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Just found you! Devouring the links on the right but I need help and I need it soon.

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August 22, 2017
13 upvotes

I just posted in another subreddit yesterday about my problem and really wasn't too happy about the responses. I don't know if there are rules about posting a link or can I just re-post to this subreddit.

The first link on the right was a real eye opener. I think I have found the correct subreddit. I'm gonna continue reading but I need help soon. Be as harsh as you need to be (from the looks of other posts, it looks like I don't have to say that).

Some things about me: Male, 45 yrs, lifting regularly for 3 years or so. Got some muscle but not ripped. About 10-15 lb over ideal weight (6'1", 195 lb). Good marriage (she is respectful and cooks and cleans). Once a week sex.

EDITED TO ADD ACTUAL PROBLEM BELOW:

Last weekend my wife of 20 years asked if we could do some kayaking and swimming. This surprised me, as she is not a fan of water sports at all. Other than that, she’s always active with walking, hiking, and biking. So I like water sports but don’t do much of it because we like to do stuff together when we can.

So on the way to renting the kayaks, she very casually mentions that in a 3 weeks she is taking the afternoon off of work to go on a 4 hour kayaking trip and wanted to practice. Her (female) friend from work asked her to go with her and two guys from a company they do business with. The idea is that since she and friend direct some business their way, this would be the way the guys could pay them back. Still she says she barely knows the guys (only talked on the phone). She said that the idea was that they would have two-person kayaks and that they would split up the guys and girls so that it would be easier to stay together because the guys are stronger paddlers. After the kayak trip, they would get changed and then go out for food (and drinks I’m sure). I didn’t say too much at this time as this really seemed strange to me.

So my wife and I went practice kayaking and she gained some confidence and we went home.

This really seems like a date to me and therefore inappropriate as hell. I talked to a good friend about it and he agreed with me but I suspect he told his wife who then told my wife because a few days later she told me the plans had changed and that she told the other girl that they would be riding together in their own kayak. I still didn’t say much.

This whole arrangement really bothers me. I don’t usually think about it during the day but I wake up most night thinking about this. Help me out here. I feel like I can’t talk to my good friend any more about this.

EDITED TO REMOVE SOME UNNECESSARY PERSONAL INFORMATION

tl;dr: Wife going on what seems to be a double date. Need help.


Post Information
Title Just found you! Devouring the links on the right but I need help and I need it soon.
Author awaythrow99912
Upvotes 13
Comments 90
Date 22 August 2017 02:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205636
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6vbjov/just_found_you_devouring_the_links_on_the_right/
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Comments

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret20 points21 points  (8 children) | Copy

Her friend wants to fuck, your wife is the wingman. While your wife may not have bad intentions, good intentions would be realizing that going on a double date with her friend is inappropriate.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think this may be true. The friend pushed for this.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

I have been that wingman in these encounters. They run the gamut from not doing anything, to 'it just happened'

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I've had similar experiences, way too easy to isolate and escalate in situations like these. Didn't want OP to start mate guarding tho...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

nope. Until he came here, everyone was filling his head with nonsense. Would hate for him to talk him out of his gut feeling

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

no shit, the literal definition of isolate and escalate.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

To me (now) there's always a clear line between mate guarding and behavioral expectations ie. "if you enjoy being married, there's things as spouses you sacrifice...and that's going on double dates". When new I used to worry about everything being mate-guarding. But really, she signed the contract, too and its definitely inappropriate. She told him in a sideways kind of sidling into the discussion which indicates to me she knows she's moving off the grid. She wants to go, but feels guilty enough to know it's veering from a marriage contract. Seems like she's actively seeking leadership and a non-anger filled. "Hmmm, no , I don't think that's appropriate." is in order.

Now she could always swing shit-test off of that , depending on her current appraisal of his leadership, and failing that point she goes anyway...but that sure as fuck opens doors to him. You drop or ignore at any point it passes the leadership phase and enters into emotional explanation. But there sure as hell will be consequences if she goes anyway.

Which would be doing more of your own thing with apparent more 'freedom of restrictions'. Definitely less of you and more spending your own time and fun with others. Proportional migration of 'you' resources.

