Looking for some guidance as I’m kind of in limbo right now.
About me : Mid 30s, stable career, 5”10, 200#, sub 12%, visible abs but not shredded as I have been, lifting consistently for many years, perhaps to a fault almost, married once/relationship lasted approx 10 years. Working on second marriage as we speak. Never really had to try with females if I’m being honest, not trying to brag, just always came easy for me.
Background: Little over a 1.5 Years ago wife was diagnosed with an illness, the kind of news you never want to get. But I stood by her through it, and supported her as best I could. During that time when she was sick I handled the entire household top to bottom, meal preps, cleaning, laundry, everything and continue to do a lot. Now for the most part I’ve always owned my shit and speak my mind regardless of outcome when it comes to my relationship. I have nothing to hide is the way I like to view it.
As we kind of got our relationship back on track from where it’s been the past year or so, alcohol has become a recent issue, on her part. Very recent. Not everyday, not every weekend. But about a handful of times where she has had way too much to drink. Now given what she’s been through I’ve just blown it off. In particular, the grief over some female orbiters I have, which has never been an issue before. She relayed she was feeling insecure about them etc so I upped the comfort and it seemed to resolve that issue, only for a new one to form and it’s something I’ve never seen from her, but AWALT.
Problem 1: She has a friend who predates me, in and out of her life, but has stuck around since the wife’s illness, nice woman, but total slut, has a baby daddy to prove it. Makes awful life decisions, this isn’t up for debate. Every time we hang out with this chick. Shit goes sideways. It should be mentioned that 6 months prior to this event that I’m referencing while we were out with this girl the wife received a text. The text was some unknown number basically saying she hooked up with this dude last summer before her diagnosis. Now I went full detective mode because the texts seemed very genuine but found no evidence, but I always kept that in the back of my mind. Of course she denied it. Just chalked it up to a scorned ex messing around. Flag 1.
This past weekend: We are out with friends for a celebration, I remained sober. As college football is winding down I make the comment to my wife to just take it easy tonight, as she is already tipsy, that way we can do something together, just us, on Sunday. Everything is good and we travel to another bar against my better judgement. Now it starts to get a little out of control when the shots start flowing. This in turn leads the “friend” to start being a little rowdy. Couple guys start hitting on the friend, buying them drinks and hanging on “ slut friend “and my wife. I’m not worried about it because it’s ugly college bros in gym shorts. So I’m sitting back with a friend of hers and mine and we are just kind of watching this go on, just laughing at the two of them.
Now it’s starting to get late as this is all unfolding. My friend bails, I still got her one normal friend by my side and slut friend is out chain smoking. My wife proceeds to introduce this guy that’s been hitting on them all night. Again I’m cordial, not really paying attention to the guy as I’m busy doing my own thing. Now she’s not happy I blew this dude off in front of her and as I’m walking away I can hear her talking about me to him. Whatever, so as I’m walking away now the dude is hanging all over my wife and buying shots. Probably goes on for about 10-15min. Flag 2.
What to do ?: Her friend that I’m with can tell I’m not happy about this as now it’s turned more physical and one on one. Now I’m thinking of what to do. I’m glancing through the bar to see if there is any more females to join our little party while the two love birds have their fun. I see none because the place we were at was just a weird crowd and the vibe was odd. The guy was toasted, massive douche and honestly I didn’t want a fight to break out over it. So I looked at her one friend and said see yah and just left with out a word, hoping I’m not cucking myself further than I already have.
15 min later. I’m at home. My phone is blowing up. I ignore every call from the wife. Another 15 min passes and she comes stumbling in asking what she did wrong. And I laid it all out. Said I don’t mind talking to other people while out or even flirting but she was acting like a single sloot and if that’s how this is going to be then there’s the door.
She proceeds to deny it even occurring.
I basically just reaffirm my position that she can deny all she want, everyone saw and I don’t have to put up with it so I left bc I’m more than happy to find some other woman who won’t leave my side. Argument ended. Made her sleep on the couch.
We’ve talked a little more about that night, she apologized but I’m just kind of disgusted with the blatant behavior and disrespect. And we really haven’t spoken since....
Perhaps I’m being harsh? I consulted my one friend (female) who was with me that night and reaffirmed to me that what was happening was out of line and perhaps I’m being too nice about it. NMMNG read it years ago after my divorce.
What’s most troubling is I’ve never seen her behave this way in front of me. So now I’m questioning how she acts when I’m not there, which brings back into question that text she received months prior. Again. AWALT.
Still haven’t been saying much at all. Just work and gym. We have an event this weekend we are going to. Not sure how I’m going to play it. I have a lot people coming to it.
Drop some bombs guys. Thx. Massive shit test by her....
TLDR; Wife has slooty friend. Wife received text indicating infidelity on her part while we were out with said friend. Last weekend wife being overtly physical with a guy in front of me. I bailed.