Career beta...just took TRP.

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lpn_artist
August 14, 2017
7 upvotes
askMRP
 I'm 40 years old and in the last week I finally figured out I'm the nice guy that finishes last. Friend zoned many times growing up. Married ten years to a kind loving wife but she easily manipulates me and our dead bedroom is epic. Starfish sex every couple of months...we've gone a year without sex. Porn addiction has been a problem for me in the past thankfully I've been no fap/porn for 6 months now. Have ten month old boy/girl twins. I was lifting regularly for 8 months before my wife got pregnant. Stopped lifting because of pressure from my wife...wanted to take care of her and make her happy when she was sick and nesting. She resented any time away from her and would subtly show her disapproval...being weak I would fold and apologize almost instantly then rage on the inside while presenting a pleasant nice guy exterior. Recently took a long look at my life. Started reading and found this subreddit. Started lifting and eating better this week. Instead of asking my wife what she wants to do on my days off I planned a outing for the family and just told her when to be ready. I could see she was surprised because I'm usually so passive. We enjoyed our selves. I've initiated ten second kisses at least twice a day for the past week, she now expects them and although it seems a little forced its becoming a new normal. Not interested in living the rest of my life with the occasional peck. I know I have a long road ahead but I'm unplugged and can't go back.   Shit tests have been popping up...here's one from this morning. My mother-in-law has a very unreliable friend and she wants these certain satin sheets ordered off eBay. My wife texted me near the end of a 14hr shift at work and asked if I would order them for this friend because I have a eBay account and use it all the time. This friend is older and doesn't know how to use eBay...my wife is smart however and if she wanted to she could figure it out. I don't want to order the sheets even though it would take no time at all because if this flake of a friend doesn't like them and wants to send them back I have to get involved with that whole process and I don't want to. (Even as I'm typing this I can see what a beta I am) So I ignore the text and since I'm at work that's not uncommon. This morning she asks me to order them again this time face to face. I say "That doesn't sound like something I'd be interested in." Wife says "okay" in a tone of voice that let's me know she's disappointed and thinks I'm being unreasonable. Then says nothing for a few minutes. My beta hamster goes into overdrive. Am I being a dick? Why don't I just take the few seconds to make the order then she's happy and I'm a nice guy? Is this a test or a reasonable request? Beta hamster wants to  explain why I don't want to get involved in this woman's sheet purchase but I say nothing. I haven't read WISNIFG or NMMNG yet but they are next on the list. So after all that I'm thinking I should have been more playful. Maybe texted her back something like " I'd be much more interested in ordering you a satin teddy." That kind of text isn't something I've ever sent before and would be totally out of character for me. What do you guys think...suggestions?

Post Information
Title Career beta...just took TRP.
Author lpn_artist
Upvotes 7
Comments 41
Date 14 August 2017 08:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205670
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6tp71n/career_betajust_took_trp/
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WISNIFGbetaflakehamsterliftthe red pillNMMNG
Comments

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (17 children) | Copy

This is going to sound foreign to you, but when my wife asks me to do something I don't want to do, I simply tell her "no". Can you believe it? If you haven't used that word before (it means no, by the way) try it out sometime!

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes but he feels bad when he does that.

[–]SeamusAwl2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well he is new with a frame built of match sticks soaked in kerosene.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Iseewhatyoudidthere

[–]lpn_artist[S] 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

Not having to explain yourself = Alpha.

[–]beta_no_mo4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

That's the thing: it's normal, not alpha. Telling people no is a NORMAL occurrence in Normal Land, not an anomaly.

My journey in the last year has helped me in a lot of ways, but none has had more impact than embracing the ability to tell a woman "NO". Sometimes, I'll tell them no just because I can and then I actually enjoy their drama.

[–]SeamusAwl2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes normal. But abnormal for nice guys.

[–]a_learner_of_things0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The anti-manipulation response of simply using "No" is not always normal, if WISNIFG has anything to say about it. At least that's what I understand after reading and comparing it to NMMNG.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sidebar.

alpha/beta aren't archetypes, they are behaviour groupings.

If it doesn't make a girl wet, it isn't alpha, from an RP lens

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Pop quiz

What if your woman's response is:

"Why not? Why can't you do it for me?"

How would you respond?