[–]PaulN332 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

They did realize it was inappropriate...that is why the girls moved to the "safety" of the other kayak, at least at the start of the trip.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not being in the kayak vs not going at all are very different realizations on her part. It's not really up to her though, his boundaries are more important than her intentions.

You can not allow her to determine what behavior you find inappropriate. Her intentions, like her feels will change with the situation. Non negotiable boundaries must exist.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

Your lack of planning does not necessitate an emergency on our part.

If you want the short answer.

"My wife doesn't go on dates with other guys" and broken record. or

"And you think that's appropriate for a married woman?" and watch what she does.

Since you seem to be a last-minute kind of guy, chances are she will call your bluff, on both. A combination of shame, anger, accusations etc. The best one will be if she calls you out on not trusting her. The one thing you will KNOW at that point, is she is planning on banging one of the dudes if she shames you into trusting her, that one is as old as Adam.

Then, you will take your divorce preparation plan, and put it into action.

Now, since you didn't do anything beforehand, you will most likely respond with excuses why this won't work, gently guiding me to an answer you want to hear. Don't, I don't care if you died tomorrow.

Long answer... Sidebar. There's a reason it's the goto answer here, because it describes all 435 ways you're fucked up, mentally, physically, emotionally, practically.

Good luck with that.

[–]BobbyPeru7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck, I was concerned this was doing to turn into a "don't mate guard, it's unattractive" thread.

This whole scenario is completely inappropriate for a married woman and she knows it.

[–]drty_prRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

"And you think that's appropriate for a married women?" and watch what she does .

That's the response right there. You drop that with some confidence and matter of fact demeanor, she won't be able to hide her intentions. The question is can OP pull it off without being a little pussy...

[–]ofthehighdesert0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Is 435 the official number at this point? That's almost on par with the old testament.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

..

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

Some of those answers are great!

Honestly, I think you just need to have a heart to heart with your wife about this. Use "I feel" statements about this. Calmly tell her that you're really uncomfortable with the idea of the kayaking trip. Ask her why she is interested in this trip.

In the meantime, I'd maybe come up with a few compromises you could make with her to put your mind more at ease. Maybe she calls you before going to dinner? Agrees to a two drink maximum?

From what you described, this isn't a weekend away. This is an afternoon off. Maybe she's just trying to make some new friends.

Talk like a woman = check

Token placation = check

female assumption of innocence = check

I just keep looping around to thinking that if the situation were reversed, I would never agree to such a thing.

Yep.... it's completely inappropriate and alarm bells should be ringing in your head.

Completely downvoted idea of male boundaries = check

Here you go. Saying a woman shouldn't be allowed to have fun with someone who isn't you is controlling as fuck. You've made my point clear as day.

Reframing to make him villan and her victim = check

If they (the guys) want to be grateful, they could invent some less involved way than kayaking into wilderness with people who barely know each other, where there will be alcohol (until proved opposite). And what kayak trip takes 4 hours? Time to get somewhere, get the boats, put them into water, paddle somewhere, eat, return, it will be easy entire day.

As a bonus question, there might actually be no kayak trip at all, it might be used just as a cover up for time being absent.

Downvoted common sense logistic question? = Check

The one smart thing OP did was give us his emotional tampon sloppy seconds.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes the responses from the /r/relationships subreddit were all over the place. I didn't know if the responders were married men like me or were 12 year old girls or 70 year old grandmas. I just wanted other married men to talk to but my real-world friends are seems to be married to her friends.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not the answer to your current dilemma, but you need your own friends. You need to spend time with them apart from your wife, especially ones that don't have wives who are friends with your wife.

[–]Throwawayhelper4201 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you want real advice from people who are assuredly adults and married this is the only place on Reddit for it.

Take the whole pill while you're at it, there is more to this than this one kayaking trip.

I see you mentioned in your prior post that every time you mention something negative to your wife for TWENTY years she always freaks out and emotions the situation to fuck you up. You are in her frame. Your wife is also assuredly shit testing you all the time, and you probably don't realize it and certainly don't know how to properly deal with it. This place has serious real strategies to deal with that and to make you a happier real man overall.

