[FR] And thus the novice was enlightened

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August 30, 2017

Seven months ago I rolled in here with a bunch of stupid questions.

I got some advice which I tried in my own paste-eating way to implement. Some parts of it went better than others.

Last week, my LTR and I had The Talk. "You've changed" and "I don't feel the same way about you that I used to" were two of the key phrases. Can't even call it a main event since it wasn't a fight-- fighting implies an effort of imposing your will on your opponent and I wasn't about to fight to keep her.

What I learned from this: I thought I had internalized what I've been learning here. In reality, I was approaching the process like many, many noobs do. I wanted more sex and a better relationship, and I thought I could redpill my way to it with her.

I thought I was doing a good job handling covert contracts and expectations. In reality, I managed to demine a few lightly buried covert contracts but not the big ones: the biggest being "If I improve, she will want to fuck me more."

On the one hand, this smells like failure: I wanted more from this relationship but, instead of getting more, I now got zero.

On the other hand, there never could be a more clear demonstration of the "kill the boy" effect. There's nothing like falling flat on your face to help you learn.

Luckily I have deadlifts this evening.

Post Information
Title [FR] And thus the novice was enlightened
Author losingmymind70
Upvotes 8
Comments 19
Date 30 August 2017 04:55 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205570
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6x0hxr/fr_and_thus_the_novice_was_enlightened/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipthe red pill

[–]470_2_700_nm3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's not clear as to where you have failled.

It is clear though you are being a victim here. Stop it.

Just keep going. Your mindset need some time to change from "then she will want to fuck me" over too "I will look and feel better mentally and physically, a side benefit of this will be that women will want me to fuck me (again). Maybe this will be my wife. And if it isn't, I'll have options"


[–]losingmymind70[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She ended the relationship. I didn't want her to. So from that aspect, it's a failure. From the correct aspect, it's not a failure; you're right about that.

[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

We can't fix our relationships we can only fix ourselves.

[–]anythingincRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

realistically, I'm with her maybe 6-7 nights a month....We already spend most of our time apart...We don't share finances, we don't live together, over the last [11] months or so she has mostly stopped initiating sex

That doesn't sound like my version of an "LTR", that sounds like a #1 plate or friend with benefits that eventually ran out of steam, and a 40 year old unmarried woman with kids knows the damn score, stop fucking a guy, and he should leave; you didn't, so she finally had to kill the puppy for you, God bless her.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing like a new PR and sore glutes for a couple of days to remind you who you're actually doing this for.

[–]markpf732 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There may have been a small fiber in this post of the final capitulation of a dying beta.

That last covert contract that drives many mRPers early on just died for him. The question is will he come out of his lifts tonight saying and being IDGAF or will he MGTOW.

[–]straius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You haven't even described what it is that you think the actual failure was. You're just stewing in some kind of guilt ridden "I'm a failure" place.

Is there a question in there for the community? This doesn't even sound like "The Talk" this sounds like a normal "Something isn't working" talk.

And wtf are those links about? Are you ADD?

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

So, you found out you're not there. That means nothing.

What are you going to do to get "there."

[–]losingmymind70[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm starting with deadlifts tonight. Then I'll keep reading and working.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's nothing like falling flat on your face to help you learn.

Yes. Not sure if this is a victim puke or you are owning your shit. Doesn't matter. Start over on NMMNG and work to peel back the layers of covert contracts in your life.

Rollo calls it using RP to get a BP dream. Stoney called it sprinkling alpha on it. Doesn't matter. Another lesson learned along your way.

This set of realizations are another important step in understanding what you need to do, for you.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"What I learned from this: I thought I had internalized what I had been reading here."

Do you remember when you bought your plane and got your pilot's license?

Do you remember how much study you had to do? How you had to fully understand drag and lift, stall speed, take-off and landing, rudder/elevator/ailerons and how they all worked to pitch/yaw/roll?

Do you remember how you had to learn every part of flying well and how all that shit connected through the instrument panel to your control through the stick all while staying in touch with ATC?

Take that attitude of study and level of internalization and apply it to the sidebar.

You got the lift part down. You describe yourself as pretty fit.

Now develop your masculinity, your manhood, your frame, your essence.

So back to the analogy, you got your self a really nice plane.

Now really learn how to FLY that motherfucker.

Go to the sidebar, start from the very beginning, skip nothing, and do it for


this time.

[–]askmeanything22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seven months ago you said:

I have a high relative SMV and there are lots of fit, cute, athletic women that are DTF in my social circles

and now you have redpill knowledge/experience

so I'm sorry your dick will fall off from over use

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Just FYI, you have hit it between the eyes with IO's from complete strange, and questioning yourself as to the validity of her added value

It's not difficult, it just means you will have to learn to do it for yourself, not her

[–]losingmymind70[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Funny thing is that I knew this from reading and hanging out here, but I didn't know it. It's like how people told me what it would be like when I held my newborn son-- the intellectual awareness is completely different from the understanding.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't get it, that you failed your covert contract where you think you failed?

I've got months worth of texts and emails, called worse than 'you've changed, and I feel different'.

None of it mattered

[–]DeplorableRay0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Luckily I have deadlifts this evening.

-This was all I understood.

[–]Alpha_Engineer990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Had the talk"... .

Stopped reading after that.

.Why the fuck are you talking?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

fighting implies an effort of imposing your will on your opponent and I wasn't about to fight to keep her.

This is entirely your choice. The code words she used were not in any way fatal to this relationship. This was not a ILYBINILWY speech; it was a "what happened to my submissive Beta" speech.

You had three choices.

  1. Power through her complaints, then take her in your arms and initiate hard. Kiss her, hold her tight. Fuck her hard- aka hold your Alpha frame.

  2. Submit. Put your head down. Apologize for acting like an asshole. Let her take the lead again and follow her with your head down and your mouth shut except to say "yes ma'am." aka- go back to your Beta frame.

  3. DNGAF and give her no feedback. In almost every case without leadership the hamster will run wild and destroy the relationship.

You chose #3 so own it! Rollo wrote many times about the fact it is much easier to start a new relationship than it is to rebuild a relationship built on BP lies. So GRATZ!!!!

[–]losingmymind70[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, her speech was explicitly designed to end the relationship. It was not a complaint, or a question about what happened to her formerly compliant mate, it was a straight up drive-by shooting. But you are right: what Rollo has said is absolutely true.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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