've been "there". I used to think like that too. That thinking gives her a free reign and keeps you trapped.

You deserve to be happy, right ? Life is short, right ? Guess what ? You can't control her actions. And she has the power to make you miserable for the rest of your life. How are you going to deal with that ?

So when you get further along your MAP process, she is going to have a choice to make - either fall into line and stop her bad behaviour or lose you.

You maybe don't realize this right now, but if you keep building yourself it will come to this. Because when you start focusing on yourself, you realize that you are only half of the problem. And once you spend a bunch of time and effort working on you, you aren't going to settle for a shitty first officer that tries to make your life miserable. You deserve better.

One step at a time, buddy.

[–]EveryGodDamnDay0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That thinking gives her a free reign and keeps you trapped.

It also ironically turns you (even more) into a low value man, thus all the more unattractive to a wife or any woman.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well... you only turn into a lower value man if you chose to be a Victim and stay trapped. To get out of victimhood all you need to do are a few things

1) Filter out the criticisms from the Persecutors. AKA STFU, AA, AM. 2) Reject lifelines from the Rescuers. 3) Reject the role of Victim by realizing you are acting like a Victim, generate some options and empower yourself to act on them.

As soon as you are taking responsibility for the situation you are no longer being a passive Victim. When you reach this stage you'll rescue your own ass, thank you fucking much. This is how the RP program works.

Note that when you vacate the Victim chair that either the Persecution will increase to try to force you back into it OR she will take the Victim role.

All of this discussion stems from the Karpman Drama Triangle theory.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Of course, some women don’t do any of this, and that’s fine. The stay plan is the same as the go plan after all. Some women didn’t want the high value man. One of my favorite users, /u/ex_addict_bro. His wife didn’t want a high value, functioning man. She wanted a co-dependent. Some women are tired, and want a guy to reflect her laziness. Some want an ATM. Some women don’t want Chad long term, they wanted a meek quiet man they could push around and express power over. That’s fine. And then, there’s the stubborn ones. The stubborn ones are just thinking they are calling your bluff. It’s not a bluff. It better not be a bluff. This is a point where a lot of guys crumble, they built it for her, and she doesn’t want it."

[–]Wolveryn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One of the best anti-depressants, one of the best testosterone boosts, one of the best motivators is abstinence.

Nothing focuses the mind quite like having the self discipline to focus on your goals exclusively... cumming makes men lethargic. You only so much dopamine to spend.

And there is nothing worse than being needy for sex. If she doesn't want you, focus on you. Focus focus focus!

2 ultimate outcomes, you get your sex life back with your spouse, or you can part ways amicably with your shit in order and get your sex life back as a single man.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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