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Wife hates that I push intimacy at random times

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October 5, 2017
14 upvotes

Background: Discovered MRP about a month ago. Went rambo around then (which then required increased comforting, but I held on to DGAF frame)... needed to just STFU, work on Frame. We put that incident way behind us. I've been lifting and diet change for last 2-3 months, with noticeable physical improvements. Have read all of sidebar up to Red Pill Sidebar and Dread. My SMV is above my wife's (but she has a pussy, and still controls it). Sex is 1 to 2 times per week (similar to pre MRP levels). Quality is getting way better as I embrace being a man and read more about DEVI (but baby steps here). Frequency is still lower than I like and I still feel like I'm asking/waiting for it (though she initiated last weekend, even during the tail end of shark week, which is unheard of).

So, this weekend, I'm taking one or two of the three kids to the mountains (without wife). So I'm trying to get a lay or two in before I leave for a long weekend. Last night, after the kids went down and a little bit of clean up, I said "how about a quickie" with a smirk since I had a commitment later that evening. Of course I expected a "no" and my OI was fine, but she complained that "why did I have to say that, and make her uncomfortable" I had no good response, but I didn't apologize. I kept my smirk up, did some other OYS items and then left.

This morning, before work, I grabbed my wife (and picked her up) as the Nanny was about to walk in, and said "I want to ravage you"... she being paranoid about the Nanny walking in, didn't like it, and again, said "why do you have to do that, why can't you be normal" I reply with, "I am normal, and I like making you uncomfortable" with a big ass smile. She goes, "why? you should be making me comfortable.." and I don't respond, thinking in my mind that I want her to be uncomfortable. A minute later, I give everyone a kiss and leave for work.

Am I still too newbie to do this? I can't tell if I'm losing my frame, since I'm not sure if my responses are good enough. Should I keep this rate of sexual tension/suggestion up? I'm doing this because "I want to". She hates it (at least verbally). But should I pull back and give her space and let her come to me? Part of me feels like I need to continue to DGAF, and go after what I want when I want it. But then I have the BP nature that wants to say "this relationship is pretty good". But then again, I also have used the MRP/RP to disrupt my marriage. Thoughts?


Post Information
Title Wife hates that I push intimacy at random times
Author happyguy20
Upvotes 14
Comments 38
Date 05 October 2017 01:28 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205331
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/74fxyh/wife_hates_that_i_push_intimacy_at_random_times/
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Comments

[–]SimilarSalvation15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

Discovered MRP about a month ago.

Have read all of sidebar up to Red Pill Sidebar and Dread.

You discovered MRP a month ago and you have read all of the sidebar? My guess is you skimmed the letters, formed the words in your head, maybe even nodded sometimes but haven't incorporated the meanings... Start over and now take your time and try to understand what is written.

Discovered MRP about a month ago.

I've been lifting [...] for last 2-3 months

Somehow, I find this very difficult to believe. You started lifting before discovering MRP?

 

Anyway, on to your question:

You are still your wife's 4th child and the only thing you care about is getting laid...

You only do things in order to get sex (cfr - old post), you have no frame, do not OYS and frankly don't know what you are doing. You think that if you apply what has been said in this subreddit, sex will automagically happen to you. But because of your total lack of foundation, understanding and progress, you look like a child in big men's clothes..

 

Everything you wrote screams BluePill and your wife even has the patience and decency to tell you what is wrong...

[you] make her uncomfortable

why can't you be normal?

take some time away of getting laid and focus on your self.

 

Read this excellent piece of RP theory, then read it again and again. Then STFU and start working on yourself!!

Sex will happen, or not. But that is for some other time, when you really have put some effort into this MRP thingie

[–]snoopdoga11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Somehow, I find this very difficult to believe. You started lifting before discovering MRP?

LOL. Redpill did not invent lifting. ahahahaha. I had a natural desire to lift in highschool and college 15 years ago way before redpill. Redpill helps us rediscover who we really are. Life often gets in the way and we forget.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks.

I've read and re-read all of Athol Kay's works over the last couple of years. The lifting coincided with the family joining a gym together (and Athol Kay saying lifting is key, plus for losing weight, lifting is key based on outside news articles). The RP/MRP lifting mantra has given me a different set of results to expect from lifting (before, I just wanted to get thin again, but now I want to get big).

For the rest of the readings, I meant if you read the MRP sidebar from top to bottom, I've finished the Book of Pook and am now trying to read through all of the RP sidebar (as it's listed below Book of Pook) but there is a ton more I need to get through before getting to the Graduate readings (i.e., 48 laws,etc).

So far, I've rather "read the info" than write my OYS, but I know I should do that to track progress and get regular face punches.

