When I started following this sub at the beginning of this year, the idea of Owning Your Shit didn't quite click with me as I was always told that marriages were a 50/50 deal. So over the years, it puzzled the fuck out of me that my wife would get pissy at me most when we were sharing the load 50/50.
FF to yesterday and the following exchange happened when SO returned home from a coffee with a friend that went longer than planned (shit storm in friend's marriage, betabux and Chad).
SO: [comes inside and I can tell she has attitude before she even speaks] Hi.
Me: Hey. [attempt at hug, shrugged off] How was coffee?
SO: It was okay. WHAT have you been doing while I've been gone? [she looks at TV that had sport on]
Me: Absolutely nothing at all. [with a smirk]
SO: Great. [Failed AA/AM or her defenses were too strong. And stomps off to the laundry, returning a few seconds later] You did laundry? Will there be enough time for it to dry?
Me: Yeah, it's all good. It'll dry.
SO: Did you wash sheets too? Or do I have to do that?
Me: Yep. All sorted.
Rinse and repeat for all the other jobs her hamster was going nuts over due to going long on her coffee outing. Mood still bitchy. I go back to sorting out sprinklers in the backyard.
10 minutes later she comes and finds me and gives me a big hug and kiss.
SO: Sorry I was horrible before. You're not like other guys. You're so much better. But why did you do everything for me?
Me: I didn't do it for you. I did it because it needed doing. [A look of hurt passed across her face. But went away quick, didn't stop hugging]
I'm getting better at picking these moments before they happen but I'm still not getting the AA/AM to work properly for me. STFU only works for so long until they learn that play and go harder at you.
Could I have defused this hamster faster? I'm not sure I could.
TL;DR: SO in a bitch mood, was owning my shit, need to improve AA/AM