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Massive shit test by wife last weekend

Reddit View
October 3, 2017

Looking for some guidance as I’m kind of in limbo right now.

About me : Mid 30s, stable career, 5”10, 200#, sub 12%, visible abs but not shredded as I have been, lifting consistently for many years, perhaps to a fault almost, married once/relationship lasted approx 10 years. Working on second marriage as we speak. Never really had to try with females if I’m being honest, not trying to brag, just always came easy for me.

Background: Little over a 1.5 Years ago wife was diagnosed with an illness, the kind of news you never want to get. But I stood by her through it, and supported her as best I could. During that time when she was sick I handled the entire household top to bottom, meal preps, cleaning, laundry, everything and continue to do a lot. Now for the most part I’ve always owned my shit and speak my mind regardless of outcome when it comes to my relationship. I have nothing to hide is the way I like to view it.

As we kind of got our relationship back on track from where it’s been the past year or so, alcohol has become a recent issue, on her part. Very recent. Not everyday, not every weekend. But about a handful of times where she has had way too much to drink. Now given what she’s been through I’ve just blown it off. In particular, the grief over some female orbiters I have, which has never been an issue before. She relayed she was feeling insecure about them etc so I upped the comfort and it seemed to resolve that issue, only for a new one to form and it’s something I’ve never seen from her, but AWALT.

Problem 1: She has a friend who predates me, in and out of her life, but has stuck around since the wife’s illness, nice woman, but total slut, has a baby daddy to prove it. Makes awful life decisions, this isn’t up for debate. Every time we hang out with this chick. Shit goes sideways. It should be mentioned that 6 months prior to this event that I’m referencing while we were out with this girl the wife received a text. The text was some unknown number basically saying she hooked up with this dude last summer before her diagnosis. Now I went full detective mode because the texts seemed very genuine but found no evidence, but I always kept that in the back of my mind. Of course she denied it. Just chalked it up to a scorned ex messing around. Flag 1.

This past weekend: We are out with friends for a celebration, I remained sober. As college football is winding down I make the comment to my wife to just take it easy tonight, as she is already tipsy, that way we can do something together, just us, on Sunday. Everything is good and we travel to another bar against my better judgement. Now it starts to get a little out of control when the shots start flowing. This in turn leads the “friend” to start being a little rowdy. Couple guys start hitting on the friend, buying them drinks and hanging on “ slut friend “and my wife. I’m not worried about it because it’s ugly college bros in gym shorts. So I’m sitting back with a friend of hers and mine and we are just kind of watching this go on, just laughing at the two of them.

Now it’s starting to get late as this is all unfolding. My friend bails, I still got her one normal friend by my side and slut friend is out chain smoking. My wife proceeds to introduce this guy that’s been hitting on them all night. Again I’m cordial, not really paying attention to the guy as I’m busy doing my own thing. Now she’s not happy I blew this dude off in front of her and as I’m walking away I can hear her talking about me to him. Whatever, so as I’m walking away now the dude is hanging all over my wife and buying shots. Probably goes on for about 10-15min. Flag 2.

What to do ?: Her friend that I’m with can tell I’m not happy about this as now it’s turned more physical and one on one. Now I’m thinking of what to do. I’m glancing through the bar to see if there is any more females to join our little party while the two love birds have their fun. I see none because the place we were at was just a weird crowd and the vibe was odd. The guy was toasted, massive douche and honestly I didn’t want a fight to break out over it. So I looked at her one friend and said see yah and just left with out a word, hoping I’m not cucking myself further than I already have.

15 min later. I’m at home. My phone is blowing up. I ignore every call from the wife. Another 15 min passes and she comes stumbling in asking what she did wrong. And I laid it all out. Said I don’t mind talking to other people while out or even flirting but she was acting like a single sloot and if that’s how this is going to be then there’s the door.

She proceeds to deny it even occurring.

I basically just reaffirm my position that she can deny all she want, everyone saw and I don’t have to put up with it so I left bc I’m more than happy to find some other woman who won’t leave my side. Argument ended. Made her sleep on the couch.

We’ve talked a little more about that night, she apologized but I’m just kind of disgusted with the blatant behavior and disrespect. And we really haven’t spoken since....

Perhaps I’m being harsh? I consulted my one friend (female) who was with me that night and reaffirmed to me that what was happening was out of line and perhaps I’m being too nice about it. NMMNG read it years ago after my divorce.

What’s most troubling is I’ve never seen her behave this way in front of me. So now I’m questioning how she acts when I’m not there, which brings back into question that text she received months prior. Again. AWALT.

Still haven’t been saying much at all. Just work and gym. We have an event this weekend we are going to. Not sure how I’m going to play it. I have a lot people coming to it.

