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Did you have to calibrate your initiations with wife?

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September 10, 2017
8 upvotes

I'm seeing some success with Wife on the sex front, but it seems all in her frame.

I'm still fucking things up.

This past Tuesday I brought Wife home from dinner and overcame her light objection by walking her backwards down to the bed. Had the best time together in months, really good. The G-spot is real y'all.

Afterward she mentioned waiting 24 hours before the next round, she was kind of sore. Otherwise she was good to go and I was looking forward of course to the next time. I feel like a wolf nowadays.

Every day this week she's had some emotional turmoil towards me, and my frame held pretty well. Isn't that supposed to increase attraction?

  • Wednesday out of left field she wanted to drive me, or me drive her car, instead of our 100% normal I drive us in my car. I nicely told her I wasn't changing the norm and she went by herself. IDGAF.
  • Thursday I fucked up, got carried away and texted her pics of nurses outfits I wanted her to wear. I know - logistics only. She reacted indignantly by saying "You completely ignore what I said the other night (other night=Tuesday=great sex): "Every time I ask to take it slow to build back my confidence within 24 hours you are taking things super fast" and "I'm not a circus act". I initiated later with strong kino and was shut down.
  • Friday night I go to first dance lesson (Salsa, Rumba, Swing), without her. I came back feeling great and she was expressing some dread. I initiated in a strong manner, in my mind conveying "I'm your man and I really want to fuck you now" but she shut that shit down hard.
  • Today laying on the bed after work, giving her :15 minutes to talk, I put my hand on her hip up her shorts. She squirmed away. When time was up I pushed her against the door and slid my hand up her thigh to her pussy and she said "Oh geez, here we go again. I DON'T want you to grope me. I don't like it and NEVER have".

We're going down in flames now.

  • Important info: my low sex drive over the last 3 years slowly dragged hers down to near zero. In addition to harboring resentment toward my porn and fapping during that time, she also says she feels she cannot compete with those images. She's showing signs of low self esteem. She wants to please me, but can't bring herself to please me. She's also expressed that she'll never be the woman for me, regardless of my reassurances at this point.

She seems genuinely unhappy with my manly, strong initiation methods - as in loud and clear + body language.

  • Maybe I'm initiating like a retard? Tips and tricks please.

  • What exactly looks like a hard-no to you? How do you decide when to push on and when to eject?
    I should test it - ignore her words, pick her up, carry her to the bed and check her reaction.

  • Should I test different initiation methods and see what gets the panties off? If so I need ideas and variety suggestions.

On the one hand I don't like the idea of calibrating; that puts me in her frame and her control. On the other hand, she's not responding well to my high test advances unless she's bluffing the shit out of me and really wishing I'd ignore her and carry her to the bed.


Post Information
Title Did you have to calibrate your initiations with wife?
Author Nec_sorte_Nec_fato
Upvotes 8
Comments 43
Date 10 September 2017 09:31 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205497
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6z7e41/did_you_have_to_calibrate_your_initiations_with/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
hard noframekino
Comments

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Sounds like Rambo is creeping in a bit... your dread and attractiveness are not up to par with your newfound desire and attitude to fuck your wife.

Read about the 1000 foot rope.

Also consider wife is huffing and puffing to see if your shiny new frame is built of straw or brick. " Does my pussy still have the power/ Do my shaming tactics telling him he shouldn't want to have sex with his wife still give me the upper hand?"

Initial increased sex and increased shit tests are normal indicators that your wife is noticing a disturbance in the force. These will both go down for a bit as she normalizes to the new demands, then rise again with your rising SMV/value/dread.

Very telling when the wife realizes through dread that you DO have other options for pussy besides hers... the attitude changes from you shouldn't need to fuck me to I better fuck him before someone else does.

She gets first chance when you want to fuck. She does not control who or when you fuck. You do. This attitude is subtextual until the upper dread stages, however.

" You should only be getting upset when I Don't want to fuck you." is a good answer to the sex shaming shit women pull.

Calibrating is normal and essential unless you want to go nuclear and burn it all down. You're not entering her frame, you're using environmental clues to give you more information about how your life is progressing - a necessary part of framebuilding. Think of it like this, if all your buddies pull you aside one by one and say, " Dude, you're really turning into an asshole." maybe the problem is you. ( There's a can of worms here, but ignore that little elephant.)

Wives and buddies have a STATIC image of what you are in their mind. If you try change this image too fast, it causes cognitive dissonance and the brain must reject one of these contradictory images. Guess which image loses? The "new" one, everytime. That's why you lose every gain if you go Rambo. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00

What also helps is to remember to be FUN. This shit is work, and tough, and owning your shit/being a man is hard. That's why most guys do what usually works to get through a tough spot... put your head down and grind away. Fun gets left behind. Be happy, tease. Not every kino/slap/kiss should be a rote initiation. Kiss her until she melts into your arms, then slap her ass, grin, and hit the gym. Switch it up. Provide happy drama and rollercoaster tingles to replace the drama she used to create (and needs) by being a sex-denying bitch.

Switch it up. Set her up on the spin cycle and finger her to orgasm during laundry day. Take her to a park and tell her to blow you in the car. Pull out a buttplug and make her wear it during a grocery store run. Challenge her to watch 10 minutes of porn with you.

My advice is slow your roll. Don't take your foot off the gas, but pretend you just saw a cop under the next overpass...roll off a little, but act casual.

