Opinions please, on how to treat her latest threat

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September 22, 2017

I'm about a year into swallowing the pill, read some of my previous posts for more background, but in summary, I have seen huge improvements in marriage and SL. Operating at some good dread levels (clearly not high enough evidently). Not quite where I want to be just yet, but definitely been a savior for me.

A couple months ago I decided to start growing a beard, I dont know why exactly. My body is looking pretty good from lifting. I'm 30 and never had a beard, so i thought why not. To be honest I think I look better with it. All through my twenties I naturally had a bit of a baby face, not so much these last few years. I feel the beard makes me look a little more manly. Over these few months growing said beard, the wife has dropped a few comments, basically that she didnt like it etc. To all of these I would kinda give a smirk or something similar and STFU.

This morning it obviously came to a head for her. She said no more sex until its gone, and she said she was serious about it. Like usual I kinda just smirked, acted as if i DNGAF and went about whatever I was doing and we continued on the day like usual in good moods.

This is what i'm asking everyones opinion on, what to do now?

I had 3 seperate thoughts, none of which i've acted on, yet...

  1. Sometime after the conversation, I thought, no, I shouldnt stand for this shit, im gonna call out her BS, im going to go up to her and say: "Hey, I dont appreciate what you said earlier, if you dont wanna have sex with me then dont, but dont use it as leverage for my beard. Imagine i said to you that i'm not having sex with you unless you style your hair a certain way, or wear makeup a certain way or have bigger boobs". My hamster spun and spun and i thought nah thats DEERING, i'm just gonna stay STFU, so I didnt do anything.

  2. Then I thought, well if she genuinely isnt attracted to me with the beard, then i really should take it off, I want to be attractive to her, so i might just take it off.... but hang on, then wont I look weak and folding to her demands?

  3. RedPill me thought, no, fuck her. She doesnt like me the way I want to be then I DNGAF, dont have sex with me I dont care.. (not actually say this to her) just keep my OI and abundant mentality and yeah if she doesnt want to, she doesnt have to and see who most stubborn.

Appreciate comments.

Post Information
Title Opinions please, on how to treat her latest threat
Author classicthrowaway86
Upvotes 7
Comments 44
Date 22 September 2017 05:37 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205400
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/71p0wc/opinions_please_on_how_to_treat_her_latest_threat/
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[–]Aaren_Augustine18 points19 points  (4 children) | Copy

I've got a damn good beard; operator looking motherfucker.

That's not what I've said, but my Army Calvary coworker have siad. Boss says good morning to me and then a second "beard" greeting every morning. Black women are notorious for straight out asking to pet it. I get unprompted complements from men and woman alike.

Past the external validation, it IS a symbol of value, of high testosterone. It's like height, the fact that you can grow it and other's can't is pretty big.

Your wife doesn't want the competition. She's telling her pet to sit. You going to sit?

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Damn you. About 4 days into growing a beard, I look like a cross between a homeless person and Joe Dirt.

So I just trim it up every day or 2 and go with the scruffy look

[–]Aaren_Augustine0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Mullet, all the way.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I could go that route

Or not haha

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"The reason big beards and (those stupid looking haircuts with the saved side and the comb over on the top, I don't actually know the name) are so popular right now is that they give the top of the heard a squared shape while also giving the appearance of a chiseled jaw line; thus looking masculine"

Source: my brothers, girlfriends, gay hairdresser brother.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

Keep the beard. Never mention it.

If she actually withholds sex because of a beard (for prolonged periods), ask yourself if that's the kind of person you want to be married to.

[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

See withholding of sex, there is a power struggle here now.

At one point, OP ditches the oneitus, realizes that if his wife does not fuck him, he will fuck some other woman, and that is that. If she values him she would never do that.

And if she doesn't, well great... on with pussy slaying!

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, sex should be something you get handed after doing some choreplay or styling your hair.

Fuck that noise.

Sex should be something both of you want to do because you both want to fuck. Period.

Attaching caveats and conditions to her pussy is absolutely distasteful. Pretty much the definition of a whore.

