Reposting here from MRP:
I am a man without frame. I have read WISNIFG and I am almost done with NMMNG. I have lurked on this sub for a little while now. I am starting to understand how much is wrong with the way I have done things, but I honestly am clueless when it comes to applying these concepts to my marriage.
I am trying to follow the advice about improving myself in NMMNG by doing more things I want to do, by working out and eating better. I have taken control of our finances and starting getting things in order, somewhat successfully. I have started going out with my friends more often, instead of just hanging out with her when she wants me to. As a result, my wife has started to say that I am not interested in her, or that I value everything/everyone above her. I recognize that this is her pushing to see if I have boundaries, if I will just cave, but I mostly stick to it while brushing it off with a tease.
However, when it comes to direct confrontation or if she flies into a hissy-fit about something she perceives me to have done "wrong", I continue to be as helpless as ever, trying to "fix" things or appease her to calm her down or make her happy. I know I am usually just rewarding bad behavior, but in the moment I seriously cannot fathom what the MRP thing to do is.
Tonight, we were looking for new shoes (she has bad foot pains and needs very supportive shoes), after which we were going to go to dinner. After very little luck at the one store, I suggested we leave and try another. She said no and when we got to the car she blew up, saying I was rushing her out when she needed shoes for her foot pains. I offered to go back or take her to another store, but she said I didn't give a shit. She refused dinner, I started to drive there anyways to cheer her up but she cursed me out and said no, so we went home. We've been home for a bit and I tried to explain I was fine with helping her find her shoes all night if need be, and she is now giving me shit for not caring that she is hungry, or not making sure we got dinner despite the fact that she was losing her shit. Even now I have no idea what to do, and my lack of action is now "proof" that I don't care about her.
As you can tell by the last paragraph, I am goddamn clueless about putting this stuff to practice.
TL;DR Do I just keep trying to improve and read the sidebar, hoping to have an epiphany about how the hell to act and be a man? How do you start applying these ideas when your whole life has been spent as a Nice Guy, trying to fix things and avoid confrontation?