Wife won't engage with me emotionally

askmeanything2 · 2017-08-19T10:11:43+00:00

She also complains that I'm not nice to her.

Is this true? Remember ever morning reset the scoreboard and always start nice

I can be quite critical its true

STFU more

Say nice things, stay calm, active listening, care

Do what you want

When you want to be critical, STFU instead and go do something you want

13GoRed · 2017-08-20T16:14:55+00:00

Well there needs to be some sort of context in your post.

Perhaps when you said she 'hit' you because you insulted her and she, tries to act in annoyance, ran up to you and start gently chopping your back with her palms, because you've done that?

Perhaps you should also said that she called the cops on you once and hung up because she was fear for her life because you've completely destroyed the apartment, toss the trash everywhere, punch a hole in the wall, toss the books everywhere? She didn't proceed because she loves you and didn't want you to be sent to jail?

Perhaps when you said she didn't engage you in her dr. Visit, maybe because she told you about her dr. Visit the day before and you refuse to ask her how was it the next day after she's home from the dr. Visit?

Perhaps when she was on the phone, she's talking to her best friend (girl)?

Perhaps next time you should be appreciative of the anniversary gift she carefully picked out and packaged for you instead of tossing it in the trash because you cannot control your emotion?

Perhaps you should think about what you said to her when you wanted to yell out 'I don't love you anymore, I hate you, I have no desire for you, I have lost faith, you do you and I do me.'? And then asked 'why doesn't she love me?' Or 'why doesn't she engage emotionally with me?' Well, look at what you said.

Perhaps you should give her time like she had asked you to instead of blasting it on the internet and giving false informations?

I know all of this, because I was there. Perhaps you should be fair to her, and stop demonizing her. You both bore 50% of the shit that y'all got yourselves in.

Be a man. Be the leader all you want, but don't forget about her. Take responsibility of the hurt you've put her through.

Edit: and perhaps when you said we should move on from this, you don't blast it over the internet, and actually move on and not talk about it?

hystericalbonding · 2017-08-19T10:17:35+00:00

a somewhat decent frame

Now that its been a few months and her attention has drifted away from fight club, I'm starting to read this subreddit again

Your frame is weak.

My wife spent an entire day reading my post history and all my PMs from my old account. It was rough for both of us, because I had emphasized the negative interactions very heavily when illustrating points. That's no way to treat a first officer. Fortunately it lead to extremely productive discussions. Some of those were initiated by her, and just as many were initiated by me.

All cards are on the table. She knows I'm back on reddit. She was hesitant about it, at first, but I'm open about everything. We have always had free access to each other's phones, email, and passwords, with the exception of one secret document for gift ideas.

Made me realize that we haven't engaged or 'connected' with each other in a couple months or so

That's your responsibility, captain. Connecting with my wife, ensuring that we sit down and properly talk a couple of times per week was upon my insistence. Start there. You may have yourself a walkaway wife.

Last key bit of info is that in the past few months I've only been turned down for sex maybe once or twice, but I only initiate about twice a week

Sex may not be the best metric for the stability of your relationship, or the fulfillment it provides to either of you.

I'm getting the feeling that me chasing my 'MAP' has caused her to feel left behind

Have you laid out your vision for the marriage? Is it in your MAP to include her in that? Is it in your MAP to make her feel desired for anything other than sex? If all you need is sex, you can get a prostitute or spin some plates. Christian values aren't a good enough reason to stay married, for either of you.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-08-20T19:59:18+00:00

I think this is what failing repeated comfort tests looks like.

My suggestion is to read Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty. It is a very purple pill but there are some nuggets ensconced in that steaming fistula.

She shuts down any kind of conversation though unless its a fight,

No idea what "shuts down" a conversation looks like.

then she can go for quite a while about our problems.

A woman who can only complain and bitch? Your kidding!

She complains that I don't take her at face value,

Doggy is definitely better because it lets you see her real value much better and it is not her face and CERTAINLY not her yapper.

I don't think her face value is even internally consistent much less accurate of reality.

So you are contemptuous? I think THIS is the problem. Wifey thinks you don't like her. I don't think you do either.

She also complains that I'm not nice to her.

No! A woman complains? Hmmm, have you tried to BE "nice" to her. You know, after a good romp in the hay?

I can be quite critical its true, but I also get the feeling that she feels entitled to compliments

DEER

if she doesn't follow we'll end up divorced

What does it look like for her to follow? What exactly do you expect from her? She is not turning down sex. You say she turns around any conversation but what does that even mean?

donedreadpirate · 2017-08-19T08:55:05+00:00

Dammit, you left out the part about the doctor. Did he ever tell her the sex of the baby her and her boyfriend are having?

2ndal · 2017-08-19T12:19:42+00:00

I think there's a lot you're missing. It feels that while you've read a bunch of the materials, you haven't really internalized them and certainly haven't put them into practice.

She has said a few times that she feels I only use her for sex and it drives down the amount I go for it.

Does this sound like a man in his own frame, living his life according to his wants and values?

I can be quite critical its true, but I also get the feeling that she feels entitled to compliments and so she doesn't recognize them, only when I'm not nice.

Being "nice" (not it in a Nice Guy way) is not about doling out compliments. Are you fun to be around? Do you have an interesting life? Do you give her the opportunity be a part of that life?

She's like a wounded animal that won't let you get close or move away without attacking, she only seems to be happy when I stay stationary, but I want to progress as a man.

Who gives a shit what she says she wants. You know what you want. Go progress. Because you haven't yet.

chachaChad · 2017-08-19T10:26:15+00:00

Get yourself into therapy, STAT.

Time to let go of the Christian thing. She’s hitting you. That’s abuse and will escalate. This is a three alarm fire and you need to get yourself out of it. You can’t be worried about her.

[deleted] · 2017-08-19T13:34:45+00:00

Yes you are interpreting her wrong, she is talking to a friend about intimate issues and you are in her frame. Any woman who says, "you use me for sex" does not enjoy sex with you. Wow, you have so many issues. Just get on with self improvement and maybe things will get better. Maybe they wont and you will have to find a new life. For fucks sake don't tell us about you not believing in divorce, I don't give a shit if you are a Muslim or a Satanist, leave that stupid shit at the door. We talk in terms of alpha and beta here, if you want to talk religion, fuck off to a religious sub.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-08-19T13:41:42+00:00

Maybe a good question for r/MRPW

rejonkulous · 2017-08-19T14:30:36+00:00

talking about her day to a friend (assumed orbiter).

I bet his name is Chad.

screechhater · 2017-08-19T13:22:37+00:00

Ha !

You are still operating in her frame.

All of this including taking a break from redpill is for her.

Can you spell covert contract ? How about oneitis ?

As per not being nice and you admitting to it ? WTF ? Can you spell Rambo ?

Now that you sprinkled some alphabon yur dick, put a drop of two of beta on it

Title	Wife won't engage with me emotionally
Author	Progress_Set
Upvotes	7
Comments	37
Date	August 19, 2017 8:26 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6unyxv/wife_wont_engage_with_me_emotionally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/wife-wont-engage-with-me-emotionally.205643 https://theredarchive.com/post/205643