As was said elsewhere in this thread, the reason you are concerned about this, deep down, is because you are afraid that she might do something with one of those kyakakers, or that the thrill of the situation might start a spark in her, meaning deep down you think those kayaker have higher value than you do, even if just long enough for a one night stand.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

"If you want to begin going on double dates its a free country babe. I wont say No because that would be controlling and I dont control you. I control me so if you think this is the right direction for our marriage than Ill start dating too. Don't pout...we can still fuck and you can still cook for me...."

When you can say that, mean that and can effortlessly follow through....these situations vanish. Successful relationships with women require dread.

If dread isnt operating at a low level in the background than its inevitable your woman will fall on strange cock. It just happens

[–]Kingofdeadbedroom1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is solid gold. This shows you operating straight out of your frame. You are not being needy, you are pointing out boundaries for expected behaviour.

However should she call your bluff on this, and accept that you both have sex with others outside your marriage, then what is the point (as a man) in you being married? In that case you should progress towards divorce. A man has no interest in raising a woman's children if she is not satisfied in having sex with just him. Furthermore, it is not in your interest to be cucked into squandering your life by unknowingly raising the spawn of other men.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

If that's what she chooses then thats what she chooses.

I wont like it but it beats the alternative where I drive her to that point with my weakness and she does it anyway.

[–]Kingofdeadbedroom1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That sounds fatalistic. I forget which book it was that covers this element of male mate guarding (MMSLP / The Rationale Male or Practical Female Psychology) but: By not drawing boundaries you are being weak. You can draw boundaries from a weak and needy frame or a confident unshakeably masculine frame. You know which one to do it from. As stated by one of the other posters she may challenge your frame by trying to shame you for not trusting her and being needy. You want to head that off with calm solid composure. It is not the behaviour of a married woman. Sure, you cannot exactly stop her, but she must understand your boundary, and understand your interpretation and the consequences.

The book states that by effectively giving permission to be isolated with another male on a date, that she is free to rationalise that you have given her permission to cheat if 'something just happens'. If you later find out that cheating happened, she may even justify it as your fault for allowing it to happen.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think we agree. I would set the boundries but in a way that she sees Id be fine with her choosing wrong and would move on swimmingly.

Its worth noting that this is the correct response even if your heart is breaking and ego is shattered that she wants to take the trip Make no mistake, this is why cucks tolerate cuckdom. They cant face the reality that their princess wants to hop on new cock. TRP teaches a man that AWALT and he isnt so special and provided useful ways to control hypergamy

To some degree, male non neediness is like makeup for women. It's applied to create a powerful illusion

[–]drty_prRed Beret4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Since everyone has already made good work of calling your shit down, I'll tell you what else stood out to me; your friend selling you out. You should figure this out. A man needs to know who he can trust.

Casually say "oh BTW, did you mention to your wife how I wasn't a big fan of Mrs. Throwaway99912 going kayaking?" then watch. You'll know if he did by his reaction. Don't confront him, just know for next time.

I'm not saying to disown him if he did, but you'll know where your trust with him ends. For context, one of my absolute best friends fucked up on me once. I thought I had his confidence, but he said something to someone and forever fucked up a friendship of mine. He is still one of my best friends, but I know where the trust ends.

I advise you to figure this out.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're right. That has been bothering me, too. I'll probably pass on the detective work for now, though. In the future, I'll simply won't say anything to him that I wouldn't want his wife to know.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's actually pretty cool of you to stay friends with the guy after what happened. I'm sure you were tempted to drop him.

[–]drty_prRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not at all. Every person in my life, is in it in the precise way I want them in it. As I said, I know where the trust ends.

Another one of my best friends is a gossip queen. The last person I would tell something personal to. Yet, one of my favorite people in the world to party with. Also a guy who I could depend on for anything and would do anything for.

An alpha knows this about his homies.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.08 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

From one newb to another.

