706,399 posts

fast results, little ones--but wow

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October 21, 2017
14 upvotes

Ok my mind is blown. My W is a high achiever, makes $120K, supervises couple dozen guys. We have been in a bad spell (silent/cold treatment several days). She slept the 2nd half of last night in the guest bedroom. Anyway, I've been reading No More Mr. Nice Guy and the forum.

She had to talk to me this afternoon because we have to go over some construction plans for the back porch. During the discussion over various items she started talking over me (not unusual). Though it took everything I had, I firmly said "Listen!" in the same voice I'd use for the kids. She stopped talking and listened, not upset at all. I would have been way too afraid to try this one week ago.

Later she was standing in the doorway looking out back. I came up behind her to go out. I previously would have put my hand on her gently and asked her to please pardon me. This time I just said, "watch out" in a firm tone. She moved out of the way, no problems.

I sat down outside and she came to me to talk some more (silent/cold treatment evaporating). I thought, what the heck, and I said, "would you grab me an apple?" I did not say please and my tone was firm, not supplicating. She brought me three to pick which one I liked(!). I said, "I'll take this one" and did not say thanks. One week ago I would have expected this to make her super upset. Instead she took the other two apples back then came back and sat down next to me on the back porch. Cold treatment completely evaporated.

This stuff is crazy.


Post Information
Title fast results, little ones--but wow
Author wildnight98
Upvotes 14
Comments 42
Date 21 October 2017 06:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205251
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/77v0r3/fast_results_little_onesbut_wow/
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Comments

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret20 points21 points  (14 children) | Copy

Slow your roll. It's day 2, you're on a slippery slope to Ramboville.

Take it easy, 1 step at a time. You're tempted to use every new technique your read all at once, all that amounts to is using cheap tricks that don't lead to any lasting improvement.

As you work through the sidebar, implement changes slowly. There a reason that the first levels of dread are all basically all about improving your appearance, THEN building off that once you've actually begun to show visible improvements.

Slow it down, one month per year of marriage is the standard advice for a reason. Right now you ain't shit , YET.

Work through the sidebar slowly and methodically before you start throwing hand grenades all over the place.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

He tried one thing... Being assertive in mundane situations, and you're worried he will go rambo?

Jesus man, its like helicopter parenting sometimes.

OP, first steps, just be deliberate, have a reason, and pay attention to feedback to calibrate

You got this, or you don't. And if you don't, you'll learn.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I saw nothing Rambo here. I see upvotes and am slightly concerned.

A man ignored his wifes shitty mood and told her to bring him an apple and guys see Rambo? Really?

The real lesson here is to show men that womens emotions can and should be played with.

I get silent treatment and usually exhale as its a welcome breather to focus on my fitness, career and hobbies. When I'm ready to play (if she somehow maintained the nonsense), I'll pull her back to my frame.

Rambo would have been threatening to leave the house over a silent treatment. But ignoring it? That's standard operating procedure.

Our mythical friend Chad Thundercock wouldn't be married, but if he were, and his wife went pouty and silent he wouldnt break his stride because he knows women get mad at him all the time and he is throatfucking them later that afternoon. Why stress? He knows the pussy is coming because he is the goddamn prize.

The behavior to learn and try and put into your life is to not let someone else's moods affect your decisions. If you are afraid someone that someone may be upset with you, then you are a slave to their moods. Moods which you have no control over.

Op's story is very common as newbs learn to hold frame and the marriage makes an instant, huge improvement.

Her: I'm upset with you because vagina!!!

You: said bored, I can see that

Her Swoooooooon

Women don't submit to losers and losers get stressed trying to make princess feel better every time she emotes.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I saw potential Rambo because he was literally on day 2 (based on post history) and doing a complete 180 on his previous behaviors.

Without doing some work on actually improving first, such a drastic change could easily cause more harm than good. This wouldn't be the first time a new guy comes in, starts acting completely opposite to his past behaviors BEFORE he actually improved his appearance or started building a frame and fucked everything right up for himself.

I thought it was a prudent warning. Start being shit, before you start acting like you're the shit. Other wise you just end smelling like bull shit.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

His previous behavior is laughable. Your advice to slow down comes from a part of yourself that needs to be thoroughly examined and destroyed.

In no part of OPs post did he ask for advice. In fact, he shared a success story and you came in like a crab in a bucket

What are you afraid of?

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

See, this is why i hate "self improvement"

Cant stop being a floor mat because he can't bench 300 first?

Fuck that, strategy. Wants wife to nag less, acts congruent to that.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Look at the starting point for most new guys, years, even decades of floor mat. Day 2, fuck that I'm not taking any if that shit anymore. You don't expect that to blow up in their face?

You're tasking a white belt with rolling with Rickson Gracie on day 2.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"You don't expect that to blow up in their face?"

No, I expect him to lay pipe again. If not his shitty wife, than someone else

Tick Tock OP, that's your life slipping away. Be the man you want and the world will join. Or they won't. Either way, this is your ride

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He is

[–]Kingofdeadbedroom0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. First important step, unless you're a total looser an contributing nothing of substance to the relationship is to assertively cut out bitchy and disrespectful behaviour, and put down your expectations, requirements and boundaries.

