714,030 posts

Saving the Best - Just Not for Me

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September 5, 2017
10 upvotes

My story isn't as painful as Rollo's post at the bottom of the page, but it's in the ballpark.

I"m 60 days (been reading side bar while lurking here) or so into MRP and I need opinions.

About a year before we got married, in the space of week or so, out of the blue Wife dropped a couple of details of different previous sexual encounters. They were mostly glancing blows without full disclosures. I blew it off at the time and didn't give it much thought. I told her “No guy wants to to hear about other guys” and left it at that. She added a couple more of the mentions again soon after and I just couldn't figure out why she continued to tell me this.

I didn’t dwell on what she’d said as I rationally understood that she was a very attractive 27-35 year old woman, no kids, coming out of a five year lame LTR and she was discovering her sexuality. I could deal with it.

(I am adding and clarifying fine details below, unlike in a previous OYS post).

  • Chad #1: "he picked me up and we had sex holding me on his hips, underneath the patio deck at the music venue".
  • Chad #1: "he texted to come over and kinda pushed his way in the door and carried me to the couch".
  • Chad #2: "he put it in my butt"
  • Chad #3 + a GF: "they gave me red wine, which got me drunk, we were all in the bed but nothing crazy happened".
  • Chad #4: "he wanted to cum on my face"
  • She told me she found out she could squirt and I associated it at the time with a story of her buying a dildo at a GF's sex toy party.
  • All boyfriends since she was 22: "they have all wanted me on my knees to give them blowjobs"

She told me the anal above was under some duress, ie Chad #2 said "we’re gonna do this or the relationship is over." She was definitely looking for marriage, but none of these Chads kept her.

A few days ago I told her I was going to use the Magic Wand vibrator I recently bought. She hard no'd me - zero interest. For whatever dumb ass reason, I didn't walk out of the room and within a few minutes I brought up the subject of her squirting, and asked a clarifying question about the dildo purchased at the toy party - somehow I related the two in my mind and I think that's what she told me way back when.

She asked if I wanted the truth, and I said Yes. Well, I wasn't prepared for the truth. Jack Nicholson was right.

She said that Chad #1 gave her a squirting orgasm due to "it was really really big". She went on to say that she didn't know what had happened with the super wet sheets so then "he explained to me about my G-spot". No malice on her face; I asked, she told.

I believe if I had been Alpha when we met, I would be doing the same things to her in our marriage. She's naturally submissive even to me at times; she says things like "thanks for letting me do XYX", etc. Full fucking disclosure: my cringeworthy interest and knowledge of sex steadily eroded her interest in me to near zero in the last six months.

At this moment I see it like this:

  • If in a year she's submissive and my slut in the bedroom, I will stay.
  • If in a year she's doling out vanilla duty sex, I will go.

Opinions needed: How best to act / handle it in the meantime if I want to give myself time to improve, and her a chance to come along for the ride and be a good wife? She's hard no'd me several times since the big dick disclosure and I've considered going Monk for 30 or 60 days. I'm not ready today to hear more truths even if she would tell them; but I might want to ask non-judgementally for them later. If she tells me more whoring stories I think it would seal her fate.

Diagnosis: Saving the Best - The Rationale Male

Remedy: Ending the line of Chads - The Family Alpha


Post Information
Title Saving the Best - Just Not for Me
Author Nec_sorte_Nec_fato
Upvotes 10
Comments 54
Date 05 September 2017 09:02 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205526
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6yayto/saving_the_best_just_not_for_me/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
hard noRolloalphaChadlong term relationship
Comments

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

60 days in, there are only 3 things you should be doing:

  • Reading
  • Lifting
  • STFUing

Or, you know, just keep asking your wife about how good Chad fucked her back in the day and maybe you'll get her to come to her senses and leave your sorry limp dick for a real man.

[–]hystericalbonding15 points16 points  (9 children) | Copy

“No guy wants to to hear about other guys”

Insecure guys can't handle it. That kind of insecurity is very unattractive.

My wife had musicians and a professional athlete in her past. Your wife peed the bed. So what?

Ultrasounds from a 2014 study, involving seven women who reported recurring massive fluid emission during sexual arousal, confirmed thorough bladder emptiness before stimulation, noticeable bladder filling before squirting and demonstrated that the bladder had again been emptied after squirting. Although small amounts of prostatic secretions are present in the emitted fluid, the study suggests that squirting is essentially the involuntary emission of urine during sexual activity.

Stop trying to compete with her past. You'll never be better than other guys in all ways. There's always a smarter, funnier, hotter guy with a bigger dick and more game.

As for the vibrator, is it for you or for her? Are you trying to cuck yourself with a toy? Is it compensation for your small dick? Or will her using it stimulate you at some level?

