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Leading a Horse to Water

Reddit View
November 6, 2017
6 upvotes

How do you guys lead your wives to physical improvement? I have always been in relatively good shape. Played high school sports and continued to work out (weights and cardio) in and post college. I have been ripped and I have been chubby – but always working out in some capacity. While I am short (5’6), I am pretty muscular. People still sometimes ask if I played college football – so keeping the bulk alive. I was at my heaviest last year (at around 225) but got my ass in gear with MRP and have dropped @ 20lbs while adding more muscle (built like MJD).

The wife has been in and out of shape during our 20+ year relationship. She was slim when we met in college. Gained about 40lbs by year 5 of the marriage. She lost that weight, but only after I had already lost about 20lbs (follow the leader). But, now in our early 40’s and after two kids, she is back up to about 50lbs overweight. TBH, the actual weight does not bother me. A lot of the weight is in her boobs and ass (perfect for me). The problem is her overall health. She has had a multitude of health problems over the last 5yrs – some of which I think is tied to a bad diet and a sedentary lifestyle (not all but some).

So today I am working from home. I drop the hint that some day sex would be hot since we have the house with no kids. She responds by saying that the two of us are on different paths. She says that I am getting younger and acts/feel like I am 30. She says she is getting older and acts/feels like she is fifty. It’s basically a little LMR (I'm too “add in your custom excuse” for sex) which I plan on getting past. This is not the first time that this has come up as in the past she has referred to me a Benjamin Button. She says I am becoming a horny teenager while she is having a hard time keeping up. (FYI, I did recognize this as a comfort test and dealt with it as so).

So my wife sees what I do. She knows I lift. She knows I run. She knows I avoid grains. She knows that I do intermittent fasting. It’s not like it’s a fucking mystery why I am in better health. That being said, she typically rejects any advice I give on health, so I avoid giving any (at least since starting MRP). I will help when she ask.

Can she lift with me? No. I lift at my gym at work and she does not like weights. Can she run with me? Maybe, but she complains about shin splints. Can I help her eat healthier? Maybe. I do 80% of the cooking but I can’t make her eat what I eat. For example, I make a big pot of collards/kale every Sunday and eat a bowl for breakfast each day during the week (some of the healthiest stuff on earth). She won’t touch it.

While we are working on other things at this time, this will become an issue at some point. I want to be married to a physical match. I like to hike, bike, run and generally have adventures. When we do activities together outdoors, my wife struggles to keep up with me. Frequency of sex is another facet that suffers due to her overall health. I’d love to hear your thoughts on motivation. At this point maybe more dread is the answer, but she knows that my SMV is starting to surpass hers.


Post Information
Title Leading a Horse to Water
Author crimson_chris
Upvotes 6
Comments 74
Date 06 November 2017 07:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205195
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7b7dy6/leading_a_horse_to_water/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (11 children) | Copy

TBH, the actual weight does not bother me.

You wouldn't be posting about this if this were true. I agree with folks, the leadership is weak here.

Make a plan, get buy-in, then execute.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

The weight does not bother me. Her overall health does. Thanks for the note on a plan and buy in.

[–]drty_prRed Beret2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

You're so full of shit. Sure, you may enjoy fucking her fat ass, but if you showed up at a beach and she was in a bathing suit and your friends wife was looking fine in hers, you know how you'd feel.

The reason you tell yourself it "her overall health", is your BP conditioning. Don't feel bad for wanting your wife to be as hot is she can be.

You can lie to yourself all you want, but don't fuckin bullshit a bullshitter.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Would I prefer a burger with bacon? Yes. Am I content with a burger without bacon? Of course. I prefer a slimmer woman but from a sexual standpoint I am content with my curvy wife.

She's definitely overweight (which she knows) but not fucking morbidity obese. She has had a multitude of health problem which I think are related to an unhealthy lifestyle. We are working on that and why I asked you guys for motivation advice ( which was leadership, consistency and dread). I want her to be around and active for my kids (they love their mom). So, yes. I do care about her overall health.

And who is the faggot here? I DGAF about what some other guys wife looks like. If my wife is fucking and sucking me, and I find her attractive - who cares. I guess we know how you'd feel.

There is always going to be a womam somewhere hotter than your wife. You must feelz horrible all the time.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Lol. DEER much?

Would I prefer a burger with bacon? Yes. Am I content with a burger without bacon?