You are in the wrong place if you want shit to happen soon!! This is a marathon not a sprint. You need to read and re-read the sidebar, learn to deal with shit tests by STFU until you can figure out how to not sound like an idiot otherwise. Also, lift the shit out of weights!! If you lift regularly for 3 years and arent ripped then you are doing it wrong. Get your diet in check and lift like your life depends on it cause it does.

Rule number one however is dont tell your wife or anyone else about fight club, it'll only make things harder.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks for the quick advice. I am more muscular than ever, but I have had some injuries that have kept me from lifting weights continuously. I also have some fat covering muscle.

OK I get it that everything can't be fixed right away. I'm old enough to know that about many things so it makes sense about marriages. But I do have a problem that's really bothering me. Can you click on my account name and look at the post in the other subreddit? Can I just re-post it here? Maybe edit my post above?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

but I have had some injuries that have kept me from lifting weights continuously. I also have some fat covering muscle.

AKA this Where do you fall on this?

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

195 lb, 6 foot 1. Maybe 15%-20%. I think I look good without a shirt on but could and should look better.

[–]metric_units0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Original measurement Metric measurement
6 feet 1.8 metres

 

 metric units bot | feedback | source | stop | v0.4.1

[–]anythingincRed Beret7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

So, tips:

she very casually mentions that in a 3 weeks she is taking the afternoon off of work to go on a 4 hour kayaking trip and wanted to practice

It hasn't happened yet. Women plan all sorts of shit that doesn't happen. Go do something else that evening without her (don't be a dick and pick something she's talked about wanting to do with you before.) These dudes are also likely nerdy, ugly, weird, whatever, which is why the girls decided they'd have more fun in the same kayak (lets assume she was being honest). She likely wasn't sure it was something she would enjoy, so she went with you to make sure, and to find out if it was something she could do without relying on these other men too much.

Kayaking/drinking for four hours, then dinner, then drinks? She's going to be hungry after kayaking, but likely ready to come home rather early.

If she wanted to cheat, she would be already, and she wouldn't need to manufacture a kayaking trip. So get that thought out of your head so you don't spend the next three weeks brittle, insecure, and autistic. At most, a sarcastic comment about her "double date" would be all you need, and again, only if you can not be butthurt and insecure, but genuinely unconcerned and having fun laughing together about it. She's going to be defensive, because likely she knows it is weird, and doesn't plan on being unfaithful, but when you get to take the afternoon off to kayak "for work," you do it, no-brainer for most people.

Also, if she wanted to cheat, you could only "save her" by locking her down, not letting her out of your sight, and preventing all scenarios where she might fall on a dick, and that is unsustainable, if not impossible, and you'd likely be single soon and she'd be on another dick anyway because of your efforts.

Lets say this whole thing is manufactured for an affair, you'll find out more (young one is going to post kayaking pics to FB, believe it) you leave her, find another woman. That is a win compared to preventing a wife that wants to cheat from doing it.

Bottom line, don't fucking worry about it, be awesome.

There is a line of thought:

"My wife doesn't go on kayak trips with other men..."

And that might work, there are scenarios where a woman isn't hyped for something and WANTS her man to forbid her from it so she doesn't have to go, but isn't responsible for the decision, or at least respect her man more for setting boundaries. I don't think this is one of those, you'd be forcing her to work instead of kayaking, and I doubt you're ready for the potential aftermath.

Again, the trip likely won't happen, if it does, likely nothing will happen, and if something did, you'd likely find out anyway, and it didn't need the trip to happen. The type of man that women don't cheat on isn't worried about this bullshit because he knows you can't save a woman, and they are replaceable, and he has the value to replace them.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow thanks so much for putting this together. I am carefully reading this.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

but genuinely unconcerned and having fun laughing together about it

This is my goal. I've got time.

[–]anythingincRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You know she is still likely to go right?

The main point is for her to not think she has a bitter insecure man at home brooding while she is gone and who will be resentful and passive-aggressive for a week when she gets back, thus preemptively ruining the trip and make her feel like not going, which would be a pyrrhic and likely counterproductive victory.

You could set an ultimatum and forbid her, but again, likely not for the best in the long term if you want to keep her, and you likely are not ready to enforce the consequences if she disobeys.