[–]hystericalbonding6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Agree with most of what you said, except this:

Challenge her to watch 10 minutes of porn with you

missed the part about his former porn use and her low self-esteem.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. Nice catch.

Lay off the porn, OP.

Make her the slut you need/want.

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the detailed reply, you covered a lot very helpful ground. I'll come back to this over and over.

My advice is slow your roll.

That's the bottom line. Will do.

[–]hystericalbonding3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

giving her :15 minutes to talk, I put my hand on her hip up her shorts. She squirmed away. When time was up I pushed her against the door and slid my hand up her thigh to her pussy and she said "Oh geez, here we go again. I DON'T want you to grope me. I don't like it and NEVER have"

Kino and game needed. Some new guys don't bother reading about PUA because they aren't looking for strange pussy, but it's very useful in situations like this. Start with Pook and Bang. Always be closing if you want to fuck, but don't do it like an autistic retard. Build her up to it.

Every time I ask to take it slow to build back my confidence

This may be a good time to introduce sexual things that aren't sex. Hop in the shower when she's there - not to grab her pussy, but to make her feel your desire before you step out. No explanation needed to enter or exit.

Brief moments of isolation are helpful. Take a few seconds to pull her aside, draw her full attention with eye contact, body language, pulling her close for a kiss or to feel your strength. Then go on with your day.

In addition to harboring resentment toward my porn and fapping during that time, she also says she feels she cannot compete with those images.

Passive dread is far better than active dread.

For wife with low self-esteem, you need mayor game. It's at the bottom of the linked post, but the whole thing has relevant tidbits for your situation.

[–]SgtSilverBack2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

How about instead of regretting that you posted it, add an EDIT at the bottom and provide what YOU think the answer or suggestion is.

Read your post as if someone else wrote it, provide lessons learned and a path forward. This isn't just for you. It's also you providing your own leaderhsip to new MRPs.

If you give your situation, your question and your thoughts or introspection, MRP can guide, instead of spoon feeding you an answer. And just maybe other newbs will see that and learn to think into their own situation before asking the answer to 1+1.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not buy her any lingerie or nurses outfits. That is a covert contract waiting to happen - "If I buy these sexy outfits you will wear them and we will have sex."

Rather, you NEED to BE the man who your wife WANTS to wear sexy outfits for.

Lift. STFU. Read the sidebar.

Lift. STFU. Read the sidebar.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you seriously went from a near zero sex life / her low self esteem to the description you give above your are going way too fast. You sound like a needy ADHD child dancing around mommy waiting for a lollipop.

I think you are doing yourself damage by being so aggressive on your advances based on her responses - she is not sure where it is coming from (assume she doesn't know about mrp). Stop seeing every night like 'match night' where you get another chance to try another approach, as no doubt like me you are learning heaps of approaches / tips etc from your reading you think you should try out.

I am only recently over my match night attitude and i can't say its any better from a frequency perspective but at least i am no longer coming across as a horny teenager. I know exactly the feeling of thinking "will i do this kino, or maybe some wine, or a cuddle, or just an alpha move."

Back off a bit, be more consistent, 'game' her, but try not to treat it like a game.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's amazing how you will not give a shit about this stuff soon enough. I was making out with this 22 year old bartender last night it's like fucking hilarious when you think about it. Scarcity mentality ruins you. Work on abundance. Fuck your wife. You know, metaphorically, but also just fuck her. Basically what I'm saying is all in the sidebar. It will be hard for her to deny you when she knows you could just go make out with the bartender at your local restaurant haha.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

This 100%.

When she says to wait 24 hours because she was sore, stoic IDGAF if you give it up "ever" again NeC should have arrived.

You should be keno -ing her 24/7 with no sexual contract involved

Cut the "wolf on the prowl" Shit out and go flirt with some strange for the abundance and OI increase.

What is you body fat %. ?

[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You won't hear back from him on this.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What exactly looks like a hard-no to you?

Come on. Is this really a question?

How do you decide when to push on and when to eject?

I guess it is a question. My God son, it depends on you, your wife, the situation, your relationship, and how you communicate. You are aware that Merps communicate with their wives, right?

She seems genuinely unhappy with my manly, strong initiation methods

Dollars to donuts she has a history of sexual abuse in her past. Just a wild guess. The solution? Back off. Take twice as long to move. Then 4 times. Don't scare the cat, go slow, and read:

Models: Attracting women through Honesty

ideas and variety suggestions.

--10 second kiss

--initiate without saying a word- just use eye contact

--light kino

--cuddling after sex

Part of the Sex God Method is D-E-V-I (it's the "V" for "variety") so why are you always initiating directly? Use innuendo and light touch and don't get butthurt when turned down.

not responding well to my high test advances

Do we dare ask what constitutes a "high test advance?"

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm kicking myself in the ass for even posting this.

Hidden - no need for more input.

[–]hystericalbonding5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hidden - no need for more input.

That just hides it when you look at askMRP. Others can still see it.

Why hide these questions when you think you've got the answer? Others can learn from it. Are you afraid of the harsher feedback that may follow?

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Are you afraid of the harsher feedback that may follow?

No, I've received well deserved much harsher feedback in the last couple of weeks.

[–]hystericalbonding3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, I've received well deserved much harsher feedback in the last couple of weeks.

Alright then, pay it forward. If your question really sucks, then you'll either hear it from the experienced guys or the mods will remove it. If you're hearing anything other than STFU, read, and lift, then there is probably value in the question or the answers for other new guys.



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