If she tells me more whoring stories I think it would seal her your fate.

Do you want any of those things for sexual gratification? Or is it just because of porn and her history? (which was also clearly influenced by porn)

You're vacillating between your wife's frame, Rollo's, and PornHub's. Where's yours? What are you doing to build it?

It's amazing she fucks you at all. You won't get "the best" out of anyone until you stop acting like an angry incel.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP read above.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Stop trying to compete with her past. You'll never be better than other guys in all ways. There's always a smarter, funnier, hotter guy with a bigger dick and more game."

I've read this over and over and over. It's one of the major hangups I've had for two years as my wife works with men that make literally 15-20x as much as I do. 7 figure salaries and shit.

And just now, at this moment, the thought came to me...'become her best option.'

Facepalm.

I know, right?

I'm beginning to realize that sometimes, it's something as small as a grain of sand in our thinking that has us apoplectic and writhing in emotional pain, like from a fucking kidney stone.

The majority of posts here, like 80%+, are about a lack of frame from a lack of reading.

Become her best option...

What a fucking relief to that shit.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

You're vacillating between your wife's frame, Rollo's, and PornHub's.

I like this phrase! Add MRP's frame to the mix.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Mrp is entirely in Rollos frame.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Since when are engineers in architects frame?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

What I intended by that was don't be a clown who posts in AskMRP looking guidance from the peanut gallery on the most manly way to floss to elicit blowjobs.

But if you're going to put it that way, I'm not sure the entirety of MRP buys into speculative "Opinions in Psychiatry" journal articles that are not even indexed in pubmed about the supposed existence of human estrus.

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You've got to admit that Rollo has a solid grasp of basic psychology, especially marketing psych, and he knows his audience.

It's silly to think that everyone in MRP would agree with all of it, but the majority don't contest it. I see his content as a tool rather than a replacement for my own worldview, like everything else in MRP. For others, it's an epiphany.

To me, the most interesting part is how he pulls readers into his frame. Whether you agree with his content or not, he is very persuasive, to the right audience.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

This OP is the most 'in her frame' post I have read yet.

You have oneitis, and you have it so bad that you are about to fuck up marriage 2 with about the same bullshit as marriage 1.

So you improved your SMV after marriage 1, and you married 8 years younger hotter tighter +1 SMV. Well, it's time to UP YOURS.

The only reason she is telling you about her past, besides you asking, is she wants you to be THAT GUY, sexually. Does she tell you what a great communicator he was? How romantic he was? She married YOU. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe not, but she married YOU.

You say you got the body going. Lifting. Do you? What exactly IS your perception of your relative SMV? You don't have to answer, that's not my point.

You're failing the MRP program.

You're failing your marriage.

You're failing your wife.

But most of all, ...

YOU ARE FAILING YOURSELF.

Another SMV point or two would help you, but that's not the REAL problem here, is it?

You're Kung Fu is weak.

It is weak because your understanding of it is weak and you have not had enough time and practice to internalize the principles and apply the praxeology instinctively.

In other words, your mind is fucked up having oneitis for this woman and you cannot come to grips with life without her.

The fucking problem is, until you are willing to let her go, and focus on yourself, you will probably lose her anyway.

I have an assignment for you. You don't need to post your results, but if you take 15 minutes to do this, and you are honest with yourself, you might find it very illuminating.

This is MRP.

And over there is the sidebar>>>>>>>>>

For yourself, and us if you wish, go to the beginner tab and write down which drunk Captain you are. Now write down all the reading for that Captain.

Now go to the dread level you think you are at. Write down every reading from every dread level from 1 to where you think you are now.

Note which of those readings you have actually done.

Now go to the WIKI. Write down everything you have read in the WIKI.

Please note any/every work you have read more than once.

Post this list if you have the courage. My guess is there are some substantial gaps, and some shit you won't get until you read it 3-4 times over.

You are losing the battle of your mind. You are still plugged in, holding onto the fantasy you've been ingesting for decades.

Swallowing the red pill is fucking painful. Reality sucks. But it will become what YOU make of it.

Unfuck your mind.

Get out of her frame.

Learn/internalize your Kung Fu.

Let go of her and focus on you.

Embrace the process, because until you do, you will continue to fail.

LIFT

READ

STFU

It's all you need to know on your way to dread level 5 and <15% BF.

THEN, you get to make some decisions.

Her?

She no longer matters.

If she stays, great.

If she goes, great.

Doesn't fucking matter.

You failed round 1.

You're failing round 2.

Get your shit together and listen to your corner before you fuck up in round 3.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The good news is that she has the potential to be good for him...

[–]screechhaterRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Quit your mother fucking whining

My bitch did the same and I was fucking her in the mouth a few days later.

Put out of your mind and Fucking lift

How long have you been married ?