Options:

  • Talk to her: Maybe she decides not to go, but you look insecure (and you are). Maybe she decides to go, you still feel like shit. Maybe she texts you every five minutes, but you still look insecure and ruin her trip, and likely still feel like shit. Plus, she was either going to behave, or she wasn't, but didn't need to trip to misbehave. Lose/Lose.
  • Forbid her: Maybe she stays, but now you are controlling and insecure, maybe she goes, now you're divorced. Lose/Lose
  • Let her go: Forget about this trip, be confident and secure, and get with the program

[–]straius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The main point is for her to not think she has a bitter insecure man at home brooding while she is gone and who will be resentful and passive-aggressive for a week when she gets back, thus preemptively ruining the trip and make her feel like not going, which would be a pyrrhic and likely counterproductive victory.

So much this. Just had an example of this with my wife today. She's going on a cruise with her cousin in a couple months and was texting me about it. My answer was "You may need to give me [hot friend's] number to babysit while you're gone."

"Why? You can drop her off at the babysitter on Friday."

"Well, you're gone for three days, what did you think I was going to do? Just sit around at home in the evening when you're gone for the weekend?"

No more attempts to work some subconscious dread game after that.

[–]youcantdenythat2 points3 points  (19 children) | Copy

It sounds like things are not too bad for you yet. All the help you need is in the side bar. You need to man up and do your own research and learn to be patient. Greatness is not built "soon".

Learn to look for your own answers. Asking questions here should be more of a last resort when you are having trouble understanding something. When you ask, try be as specific as possible. Don't just say you need help. Help with what?

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 1 point2 points  (18 children) | Copy

Sorry, I wasn't clear. I have a VERY SPECIFIC problem. I posted in the relationships subreddit. Can I just re-post the problem here?

[–]youcantdenythat4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Yes you should re-post the problem here.

My first advice is not to let-on that her going on this trip bothers you in any way. It shows weakness and nothing is a bigger turn-off for women.

Check out the levels of Dread. What level would you say you are?

Be aware that women often give you trickle truth. That virgin you fucked a long time ago was no virgin and your wife has done more kinky stuff then she's let on. If she's telling you she's talked to these guys on the phone, I doubt it has stopped at that. There is more to the story.

Do you have kids? How would you handle it if she was cheating? You should start asking yourself questions like this and come to terms with the answers.

One thought might be to suggest that you come along on the trip. Her reaction should make it immediately apparent where you stand. But again, whatever her answer is, don't show that it bothers you.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Dread 1 through dread 5 makes sense. I do a mix of those for sure but not all. Dread 6+ seems crazy to me. This can't be true. It must only be for really rocky marriages.

I'm rushing too fast. I need time to read and think.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dread 6+ seems crazy to me.

As it does to everybody until you realize the truth- bitches be crazy. They really do respond to this so long as you don't move so fast they give up. DL6+ should NOT be a rational response to the problems of current marriage but in many cases it is the only thing that works.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

DL 6 is gaming your own wife. How is that crazy?

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Studying and the using pickup artistry techniques on your own wife sounds a little weird to me.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Studying and the using pickup artistry techniques on your own wife sounds a little weird to me.

Weirder than two guys on a kayak trip who are using pick up artistry techniques on your wife?

If you aren't treating your wife like a woman you are actively trying to bed on a regular basis, then your wife will end up treating you like an orbiter that she doesn't have sex with, or begrudgingly has sex with every now and then to keep you around.

So what's weirder, you trying to fuck your wife, or two guys on a kayak trip?

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't date and game your wife...

Someone else WILL.

[–]Thisismyusername11001 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

MRP doesn't fix problems, it fixes men. MRP can't tell you how to handle your situation, it can tell you how to be a better human.

You want me to tell you what to do? Fuck off. You have a brain between your ears. Use it.

If you don't want your wife to go kayaking with business connections, tell her. If you don't care, tell her. Sounds like you have no idea what you want or think, and you want MRP to tell you what to say.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

OK I have been using my brain. That's why I'm not sleeping well. It feels stuck.

This is a subreddit about asking about problems, right.

Just so you know, I almost never ask for help. I always try to figure stuff out on my own.