Think about that. Your wife is a whore.

So now you have two options.

1 - Bow down before that incomparable awesome cunt and make your absolutions with the great razor in the sky, sobbing quietly and asking forgiveness. Because that's how you make a pussy drip.

2 - Laugh at her shit and tell her you're not shaving the beard, or doing anything else, to "deserve" sex. If she's not willing to provide for your needs, after a year of redpilling, other women should be able to step up and complete the "loathsome" task of fucking nasty hairy you.

So she doesn't have to.

Stop listening to the petulant little girl, continue your awesome life, keep initiating and being fun. Stop giving her opinions power. She doesn't have the power. She knows that, that's why she's weaponizing the pussy. Don't fall for it. Despite popular opinion, pussy is actually abundant, free, and easy to obtain.

Your dread game is lacking.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

We just finished banging when she comes back into the room with

  • Her - "I'd like you to stop shaving your pubes"
  • Me - "Nope"
  • Her - "Why not?"
  • Me - "Both cosmetic and comfort"
  • Her - "Well I've stopped shaving myself"
  • Me - "I happen to like grass on the field 😆"
  • Her - "Well I do too"
  • Me - "Nope"

That was the end of that conversation.

His frame game is lacking as well.

For the record OP, by you not saying anything, you gave the appearance of not being sure whether to use option 1, 2 or 3. She sensed this as weakness in your frame. Thus, affirming to her you're still in hers. If you're a year in, situations like this shouldn't be handled with STFU.

[–]BobbyPeru14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is another possibility that you didn't take into account.

Beard dread.

Maybe it looks so damn good (and beards are in, big time) that she's scared it will attract other females.

Fear the beard.

[–]SepeanRed Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sometime after the conversation, I thought, no, I shouldnt stand for this shit, im gonna call out her BS, im going to go up to her and say: "Hey, I dont appreciate what you said earlier, if you dont wanna have sex with me then dont, but dont use it as leverage for my beard." [...] My hamster spun and spun and i thought nah thats DEERING, i'm just gonna stay STFU, so I didnt do anything.

Good you caught it, but how can you be one year in and still entertain the idea that your wife means what she says? Don't listen to what she says, she doesn't say what she wants, her words aren't instructions that will lead to a better relationship. They're tests of your frame and your treat them as such.

"Imagine i said to you that i'm not having sex with you unless you style your hair a certain way, or wear makeup a certain way or have bigger boobs".

So you're saying that's not the case? She can cut her hair short? Stop wearing makeup? Get fat? You're seriously just going to be ok with that? Get some standards, bro.

Then I thought, well if she genuinely isnt attracted to me with the beard, then i really should take it off, I want to be attractive to her, so i might just take it off.... but hang on, then wont I look weak and folding to her demands?

This very thought process is unattractive, going through with it even more so. You do what you want.

RedPill me thought, no, fuck her. She doesnt like me the way I want to be then I DNGAF, dont have sex with me I dont care.. (not actually say this to her) just keep my OI and abundant mentality and yeah if she doesnt want to, she doesnt have to and see who most stubborn.

You're on the right track here. But stop this idea that she actually means what she says. Her threat is a complete non-issue, it's a shit test.

Are you grooming your beard properly? Scruffy beards with unshaven edges and necks aren't cool.

[–]sh0ckley1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

how can you be one year in

?? My thoughts exactly.

[–]redsprinklersystem6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

You can't negotiate desire, but you sure as fuck don't negotiate with terrorists. She's trying to hold your dick to ransom in order to get her way.

Depending on how your marriage is and where your SMV / dread is, you shoud either:

A) Make it clear that she can only deny you sex WITH HER. Not cut you dry entirely....


B) Do everything you know how to get her hot and bothered. All those OYS tasks that can be done shirtless, cook some great meals, work out at home etc. All served with a healthy side of kino and game.. When she caves you play her body like a fucking musical instrument, making sure she can feel your beard while she's seeing stars.

