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Wife is validation seeking ... how to respond?

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August 11, 2017

I've been on RP for a few months, mostly in monk mode, reading sidebar, lifting, etc. Things are going well.

My wife is spending a few days with her family out of town with the kids. In shape, my wife is a solid 8.5, but she thinks her sister is supermodel quality and it makes her insecure. Her mom has even told my wife, "You're the smarty one, she's the pretty one." Who says that?!? Yes, her sister is pretty, but it's mostly from makeup ... also an 8.5 with the makeup.

We just had a new baby 2 months ago. My sister in law had a new baby 4 months ago. So, wife's sister has more of the baby weight gone. Wife texts me today:

😢 you think I'm pretty, right? I'm struggling over here... I know the facts and that it shouldn't matter, but it's still so freakin' hard...

Comfort tests don't get as much attention around here. What's the best reply?

I thought about texting back: "Hmmm ... send me a sexy pic so I can evaluate." She'll probably send a goofy pic instead. I'll reply, "Yeah, I'd totally tap that!"

Any better ideas?


Me: Babe ... you're gorgeous! And if you don't believe me, drive on over here without the kids and I'll show you just how pretty I think you are <wink/kiss emoji>

Her: Haha, thank you honey. I birthed 4 beautiful children. That must be worth some beauty points. And now she [her sister] is exercising in front of me ...

Me: I actually showed your picture to a toddler today. He was like ... <pic here>

Her: <laugh/cry emoji> to a toddler?!

Me: Of course ... two hobbits just threw a ring at me ... so I must be like volcanic nowadays, myself

Her: Haha, you are very hot and buff

Me: You know it!

Post Information
Title Wife is validation seeking ... how to respond?
Author Finuul
Upvotes 9
Comments 22
Date 11 August 2017 03:45 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205691
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6t1zt6/wife_is_validation_seeking_how_to_respond/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
monk modecomfort testlift

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

This isn't time for some RP games. Just tell her how you feel. Reassure her. Then flirt with her. If she's a good wife, shower her with praise and when she gets back fuck her with reckless abandon.

[–]thunderbeyond0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, agree totally. 2 month old baby? She aint sleeping well, she surely aint thinking straight. This is oak time. The time when you assure her that you will take care of everything. That means making sure that she feels secure that you can handle all the logistics. Your job is to keep your wife and your child safe.

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Drive yourself on over and I'll show you how pretty I think you are."

The usual mantra is:don't talk; do. When you're at a distance that's kind of hard ... but, rather than just telling her the answer, you might be able to hold some semblance of that frame by telling her what you'd do instead.

[–]Finuul[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is what I went with, mixing in /u/redmountainpill's advice first.

Babe ... you're gorgeous!

<wait a minute>

And if you don't believe me, drive on over here without the kids and I'll show you just how pretty I think you are <wink/kissy emoji>

We'll see how she responds ...

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

"I'm pretty sure I just seen your sister getting a golden shower on Pornhub"

[–]Finuul[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Hah! But no ... I don't do porn, so that'd come off as totally unbelievable.

[–]BigAjax1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit, you have weapons-grade autism.

[–]Downhere_Seeds1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her something that will make her laugh, inside joke or whatever (this will trigger her feel good feelz). Then tell her you think she's pretty or compliment her _____. If you try to comfort her with straight compliments or by escalating it's going to be 10x more work.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

reward good behaviour, don't reward bad behaviour

[–]Finuul[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Good point. Don't reward silly-face. Got it. It would probably come off as too much of a joke and wouldn't give her the comfort she needs anyway.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy


people need air, they need shelter. They want validation

[–]Finuul[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That makes a lot of sense.

[–]red-pill-man1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'd love to see pics of the wives of these guys who say their wives are 8.5's.

Just sayin'.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, my first thought after I read

I birthed 4 beautiful children

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Your intended response was fine, or you could have based a dad joke on her having said, "it's still so freakin' hard."

Don't take it so seriously. It's called amused mastery.

[–]Finuul[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I haven't yet seen a good "how to" on amused mastery. I've read a couple Rollo posts on it that were specifically dedicated to the subject, but it's all philosophical stuff and not practical examples of what amused mastery looks like. Any good references here?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

To me amused mastery is about seeing the silliness of it all - expressing that you are unphased by any concern or problem she may have.

I see "amused mastery" as being a broader mindset, whereas "agree and amplify" is a tactic you can deploy within that mindset.

As an example: you could've acted amused that she's struggling...

"Psh, you're struggling? I'm struggling to keep my dick in my pants every time I see you."

Is this example AM or AA? I think it's both; they aren't mutually exclusive. Your mindset is that you find her problems silly, and you respond with sarcasm, exaggeration, etc to make that clear.

[–]Finuul[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That makes a lot more sense. Thanks!

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Come over here and you'll see. No panties".

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Text her back saying you need to address this in person, followed by an eggplant & a donut.

When you see her in person: "It's really hard for me to gauge. Best bet is for me to get my dick in your mouth, it's the best angle. Here..."

It's better if you actually believe this is true, which, IMO, it actually is.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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