Drop some bombs guys. Thx. Massive shit test by her....

TLDR; Wife has slooty friend. Wife received text indicating infidelity on her part while we were out with said friend. Last weekend wife being overtly physical with a guy in front of me. I bailed.

Post Information
Title Massive shit test by wife last weekend
Author FinahTren
Upvotes 6
Comments 60
Date 03 October 2017 09:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
AWALTshit testliftNMMNG

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lots of red flags. Text confirmation that she cheated. She is acting like she is single and hanging out with a slut. You are completely in her frame.

A woman that looks up, respects her husband and is "afraid of losing him" wouldnt dream of doing shit like that.

Perhaps I’m being harsh?

More like you are her bitch.

everyone saw and I don’t have to put up with it so

Stop caring about what "other people" think, see, do, say. Think for yourself, make your own decisions for your own reasons. This is what women and weak men do, they make their decisions based on what "other people" will think of her if she does this or that. You do what you think is right and own your decisions.

You could simply have told her "You are acting like you are single. Keep it up and you will be". Then walk away and go do your thing. Yeah she will deny, blah blah blah you are controlling, I did nothing wrong! Dont try to "prove" anything. You made your point and thats it. Then its up to her to keep acting like an entitled slut or not.

If it was me and no kids i´d be out the door without a second thought. Find a less slutty woman.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Pull up your mobile data records. Go back 6 months. Find the "random" number that texted her for a booty call. See if you can reverse lookup who it belongs to. Or, just use her phone to text it and pretend you're her when she's not looking.

My point is, there are ways to verify who this caller was and if your wife really did cheat on you. But my guess is you don't want to, because you already know the truth and are too afraid to admit it.

[–]Tebulus6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

All I see is a lack of ownership, leadership, and boundaries resulting in a an out of control woman who you are letting drag you through the mud who clearly has already cheated on you once. Sidebar, and stop getting married.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret14 points15 points  (5 children) | Copy

If she'll do it in front of you it's much worse when you aren't there. You want to hear that it's you, that you can fix it. If you're in good shape and owning your shit, leading your marriage, and she doesn't want to follow, you have to make a decision. Only you know if you're lying to us. She's gaslighting you, making you think you're the crazy one. I would get your divorce papers in order and prepare a real exit. You admit that you fell for the 'open communications will solve everything' fallacy. No one is sending her fake texts about fake things that never happened bro. Stop lying to yourself.

[–]WesternhagenWinner6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy

Question for the audience. Drunk guy is openly hitting on your drunk wife. So you take her by the arm and say, firmly, "We are leaving now", and then put her in the car and you both leave. If this is "mate guarding", it still seems less lame than walking away and leaving your wife there because you're scared of her complaining and because you're scared to fight Drunk Chad.

[–]dcapt46-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she is out for fun and it is still early then you will look lame at best or butt hurt and petty. If it is late and justifiable it may look ok but still boring and lame.The only better options are "not to play" (I like the thermonuclear war comment on another thread) - don't get in this situation. If that is not possible be more fun and more attractive than drunk guy.
If you are still early in your RP journey then it may be hard to be more appealing than the other guy but this is why we lift, lead, play (with her) etc. So when this comes she is already so attracted to you it is easy to be her best option.

[–]WesternhagenWinner4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she is out for fun and it is still early then you will look lame at best or butt hurt and petty.

But like I said, you look less lame doing that than you do if you refuse to confront her or him because you are a faggot.

You are showing leadership and enforcing your boundaries. This is basically like picking up the screaming toddler and carrying her out of the toy store.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (11 children) | Copy

Clarification question. When you say your wife received a text, my assumption is that one of her ex's or a ONS sent a text to her about some more sex - how did you find out about that? Did she show it to you as soon as she got it, or did you find it by happenstance?

Other items: You should have been laying the law down when this first became a issue, not making excuses for her behavior about alcohol.

Your item here about the dude hanging all over your wife - if she was actively encouraging that shit - that's a boundary there that she jumped over.

With that bad behavior, I'd be implementing higher levels of dread here. Sorry honey, I can't go do xyz event, I have to do xyz, etc.

That really is a shot across the bow, what she did. Damn.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

As I am reading your train wreck, it comes to mind, that you are in wash, rinse and repeat cycle. Ya wife #2.

So you white knighted her, stand by her in an illness, and she starts drinking out of guilt.... you are unattractive/too good for her.

Kill the puppy would you

[–]trp_dude9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, first of all, you know they were amateurs because they were buying drinks for women...

But yeah, these are red flags all over. You handled it like a champ though.

You unfortunately can't control how she acts when you're not around. I agree, if she's not afraid to act like this in front of you, she has probably cheated already.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Be cool to her. Tell her you overreacted or something she'll like.

