Ok my mind is blown. My W is a high achiever, makes $120K, supervises couple dozen guys. We have been in a bad spell (silent/cold treatment several days). She slept the 2nd half of last night in the guest bedroom. Anyway, I've been reading No More Mr. Nice Guy and the forum.
She had to talk to me this afternoon because we have to go over some construction plans for the back porch. During the discussion over various items she started talking over me (not unusual). Though it took everything I had, I firmly said "Listen!" in the same voice I'd use for the kids. She stopped talking and listened, not upset at all. I would have been way too afraid to try this one week ago.
Later she was standing in the doorway looking out back. I came up behind her to go out. I previously would have put my hand on her gently and asked her to please pardon me. This time I just said, "watch out" in a firm tone. She moved out of the way, no problems.
I sat down outside and she came to me to talk some more (silent/cold treatment evaporating). I thought, what the heck, and I said, "would you grab me an apple?" I did not say please and my tone was firm, not supplicating. She brought me three to pick which one I liked(!). I said, "I'll take this one" and did not say thanks. One week ago I would have expected this to make her super upset. Instead she took the other two apples back then came back and sat down next to me on the back porch. Cold treatment completely evaporated.
This stuff is crazy.