I want a burger with double bacon and double cheese. Of course I'd still eat a burger though.

She's definitely overweight (which she knows) but not fucking morbidity obese.

She is 50lbs over weight. You're 5'6". She is shorter than you no doubt. 50lbs at anything shorter than you is very overweight.

She has had a multitude of health problem which I think are related to an unhealthy lifestyle. We are working on that and why I asked you guys for motivation advice ( which iwas leadership, consistency and dread). I want her to be around and active for my kids (they love their mom). So, yes. I do care about her overall health.

You can care about her health and still want her to look better. Your need to defend this point is BP conditioning. Whether you like it or not.

And who is the faggot here? I DGAF about what some other guys wife looks like. If my wife is fucking and sucking me, and I find her attractive - who cares. I guess we know how you'd feel.

I'd feel like I'm getting fucked by the women I love, but I'd still like her to lose wieght.

There is always going to be a womam somewhere hotter than your wife. You must feelz horrible all the time.

No shit. Since I started this journey, my wife has lost 15lbs. Went from 5'4" at 125 to 110. This is a direct result of my actions. It was the physical specimen I've became. We never had discussions about her health or any shit like that. I subcommunicated lots over this time though. I think the one that really did it was when she said "how heavy would I need to be for you to leave?". To which I responded "200lbs, but I think you know I'd probably leave before that.

No amount of talking about this shit is going to get you the results you seek. Actions homie!

[–]straius0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

What he's trying to say is that the body is not the major turn-off, her state of mind "I'm not sexy" is the blocker to satisfying sex so he's focused on that even though he thinks the route to that is a physical body change in his wife. Which is where he's making the mistake.

His problem is her lack of confidence and inability to view herself as sexy. So the spice isn't there and even if she were a perfect 110lbs but the spice is still missing, the body change in that scenario wouldn't solve his problem and wouldn't lead to more satisfying sex.

I would suggest to OP that instead of trying to make his desires and reasons for working out hers, he talk to her about what HER desires are and try to attack the problem by getting her to operate from a base of her own desires. She won't become motivated any other way than operating from her own desires.

It also sounds like OP has at least another 20lbs to go. OP remember that your mass is less attractive to women than tone. At 5'8" and close to 200lbs, you still have a lot of fat to burn.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I would suggest to OP that instead of trying to make his desires and reasons for working out hers, he talk to her about what HER desires are and try to attack the problem by getting her to operate from a base of her own desires. She won't become motivated any other way than operating from her own desires.

For real? You think having an open conversation about his wife and her weight/health is going to net positive results? IMO, this is terrible advice OP. Work on you and forget about her. How can you expect her to lose weight when...

It also sounds like OP has at least another 20lbs to go. OP remember that your mass is less attractive to women than tone. At 5'8" and close to 200lbs, you still have a lot of fat to burn.

You're fat. She won't feel the tension from the 1000' rope until he tightens himself up. When you get to 12% BF, you can start worrying about her. Although when you hit 12%, things have a way of fixing themselves.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, you missed the point, the point is not to talk about her body, it's to talk about her desires. You understand that distinction. That will naturally lead to exercise but won't be due to an external pressure or attempt to control her.

The only way he will ever generate motivation in her is if she decides to make a goal that is inline with her own desires, then he can lead her there. She is in a defeated state atm. Of course him talking about her body will be counter productive as it will just send her back into insecurity. Which is why none of his approaches thus far have worked to motivate her.

Yes, dread will place an existential pressure on her to improve (but it's not guaranteed). In order to get total buy-in, she must have a genuine desire attached to the work as well that isn't one of his.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

/u/drty_pr - yeah, not going to have an open discussion about her losing weight. She has started to eat a little healthier. She has a appointment with a personal trainer tomorrow. She is trying to make changes but still down on herself. So, again - that is why I ask the motivation question. Am I ripped - of course not. But I am also not a fatty mc fat fat. I will work towards the 12% bf. Right now focusing on eating clean a a 20/4 intermittent fasting protocol M-F. First time I have seen my ribs in about 5yrs. And - how can we have an exchange of ideas here if we don't defend and explain?

/u/straius - I get what you are saying. She needs to feelz desired, validated and comfortable with herself (+safety and security). Working on that as well. That is a harder skill. Communicating without ego. Much harder than it sounds. To be clear, she has been motivated. Eating better and starting with a trainer tomorrow. I just want to keep her (and I guess really myself) motivated. I agree that she must feel that she is doing ultimately doing it for herself.