Then, set your lawyer in motion to start getting your affairs in order, quietly. In the meantime, gather your evidence carefully, quietly. When the lawyer says the time is right, nuke her.

Be cold man, be cold. FROSTY. Oh, and stop getting married.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Random thoughts...

Is her illness passed? Does she have that as an excuse? You led with that so I'm looking for relevance.

I would never leave my drunken wife... anywhere. Maybe I'm just old fashioned.

She's developing an alcohol problem. She doesn't have to be a teetotaler...yet. But if she can't control her alcohol intake and starts behaving in ways incongruous with her personality, something is amiss you need to plug into.

My wife almost fell off the edge last year. The night I was keeping her hair out of the toilet she hit bottom. That was preTRP but I had enough sense to set a couple of boundaries about alcohol. 15 months and no issues since.

She may be trying to dread you in her own stupid way because of jealousy over your female orbiters.

Hanging out with slut friends is huge red flag. It gives her access, and plausible deniability for "Ooops, I got so drunk my panties fell down and when I tripped I just fell on his dick. My bad..tee hee."

Start building your war chest. See three lawyers. Find out what the fuck is going on. Trust is broken. Verify the facts and decide how YOU want to live your life.

It's a lot, man, but you CAN take care of this shit, by taking care of YOU.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nah you aren't old fashioned, drunk wives don't get abandoned. What is concerning is that this is the second dude on here this week doing this.

The only time I would do it is to go home and pack.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, I don't get that. His immediate jump to "going to prison" is weird too, like there's no middle ground or other option. Feels more like a fear of confrontation wrapped up in a fake "I don't play that game" post hoc rationale.

If your mate is actively being hunted in front of you, then yeah, shut that down. If you don't have tact or sophistication, when it gets as bad as being physical and disrespected to your face, the potential for looking "bad" is far less of a negative outcome than being symbolically cucked. And FFS, don't self sabotage by stranding her there and making her the friend's responsibility. She either becomes angry and has additional motive to cheat, or she needs the dude to take her home if her friend bails and has motivation to cheat (or something less consensual).

Peacing out without a word strikes me as petulant. No matter what words you use later.

[–]dcapt461 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

A better way would be if your wife is going to the bar to have fun instead of sitting there like a boring shit go and have fun with her. Doesn't mean you have to get wasted.

My wife has had some outings like this where she is drinking too much. So I go with her to guard her not by telling her who she can and can't speak with or dance with but I make sure I am the one that is the most fun there and she easily slips into my Frame and has a blast with me. One time I met her at a bar (she was there with some common friends ahead of me). When I got there she was loaded and there was a player hanging around her. She sees me and comes to me and he comes over to be my 'buddy' asks me a bunch of questions to try to make me look the boring beta husband. I just mess with him for a while with joke answers (I'm an inventor working on a truth serum etc), he questions me about my hobbies trying to portray me as boring so rattle off crazy stuff (hang gliding, caving, diving etc). Every chance I get I bounce from him and take the wife to the dance floor. Eventually he gave up and we leave with her all over me.
At the end of some of these bar nights she has gushed and sworn that she only wants me etc but I know AWALT... All I can do is give her few reasons and chances to act on it. I have no problem with her going out with me to bars. Without me is another story.

[–]Tiway221 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a shitty wife bro. There are better women out there.

Didn't you learn on #1? Why did you get married again?

Are you going to marry your next gf too?

[–]trpbritguy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, my wife introducing me to someone she met in a bar WHILE I WAS OUT WITH HER.. Not going to happen mate..


[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

During that time when she was sick I handled the entire household top to bottom

If she dumped you, you'd be doing this too. It's not an accomplishment.

Again I’m cordial, not really paying attention to the guy as I’m busy doing my own thing.

impressive, how you can write about him with such accuracy, when not paying attention.

I'm laughing now. you write like a woman, looking for alliances etc. Here's what happened. you put all your coins, your high value husband coins into the jar, and now that you wanted to cash out, you look? Jar wasn't there. You get mad and go home. then proceed to vent your feelings to the one person who doesn't give a fuck, she got hers, and you ain't doing it for her now that she's better.

Was a funny line I read, off a post on narcissism.

Or, if I can be permitted a judicious use of psychoanalytic jargon: it's the rationalization that allows you to blow a guy you can't stand, "I hate him but I'm going to make him cum so hard he'll just want more of me, which will be his punishment." Let that analogy sink in for a moment. From his perspective, not only did he still get blown, he liked it even more.

Your teaching her a lesson. She ignored you to get validation or dick from another dude? I'll help her isolate, that'll teach her! Not only was she not punished, she liked it better.

