Anyone have experience with NMMNG groups?

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October 20, 2017

In all likelihood I'm about to start one with a handful of guys within my church who have been asking me for help and I just don't have time to meet with them all individually.

Has anyone ever led one or been part of one before? What works? What doesn't? How fast of a pace do you take it? Any advice would be appreciated.

Note: I know /u/reddreadwolverine has done this before - and I'd love more feedback on this from you, especially, given the limited nature of our previous exchange. Thanks!

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Title Anyone have experience with NMMNG groups?
Author Red-Curious
Upvotes 8
Comments 16
Date 20 October 2017 05:39 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–]trpbritguy3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

No, I've not lead a group on that subject but I have lead groups on other subjects..

It's basic crowd control.. Don't let one person hog the limelight too much, watch for character clashes, keep the room on subject that sort of thing.. Normally with group therapy, you are just a chairman that keeps control! The group does all the work for you!

In your case you could start by asking them to explain what they think "nice guy syndrome" is.. Then ask them to give examples of their "nice guy" behaviour from their lives?

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good point. With how I typically lead groups, it's usually more content-driven than therapy. After all, I'm not a mental health professional (yet - will probably be going back to school for that in the next year or two). So, I'd probably have a "spill your guts" session every 5-6 weeks, but most of the time it would be conversations of substantive issues, not just personal life stories.

The life stories would filter in each week, of course, but predominantly in the context of the content. So, per my self-musing reply to /u/BarracudaRP, if I'm on week 4 and we're talking about recognizing fitness tests, I'll have the guys share times they think their wife is testing them and prod them to try to recognize this. But I won't let them just start complaining about an argument they had with their wife or their most recent sexual denial. I'm good at keeping people on-point.

I would also want this to be a limited series - somewhere between 3-6 months. In the comment I referenced, I laid out a potential map for the first 3 months, which could technically be the entire duration of the group. But I know that things come up and when people get seriously sidetracked it adds delays. So, those 12 weeks would probably really end up being more like 16, covering about 4 months.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

NMMNG involves revealing some very deep, personal things of a negative nature that the promulgation of wouldn’t go well for group members outside the group.

Build trust early and demand confidentiality.

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good point - and well taken.

[–]BarracudaRP1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Hey brother, it's great that you are giving back. I do not have experience with NMMNG groups either, but one of my first thoughts was the generally Blue Pill nature of these types of groups. You'll have your work cut out for you, in order to keep it from becoming a victim-puke, bitch fest. It sounds like you are in a position to set and keep the tone from becoming that.

I'd be curious to know how it goes, and especially if you see any changes in the guys who are ready for it.

[–]Red-Curious[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, I've definitely led enough small groups on other topics to know how to keep it from becoming a victim-puke fest. Also, I think the fact that I wouldn't be exposing them to the RP-verse right away would allow me to use trickle-truth to keep them from going Rambo. My basic outline would be patterned off the first 6 levels of dread, at least at first, and look something like this (sorry, this is more me just processing openly than actually responding to anything you said):

  • Week 1: Intro - Everyone shares their stories; lay ground-rules for the group (i.e. no talking to your wives)

    • Assignment: Do something for at least 1 hour that you wouldn't normally do - break the pattern of your story
    • Spiritual Growth: Begin praying for your wife
    • Reading: NMMNG - 1/2 of the book
  • Week 2: DL2 - Monk mode, STFU, and Lifting - talk about how and why; psychological boost, built attraction, etc.

    • Assignment: Lift 4 days, 1hr/day, cardio doesn't count
    • Spiritual Growth: Continue praying for your wife
    • Reading: Finish NMMNG
  • Week 3: DL 1 - Unplugging; biological imperatives (polygamy/hypergamy; spontaneous/responsive desire); non-negotiable attraction; why BP mentality doesn't work

    • Assignment: Plan a family activity, prep everything yourself, and go do it - don't tell her about this, just do it
    • Spiritual Growth: Begin having a quiet time
    • Reading: First 1/3 of WISNIFG
  • Week 4: DL 1 - Introduction to frame; recognizing fitness tests; importance of developing a mission outside the marriage

    • Assignment: Tell your wife "no" to something, and don't give in if she fights back
    • Spiritual Growth: Develop consistency in your quiet time
    • Reading: Middle 1/3 of WISNIFG
  • Week 5: DL 3 - Male hobbies, spiritual growth, family leadership