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

This.

You won’t be able to maintain this without it severely backfiring.

Right now, she’s just humoring you. Buttering you up.

[–]Red-Curious3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

That and new guys (myself included at one point) often misread early signs due to confirmation bias. They want to believe that what they're doing is working, so it's easy to interpret events in that light rather than realizing that she provably never would have cared much to help out a bit more in the first place. It's not that a new tactic is changing how she interacts with then - it's that they're just finally tapping into something that has been there all along that they've just been too chicken to test.

Get past those pre-existent inclinations into new territory and that's where the true difficulty begins.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Everyone tells you it's not about fixing relationships, but fixing the man.

In this case too scared of the bogeyman

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

severely backfiring

She may start throwing shit tests but it is on him to pass them. I don't see what he describes as "severeely backfiring." This is normal human interaction minus the trained mangina tricks.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He’s 2 Days in. Way too early for drastic behavioral changes

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dude, you seriously have no idea how crazy it really is.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep.

[–]crimson_chris2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So you have found your backbone? Good shit. Men need to be decisive. As far as Rambo, he never gets his dick wet in the movies right? He's to busy being Rambo. Remember to keep it fun. The stick is only one tool in the kit.

Also, beware of newb gains. Enjoy them, but remember improvement never stops. Once she sees a better you, a better you will be expected.

[–]creating_my_life2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy

Age, height, weight, bodyfat, and squat, please.

[–]trp_dude1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, need more info, Rambo.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Why does everyone ask for the squat? The deadlift is king. Everyone 'mires when you pull 4+ plates off the ground for one rep. Then they watch, can he get a second? Holy shit 3,4,5?

Squatting is great and all but I never get the same sensation as when I pull some serious weight up off the floor.

[–]SgtSilverBack1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

4 plates....... I remember my fist beer.

Seeimg someone with actual good form do heavy swauts is impressive. I've also never sweat the same from deadlifting as I do squatting.

But heavy deadlifts make you feel like killing a fucking bear. With your teeth.

[–]beta_no_mo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I live for deadlift day

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Heavy squats definitely activate my sweat response like no other lift.

[–]redsprinklersystem0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I hope you mean on each end of the bar, boy.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You must go to planet fitness where it is common to count total plates to misrepresent your lifting weight.

[–]redsprinklersystem0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yes and no.

No because under the metric system there aren't standard 45's so that terminology doesn't apply. Its normal to refer to the total weight.

Yes because it is something like my countrys equivalent to PF. Hence the looks when the oldest looking guy in the place pulls 190kg for 5 reps are more shock & awe than 'mirin.

 

Agree with the deadlift sensation though. Squats just feel more like hard work and leave me fucked. Deads get me just as fucked but sort of.... euphoric too.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You know what they say about the metric system.....

There are countries that have landed on the moon, and countries that use the metic system :)

'Merica baby! :)

[–]redsprinklersystem0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough. I'm British and was born in the 80s so it gets pretty confusing. (Everything in the real world was / is imperial but we were only taught metric in school).

I lift kg, but weigh myself in lbs (or stones), yet weigh my food in grams. I buy diesel in litres but drive distances in miles at speeds in mph, and check my cars economy in mpg.

Unit converter is the most commonly used app on my damn phone!

[–]mountainbiker1781 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nice! Small steps. Be careful not to go Rambo (too fast). Since you're starting to change, keep an eye out for the testing she's going to throw at you. Keep us updated on your progress.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

down boy. down.

she is still in shock and hasn't had wet panties in a while so she doesnt remember what that feeling is.

[–]BoobsBrah1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your wife supervises couple dozens guys at her job , she doesnt need another one at home.

She wants you to lead,step up!

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You mean a wife really doesn't like it when she bullies her husband mercilessly and she does like it when he stands up for himself? If I had a nickel...

[–]Alfalfa1210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You started with the right book. Read it again in one month’s time or so. Next, read When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. It sounds to me like it would be useful for your situation. Better yet, listen to it on audiobook, listening to the dialogues is more natural and will help you internalize it better than reading it. Happy to hear it is working! Take it sloooow! Resist the anger, she will smell it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Most of the time women are mad at beta husbands not because of anything they verbalize but because his weakness annoys her.

"Are you going to take out the trash or not?"

really means

"When are you going to stand up for yourself?"

[–]Flagfootball990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good start.. Realize that it will get worse before it gets better.. She will start to realize that the relationship dynamics are shifting and changing and will do everything in her power to resist it. The bitch level will increase.

Stay the course, you are playing for the long game here.. Slowly become the leader of your family, one step at a time. Her feelings are her feelings...

About 3 months in, if u r improving and increasing ur SMV, there will be a huge comfort test from her., probably accuse u of cheating. Just hug and kiss her on the forehead, no talking, no deering, be careful not to mistake this for a shit test though, do not AA this one.

Where u r, think of the next for weeks as slowly resetting the relationship ratcheting notch by notch.



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