[–]Thisismyusername11001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The only thing this sub can do is give you information and tools to help find the answers. No one can answer for you

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"This whole arrangement really bothers me. I don’t usually think about it during the day but I wake up most night thinking about this. Help me out here. I feel like I can’t talk to my good friend any more about this"

Stop letting this bother you, and look at as an opportunity to improve

If you can't talk tour friend, then what ? So what if he was blue pill as fuck about it, that's on him

Short and fast answer >>>> Who gives a fuck if she double dates behind your back ? You get a free pass to start pounding pussy, on your terms

Your attraction as a man is beholden to your ability to not be affected by others actions, and with your wife, no matter what the intentions, or the outcome, your mission is what should be driving you. You should be operating under the guise that she is along for the ride, quit being a pussy, worrying about losing her. You are in great shape aren't you ? Could pick up more than a bar slut ?

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Lots of solid advice here. I'll just add - lose the weight. Regardless of what happens here, its an easy win just sitting there waiting for you to claim it.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

When a women loses that last 10 lbs, their hotness level jumps dramatically. Is it the same for men? I wouldn't have thought so.

[–]Tiway221 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude of course

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'm not arguing that I shouldn't lose the weight, just that the effect on looks is not so much, man vs woman.

[–]BirdManBrrrr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is the outline of visible abs on a dude hotter than a layer of fluff?

[–]Throwawayhelper4200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The difference is extreme, 10 pounds is the difference between visible muscles and just being a "big dude" with some flab.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You have 3 weeks.

You have no frame.

You have no established boundaries.

You will not build frame in 3 weeks.

And you can't let your wife run wild, THEN put up a fence and start screaming at her to get back inside.

I've been doing this shit for 3 months and I'm new, so I'm not going to give you an answer.

But I AM going to give you a path to your answer.

Crash course.

Read the three prerequisites, on the sidebar, in the next 15 days. 5 days per book. Use Audible to speed up the process and listen in your car, at work, if possible.

What you have is a reliable car(wife) that is making some strange noises(kayak trip) so you've brought it to the auto shop for everyone to listen to the noise and diagnose your car and give you the proper fix.

Thing is, we can't look under the hood and we don't know the history of the car.

You come in here looking for one specific answer to one specific problem in one moment of time.

There are dozens if not scores of variables to consider, and everyone's answer will be different based on their own frame of reference built on there own experience and operating paradigms that form their MRP praxeology.

You've walked into a second semester math class and asked the class to solve a 6th order polynomial equation with 2 known variables and 4 unknown variables and you want the class to tell you how to find a specific point in space on the xyz plot.

You are trying to do months worth of work in a couple of weeks.

Good luck with that. You can jump off the 60' cliff and hope you hit the water just right after reading the handout on cliff diving, but if you hit it wrong you'll be fucked up for a long time.

I've previously had boundary issues with the wife over work activities that turned into something else.

Based on my PERSONAL experience and what little I understand of MRP praxeology, you may have to let this one slide, consider it a wake-up call, and make the commitment to get your shit together.

So...

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

You have found yourself in an emergency because you are NOT being the Captain of your ship.

The FO is going on shore leave and is meeting up with other crew while you are on the ship. You are fucked up about it because you are just fucking around thinking/hoping nothing happens and now your pants are down around your ankles and you're wondering why you feel a draft on your ass and your dick is limp with stage fright.

MAN THE FUCK UP!

That DOES NOT mean you start going RAMBO, barking orders, pissing off the FO, and potentially starting an unnecessary mutiny.

WAKE THE FUCK UP to your life and realize you are here with an emergency because you have failed to plan and are now failing without that plan.

Right fucking now, your ship may be headed for the rocks but you don't know if it is or not.

Go to the fucking charthouse(sidebar) pull the fucking charts(3 prerequisites) for basic rock avoidance, and start reading like your marriage depends on it, because it PROBABLY FUCKING DOES.

That sense of urgency you feel?

That voice of impending doom?

It may be wrong, or it may be right.

But YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T DONE THE FUCKING WORK!

You are on the Titanic.

You see the iceberg.