I know I have a lot more to learn/improve/progress. I acknowledge that everything I'm doing is really a Covert Contract to get laid more. I guess I am asking (and you alluded to this), am I on the right path (you say back off)? with the escalation/tension? Do I want her to feel uncomfortable? Or am I just pretending that I am an asshole and really I need to self-improve lots before this can be good?

[–]SimilarSalvation10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

everything I'm doing is really a Covert Contract to get laid more

There is your problem :)

Your wife is not stupid and she senses this. Instead of lifting her burden and being the best man you can ever be, you are actually putting a lot of pressure on her to fuck you. Maybe she wants to, maybe not. But by forcing her (or giving her the impression that you force her), she backs off and keeps you at a distance.

like /u/gettingmymojoback says: keep initiating, but work on your game and kino.

Stop making jokes about sex (or even mentioning sex) because that looks like you are begging for it. Instead STFU about sex altogether. You DGAF (for now) whether you are getting laid or not.. But don't stop gaming your wife. Be madly in love with her like when you were teenagers and before your first hump: touch her, kiss her, slap her ass but never, ever give her the impression you want to bang her (for now).

She will sense this change in you and will become intrigued as of why you sex her up and then walk away... She has to (re)learn that you can touch her, feel her up and grope her without this being a prelude for nookie..

And the moment you truly not care about sexy time anymore, she will jump you...

[–]hystericalbonding9 points10 points  (16 children) | Copy

Last night, after the kids went down and a little bit of clean up, I said "how about a quickie" with a smirk since I had a commitment later that evening. Of course I expected a "no" and my OI was fine, but she complained that "why did I have to say that, and make her uncomfortable"

No game. Read PUA, whether it's Bang, Mystery, RSD, or whatever.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Thanks, I'll add those as must reads, still have barely brushed into the game/pua.

[–]WesternhagenWinner5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

Have you watched Athol Kay's Married Guy's Guide to Wife video series? I think that is more helpful on "gaming wife" than PUA guides on gaming strange women.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Link?

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

[–]lpn_artist0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Are these worth the money? I've been reading everything I can find but as a visual learner a video may be beneficial for me.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

start with RSD tyler's youtube channel - especially blueprint decoded

[–]lpn_artist0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, I will.

[–]UnlimitedEgo0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Game is something I've struggled with as a married man. Wife even mentions she doesn't like it in front of the kids.... It's a tough one.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not a good sign... Kids seeing their parents with a healthy romantic relationship is very good for their development. I'm not saying you should be getting BJs under the table at dinner time, but if she throws a fit because you display public affection, you have your work cut out for you.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Wife even mentions she doesn't like it in front of the kids WITH YOU

fucking retards.

[–]UnlimitedEgo1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Even since day one she hasn't liked PDA. But I get it, that's not the point you were tryig to call out. It doesn't make me a retard to be uneducated in the art of gaming my wife. If anything I was ignorant to the fact that this is something I should have learned growing up from male role models in my life. I want to learn now as I have been so enlightened. But thanks, it was nice to be called a retard by someone this morning by someone who doesn't know me.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'd ban your ass for that stupid ass comment right there.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

at least his username checks, ROFL

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

5 2 days for OP to unfuck his sense of self.

No wonder the wife doesn't like his game. Crybaby isn't a routine

[–]crimson_chris6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Haha..read. No way you have digested all of the side bar in one month. Keep reading and internalizing.

ABE - always be escalating. I turn everything I can sexual. I am a naturally cocky (pun intended) person, but practice AM whenever I can. Be charming, fun and flirt. Does Rambo fuck in any of his movies?

Keep getting fit. You need to be ripped. I am not there yet, but the more fat I lose (I already have muscle) the more "touchy" she gets. The more I can be sexual when and where ever. At one point my wife said, "What has gotten into you. You are like a horny teenager, I like it." That took time and work to get my SMV to that place.

Make the 10sec kiss a habit. First make sure you are not a disgusting slob. It took a couple of months to get my wife on board here, but we have mostly eliminated those passionless pecks.

Kino. I never understood this before MRP, but you can't wait until you want sex to be intimate with your wife. Touching can be sexual, but touching should not always be with sex as the goal. I will randomly grab her, give her a +10 sec kiss with tongue, smirk and walk away. We cuddle on the couch. In bed she will rest her head on my chest. There was about an 8yr period in our marriage when all of this had stopped - completely. So, be sexual but sex is not the goal (or the immediate goal).

This one incorporates OI, Abundance and DGAF - aim to make every sexual encounter positive. I said this before, women are like banks, they only put out to men who don't "need" it. Don't be needy. Don't be desperate. If she says no, don't be butthurt. Those all make sex a negative experience for her, will make her feel "pressured" to have sex and may make her feel bad about herself. All of those negative feelings will be associated with you. Don't be that guy nagging his wife for sex. Some of the best sex I have had is when my wife has turned me down, my response is 100% OI, I withdraw attention and she initiates (usually in under 24hrs).

