29, married 3 years, 2 year old daughter, and stationed overseas with the military. For the first 1.5 years of our marriage we lived apart (dual military) and finally moved in together shortly before I took the assignment OCONUS. She got out of the military and became a SAHM. From the start things were rough. Not only did we move overseas but we also were living together for the first time and had a toddler to take care of. I was coming off of a shitty work situation and near-constant deployments/TDYs and did not adjust well. There were covert contracts galore and I treated her like shit and was so deep in her frame that sometimes I would just start DEERing because she looked at me funny. I was defensive about everything and was generally a negative nancy all the time. Suffice it to say that marriage counseling didn't work at all and our resentment towards each other grew and grew. I started reading Rational Male and NMMNG and went full on rambo on her and things got even worse (read, I became a gigantic dick). I wish I had just STFU'd until I learned about fogging, negative inquiries, etc. in WISNIFG.
Now fast forward to 3 months ago when she went back home to see family she hadn't seen in over a year (we don't get to travel back to the States much). The plan was she would go, see family, and I would take leave later on for a couple of weeks a little later on and we'd have a fun vacation. A 2 months after she leaves she calls me and tells me she wants a divorce and there's no way we can ever work things out. I don't blame her, I have been royally fucking this marriage away for a while.
I finally take leave and get back to the States and meet with attorneys (she "forbade" me from meeting with lawyers because she didn't want them involved) and begin preparing separation agreements and custody orders (her first move was to threaten to involve the military and take half my pay) in order to prevent her from coming after me when I returned overseas. And since I met with the lawyer my wife has stopped answering my calls, unfriended me on facebook, stopped returning my texts/e-mails, and has cut off all contact. I'm worried I'm about to get blindsided with a world of shit.
How do I convince my wife to resume communicating with me without comprising what little frame I have?
How do I apologize to my wife for all of the shit I put her through while I was a drunk captain without DEERing?
How do I protect myself from her taking my daughter away from me and divorce-raping me?
MAP: Read NMMG, finishing WISNIFG, starting MMSLP, beginning 5x5 when I get back to work. I need to lose 40-50 pounds, and have stopped drinking and cut out the majority of the crap I used to eat. I'm going to set up a meeting with a nutritionist when I get back to work and have a full diet plan made up.
TLDR: I'm a dick with weak frame, find MRP, go full rambo, make things worse, wife leaves, wife then asks for divorce, I get lawyers, and now wife won't talk to me. I'm freaking out. How do I try to repair things with her without losing frame?