Oh, and for the sex part. Sex was had last night. It was fun. It culminated with her saying "I want to finish with you inside me" (took a break for PIV and was using fingers) and a full on caveman fucking. Trust me, some progress is being made. I was not having this type of in the last 5yrs of my marriage (pre MRP).

[–]Sub_Corrector_Bot1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You may have meant /u/straius instead of /U/straius.


Remember, OP may have ninja-edited. I correct subreddit and user links with a capital R or U, which are usually unusable.

-Srikar

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see, well if she's already motivated then you just need to keep doing you. She's not gonna jump 110% into a cut and gym routine if she's seen your weight bounce around in the past. What makes this different from previous bounces? Only time and consistency will communicate the reality of the changes.

You'll have to work on building up her confidence in using her femininity better but if she is motivated already, then what u/dirty_pr said about this working itself out when you're down to 12% bf is right and I stand by his words on that.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agree. She has started to eat healthier. She is also has a session with a personal trainer tomorrow. Just wanted to see how other guys helped to push their wives along.

And - of course I'd prefer for her to lose weight.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Leadership by example. Either she follows or she doesn’t.

I get the impression you’ve been yo-yo’ing yourself over the years so any following she may do is tugged behind a 2000’ rope.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

yo-yo’ing yourself over the years

Yes, a 5280 foot rope

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She could get lost in a mile of desert... even with a rope

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tie em up!

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I agree here. My weight has gone up and down most of my life. I have had a challenge with consistency/discipline. I think sticking with a strong plan will help out with both the wife and kids.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don’t be that guy who suddenly goes gung ho on a new diet and judging towards her because she’s not right behind you. Hell, you need to prove yourself for a couple years for it to be believable. Sounds like you could still lose some more.

Have a long term lifestyle plan and stick with it.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hear you, but I have always eaten relatively healthy and have worked out. The intensity is what has varied. I do need to lose more weight. The target is 20lbs - 30lbs. And yes, long term planning which has been a failure for me.

[–]SgtSilverBack2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You:. Hey babe, I'd love it if we went and did some hiking, kayaking, mountain climbing, marathon fucking (insert what the literal fuck ever here). How's that sound?

Her:. That sounds amazazing, I've always wanted to follow you to do cool stuff that you want.

You:. Alright. It's gonna be pretty hard on us both, awesome shit I like to do is pretty challenging. I'll look into some good ways to prepare, once I find out let's prepare for awesome badassery together. We can push each other and fuck afterwards.

Her:. Giggles, youre so amazing when you lead me to fun stuff.

Or not, you do you brother.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks. That is what our conversations sounded like in college and before kids. Lots of fund adventures and we were both very active.

I think what has been missing since the kids is planning together (with me leading). Thanks.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Kids and motherdom is a huge blocker for a wife to feel sexy. She doesn't even believe she has that power so you never see it. Getting her away from the kids so you can remind her of your bf/gf dynamic will be part of setting the right conditions for her to experience the change you wish to see.

First rule of being able to experience change is first believing you can. I don't think she's there and that's why you never see her enter a motivated state about those items. Dread or no.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good points. Thanks. I am not great on the emotional side. Need to work on that.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think helping her develop her own plan that works for her is key here.

Can she lift with me? No. I lift at my gym at work and she does not like weights.

Can she do resistance bands or exercise machines at the gym? Or bodyweight exercises?

Can she run with me? Maybe, but she complains about shin splints.

Can she do the elliptical, stair climber or recumbent bike?

Can I help her eat healthier? Maybe. I do 80% of the cooking but I can’t make her eat what I eat. For example, I make a big pot of collards/kale every Sunday and eat a bowl for breakfast each day during the week (some of the healthiest stuff on earth). She won’t touch it.

That may be something she will do later on, but how about healthy food options that SHE will actually like? Yogurt, salad, etc?

I want to be married to a physical match. I like to hike, bike, run and generally have adventures.

Is she worth investing in to get her there where you are, in her own way? Be the Captain, figure out how to make it work for her. Because YOUR way doesn't seem to work for her. It's up to you to determine if she's worth the effort or not. If she is, it will have to be small changes over a longer period of time. Don't be Health Rambo, take it at a pace she can actually get on board with.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the links. JOH always drops knowledge.