[–]NightFire451 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've said to the LTR a few times when she's tried this, I don't negotiate with terrorists. OP should try this next time.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

i grew a full beard for the first time this spring. looks great. definitely increased attraction from other women.

wife professed to not like it. here were the two exchanges:

wife: "i don't like your beard, you have to shave it"

me: "i don't like your haircut. grow it down to your ass and i'll think about shaving"

second, about a month later:

wife: "i hate your beard. i'm don't like kissing you with your beard"

me: "my girlfriend thinks it great"

and in fact, GF do love the beard. that was the last i heard about it. after that she started running her hands through it while i'm railing her.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

wait she literally weaponized sex in front of you?

She said no more sex until its gone


honey, you know thats divorce material right?

and continue to LOL out the door

[–]beta_no_mo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The only close answer here was #3, but you used the wrong version of "fuck her." You should have grabbed her, carried her to the bed and rubbed that man scruff all over her. Face, neck, tits (rip off the shirt if you need access)...everywhere. Hold her down until she inevitably starts squealing/laughing while you're scrubbing her like a dirty skillet and then FUCK HER.

If she gives you a true hard no (you'll know and highly unlikely given the context), then leave her there while you strut out, laughing and off to do DGAF shit.

A missed opportunity to truly take your woman, man.

[–]thewholefnshow5472 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pro Tip:

The more your wife hates your facial hair, the better it looks.

I would make a counter proposal: If she sucks you off and fucks you, two nuts a day, every day, for 60 straight days, then you will shave the beard.

I currently am sporting a "Hulk Hogan" or horseshoe mustache. Wifey was all "shave that off, its so horrible!" when I first cut it out of my beard. However, the results were staggering. I instantly noticed that with the beard, I would have to approach women. With the Hulk Hogan mustache, women approach me. So unless she agrees to your counter proposal, under no circumstances shave that beard!

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She said no more sex until its gone

Let me spell it out, assuming everything you've written is true.

She said no more sex [with me] until its gone

That's it.

Have a think.

Now if you can't have sex without your wife, then we've gotten to a different problem.

[–]SgtSilverBack1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or as an assertive man that can judge your own wants and desires you keep the beard because you want it and still iniatiate because you want to.

If a beard keeps her from having sex with you then it's on her. You probably need to be more fun (for you) and work on AA for the point of re-directing her emotions.

I have a feeling many will say tough shit for her because you are not responsible for her emotions. While that is true, I assume your goal is to have a functional marriage and that means leading her away from negative emotions into positive emotions that she related to YOU.

Pick her up throw her on the couch tell her you know how horrible the beard is and use your beard to tickle her. Then get up and do your thing.

You re-directing her, you kino her without immediate sex you relate her postive emotions to you and your beard.

Bonus points if you have a wood fireplace and you look good with a shirt off, you use an axe to cut wood and pull everything together with some wine and good food.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like a good ol fashioned standoff.

The two things i know are:

1) if you shave it off you look like you'll bow to her command for sex.

2) She thinks you're a pussy.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. A marriage definitely consists of give-and-take (regardless of what MRP says), but ultimatums like this MUST NOT be given in to.

Doing so would sacrifice her respect for you forever.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let's catch up.

You've been married to a stereotypical hot Latina for four years and have no children.

You've been in MRP for a year and "working the dread levels." Just out of curiosity, what does that mean? More specifically, what dread level are you at?

You live in a very small town with lots of men, few women, and only one restaurant.

You make serious bank, like $290k a year.

11 days ago you posted about her sulks, long sulks, dysfunctional/depressive weeks long sulks, but no mention of the beard.

Today she makes a negative comment about your beard, weaponizes sex, and you flip the fuck out. You're clueless what to do. You're stymied and locked up with paralysis of analysis and inaction.

You've been in MRP for a year.

You're working the dread levels.

You're married to a fiery feisty hot Latina.

She won't fuck you until you shave your beard.

I'm repeating myself to get the facts in one place.

Here's what I think.

Your "working the dread levels" tells me you aren't working shit in the sidebar. And because you aren't working shit in the sidebar, your frame is WEAK.

