This happened this morning, and I'm curious to hear your perspectives on it.
My wife and I have a single car between us. In the mornings, we drive to my work, and then she'll drive from there up to the university where she's taking classes (about 40 minutes away.)
This morning, as I was getting out of the car, she started to pull forward in a turn to get out of the way of another driver coming into the lot. This pulled my leg under the car. I was able to get clear, but I left a shoe under the wheel.
Pre-red pill, I would have responded to this in a nice guy way by tamping down my anger, telling her it was all okay and generally minimizing the situation.
Instead of doing that, I let some of the anger out, which is something that prior to the red pill I never did, and chewed on her for fucking up.
One of the things that she is terrible about is admitting that she did something wrong (AWALT?) but she's been texting me telling me that she's sorry and that she'd never do anything to intentionally hurt me, and asking if I'm still mad.
My AFC response would be to comfort her, tell her that it's all okay, that I forgive her, and even take some of the blame myself, but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I acknowledged the apology but did not offer forgiveness, and I let her know that yah, I was still mad.
My question is this--I think this is a comfort test, and I'm wondering if the response I've given up til now has been too Rambo. When is the correct time in a screw up situation like this to offer the forgiveness and comfort that she's looking for?