You know how this ends if you do nothing.

So....

FUCKING DO DO DO SOMETHING!

You want an emergency battle plan?

You have an intellectual problem to solve.

Stop lifting for 3 weeks.

Spend 2-3 hours a day reading the 3 prerequisite books.

And then DECIDE, Captain, what is the best course for YOUR ship to take to avoid the rocks.

Don't be this guy...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=452XjnaHr1A

Now if you'll excuse me, I must leave the officer's mess and rejoin the bridge.

[–]Chinchilla_the_Hun2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm surprised at how much energy you have to provide such lengthy responses to so many low-value posts.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You might be right.

Maybe I do spend a lot of energy on low value posts.

[–]ahackercalled4chan1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The post may be low-value, but his words are not. Many of us need to hear these things again, regardless if we are newbs, veterans, natural alphas who may be slipping, or career-betas/nice guys who struggle for years to undo decades of false programming.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Re-post it here if you want, but you're not gonna like the answers.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha. I edit the original post. I'm actually nervous now.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

"...my wife Stephanie of 20 years..."

I found your problem. You're not self aware. Why the fuck did your brain send the message to your fingers to type your wife's name? Who cares what her name is. Oddly specific personal details like this means you're dumb or a troll. Pick one.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

When I first typed it up, I wanted to use her name to keep her from being confused by her friend. It does seem dumb looking back at that.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If only there were a button that allows you to change a post...

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fixed.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are a lucky mother fucker that you found your way here. Your wife is waaay outta line. If my girl even suggested it she would be out the door. She is either planning on slobbering on one, maybe two cocks, or enabling her whore friend to do so. Your whore wife makes me sick to my stomach. You need very firm boundaries here. Either way, you are in the right place. The horse has already bolted, slamming the gate now is not going to help. It will be a long process. It's not all about muscles either, it's as much about frame and leadership. So get to work on fixing you. I would divorce that whore right now if it was me.

[–]BirdManBrrrr0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Does your wife entertain as a routine part of the job? is this something good for her career? Zero context on this other than her friend asked her to come.

Kayaking is unorthodox, sure, but 4 hours and dinner isn't at all abnormal for entertaining clients or business partners. Kind of mild if you ask me. Not like she hid it from you either.

Would you be all butthurt if it were a golf outing, as is the traditional corporate trip?

I think you're overreacting and butthurt for no reason.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

To be honest, I would have been butthurt if it were golf also. It really is not advantageous at all for her career. The idea is that it's free and an afternoon off of work.

I really need to digest things. I'm not going to do anything or say anything until I do.

[–]BirdManBrrrr1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I would have been butthurt if it were golf also. It really is not advantageous at all for her career. The idea is that it's free and an afternoon off of work.

Figure out why you're butthurt and start this process. Everyone else on here telling you to "lift and read" is exactly right, kayaking or not.

Clearly I'm the only one here who entertains people as part of my job and has female peers who do the same, so take my perspective on that for what it's worth. It isn't hard to figure out if its a legitimate business outing or some other fuckery...obviously we can't tell you that given the lack of detail so you need to decide what this is for yourself.

Hang around here more, might be good for you.

[–]awaythrow99912[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

OK, I appreciate your insight as someone who does entertain clients. I am just very far removed from things like that. Can it be a legitimate business outing if dinner and drinks follow an activity? The girls do authorize what companies to send business to and these guys have a company to compete for that business. These guys do provide for bodyguarding services so I guess that part of my worries are that they are likely pretty fit or at least big and strong.

[–]BirdManBrrrr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can it be a legitimate business outing if dinner and drinks follow an activity?

Yes. Is very normal. Getting shitfaced until 2AM is not.

The girls do authorize what companies to send business to and these guys have a company to compete for that business.

My first guess was insurance since that's the model but its not important. Your wife is apparently a player in the sales process, so-to-speak, again...not uncommon. I do admit maybe the friend has other intentions and wants a wingman...could be, idk, not much information to go on. Assess the situation for yourself and react appropriately.

I guess that part of my worries...

You're hella insecure for whatever reason. Nevertheless, start the sidebar and get to work.



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