Fuck. I really gotta finish that post on my speech. It was made for this EXACT fucking guy.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That's a terrific insight on the behavior. Also I need to start looking at that blog you linked. Didn't have time to read it fully but the bits I did read were fuckin on point.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hipsters on food stamps is good.

Real men drink Guinness is the article I suggest people start with. It's right on point with what we do here

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Awesome, thanks, I'll check it out.

[–]chachaChad1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

“slut friend“ and my wife = 2 sluts

[–]HB32341 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I feel like you're pinning a ton of this crap on slooty friend. Stop that. Water finds its own level. Your wife has slooty friends because... your wife likes slooty behavior. You could take a Tide Magic Eraser and erase this friend from the fabric of the universe, your wife would still be exactly who and what she is. Don't make her excuses for her.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm going to breifly step outside the RP logic and say how the fuck is leaving her the right thing to do?

Lame ass Mateguarding comes across as beta but get in there and own your fucking woman...until you don't.

Be a fucking man. Do you think the alpha lion scoots off when junior shows up. FUCK NO.

Flex your fucking guns or at least work out why you need them.

Edit... Where I come from guns means Biceps.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is good advice if the wife is on receiving end of male attention and flirting. Per OPs story, she seemed just as complicit in the activity and possibly even perpetuated it. I think he struck the right balance of not mate guarding and communicating that this is shitty behavior. Best time to set a boundary is yesterday, second best time is now.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We aren't lions. She's not yours, it's just your turn.

[–]dandar46001 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Not sure this was a shit test. It definitely was disrespect worthy of demotion but she's a wife... I'd focus on getting her to stay sober and she probably has lost her gno privileges. She can have a gni but gno after this is a no no.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Second date rule. If this behavior happened on the second date, would there be a third?

Hell no.

[–]SimilarSalvation0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My ex-wife was exactly like that (minus the illness)

  • slutty friends
  • alcohol problem
  • "flirty" with other men
  • texts from unknown numbers

And guess what happened (during our first and only year of marriage):

  • she cheated on me (with what I then called a friend)
  • it was all my fault
    • not adventurous enough
    • not interested anymore
    • no tingles anymore
  • she tried to make me leave
  • then she left me

so yes: major red flags in your post: I think you are being cheated on...

As of what to do?

  • try to find out if she did cheat on you. Probably she did because your gut feeling tells you so and the signs are there
  • no matter what:
    • there is a break of trust
    • there is a lack of respect
    • there is definitely some border crossed
  • so the major question is Do you want to continue this relationship?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The text was some unknown number basically saying she hooked up with this dude last summer before her diagnosis. Now I went full detective mode because the texts seemed very genuine but found no evidence

What evidence do you need? Would it require Chad slapping you on the side of your face with his dick wet from your wife?

as I’m walking away I can hear her talking about me to him.

Yep, I am thinking that is exactly what it would take.

phone is blowing up. I ignore every call from the wife.

Wait, you LEFT the bar and your wife talking to Chad and THEN ignored her text messages? Ummm....wut?

Another 15 min passes and she comes stumbling in asking what she did wrong. And I laid it all out.

So you TALKED and TALKED to her when she got back. She did everything short of apologize and beg forgiveness and probably would have been up for anal. You are....not smart. Right?

we really haven’t spoken since

So you are butthurt and whining that your wife talked to a guy at the bar and was clearly flirting. She sees that a guy was paying her attention and buying her things even after she told him her husband was right there. She also sees a butthurt baby. Not saying she is right; just saying what she sees.

My advice? Get over the butthurt and take charge of this sinking ship. She will respond to your leadership or she won't.

[–]bigOlBeta0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Too much, I skimmed. I doubt you're muscular, which would have made this situation fun and humorous rather than scary and mate-guardy. If that was my wife I would have winked at the dude and blew him a kiss, then maybe bought them some shots (nasty shit like car bombs)

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I personally think you need to keep playing the game that is laid to you in the comments. But in This situation I think you need to talk to your wife. Tell her what is bothering you. Be specific and tell her how you feel. You the random text wasnt bullshit, you think her friend is toxic, and her disrespect is beyond a problem. You need to set boundaries. This shouldn't come from a place that makes you look jealous and controlling. This should come from a place that says "I'm better than this and if this is the new you than I'm starting to realize that I'm better than you. I only have one live and I officially have one foot out the door." You are in your mid 30s and I'm assuming she is too... why is Snapchat even apart of her life? Grown women on social media is the biggest turn off I can think of. I would straight up tell her that WhatsApp, instagram, Kik, etc... needs to go and stay gone. If her drinking is increasing and her being drunk is causing problems than the drinking needs to stop... period. Like I said I would say all of this as I'm metaphorically backing up toward the door. To be honest if you don't get ALL of these conditions met and then some and you haven't filed for D by the end of the year.. your making a mistake.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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