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

3 years.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

3 years and you been letting shit she said swirl for 2 years ?

NMMNG and WISNIFG- should be sewn into your fucking brain

Get her the fuck out of your head and star living for you

So my wife used to fuck my oldest son's old basketball coach. she dropped the " he used to get me squirting like crazy" one on me years ago too. It was a fucking laugh every time I saw her around him and she fucking knew I was laughing at her and the situation

He is now divorced for the third time and looks like a crack addicted fuck I pointed him out to her the other day "How's that ? Get you excited now ?"

Fucking laugh, dude She squirts buckets now and actually always has, not sure what she saw in dick cheese, but whatever

[–]sh0ckley4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

OP: you are not ready for this yet but here it is for when you are.

Probably wouldn't hurt to read it now anyway.

https://thefamilyalpha.com/2016/01/04/ending-the-line-of-chads/

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Damn dude I needed that. You're right, I'm not ready for it but that article nails it down for me.

Rollo left me hanging with no action points and the comments to his post were mostly "how could any guy ever stay once he knows this stuff".

[–]sh0ckley7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

/u/TheFamilyAlpha is a boss. Much respect.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

We're all in this together.

I share my notes on life hoping it helps others.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get over the past or it will kill you.

If you can't stop thinking of how she was getting railed in her youth, then get a divorce as you'll spend the rest of your life trying to out fuck ghosts.

She doesn't owe you her submission as it isn't given, it is earned.

If you were a masculine man living life, then you'd have this slut of your own who you could treat like your little play thing.

Unfuck your mindset - jealousy, feeling inadequate, etc. These are going to work against you.

Do what you want, but don't for a second feel that she owes you shit because she fucked those other guys. they earned her freak.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Two questions to reflect on very carefully until you have short, concise, accurate and honest answers:

  • Why is she with you and not them?

  • Does she get your best? Why?

Commit the answers to memory.

[–]Alphaphux2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Based on all of this my suggestion would be to go lift, lift and then lift some more

She wants you to be able to fuck standing up while you support her on your hips. She wants you to be that guy. Lots of squats and lunges

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck, did you have to get validation seeking and needy with your question to her?

Stop doing this for her. She seems to want you to win, so you don't have to get mommies permission to man.

Ditching your covert contract would be a good start also.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You talk a lot.

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've got a lot of questions, that's for sure.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

We all have answers.

Guess where we got them from?

(>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>)

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Have you ever read the Art of War?

Sun Tzu said that if you know yourself and you know your opponent, you will win every battle. Do you know yourself? Are you in good shape? Do you lift? Good career? How would you fare picking up some new girl today?

If the answer to those questions isn't positive, then you need leave the battle field to work on yourself. You need to leave this anger for another day, and do something to put you on the road to being able to win. You can't win now, and being angry about it doesn't help.

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Have you ever read the Art of War?

No

you need leave the battle field to work on yourself. You need to leave this anger for another day, and do something to put you on the road to being able to win. You can't win now, and being angry about it doesn't help.

That left a mark on me, well said and taken to heart.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're failing this shit test so hard. Can't you see that she is fucking with you and literally couldn't care less about how you feel, only how much weakness she can get you to show?

She's either fucking you good enough to justify the bullshit or she's not. With all her bullshit she better be fucking you good as fuck or its not worth it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

In a year, you won't care if she is your slut in the bedroom. Either she is or isn't. It'll be something else.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sounds like you're setting yourself up for a big old disappointing covert contract. You want her to fuck you like she did those other guys? Start treating her like those other guys did. They gave no fucks and you are still giving wayyy too many fucks about her and her past.

Also, I could be totally wrong here, but I don't think squirting is strictly a "size" thing like she thinks. It's an arousal thing.

Speaking anecdotally, an ex plate of mine was a squirter, but also had no clue what it was the first time it happened and claimed she had never done it before. I'm not "really really big" either. I just didn't care much about her and fucked her like a piece of meat whenever we got together. So stop asking for permission to do XYZ or stating your intentions like you did seeking her approval with the wand. Instead, just do it with confidence (in the heat of the moment, when she's aroused, of course).

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Also, I could be totally wrong here, but I don't think squirting is strictly a "size" thing like she thinks. It's an arousal thing.

From what I read on it, you're absolutely right. My money says that Chad told her that's what did it for her - exactly what I would've said if I my dick was that big.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, good to know for your own sanity but I wouldn't get hung up on it either way. Female biology is fucking weird and complicated and what used to work or happen for them in the past can change. If she never squirts again in her life, I don't think it means anything more than "her body stopped producing fluid to eject during orgasm".

Focus on you and your pleasure and you'll be surprised how much that will please her.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

She doesn't do duty vanilla sex. She does what you deserve and allow; it's a balance, from you, of taking what you want from her and being someone she wants to give it to, until you are someone she willingly does anything for.