You have been relying on your 6 years of gym time and $290k/yr to lock her down and control her, but that's not what your average woman wants, much yes a passionate Latina, is it?


Fiery, feisty, emotionally driven passionate woman want a MASCULINE man to dominate them and be the mountain in the tempests of their femininity.

Her weaponizing sex is no different than her telling you she doesn't love you after lunch, and after dinner she is gagging on your cock.

Remember the night you two went to dinner and you jinxed her ribs and her night went from happy to terrible over the moisture content of her ribs?

You had a chance to fix that and you fucked it up. It was an emotional moment for her, but there was no mountain for her to storm against, and ironically, your money and your body didn't fucking matter much, did they? So what are you missing?


Every one of your posts is about frame, and your lack of it.

If you want to be successfully married to a hot Latina you better develop a very solid FRAME. Frame big enough for her to climb in, sleep in, live in. But like a cat, she will come and go as she pleases.

So, to your question, how to treat the latest threat? You don't, directly.

After a year you should be past a lot of STFU and even fogging. Living with her has to become entertainment for you and you should be mastering AA and AM.

And if you have been "working the dread levels" for a year, surely you've come across and read David Deida's The Way of the Superior Man, and read it once.

You need to read it 3-4 times. And THEN, read the rest of the sidebar, you know, the shit you skipped while "working the dread levels."

The reading is how you build frame, how you build your mind.

She's not sulking because you make a fuckton of money and have a great body.

She's sulking and shit testing you because you have no frame.

Your Kung Fu (frame) is weak because you are not learning the moves (reading) and that's why you live in fear of your wife and post this shit.

So go back to the sidebar and get to fucking work.

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

  1. ....I want to be attractive to her.....
  2. ....fuck her. She doesnt like me the way I want to be....

which is it? what do you want?

but hang on, then wont I look weak and folding to her demands?

this depends on you. if you shave it and run to show mommy like pre-k pasta art...most definitely, yes.

if you shave and go about your day like it was nothing (it's just a fucking beard, shaving it is nothing), then no.

a year in and you're asking about shaving your beard? make a fucking decision for yourself....

edit: judging from the way you come off in your post, i'd say she's going to take it as folding to her demands regardless of why you do it, if you do.

be ready for a shit test in some form. most likely something along the lines of "now i know how to control you"....or just flat out laughter.

and a good "move" would be to turn down the sex she may, or may not, offer after you shave.

fake it til you make it...right?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It sounds like you aren't even sure of your beard. Why not?

[–]ilfj0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting to note that she never tried to ask you why you have started to grow...

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

MRP and beards are like NRA and guns, so nobody has asked some obvious questions:

Does she complain about the look or the feel? Do you get compliments on it from random people? Does it really look good, or do you just kind of like it and everyone else thinks it's just okay? Is it well-trimmed? Is it clean? Are you using a wax or oil that gives it a nice scent?

It's also possible that she hates beards and wouldn't want to fuck anyone with a beard, no matter how attractive he is in other respects. But if she has been having sex with you so far, it sounds more like a minor preference than a hard no.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She said no more sex until its gone, and she said she was serious about it.

"Correction, no more sex with you..." Ass slap, end scene

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Only men can grow beards. Remember that.

Sex withheld, hmn. Obviously what you state about her hair, but does a quality man DEER ?

You AM window when she made that statement. You need to watch some comedians

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are wallowing back and forth between red and blue pill land. You know this. The real question isn't what do you do, it is what do you want? Kick that pussy side of yourself to the curb mother fucker.

Beards are awesome - they mean power.

Beards and hair look way better kept up. Make sure you are doing that. Regular visits to a quality barber.

Hell my 5 YO girl even picked up on the administration of this shit test.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I just recently grew my first beard. So lets play a game. I do not see any specific new beard advice so here you go.

It took me probably two months to understand how to correctly care for a beard. Oil, conditioner, etc. it was itchy and annoying and my wife hated it esp during sex. Made her very red. Oral was out.