[–]g_e_m_anscombe0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That may be something she will do later on, but how about healthy food options that SHE will actually like?

This is good advice. I sometimes eat kale for breakfast, but always fresh with a host of other foods (onions, ground beef, sweet potatoes). I have reheated leafy greens before, and I found them way too bitter -never again!

See what healthy options she likes and thinks could make for a healthy breakfast, rather than imposing yours on her. Don't judge her for having different taste preferences than you.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. What's the best healthy eating plan? The one you will actually stick to and do consistently.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

5'6" 225lbs

You are NOT in-shape. Don't even try to act like your BF% is less than 25%, probably much more.

You guys sound like a match made at Arby's

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

That is what I used to weigh. Even at 225 I was still lifting and running. I weighted in at 203 this morning. Arby's is pretty disgusting.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

I drop the hint....

This is a sign that your leadership is weak. You are hinting and hoping. Not taking an active role. Like:

Wife. The vision for the family is to be happy healthy and active.

That being said, she typically rejects any advice I give on health, so I avoid giving any (at least since starting MRP). I will help when she ask.

Lame. Weak. She will never ask. Does an Alpha ask? As I suspected you are just expecting her to come around. Just like you probably ask for everything else.

Does't matter if you've done it before because clearly you've not done it enough.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on motivation

Suck less. Do better.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

|Hint Fuck. Forgot how literal everyone is here. I told her "let's have sex since the kids are gone for the day". So my hint was not really a hint. Eh..sloppy writing on my part.

|Family Vision I agree here. I developed a family plan about two months ago (health was part of that). Then had her help me edit the draft and align as parents/husband/wife. I turned that into a template for family meetings. The first meeting with the kids was a fucking bust. My fault - did not do a good job of incentivising our kids (5 and 8). But started it up again yesterday - aligned it with a fun family breakfast. It went really well. Will revisit the family plan with the wife.

| Does an Alpha ask? Well, no. She is not an alpha (or maybe you think she is). I did not refer to me asking for anything. I said I help her out when she ask for advice. So...never said I asked for anything. Did you have some other advice here?

|History Agree that the past does not matter. Just an example that she can lose the weight.

| Thoughts on Motivation So she should suck me less? Or did I miss your lesson here? I was asking for advice on how to do better. Suck less is open to a lot of interpretation.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

I told her "let's have sex since the kids are gone for the day".

LOL. You are a DEERing MF'er.

I tell my wife we are having sex, by using Kino to make out with her, then fucking her.

I also do not limit my available window to have said sex to when the kids are home or not.

I'm done with this BS of a thread. You are clueless.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Most of the time I have sex with my wife the kids are at home. Today just happened to be a blue moon were we were home alone.

This post is not even about sex. It's about a convo that came up while discussing sex.

Read for context.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

This post is not even about sex.

You are correct. However I am using the OP to point a basic flaw in your thinking. You are still rationalizing sex, and talking about it. These are beta traits to get rid of.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Point taken.

Do you think that a man's logical/rational plansl can lead to a woman's emotions/feelz? Or the lack of a rational/logical plan can erode emotions/feelz? Basically planning leads to a feeling of safety and security in a LTR?

I am 1yr in buy I suck at planning. It is my biggest hurdle that I need to take down.

[–]straius1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your logical plans will only get logical responses. Your logical approach is great if you want a human calculator for a wife. Not so great if you want an emotionally rich sex kitten.

You use emotions and feelz to increase her level of desire, not rationality. Sex is not a rational activity. It is emotional and often contradictory. You will not logic your way to the sex you want.

Logic is great for financial planning and analyzing yourself and planning for yourself. Learn to not operate like an engineer with your wife. She's not made of straight lines.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So insert "Rod A" into "Slot B" does not generate feelz? I am trying to get better at the emotional thing. My mind is mostly wired for logic. Something I know I need to work on. Treat her like the oldest teenager.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

More that logical plans and descriptions don't activate emotions. They activate thoughts, logistics, etc...

If you want to activate emotions, then communicating by reinforcing a connection or bond is how you deliver the message.

That's what kino is. Communicating desire without words which often generates a reciprocal response from your wife.