[–]SeamusAwl1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Actually his answer was perfect as it shut those types of questions down immediately.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not really, though.

That doesn't sound like something I'd be interested in.

"Why not? Why can't you just do this for me?"

[–]SeamusAwl0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"Because it doesn't" ~ scratch ~ "Because it doesn't"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup, exactly. I was testing OP to see how/if he could maintain frame with follow up questions like those.

[–]lpn_artist[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Unfortunately at this point I would still try to explain my position using logic and get buried. Holding frame is the right move I just barely know what that looks like.

[–]Red-Curious6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I believe in God. You don't have to for this to make sense, but read Job 38:1 to the end of the book. For context, Job is stuck in a really crappy place in life. His family dies, his entire fortune is plundered, his body is covered in boils. If anything could go wrong, it has gone wrong (and this was part of an intentional plan). Job starts questioning God with all that "Why?" garbage. God's answer to Job is the ultimate RP answer. It starts ...

Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge?

Your plans are what matter; she can't tell you what to do.

Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.

Pressure-flipping.

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!

Amused mastery - God's getting playfully sarcastic about how trite this issue is in comparison to the bigger picture, and ultimately refuses to answer Job's questions.

[God:] "Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!" Then Job answered the Lord: "I am unworthy - how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer - twice, but I will say no more." Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm: "Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me."

God's pressure-flipping and amused mastery worked. Job STFU and gave up, even though God never answered his accusations. So, God pressure-flips some more:

Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?

This is what most wives do: they spin their hamsters to find a way to make you the bad guy, even when they're the one making the unreasonable request. She can do the whole ebay thing herself, but she doesn't. Instead of faulting herself for her laziness, she faults you to justify her not doing it.

Job's final conclusion?

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.

Become that wonderful to your wife - become that high-value and display that same sense of amused mastery at how trite this "ebay purchase for your wife's mom's friend" is in the grand scheme of your lives.

Of course, in the end, God doesn't do this just to stifle Job as some peon. God loves Job and ends up blessing him greatly beyond pretty much anyone else alive in that day. In the same way, bless your wife ... just don't put up with her garbage or feel like you have to answer her questions and challenges. Bless her on your terms, not hers. She'll value it more that way anyway because people value what they can't control. If she can control what you give her, it's cheap - she knows she can get what she wants when she wants, leaving it with no value to work for. If you decide when and how you're going to bless her, then your goodwill gets its value back.

[–]SeamusAwl2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You would become a broken record. Repeating the same phrase over and over again. Using your example, it would be something like this:

Her: Can you do X for the dumb old bat? You: Thats not something I am interested in. Her: Why not? You: Because it isn't. Her: Yeah, but why? You: Because it isn't.

Understand? Its in WISNIFG.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't flirt via text. At least yet anyway. Your in person game needs to be solid before doing this. Deadbedroom to any form of sexting is not a natural transition.

I think you are doing fine and you seem to grasp the overall concepts here. You're off to a good start. You stood up for yourself and took a reasonable stance in not being an errand boy for someone you don't even really know.

Move on and stop hamstering about this one little shit test of many to come.

Keep reading and lift like crazy.

[–]anythingincRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP, you should be damn proud of yourself. Your GUT is leading you in the right direction here (saying no) and you are listening to it. You are ahead of the game man. Many men are so far along they don't have a gut instinct anymore, or have tuned it out, or have killed it from swallowing their bile so often, or they are so twisted their gut leads them in the wrong direction. But you have a good one, and can hear it, and heed it.

Imagine what can happen once you know you are valuable, once you have the confidence to say what you mean without fear and without your hamster running wild. Once she can't manipulate you anymore. She may not like you all the time, that is what your value and game and comfort is for, but you'll respect yourself, and if she is meant to stick around, she will respect you for it too. And once that respect/value/attraction/ownership dynamic gets going, well, then you get to start answering questions instead of asking them.

You didn't mention NMMNG or WISNIFG, but those need to be at the top of your free time reading list.

RE: Texting, listen to that gut man, it is telling you that you aren't legit enough yet to pull off that text game. Someday soon though you're gonna just fire that shit off without thinking about it just to see what happens.

See you on the other side man.

[–]lpn_artist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's encouraging. Thanks.

