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Healthy response to mistakes and anger

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Rageaway17
October 31, 2017
8 upvotes
askMRP

This happened this morning, and I'm curious to hear your perspectives on it.

My wife and I have a single car between us. In the mornings, we drive to my work, and then she'll drive from there up to the university where she's taking classes (about 40 minutes away.)

This morning, as I was getting out of the car, she started to pull forward in a turn to get out of the way of another driver coming into the lot. This pulled my leg under the car. I was able to get clear, but I left a shoe under the wheel.

Pre-red pill, I would have responded to this in a nice guy way by tamping down my anger, telling her it was all okay and generally minimizing the situation.

Instead of doing that, I let some of the anger out, which is something that prior to the red pill I never did, and chewed on her for fucking up.

One of the things that she is terrible about is admitting that she did something wrong (AWALT?) but she's been texting me telling me that she's sorry and that she'd never do anything to intentionally hurt me, and asking if I'm still mad.

My AFC response would be to comfort her, tell her that it's all okay, that I forgive her, and even take some of the blame myself, but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I acknowledged the apology but did not offer forgiveness, and I let her know that yah, I was still mad.

My question is this--I think this is a comfort test, and I'm wondering if the response I've given up til now has been too Rambo. When is the correct time in a screw up situation like this to offer the forgiveness and comfort that she's looking for?


Post Information
Title Healthy response to mistakes and anger
Author Rageaway17
Upvotes 8
Comments 29
Date 31 October 2017 05:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205217
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/79xi65/healthy_response_to_mistakes_and_anger/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
average frustrated chumpAWALTcomfort testthe red pill
Comments

[–]crimson_chris14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy

When my kids honestly apologize for a mistake I forgive them.

If I punish them by continuing to withdraw my attention after they apologize, I would not be giving them positive reinforcement to apologize for mistakes they may make the future. Based on your post, YOU are caught up in YOUR EMOTIONS.

Drop your ego and get over that shit. UNLESS she is trying to kill you. Then a Mr. and Mrs. Smith scenario will ensue and you can enjoy some wild screwing.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

For fucks sake. She apologized.

Sometimes this shit ain’t that hard.

[–]Turbotec8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

I never let my wife drive while I'm in the car.

[–]DeeMooreDeeMarriet4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. I'm the captain, if I'm in the car I'm driving.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, the other day my wife picked me up from somewhere, so she was driving. For the first 5 minutes I kept thinking a back door was open because the sounds are different from the passenger side.

IMO a man drives the car, unless we're talking a long ass road trip and she needs to put in some time.

It's funny how many parallels to the relationship you can see in everyday interactions like this. When we are driving she has basically no clue where we are, she just enjoys the ride, looks out the window, plays with the radio, etc. She is happy this way, knowing that I have it all under control.

How many guys have their wife nagging them the whole ride? Constantly second guessing the route they take, how fast they are driving, if they are within the lines, etc?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

If anyone (esp. the wife) offers you a sincere apology, what do you have to gain by not accepting it?

In the moment, if she was cavalier a quick show of controlled anger could snap her into focus. But to rub her nose in it after is just showing her she might as well not bother apologizing next time. Or worse: dig in harder that she did nothing wrong as she has more to lose for making a mistake.

You don't have to coddle her and make her feel like she did nothing wrong (like old you), but you can certainly be gracious and forgive her for an acknowledged mistake and apology.

Only way people can learn from their mistakes is if you let them recover.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

We JUST had someone link this - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5fuskv/how_to_handle_apologies_from_your_wife/

An Oak response was warranted based on your description.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nope, wrong, try again. Why would someone apologizing for hurting you or making you mad be a comfort test? She made a mistake and owned up to it. Stop being such a cry baby.

Also, keep reading. You clearly have a long way to go.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holy fuck. It happened and you're holding onto it like the butt hurt bitch.

It's over, be a Fucking man, obviously you are fine. quit punishing her with passive aggresive pussy boy shit

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Guess next time you'll wait until it's at a complete stop eh?

Be angry, you don't want to lose a leg, after that though, what else can she do, make a time machine and not do it? Or just not do it again?

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wait, just to be clear... she made a mistake and you want to continue to punish her after she has sent apology texts?

Can’t make this shit up....

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

  1. Make sure she understands why she almost ran your leg over.
  2. If she is truly sorry, get over it.
  3. How about you drive to your office and then surrender the car to her at that point?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

One of the things that she is terrible about is admitting that she did something wrong

Yes, it is AWALT. Not some women but ALL are almost completely unable to take responsibility for something they did wrong. We think it may be a biological fail safe- i.e. women who were found to have done something wrong were kicked out of the group and died without leaving offspring so they always deny and refuse to admit wrongdoing. Always. AWALT.

My question is this--I think this is a comfort test,

Probably. So the fuck what? You want to apologize and make it better but she doesn't deserve that. If she comes to you like a female and begs forgiveness in the traditional way (i.e. a blowjob) then I would STILL not apologize but I would not mention it again. Just pat her on the head and reassure her she is a good little girl before you send her to brush her teeth.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She expects her girlfiends to act like that. Don't be her girlfriend.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.00 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Didn't see it posted yet but this is worth a read.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pre-red pill, I would have responded to this in a nice guy way by tamping down my anger, telling her it was all okay and generally minimizing the situation.

Lol that your impression of the wrong thing to do is much closer to the right thing...

Your foot is fine, you are fine, STFU. Make a joke out of it, have fun, don't take everything so personally. That is what a high-value man does. She knows she fucked up, now be her rock and make her feel better.

Acceptable responses could have been:

"Damn girl, I guess you do have a crush on me." "Whelp, I think you are going to need some driving lessons. Tonight I'm going to teach you how to properly use a stick." "I know you're sorry, it was just an accident, no big deal." Ass slap, french kiss, off to work. "At least it was just my foot, I've got a spare. Most importantly my dick still works, I'll show you tonight."

etc etc

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Now you let go and turn it into a private joke between you two. Years from now you can still tell the story of the time she tried to run you over.

Don't take life too serious, no one gets out alive.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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