My story isn't as painful as Rollo's post at the bottom of the page, but it's in the ballpark.
I"m 60 days (been reading side bar while lurking here) or so into MRP and I need opinions.
About a year before we got married, in the space of week or so, out of the blue Wife dropped a couple of details of different previous sexual encounters. They were mostly glancing blows without full disclosures. I blew it off at the time and didn't give it much thought. I told her “No guy wants to to hear about other guys” and left it at that. She added a couple more of the mentions again soon after and I just couldn't figure out why she continued to tell me this.
I didn’t dwell on what she’d said as I rationally understood that she was a very attractive 27-35 year old woman, no kids, coming out of a five year lame LTR and she was discovering her sexuality. I could deal with it.
(I am adding and clarifying fine details below, unlike in a previous OYS post).
- Chad #1: "he picked me up and we had sex holding me on his hips, underneath the patio deck at the music venue".
- Chad #1: "he texted to come over and kinda pushed his way in the door and carried me to the couch".
- Chad #2: "he put it in my butt"
- Chad #3 + a GF: "they gave me red wine, which got me drunk, we were all in the bed but nothing crazy happened".
- Chad #4: "he wanted to cum on my face"
- She told me she found out she could squirt and I associated it at the time with a story of her buying a dildo at a GF's sex toy party.
- All boyfriends since she was 22: "they have all wanted me on my knees to give them blowjobs"
She told me the anal above was under some duress, ie Chad #2 said "we’re gonna do this or the relationship is over." She was definitely looking for marriage, but none of these Chads kept her.
A few days ago I told her I was going to use the Magic Wand vibrator I recently bought. She hard no'd me - zero interest. For whatever dumb ass reason, I didn't walk out of the room and within a few minutes I brought up the subject of her squirting, and asked a clarifying question about the dildo purchased at the toy party - somehow I related the two in my mind and I think that's what she told me way back when.
She asked if I wanted the truth, and I said Yes. Well, I wasn't prepared for the truth. Jack Nicholson was right.
She said that Chad #1 gave her a squirting orgasm due to "it was really really big". She went on to say that she didn't know what had happened with the super wet sheets so then "he explained to me about my G-spot". No malice on her face; I asked, she told.
I believe if I had been Alpha when we met, I would be doing the same things to her in our marriage. She's naturally submissive even to me at times; she says things like "thanks for letting me do XYX", etc. Full fucking disclosure: my cringeworthy interest and knowledge of sex steadily eroded her interest in me to near zero in the last six months.
At this moment I see it like this:
- If in a year she's submissive and my slut in the bedroom, I will stay.
- If in a year she's doling out vanilla duty sex, I will go.
Opinions needed: How best to act / handle it in the meantime if I want to give myself time to improve, and her a chance to come along for the ride and be a good wife? She's hard no'd me several times since the big dick disclosure and I've considered going Monk for 30 or 60 days. I'm not ready today to hear more truths even if she would tell them; but I might want to ask non-judgementally for them later. If she tells me more whoring stories I think it would seal her fate.
Diagnosis: Saving the Best - The Rationale Male
Remedy: Ending the line of Chads - The Family Alpha