She will start to communicate back physically without your prompting by rubbing her ass up on you when you stand near her, coming for kisses un prompted, grabbing your junk, etc... (especially if you have successfully separated kino from sex)

When you're reliable and she has trust/faith in you, she experiences her fuzzies. So your communication with her to reinforce that isn't the words, it's the actions you took that made you dependable.

Then when you kino, she tingles harder since the fuzzies amplify her tingles.

But the message is communicated through your actions, not your words, and because of that it has more power.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

She, she, she.

Mkay?

[–]crimson_chris[S] -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yip. Because it was a post about helping my wife to get healthier.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Oh deer...

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

So you do know that DEER is a asinine word to use when MRP men exchange and discuss ideas. Part of debate and learning is to defend and explain your ideas for mutual understanding. This is a locker room, but hopefully not a dumb one.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Shame much?

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why yes, I do.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Dread jesus, god please, dread

Dread Levels 1-5. Become a puppet master, until then, you are just a masterbater

Seriously though, she will only improve, once you are consistent with the ball of wax, wardrobe, frame, diet, exercise and then she will decide, cut the shit or keep up

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One of my biggest issues is consistency. So something I should goal set for. Thanks.

[–]RingoLaBrea0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It seems to me you’re at that point where any ‘pushing’ from you could move you into the unattractive arena. Nagging, prodding, not attractive attributes.

Sometimes a leader has to resort to sideways tactics. Flank the problem, so to speak.

How is her social life? Are her friends overweight? Just one ‘fit’ friend could really help. It takes some maneuvering, but that sort peer pressure, getting them talking about going to the gym together, etc, that can help you pass that motivational chore.

Rather than couples hikes, get involved in group activities, let the fit ‘herd’ motivate her. She’s not gonna want to be the fat chick. The more in-shape woman in the group, the more she’ll want to work to that normal. Foster those relationships if you find a good healthy couple to befriend.

[–]zeno_of_shitium0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You’d be lucky to find 1 in 10,000 women who would join you for a bowl of collard greens for breakfast.

I have the same problem as you - a wife who was in great shape when we met and now won’t exercise regularly (or at all).

Move on with your plan. Get in great fucking shape. She will follow or she won’t. Then assess how important it is to you to have a wife who follows your lead or not.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Collards - haha. I know. But they are so good for you!

Yeah, realizing that her health has typically followed mine. Her motivation is a trailing indicator of my leadership.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy

All I got out of this is that your happiness is clearly tied to your wife.

Have you read any of the sidebar material?

Go hike wo her. Meet new people. All I heard was a bunch of excuses as to why you cant live the life you want, most of which are her fat ass fault.

Wanna know how I keep my wife in shape? By being in excellent shape, not “relatively good” (aka Dad bod at best) shape like you say your in.

Edit: My wife is 37 and was having a “hard time keeping” up with me to. She didn’t bitch about it like your wife did, mine got on female TRT to ensure she can keep up.

Edit 2: 205 @ 5’6”? Your fat as fuck dude. Loose more weight.

[–]crimson_chris[S] -2 points-1 points  (15 children) | Copy

Happiness - never said I was not happy. I could be happier. I asked about motivation for my wife. That being said, if you re-read my post, her level of activity does not hinder mine. Again, re-read. I never said anything about me not living the life I want. It was about bring her along.

Sidebar: Been her for a year. Sidebar has been read.

My life: Never said I can't live my life. I stated that I am doing fun shit and I am in shape. So, I am walking the talk. Asking for some examples of how other her got their wives to follow along (for the physical part).

Shape: Definitely not in dad bod shape (and yes confirmed by others).

Fat: I am obviously not ripped, but not fat as fuck by a long shot. I can bench 225 for 6reps, Squat 305 for 5reps and DL 306 for 6reps (don't know my max). Visually I have been told I am hot. Have a 4pack....just really muscular (again MJD - Maurice Jone Drew). Legs like tree trunks. So....yeah. Based on where I am, I will have a 6pack at about 185'ish.

Oh, fuck you for insulting my wife. Beat me up, but not her. Hope your wife does not grow a dick from that TRT or maybe that is your thing.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

From your OP:

she complains about shin splints

And what have you done about it to help her? My wife is LITERALLY going through this exact same thing. She decided to start running and wanted to do some halves and fulls. I have done my share of cardio over the years, and after I did my Full IM I hung up the endurance world. But you know what? I still know alot about it.

