Background: I'm 42, wife 45. Married 11 yrs. 3 kids, only one left at home (11yr/old). EDIT: One kid each from previous marriages (aged 1 & 3 when we met), one together (conceived on honeymoon).
Sex dried up when we got married. Maybe once a month for first 8 years, then once every two months, this year twice so far, and the last time (August) was the worst sex I've ever had, which is what drove me to find mrp.
It took me a while but I fully except that this is my fault. I've been lifting, losing weight (10lbs so far 20 more to go? currently 5,11 & 196lbs). Over the last couple of years I've been building a life outside of the home. I play in a band that keeps me busy, builds my confidence, and gets me meeting new people. I'm working on cutting my alcohol down. This is my only vice and is glamorised where I live (something that I'm only just waking up to). I'm on my second read through the sidebar.
I've been working on the house, fixing what needs fixing and redecorating the place. There are still things that need doing, but I'm not willing to go into debt to do them, so I do it as and when I have the money.
A few years back I got sick for a year, to my surprise I got no sympathy, in fact she was totally cold. I know why now, but that sent me completely BP at the time. Fast forward to a year ago and I lost my job when the company I was working for went bust. I've been working hard on starting a business (tradesman), which is now doing okay, but still needs to grow. The last year has been financially tight. No holidays, and very little money for fun. However, she's been supportive of the new business.
So with all of the above, it's no wonder shes not happy, I'm not happy, and we're basically room mates.
SO: Last night she left me a letter saying that she feels that she's depressed and feeling ill (she bottles up emotion) because she can't talk to me anymore. She loves me, but doesn't like me at times. She thinks that I must be frustrated with the lack of sex (I've stopped mentioning this since finding MRP (august) and STFU). She wants a divorce but wants to separate on good terms.
I thought on it a while, then went downstairs gave her a hug and a kiss on the head, but said that I didn't want to talk about it right now, as it was a lot to take in. She said shes not saying that this is what we definitely have to do.
Now, I was expecting this at some point on my MRP journey (which I'm expecting to end in around 12 months), but not yet. It's taken me by surprise and I don't know what to do.
Part of me thinks it would be nice to just end it, but I've got an 11 yr/old to think of that have a great relationship with, and don't want to mess that up. My original plan was to work on myself and follow the dread levels with the view that i WILL be getting the sex I want at the end, with or without her.
A little background on her, which I add not to winge, but just give context: Her only hobby is watching TV which she does LOADS off. I've cut my screen time to very little over the last year. She eats a crap diet, does very little around the house. She is a great mother though.
I don't know if this was a massive comfort test brought on by my changes (I am treading lightly though), or something she really wants. She gave me a kiss (peck) before leaving for work this morning, which she hasn't done for months.
I don't know what my next move should be? Any guidance very welcome.