I worked with my barber to understand beard care and maintenance and over the course of six weeks it started to feel good. There were times it drove me crazy and I almost shaved it. Almost.

Now I know what to do. Wife loves it and is adjusted. Kids love it. Other people love it.

Guess it all comes down to OYS. Make sure your beard game is on point. Get educated then weather the storm until you are confident in your beard. If your woman is still a cunt after that then you chose poorly.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a shit test, along with a bit of using sex as control. Getting back to the basics, how do you respond to shit tests.

You a) STFU, b) FOG, c) A&A.

So in your situation, pick one, and go with it. I prefer A&A myself, and you've already gotten a good response in this thread. "No sex with YOU, perhaps." ass slap

The solipsism here slays me. She can change or cut her hair over your objections, but yet you can't grow a beard.

Something important here is that you need to up your beard game. Me personally I visit a local barbershop every week for a $6 beard trim (it gets me out of the house too). Get some suggestions from a professional, and maintain your beard. Keep it trimmed every day. Find out which beard oil works the best. You up your beard game here, not for her, but for you, so your beard is rockin' and complimenting your face.

I've got compliments from my wife, my wives friends, and my female coworkers, so I know my beard looks good - that's because I maintain it.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

acted as if I DNGAF

There's your problem

[–]wn360 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

1 is DEERing. Don't fucking do that shit! 2 lacks OI. Do what you thinks works best for you. 3 is your best option. If she doesn't want to fuck you, find someone who will.

Also, what u/Persaeus said. I like u/beta_no_mo response also. You lost an opportunity.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

At least she's honest with trying to force compliance through affection withdrawal.

STFU. Ignore. A.A., A.M.

A beard or not (if you're worried, which you shouldn't be) doesn't make the man, you make the man. And she'll be attracted to, or not to... the man.

...and I'm sure she consults you on her hair styles and choices of clothes.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This funny because my wife has pulled some of this same stuff. Except she hasn't gone as far as pulling an ultimatum. I actually just keep some scruff more than anything as I personally don't like the full beard myself. I look better with more of a David Beckham length facial hair.

She doesn't like how it scratches her when kissing. She hasn't mentioned anything about oral. I get the fact that it doesn't feel good and can kind of rub her raw and irritate her skin.

What I find amusing though is when she is really turned on, she fucking loves it. Deep kissing, running her hands over it, and telling me how much she likes it and how good it looks on me.

When she's pissed at me for whatever reason or not feeling it quite as much, she will bitch about it and how much it scratches her.

Whatever... I like it and it's staying as long as I want it to.

[–]jagged_edge_pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seriously? I am noob bit this shit is easy. Are you really one year in?

Lock this thread.

[–]SoloAlbum0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you allow her to use sex as leverage to control your behavior now, she will do it again and again.

[–]gvntr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This thread made me go back and rewatch this clip from Wolf of Wall Street, "Daddy Doesn't Get to Touch Mommy."


[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What have you sont for the year?

[–]trpbritguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seriously if she sayd "no more sex" about ANYFUCKINGTHING and actually means it as opposed to a bit of game... Next!

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hmm my wife used to bitch and moan at me about my beard, refuse sex. In the middle of sex one time I went and shaved my beard LOL. So gay. I had a huge beard last year and fucked her whenever I wanted. It's not the beard. Still, if she has a preference, she has a preference; that's not up to you. Using sex to get her way? Now that's a problem.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Stating an argument one time is not necessarily DEER-ING.

My argument would be (with my hypercompetent and logical wife);

A beard is a sign of sexual virility and power. I would shave it off only in return for a never say no pledge to "obey." She won't agree (or she will agree but won't mean it). Then the next time she plays the turn him on and tune him out game I would stop initiating and grow back the beard.

This is a pure power struggle and has nothing to do with sex. The fact she made it about sex and is trying to bully you like this is grounds for divorce in my opinion.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So many words.

Laugh, pause... No.

Considering we always tell guys that they never kill the puppy, they want you to? Means she won't do shit. Can't explain to her girlfriends why she divorced over facial hair

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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