None if this shit holds true if you are not doing the basics of OYS. Even if you are doing all of this things can get fucked up. If they do, wash, rinse and repeat.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

you also talk too much.

You could said everything with a nice smack on the ass and a hungry look. Either she gives it to you or the nanny will.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

You're not attractive enough (to her) to pull it off, yet.

Once you are, you'll know. You'll stop hearing "you make me uncomfortable " and instead start getting playful giggles, flushed cheeks or maybe a push away while she figures out a plan to get you two alone somewhere.

You just have to stop being needy. I'm not good at explaining it, but once I got to true OI about the results of initiating, then suddenly my success rate went way up. Desperation is unattractive as hell and they can smell it a mile away.

Next time talk and care less. Show her what you want to do, if she's not interested, NBD, you had something else to do right? Follow those steps and soon she'll be coming back an hour or two later looking to drag you into the bedroom.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I think you are right, but should I keep up my passes while I'm improving? or back off a smidge?

[–]straius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep doing what you're doing, just be more playful about it and don't be so direct about your responses. They're a bit on the nose / autistic atm.

Ie...

"I like to make you uncomfortable"

Vs.

"Wait! Shhh... I think she's at the door!"

Then laugh and put her down. Kiss her on the cheek and peace out.

May also be an attractiveness issue, but the best thing you can do is teach through actions that this is about having fun. Not sex. Which will lead to sex.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd keep initiating, but work on your game and kino.

You need to calibrate your game to the level of tingles you're generating. You're not attractive enough/you're passive dread is not high enough yet to pull off "wanna quicke?" at this point. So you have to make up for that with charm, kino and game.

As you continue improving, you may find that things that used to make her uncomfortable are met enthusiastically by her.

[–]viderelux0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I said "how about a quickie (I) said "I want to ravage you"

Words do not convey sexual desire. If you REALLY felt like ravaging her, your hands would be all over her, you'd be acting like it was impossible to stop yourself.

In that situation, if I wanted a quickie, I'd be holding her tightly with my hands under her shirt, pulling her close to me and saying something more like, "Damn, I'm going to miss you this weekend." Long kiss, ass grab, hands communicating desire, pressing my boner up against her. Then, it's a matter of reading the body language and proceeding accordingly. "How about a quickie?" would only work if we already had a playful and physical vibe going.

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

it's interesting to read posts where i learn more about the wife than the guy.

[–]dcapt462 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

On the right track. I agree with the others about you being still not attractive enough to her. Even if your SMV is past hers it takes months - Athol used the concept of 1 month of consistent red pill you to shake off each year of blue pill you. How consistent are you? This shit is hard.

No need to ask for a quickie if you are kissing her, pulling her pants off and bending her over the side of the bed. She complains... "what are you doing" answer "what do you think?" or "taking what's mine" or complaint "we don't have time" response don't worry I'm so horny it won't take long". Any more complaints just action unless you get a hard no.

Getting to a place that is natural for you is hard.
Getting to a place it is natural for her is worth it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you need to be more tactical here. In the first of two examples, you act with an awkwardness that that would make niagra falls dry. What is she supposed to do get naked and jump on you because you use unexpected and sterile words to request something that is supposed to be spontaneous and action oriented? Then in example two you try to pounce on her when the nanny is about to arrive and you are asking with surprise what you could do differently... maybe try it when the nanny is not about to arrive? Its not like you have her so turned on all the time that you have her kinked out and having sex in public bathrooms or going down on you while driving home from dropping the kids off somewhere...

Another thing, when you asked how about a quickie, why did you ask? I almost feel like you were uncertain if you even wanted it right then, and were just asking because you expected to be told no, but thought asking would develop a tension to leverage later - but in fact, if it does help you later it is because it instills a dutiful sense of obligation in her because she told you no x number of times, not because you have built up the tension and got her pussy wet.

eh... I feel like this is obvious even to you. what is this, like catholic confession for you to clear your conscience to feel like you can start over? just use it like that and go forward without being so daft.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"why did I have to say that, and make her uncomfortable"

YOU make her uncomfortable. A more attractive man wouldn't make her uncomfortable.

Solution: up your SMV.

The bigger picture is that you lack the appropriate amount of game for your attractiveness. Being attractive has a high rate or return on results from game applied as in. That is, the more attractive you are, the less game you are with the following being a possible outcome on a spectrum of attractiveness vs. game:

Him: "We're going to fuck no, here."

Her: "Okay"

Meanwhile your attractiveness is low, so the statement, "how about a quickie" induces the ASL defense.

