Me married 17 years, age 41, 1 10 year old child.
I first came here soon after discovering my wife texting other men, this resulted in marriage counselling which after one session we both believed it to be bullshit and decided not to go anymore.
During the texting incident, before my beginning of the red pill I think I handled it OK for a guy who knew nothing. Basically I told her if she wants to text men, there's the door and pack your shit. Deep down though I was scared what this meant for me, how could I ever go on and other bullshit. I did promise to work on myself though, I knew I had caused this issue and really couldn't blame her for looking elsewhere. She agreed to stop and I proceeded to turn into a placating blue pill faggot and began hating myself. This was a mistake.
I then found these subs and read for two weeks, I read a few of the books, some shit really excited me. Every post though was like lift, lift, lift. I'm not a gym guy but thought that's what they say, that's what I'll do. I've been going 4 days a week for two months doing the major lifts. I have found the gym to be a real pillar for me, I enjoy going, I enjoy lifting more than last time, I enjoy it isn't easy, I enjoy my muscles hurting and I enjoy being around other motivated people. I have a long way to go, currently I'm 6', 21% BF and 205lbs, what you guys call skinny fat or maybe just fat. Squat is 200lbs, bench is 140lbs. I'm thankful that mrp puts such a strong focus on lifting, it is changing me physically and mentally. My diet has improved and I'm drinking less alcohol.
My newbie gains really worked with the wife, sex increased from the usual once a week to three times. I used to indulge in porn on the off days when I felt like it but now I don't feel the need for porn and really have better ways to spend my time. During my reading I understood I had a few of the covert contracts that resulted in butt hurt, I'd get caught in shit tests firing back which I could get quite nasty and degrading about. I always put down my wife which is a fault I have learned to own, in a way I wanted her to push me, to make me make bigger decisions, have her say in the vision for our family. This was a false expectation, I guess I was asking for her to hand out my mission. A big part of me degrading her was her dedication to alcohol which I didn't respect, now I don't mind a drink but she will fall asleep on the lounge after 1 1/2 bottles of wine, night after night. She had some serious medical issues in the past, ongoing illnesses that affect her daily life and the usual anxiety girls get. My attitude was HTFU and get on with life and look to the future, my comfort was lacking and my respect for her dwindled.
As far as OYS goes pre red pill I think I was OK. All finances were mine to control, I jokingly told my wife she can't be trusted and we'd be broke in a month if I let her manage things, again me putting her down. She was still well looked after, she is a modest girl with modest needs, not material at all which made it easy. I'm well into 6 figures for salary, we live in a nice place. I'm handy and I can fix shit, anything around the house is mine to look after, the yard, the washer is fucked, all this was mine to handle and I did it out of enjoyment. Shit is fucked, great I get to learn how it works. I enjoy these challenges in life.
I believe I led the family well before the red pill, we literally crossed deserts under my direction. Need to drive through 3 feet of river water not a problem, just be prepared to jump if we get stuck. I love putting myself in these unsure situations, life can be too safe, too predictable and we must get uncomfortable regularly. Around the home I was usually busy but did have the covert contract of I did this so you should do that and if you don't I'll get shitty and call you on it. Soon into red pill I stopped that, you guys say if shit needs doing, do it, which I did. This turned out great for my wife as she now had a lazy life drinking wine and being looked after. I then read with earnest about choreboy, I didn't want to be a choreboy. I called her on it which resulted in her wondering if I wanted a medal. I turn around and walk away accepting that I could have handled that better and reinforcing my disrespect for her.
Red pill has helped me with leadership though as the focus is on being fun. My process changed from "where do you want to go?" to "We have dinner at 7pm, wear something sexy and put that slutty red lipstick on". This worked well and I enjoyed it. Let's go here, let's go there. I've got tickets to this we're going. My wife generally enjoyed these outings and I felt it was great family time.
Red pill has taught me my game sucks and it probably sucks with my wife hence the texting issue. I have got better and looking better has helped a lot. I learned about the teasing and making fun of her. It worked well and she would initiate all the time. It was good sex too not boring old married couple sex. I have got more confident with girls in public too, I look better, feel better so fuck it I'll flirt. I never had any interest in any women outside my marriage, maybe because I enjoyed controlling my wife and the sex was always there.
Fast forward to this week and well what do you know texting men again, her saying she can't stop and it gives her the feels. I put this down to me being so early in my journey and I am far from any form of mastery, experts say my journey is a good 18 months, I'm two months in, making mistakes but feeling positive about my slow progress. My wife says she needs texting to forget her day and forget her issues, she says it is not sexual, flirtatious yes. We all know this is bullshit, I detect the branch swing and soon will come the met up and then the magical dick of another man. For some financial reasons we need to stay together for another 4 months, this is critical as it affects the future of my child otherwise I would end it now, we have committed to making this work during this time, she has also committed to fucking me during this time which I found odd and maybe this is a ploy to keep me delivering the comfort I provide until she swings away. The strange thing during all this is the sex is still there, her emotions are still there. She does fuck all around the place and still drinks but she has time for me, fucks me and is generally not a little bitch about things. We still laugh and have fun together. I kept thinking it was that she was getting the dick elsewhere and it was guilt but I don't see it, no doubt it won't be far away with the texting. We had a long discussion about breaking up and getting into finer details, there were tears and plenty of emotions. I was surprised at how OK I was with all this, I had few comments to give and did some DEERing which I regret about her not trying to improve herself and rather looking at an easy life escape through the attention of other men. I suggested that cutting back on the wine and going to the gym might make you feel just as good. Anyway after hours of this talking we get to bed, she jumps on top and starts fucking me hard, it was passionate sex that felt good. What the fuck is going on here? She says she will always love me and always want to fuck me but then goes onto say that I'm a controlling asshole and that now she has a good job doesn't need to put up with it anymore. I have done some controlling shit and I can say hurtful things, she brings up shit from the past and talks about events from 15 years ago and and how she is over it all. What's going on here? I get it I've been a dick, I'm working on changing myself but the 1000' rope may be just too long in this case?
During my short journey on red pill things began to get clearer, about two weeks ago I had a shift from "Can I make our marriage work?" to "I don't give a shit". I'm going to be better anyway, I have a long hard road ahead of me and I will be the best that I can. I will make mistakes, own them and get back to the grind. Deep down I'm excited about going my own way, maybe this "want" to be free has been picked up by my wife? I have a mission that goes beyond her, a goal that does excite the wife when I mention it. I'm missing something big here though. Any kind, gentle words for a poor faggot like me would be appreciated :)