    • Assignment: Do something on your own with another guy (preferably from the group) without your spouse/kids
    • Spiritual Growth: Begin practicing fellowship
    • Reading: Finish WISNIFG
  • Week 6: DL 3 - Progress reports - share stories of what's working and what's not; successes and failures

    • Assignment: Try something that worked for one of the other guys
    • Spiritual Growth: Continue practicing fellowship
    • Reading: First 1/4 of MMSLP
  • Week 7: DL 4 - Passing fitness tests (STFU, AA, AM, fogging, etc.) and conditioning availability

    • Assignment: Experiment with test-passing techniques more consistently; be ready to go to spend more time at the gym or hanging out with guys from the group if she's not responding well
      • Spiritual Growth: Begin studying parts of the Bible
    • Reading: Second 1/4 of MMSLP
  • Week 8: DL 5 - Thinking beyond your wife; improving personal hygiene, bodily aesthetics, work attitude, and other stuff outside the relationship itself

    • Assignment: Get a new haircut, buy a new outfit, step up your work performance
    • Spiritual Growth: Continue in Bible study
    • Reading: Third 1/4 of MMSLP
  • Week 9: DL 6 - Game and kino

    • Assignment: Flirt with your wife and ease into kino, escalating if you've been easing in the whole series so far
    • Spiritual Growth: Begin delving into practical aspects of the Gospel
    • Reading: Finish MMSLP
  • Week 10: Understanding frame at a deeper level; being an oak

    • Assignment: Take practical steps to work on your weak part of the oak - the strength or the comfort aspect
    • Spiritual Growth: Continue understanding and applying the Gospel
    • Reading: Genesis and Hosea (books of the Bible) [Might have them start reading MAP instead; haven't decided]
  • Week 11: Abundance mentality; stay plan is the go plan

    • Assignment: Take 1 practical step to reduce scarcity/increase abundance (per this post)
    • Spiritual Growth: Begin Scripture memory (book of Philippians)
    • Reading: Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians (books of the Bible)
  • Week 12: Progress reports

    • Assignment: Try something that worked for one of the other guys
    • Spiritual Grwoth: Continue Scripture memory (book of Philippians)
    • Reading: Read 2 books of the Bible you've never read before

There would be stuff beyond this ... but that's what I've mapped out so far. Thanks for letting me use your comment as a processing tool :p This was more just for my own benefit than anything else. [EDITS: Also, sorry if I keep editing this. It's easier to just keep adding new thoughts here than trying to set up a google doc.]

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You guys would be way better off scrapping all this chore work and meeting at the gym for an hour 4 days a week and grinding it out there.

Especially the part about "praying for your wife"

My two cents. Whatever you do I hope it works.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is not a bad idea. Red curious should incorporate some gym time into his nmmng group meetings. Max everybody out to start and then track progress. Do some physical activities- dodgeball, father son camping and canoe trip, that sort of thing.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would be interested to hear how it goes as well.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

did you reach out as suggested to reddreadwolverine?

this is literally what he does.

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Per the note in my post, yes. I've asked him about it before, but it was a short conversation and before I had any concrete plans to start something. That's also why I tagged him here.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

heads up then. mentionns don't work in posts, only comments. I learned that one recently

[–]Red-Curious[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ah, good to know! Then I'll tag /u/reddreadwolverine to this post here.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

One of our moderators is also a moderator of the NMMNG Reddit. I think it was Bogey? They should have guys over there who have led groups.

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good to know.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I attended a NMMNG group in my area several times.

Eventually I lost interest because most of the guys were seriously beta, not RP aware and I wasn’t gonna take on the role/risk of unplugging that many dudes at one time.

I mentioned Rollo, and one guy had read him and generally some guys were trying to figure out why I had achieved some success where they had not. DYELB and AWALT was the answer but I wasn’t gonna blow up a groups “reality” so I casually faded away. I wasn’t gonna risk my own ego inflation and also the other guys’ fallout to pretend I was Tyler Durden.

I’ve investigated other men’s groups and had a similar experience - they were helpful while I was unplugging but once I became self made and realized that no one gives a fuck about me except me, these groups just became a crutch where I could be “weak” which then made me weak in other areas of life: sensitive, emotionally open and other BP horseshit.

The difference between my experience and what OP is talking about is that /u/Red-Curious would be the founder of the group, rather than a new comer.

A group of guys committed to self improvement and OYS would be awesome and in line with what I read in Jack Donovan’s new book about starting a tribe of one’s own people.

I say go for it and I’m betting your instinct about how to run it is already spot on. Basic crowd control, curriculum, and making sure that men own their shit. Confidentiality would be tantamount as well.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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