Let that sink in: the woman who married you knowing that regular sex was a part of the deal finds it necessary to treat you like a cringey beta at the bar who walked up to her and said the same thing. Only "you make me uncomfortable" is the nice way of saying "you are being creepy."

You are not attractive enough for even your wife. Until that is fixed, nothing else matters because you can't get enough game going to counter your lack of attractiveness.

Lift. And for real. (TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE DOING IN THE GYM: OWN YOUR SHIT)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Sounds like a good pace, don't take your foot off the gas but don't get impatient and go WFO. I think you're just expecting her to see and respond to your changes too quickly. All of us do.

She's trying to see which of the pigs built this new frame around you by continuing to huff and puff.

Captain Rambo might help with the 1000 foot rope concept of your wife and sex life being a lagging indicator of your journey.

[–]crimson_chris1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lagging indicator. Is NALPHA a thing? Nerd Alpha. And obviously, I know what a lagging indicator is as well.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

U/hystericalbonding nailed it. You're doing alright imo, you just need to work on your game. You're trying to get her to go from zero to 60 with your "I want to ravage you" bullshit. Is that supposed to make her wet?

Actions speak louder than words. Verbal come-ons and sexual jokes should be constant, during all interactions, not just when you initiate. Always be gaming.

And when you do want to fuck, and have a good opportunity, show her...don't tell her. Grab her and kiss her. Pick her up and throw her on the bed. DO something.

She'll still resist because she's still testing you and/or isn't attracted to you enough yet. That just takes time.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your ugly, have no game and use your mouth to communicate vs your actions. Get to work on those things then come back in here and ask for help.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I said "how about a quickie"

Chicks love when you ask them to be desired.

I know we say ignore what they say, watch what they do, in this case, she flat out told you.

acta non verba

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Am I still too newbie to do this?

Yes, but (contrary to popular opinion here, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt) I get the impression that although your game needs improvement her saying she's "uncomfortable" is a good sign. It means she's recognizing the changes without you having to tell her, "Hey, did you notice all the things I'm doing differently?"

The fact that she's still denying you, despite these verbal interactions, is a test. You're asking, not telling. You're talking, not doing. She wants to see how bad you want it. Despite what feminism will tell you, wives (specifically, not necessarily women, generally) want you to overcome their LMR. They want to know that they're so freaking desirable that you'll plow through any obstacle because you have to have them right then and there. When she says, "You're making me uncomfortable" and you back down, she's thinking (maybe even subconsciously), "Okay, I can still tame him," and then she gets slightly disappointed that you're not so consumed with lust for her that you screw her on the couch right then and there anyway.

I can't tell if I'm losing my frame, since I'm not sure if my responses are good enough.

They're not, and yes - you're losing frame. You're letting her control when you have sex with her. You're letting her be the judge of whether or not your lines are working - and if they're not working, you give up and walk away.

Notice she hasn't given you a hard no yet. If she does, then stop. But, "You're making me uncomfortable" isn't the same as, "Stop. I'm serious, this is not the time." If you walk away to a soft no, that tells her you can be beaten by soft things. Do you want to be the guy who whimpers at pillows or who can stand toe to toe with a brick wall? Don't be an idiot. Don't punch a brick wall. But make her become a brick before teaching her that you're scared of pillows.

Should I keep this rate of sexual tension/suggestion up?

Once you've started, don't backtrack unless you see it start to cripple the relationship itself. Just don't increase or escalate it until you've got the game, frame, and physique to back it up.

She hates it (at least verbally)

Haha, those are all tests. She wants to feel uncomfortable. Comfortable is boring. Women hate boring. Trust me - I was the most comfortable, boring person you could imagine for a long, long time. There's a whole class of personality disorder dedicated solely to women who take this basic impulse to the extreme: histrionic. These girls will literally stab you with a knife just to start some drama and get you to yell at them - because discomfort and negative emotion are better than comfort and/or no emotion. Now, your wife doesn't strike me as histrionic, but AWALT to some extent. My wife scores insanely low on histrionic scales, but when I come home and say, "I had some office drama today" or "I have a bit of gossip for you," her head turns like a dog smelling the postman. Literally, it's funny to watch her physical reaction to those words. And although she doesn't do it intentionally, she's starting drama all the time over stupid things with other people - just because she needs something uncomfortable to make her feel like she's living her life. Comfort = going through the motions. Stability = boring. Women say they want this, but they really don't. Don't trust her.

Part of me feels like I need to continue to DGAF, and go after what I want when I want it.

I think you mean DNGAF, but I wouldn't escalate any further until you're ready.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Keep it basic and remember the "be attractive rules"

Read, Lift STFU no begging for sex

The Book of Pook and Dread ASAP



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