One of my fellow mods caught me. We are so focused on unfucking married guys, swapping notes etc. We forgot that theres a new group coming in. The 'about to be' marrieds. And I, us, we. We discuss things with you from the same lens as a guy who IS married. Always good to have another guy come in and point out the obvious, hard to see it on the ground. I forgot that, I'll own it. your not married, why in the fuck would you get married? Why in the fuck would you want to when you have clear problems? They are called red flags because they are signals to cull her from your life. When you get a raw piece of chicken for dinner, do you send it back, or ask how best to season it so you can swallow it easier?
For all your problems? Your best answer is "don't do it" And if you listened to that advice, you wouldn't be here. You'd be at TRP, where you know thats what they are going to tell you, so you figure you'll get the answer you want to here from us instead.
Theres no difference in outlook between us, only strategies and situations.
You won't listen, but listen up. If you have a laundry list of red flags, boundary crossing behaviour... Why the fuck are you signing up for your own loss of ANY power in establishing your boundaries? If you can't handle a bitch when you can literally walk away, how you gonna handle one when you can't? At least not cheaply, or easily. Heaven forbid you get attached to your child you will have with her. You're chemically designed to love that little guy to the point of self sabotage, and you can't even deal with your shit without it.
In Canada, they give you the marriage for time in, you guys don't get that... Something about keeping the gays out of marriage or some shit. Can you make it work? Sure. Andy Dufraine could crawl through a shit pipe to escape from prison. The question is, why would you want to? Look deep. I know why, do you? Guess what your problem is, and what you need to do to solve it?
Ask yourself that. If you haven't even started, and you're already fucked, why in the fuck would you want to double down on your fuckup? The best advice for you is to thank her for finding all your weaknesses, wish her well, and promise to 'never fuck up like this with the next one'
The advice you may actually implement? Dread isn't about 'winning back your wife/fiance' it's about unfucking yourself. Just go through the same steps as everyone else. If you're lucky, you'll come to your senses before you do something stupid.
Also, no one cares about your pity party. We all have ours, if you want to be 'heard' or empathized with, hire a shrink, they are paid to pretend to care.