So my wife - like yours is running on a plan I wrote up for her. Granted it is Hal's plan modified to her, but I helped her with it. She is suffering from IT Band issues and shin splints. So I took her to the gym and showed her the correct exercises to do to fix those issues. I lead her to the water, but she had to drink it.

I showed her the right way to foam roll. Wanna know how to fix IT Bands and Shin Splits? Deadlifts.

Deadlifts motherfucker. Your whole leg is attached to your lower back. Running does nothing to loosen your lower back, in fact it makes it tighter. Want to fix those things? Deadlift.

So guess what? Her issues are fixed, and she has an accessory lifting routine to help her with her primary goal of running her first 1/2 in Dec.

What the fuck have you done to help your wife?

Post on reddit.

I have literally helped your wife more with this single post, than you have probably in a long time. Go ahead, you have my permission to take credit for it, faggot.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Why you hang up endurance world? I'm trying to get back to full after injury. Wife recently started up again for 5k. I don't think she's as crazy about running as me...though as opposed to OP mine really can't lose any more weight in a healthy way. I need to get her to eat a bit more.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why you hang up endurance world?

I did so much running in my late 20's and early 30's it got old. Then when we moved to Texas and we had a longer calendar I got into Tri's. Did a bunch of sprints, then a half IM, then a full.

Ever done a Full IM? Training for one killed the desire for me to swim, bike or run pretty much ever again, not to mention the 14+ hours it took for me to finish the race.

So I started to just do extensive weight lifting a year and a half ago and couldn't be happier.

And TBH, I look way better now bulked up and muscular than having the body of an endurance athlete.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No. I was following the same path as you and training for sprint Tris when injury hit. Am going to get back and run another full marathon but I guess we'll see if the time sacrifice for a tri will be too much. I recall many late night runs for my full trying to put in 20 milers. It takes it out on you. Plus I did those before starting lifting....so theres also the question of how much gains I'll lose.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Right on. I had to join a tri club to get it done. I was swimming at 5:30am, then biking at night and running on days I didn't bike.

What was your injury? I struggled with IT Band a bunch, then started doing deadlifts and that fixed it 100% for me.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Wow, somebody actually gave advice! I have given her advice in the past to various degrees of sucess - but she tends to be a lot less intense/competitive about exercise as I am. She has signed up with a female personal trainer (starting tomorrow).

I do DL. I will wait and see what she hears from the PT and supplement from there. Thanks. I will tell her that I got it form a faggot on the internet.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I do DL

I was saying SHE needs to DL to fix her shin splints. It also helps with IT Band issues, which can cause splints.

[–]RingoLaBrea0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

RE: deadlifts. I have not come across that advice anywhere else, but you’re spot on. I used to run cardio on rest days, but suffered from splints. Figured I pushed a little too hard. Took six months just concentrating on SL5x5’s, and now that my deadlifts increased dramatically, no more splints when I run. I had ‘t really considered the connection other than perhaps core strength and better flex, so thanks.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

YW. I have no medical expertise, it is just anecdotal but my guess is that it has something to do with the routing of the sciatic nerve. When you lower back and glutes are tight it seemed to reek havoc on my IT band and gave me splits.

DL's fixed it, or gave the appearance of doing so. Can't tell you why however :)

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Legs like tree trunks.

Yet you can't even rep three plates on Squat and DL? They are tree trunks because you are fat.

Listen motherfucker, if you want your wife to follow then you have to lead. Your fucking OP says "leading a horse to water" well you know what faggot, you cant make the fucking horse drink it.

So STFU with all your DEERing - read the sidebar again, and this time understand it.

And I never said you were not happy, just that your happiness is tied to your WIFE.

You say in your own DEER that you can be happier. I would be happier to if you manned the fuck up IRL.

Now STFU and go do the work.

[–]crimson_chris[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't max rep. But I stated that I can do a minimum six of Squat and DL reps at 305. So, pretty sure I can do more than three plates for one rep. Oh yeah, and I am 5'6 motherfucker. So...yeah, I am sufficiently strong.

Off to work on your suggestions. Thanks. I appreciate the advice (not being sarcastic).

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't max rep.

1RM and repping are not the same thing.

1RM is what you can pull once. Repping is what you can do for sets of 5 or 8 depending on if you are going for hypertrophy or lots of reps.