[–]SeamusAwl4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your answer to her was perfect. Thats why she said okay and got quiet. Her hamster was spinning as fast as yours.

Here is where you went wrong. After she said okay you should have grabbed her waist and pulled her in to you. Then told her "what does interest me is...". Grab her butt with a hand a squeeze "... a getting a piece of this"

[–]lpn_artist[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's where I need some confidence...that's were lifting is going to help me out.

[–]SeamusAwl2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No actually. Its where not caring about her reaction (i.e DNGAF) comes in to play. What is she going to do to you, deny you sex?

[–]chachaChad4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you are pointed in the right direction. Dig into those books and remember to go SLOW. It’s easy to get carried away and think you can sprinkle some alpha on and she’ll respond to thenruenman inside you. This shit works but it takes times. Also, you will fail... again and again... brush it off. Learn from it. Get back in there. You want to be a better man and so does she.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your instincts are good but you have a long way to go. You are a trade mark nice guy, you need to quit that shit fast. As for trying to get flirty with your wife with the silk teddy comment, that made me fucking cringe. Had you have tried it with your wife, she would have rightfully beta shamed you. If she is not fucking you on the regular then do not even bother with cringeworthy and overthought beta attempts at flirting. If you want to fuck your wife, think like a caveman not a beta. Don't think presents, think a slap on the ass. Grab her tit when you kiss her. Just escalate, if she resists then withdraw attention from her. Don't say a fucking word, go and do something else. You need to get physical, not verbal with your wife. Also she acts like a boss because you don't, so start learning.

[–]tacko2761 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Start by STFU not giving a fuck lifting and reading the side bar Wash rinse repeat

[–]lpn_artist[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I'm all side bar all the time these days!

[–]granite21051 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am right there with you buddy.Can you be worse than beta? That was me. In my early 50s. First marriage imploded, second marriage was close until about a month ago when I hit dread level 10 (before even knowing what it was). Found this sub last week. Wife has responded more than I thought but going slow. I am a believer and now reading everything I can.

[–]thatguywhatshisface1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Say NO. Let battle ensue, load up and stick to your guns. DONT BACK DOWN. Don't perpetuate that shit!

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What in sweet fucks name did you do to get that formatting? I've never read a post on reddit that looked like it was typed in notepad.

Nice job.

[–]lpn_artist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That was random...I'm as surprised as anyone. No idea how to get normal formatting.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Like others have mentioned, start slow. Your telling her "no" is a good start.

Don't worry about trying to be alpha yet, just worry about NOT being a pussy. That's your frame for now.

[–]lpn_artist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good advice. Thanks.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get comfortable with those silences

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You probably aren't addicted to porn, judging by what you've written

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wife says "okay" in a tone of voice that let's me know she's disappointed and thinks I'm being unreasonable.

How often do you think your wife does things that are unreasonable, or treats you in an unreasonable manner? Like only giving starfish sex or limiting it to once every couple months? Why do you care if she thinks you're being unreasonable?

Am I being a dick?

Not to be too childish, but: "She started it!" Don't be that way just to get revenge, but sometimes you have to go into "jerk territory" for a while to figure that side of things out so you can establish a better balance after you've mastered both sides.

Why don't I just take the few seconds to make the order then she's happy and I'm a nice guy?

Because it shows that you can't enforce your boundaries, so she'll walk all over you in more important areas too. Start small and work your way up, not the other way around. This is a perfect small thing to start with.

Is this a test or a reasonable request?

If she's equally capable, it's a test.

I'm thinking I should have been more playful. Maybe texted her back something like " I'd be much more interested in ordering you a satin teddy." That kind of text isn't something I've ever sent before and would be totally out of character for me. What do you guys think...suggestions?

Playful is good, but if you do too much too fast she'll get a jarring sensation with your character. Going Rambo can result even from positive aspects of your change and not just saying "no" all the time. It's the whole 1,000 foot rope thing - move too fast and the rope will snap and she'll be left stranded. Reel her in gently. Save being playful for when she's adapted to the smaller changes you're making first, adding it in when you feel like the "out of character" feel of it would be more in-character because you're more fit and confident at the time you try to pull it off. Try to be sexy/funny before you have reason to express that kind of confidence and she might actually lose respect for you because it shows you don't know your actual value on the SMP, especially within the marriage.



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