I believe that I am finally beginning to internalize the concept of frame. I think that when you first come across this topic it seems obvious, but the sense of simplicity may be prohibitive of subtle understanding. that is what happened to me at least - I first came across the concept months ago, thought ya, ya, I get it. now I am starting to understand that frame control is the very root of everything.
for example, when you become mad or upset at something, you have lost frame. if your SO gives you a shit test to provoke you, and you get pissed off, then you have lost frame. Similarly, if something happens at work to piss you off - not necessarily another person's actionsbut even an occurrence that needs attention so that you now need to work 4 hours longer than planned - you have lost frame. this means that the only way to maintain frame is to maintain honest to God outcome independence.
I have been benefiting through making my entire day an exercise in frame awareness. a rival at work tries to rial me - did I get rialled? maybe for a second, but then I realized that I was losing frame control and I said fuck it. do I have to push back to them to maintain my territory and the respect of other peirs? no I do not. I do not even have to acknowledge that they said anything.
however, if you can take an attack on your frame, and turn it around to now place your rival or SO at a disadvantage, than you have won the best victory of all. making no expression and giving the most purfuctory response with minimal information - just enough to prevent onlookers from thinking you are autistic - is a very close second best outcome. to weather an attack without diminishment is a victory. to be attacked consistently, and to weather all attacks without diminishment is a successful campaign.
currently, I am really turning my marriage around, refusing to be manipulated, and doing things for my own reasons and motives. this is leading my SO to assault my frame CONSTANTLY. I am doing my damndest to suffer onslaught without diminishment and it is winning! I would love to always have a snappy retort. I would love to never over think things. as it is, I am successfully not overplaying my hand. period. she can kick up a storm and leave - but she won't. simple fact is I will not be manipulated. I have lost sex over this process the last three days and may lose more until she realizes that I am unassailable. she keeps doing more and more things to piss me off, like calling me, asking a dumb question, and then acting pissed off at the answer and hanging up. well guess what Chica, I'm onto you and I don't care. you can leave if you want - but you wont- but I will not be brought to concern over nonsense.
bottom line, frame awareness makes your life rich. not losing is almost as good as winning.