315 is warmup DL's for me. I can do those till the cows come home. Double overhand, chalk only.

300 is novice for most male weights. LPT: It is a weight thing, not a height thing.

https://strengthlevel.com/strength-standards/deadlift

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

  • Think I clearly stated what a one rep max is, but semantics right.
  • 315 is warmup DL for you? Excellent.
  • "300 is novice for MOST male weights". Maybe for guys on steroids. I am 42. I can do 305 for 6 reps. Could prob DL at least 335. That would make me "intermediate" by your link (which I have used). So....I am intermediate but not advanced. Is that pussy or faggot? Is pussy a step up from faggot? -By your link, a male does not hit "novice" at DL of 300lbs unless he weighs 230lbs. Most guys don't weight 230lbs unless they are really tall, really jacked or really fat. So, 300 is not novice for most guys.
  • LPT: Bigger dudes are "typically" are stronger. Typically a guy that is 6'2 will be stronger than a guy that is 5'6. I am prob stronger than most 6'2 guys. But, I'd expect a guy built like me at 6'2 to lift more than me.
  • LPT: we probably could have settled this faster by measuring our dicks.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So today I am working from home. I drop the hint that some day sex would be hot since we have the house with no kids.

When you give your wife the keys to the car, don't be surprised when she drives with all the skill of an 80 year old asian lady in an SUV.

I've had this issue for a long time. I've found only one method of achieving any measure of compliance...

First hand examples of her having to be hot, or lose to a thot.

People are fucking lazy, they will do the bare minimum to keep the status quo. When guys here talk about holding her to task, this is largely what is meant. Stern voices, talking... these are a womans tools.

the only language she will understand is thot.

[–]crimson_chris[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Gotcha. I have been a little hesitant to apply a lot of pressure. She suffers from anxiety and depression. Will admit that a lot of it is my fault for being a tipsy captain for a while. So, stabilize the ship and up the pressure? Make sense.

We she did lose the weight before, she 100% knew I was getting interest from other women. At the time I had no RP awareness, but it totally makes sense now.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here is the answer to your original question right here. And it’s something that has already proven to work for you, and may still be working for you now if you figure out how to get the glowing coals to flame up again.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/

Start again, lock it in.

Next, make exercise fun.

Lead.

Your kids are old enough to hike, bike, canoe, camp, play, etc.

Make it a family activity and let the kids put the natural pressure on her; “C’mon Mom, let’s goooooooo!”

Keep it simple.

Get her ass off the couch, get her moving and make it slowly, progressively more challenging.

[–]g_e_m_anscombe-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I gained about 25 lbs due to a thyroid problem, which I discovered earlier in life than most women. (Literally had doctors denying I had a problem despite clear test results.) Thyroid problems are very common in women especially as they get older and I would recommend that you have her tested (make sure it's a full panel - TSH, T3, T4, and TPO A(b)). Many women experience thyroid symptoms if their TSH is over 2. If I hadn't figured this out, I could have easily gained another 25. The thyroid affects lots of other systems of the body, including mental health (anxiety/depression), libido, fatigue (which can manifest in many ways), gut problems, fertility problems, etc. If there's an underlying biological problem there, you'll need to address it and that's more important than anything else.

It sounds like your wife is very picky when it comes to exercise. My husband is the same way and I found it beyond irritating at first. He has a bunch of health problems that aren't his fault, but that genuinely make it hard for him to do certain types of exercise. I would suggest asking her what types of exercise she feels comfortable doing. I enjoy pickup volleyball, but find it hard to motivate myself to go. I opted to take a volleyball class at a community college because I'm OCD enough that the grade would bother me, so I knew I'd go every week. I recently switched from a car to an electric bike (my commute is a tad too long for this cycling newbie) because I knew building exercise in as part of my transportation method would force me to do it. After years of failed gym memberships, we just bought my husband an exercise bike that he can ride on while watching TV to decompress when he gets home. I made sure to get a recumbent type because he doesn't like the normal kind. In the last two weeks, he's hopped on the bike more times than he ever went to the gym even though we had some busy weeknights. He doesn't stay on it as long as I'd like, but I STFU because he's making progress. The moral of the story is: don't force someone to do a certain exercise because it's the "best". They'll be far more likely to work out if they figure something out that fits with their routines and motivations. The best type of exercise is the one that you'll keep doing.



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