The other thing you need to balance is knowing what you deserve and knowing what you are worth. Until you deserve anything from her, you have to give the appearance of someone who deserves anything.

How do you know?

You know when you get the proper IOIs from other women, when women pay attention to you, and when they do so whether your wife is present or not. This tells you and better yet your wife.

And until then, when you are turned down, always have a second, third, and fourth option and know that you needn't accept duty sex, but until you are worthy of good sex, you may need to take duty sex.

On a personal note:

when my wife was still starfishing it, I would say, "are you just going to lay there?" And when nothing changed in her behavior, I'd flip her over, fuck her quick, finish, dress, and go about my business without saying anything, leaving her with the mess.

My attitude was: if you are going to act like a despondent hooker, then you will be treated like one.

If I ever got a hard no, I made myself unavailable: "worked" late in the city, gym time at night, activities without her on the weekend.

[–]weakandsensitive4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You got treated exactly the way you deserved to be treated. What are you salty about?

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

So, I get the impression that she started dropping these scenarios on you pretty recently? I definitely would just ignore any future references. It was a mistake for you to tell her that it bothered you – I view these as shit tests, and you are failing them.

In any case, I also believe you are overthinking this whole thing. You can't put a timeframe on something that you know very little about, and you know far less than you think you do 60 days in, trust me.

Focus on lifting, reading, and STFU.

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

All the generalized ones about 4 years ago. The squirting detail about a week ago.

So, I get the impression that she started dropping these scenarios on you pretty recently?

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, stop acknowledging these shit tests. Act like you don't even hear it, and change the subject... Maybe about something funny you thought about.

If you've been with her for 7 years total, it will take you at least 7 months to start making some decent progress. Don't be in a hurry. Lift, read, STFU

[–]The_LitzRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

The problem is not about the squirting, it is about why you need to know this now?

Are you harping back to the conversation you had with her before you got married or did she oblige you with the details now, at your prodding?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Pretty sure he prodded after his wand idea was rejected. He thought sex toys = squirting orgasms, so he asked and unknowingly dug himself into a nice dread-shaped hole.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, got it now.

[–]FatherSonRule1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I can relate to this post in many ways (know a bit about my wife's history and what she got up to before me). That Saving The Best post by Rollo really hit me when I first read it. While I am about a year in, and my wife is not totally submissive in the bedroom, I have realised the problem is still in me and not her. As many posters will tell you, I realised after some months that I shouldn't be focusing on blowjobs or anal or crazy pornstar sex but instead worry about what is going to make me better (less drinking, more exercise, less caring about what she things or covert contracts). I can understand your timeline and need to see results but start with looking at yourself and what you want your life to look like. Sounds faggy but your wife will eventually see your OI and overall improvements and sex will at least be back on the table and you can then KEEP WORKING and move through the levels of dread slowly.

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you read this? Damn it provided a cooling salve. Ending the line of Chads - The Family Alpha

...worry about what is going to make me better...

So simple, yet so hard to implement cause we want to fix.this.shit.today.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I were you I would be unpacking why the fuck she is telling you this. And then to be honest the rest is in the sidebar and books.

In the meantime the plan should be the same for stay/ go... You do you and see if she submits and follows.

There is no good reason to tell you this shit. I would have left after the first mention of another man's name.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ugggg. This is some serious sad cringe here.

STFU , GLF's.

Live in the now and going forward.

Was she lighter when she was getting picked up and tossed around? Talk about diminishing returns over time. I like my back. Yay for her. Get a swing.

She's telling you this because she wants and likes this kind of stuff. It's up to you to decide if YOU like that kind of stuff.

My wife likes Portabella mushrooms, she and PreChad probably used to share them all the time. I tried them a few times. Not for me, but I'll eat them every once in a while to be nice. Could she be driven to leave me for a man who would want to eat them every meal? Possibly...then I get out of an eternity of eating portabella's which I never liked in the first place... if it's that important to her.

Fucking do you and what you want, and mix the two up to make your marriage soup. Stop participating in her waxxing nostalgic. It should be boring to you, not give you a complex.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Girls will open up to a man they consider alpha. This is a good sign, believe it or not. The issue is can you handle it?

The typical girl today is 20/20: That is she has 20 partners before 20. With just Chaff 1-3 yours is practically a virgin.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Girls will open up to a man they consider alpha.

agreed, if you can handle it. do you think it is a shit test or just i'm a slut please treat me like one?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

its both.

please know that you can treat me like a slut, as long as you can make me think you do not THINK I am

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's both.

[–]Rotten_Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do not get her pregnant until this shit is sorted out one way or another.

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You guys should absolutely have kids right now - it'll fix everything. Next!



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