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SO Having Lunch w "Ex" and Friend - best way to handle

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August 10, 2017
11 upvotes

I am seeking opinions on best way to handle this.

Background: M30, 2+ years redpill, read sidebar and basically all of the books, lift heavy religiously, low bf% (4/6 pack depending on day), overall good job of leading and OYS- of course always trying to improve, sex 7/10, been together better part of 5 years (3 before that), 1 yo kid, getting married soon

Here's my dilemma... fiance tells me about going out to lunch with her girl friend and a guy friend. Both mutual friends of mine through her. I hung out with guy a few times a couple of years ago, see girl every so often. Guy is not a real threat, objectively multiple points lower than me as far as SMV. It came up years ago while hanging out (from her girl friend, same one at lunch) that "oh this must be awkward for you, since they fucked in the past" or something like that, which I was like ok who cares and went on about my business and had a great time, maybe even better with the mindset of knowing I was the one who got the girl. My SO denies this past history. Whatever, AWALT.

Fast forward to yesterday, my SO calls me on the way home from work like usual and is telling me about going out to lunch with these two. Going on about how this guy is getting married, living conditions, etc. a little giddy in her tone. I just go with the normal "that's cool, how interesting" responses. I then tell her about something unrelated and she flips out for not including her on it. I told her I was making an order days ago and tell me what she wants or I am going to order without her. Gave it a few days and made the order - she flips out and does a little girl tantrum and in essence hangs up. Awesome, now I have some peace and quiet before she gets home. I only mention this because this action is not typical for our conversations.

So from there, I have created a conflict in my own mind and would appreciate some opinions on the matter. I'm kind of stuck between two thoughts: 1- Who cares, you're the prize, it's your turn and the odds of this guy getting one is slim to none, if something was going on she obviously wouldn't tell you about it, and if she does oh well, lots of better fish in the sea

2- No, I need to set this as a boundary. Obviously it makes me somewhat uncomfortable and is a sign of disrespect in my eyes. If I let her disrespect me like this now, I could be giving her keys to a cuck-mobile to try and run me over with later.

Normally, I'd just keep this to myself, but while I was evaluating the best course of action to take internally, I was not being "overly" affectionate. Keeping it more to logistics with her. This apparently set off her radar and now she is freaking out that something is wrong. I don't believe I was showing butthurt, because really it isn't bothering me - I'm more concerned with making the mistake of not setting a boundary early on if needed.

I tried searching old posts, but didn't find anything directly related to this and kept getting /relationships results and they were only good for laughs. My SO never dated this guy, but I do believe they hooked up in the past based on what her friend told me. Am I making a mistake by letting it slide or is this an opportunity to set a boundary? I know mate-guarding is unattractive, so I do not want to come off in that way. I don't think this is "next" territory, but I'd love to get some outside opinions. Thank you.


Post Information
Title SO Having Lunch w "Ex" and Friend - best way to handle
Author throwaway99999123455
Upvotes 11
Comments 48
Date 10 August 2017 02:47 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205698
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6sts40/so_having_lunch_w_ex_and_friend_best_way_to_handle/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtmate guardingAWALTcucksexual market valueliftthe red pill
Comments

[–]thewholefnshow54713 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wife had an ex-boyfriend orbiter. At first, I was like whatever, don't care. Then one day I look on her Facebook and this guy is fawning all over every one of my wife's pics to the point of blatantly and openly hitting on her. For years, YEARS!, my wife allowed this guy to openly hit on her, in a public manner. Every one of my wife's pictures had this asswipe openly hitting on her in the comments, all while I as asleep at thew wheel (was not on Facebook.) I was hugely disrespected, and the matter was harshly corrected.

I would nip this in the bud. Because when you let those guys hang around, they will constantly probe and test the waters. Then you are only relying on your woman to respect your honor and show loyalty. I don't think a woman born after 1960 can even define respect, honor or loyalty. Its a completely foreign concept to them.

Also, in case you did not notice, you SO did a tell. She lied then tried a heat-reversal. Take note.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret21 points22 points  (12 children) | Copy

Nothing gets better with marriage.

Nothing, without a massive amount of effort. And IF you're successful, then it can be great. If not, it will become a living nightmare.

Mateguarding. Unattractive as fuck. My wife had an emotional affair. After I caught her I shut that shit down. She comes to me and asks me if she can be just friends with him.

Her: "Can't we be just friends?"

Me: "No."

Her: "It's not reasonable for you to choose my friends."

Me: "You may be right. But my wife does not have intimate, one-on-one relationships with other men."

Her: "Are you telling me I can't have a drink with him after work?"

Me: "You can do anything you want. I'm telling you that MY WIFE does not have intimate, one-on-one relationships with other men."

Trust, but verify.

And now, any contact with that asshole will constitute a hard next.

Her: "I never fucked him."

You: " That may be true. But my SO/Wife knows that loyalty and fidelity are hard boundaries for me."

Her: "I said I never fucked him!"

You: "That might be true. My SO/wife knows that fidelity and loyalty are hard boundaries not to be crossed."

Her: "So can I go to lunch with him or not?"

You: "YOU can do whatever you want. But my SO/wife displays loyalty and fidelity at all times."

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

And how'd that go afterwards?

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

It went downhill for a moment.

"What if my manager calls me into the office?" "What if my team leader takes us to lunch in the cafeteria?" "What if the senior manager wants to talk about business after work over a drink?" "Why CAN'T I see HIM after work to see a show when you are at work?"

I admit, I almost lost it.

I knew she was pushing the boundaries and she and I both knew I was ready to walk.

Me: "You went out with upper management after work for a drink, which turned into an art show, which turned into live music, dinner, dancing, and sexting. You lied to me hundreds of times, directly and by omission. You fucked him and you sucked him dry."

Her: "I never had sex with him! We only kissed!!"

Me: "It's been established you are a liar so that's what I'm running with. Before this event I might not have cared if you saw someone casually over work, but now I don't trust you and you have loyalty and fidelity issues. This is the way it's going to be. When you are at work I don't care if you talk to any man at any time. You're at work. Once you leave work you are no longer at work. If you leave work with your team for dinner and/or drinks, I'm fine with that. If you leave your exercise class with a group for dinner or a banana smoothie, I'm fine with that. But MY WIFE is not going to have one-on-one relationships with other men. Your next date with a man will be the end of our marriage."

Her: "Yeah, but..."

Me: "But nothing. No exceptions. No excuses. You already fucked up and got your pass. Don't fuck up again."

So things were pretty quiet for two days.

She talked to her Dad who told her if she wants to stay married to me, she better not go on any more dates.

As opposed to her mom and sister who say she should do whatever she wants, whenever she wants because she's a free woman.

I check on her now and then.

I still haven't decided to stay or go.

I'm working my map, and I'll be operating at dread level 5 in about 6 months.

I'll evaluate how I feel then and if I'm still pissed off and not feeling it for her...NEXT!

I'm old and fat, but I have an attractive face still and I'm very good at talking. One of my hobbies is public speaking. As I lose weight I feel like women notice me, in a good way. Time will tell.

Dating in my late 50's doesn't bother me at all.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You have a real /u/oldredpiller vibe to you. I can see you being the next /u/vengefully_yours or /u/VasiliyZaitzev or /u/vandaalen

Don't think you will, but if you had doubts on slaying from late 40s on, those three guys alone belong on your friends list, they show how green that grass is.

/u/firetempered and /u/samsonbrass too, though for different reasons

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks?

Just what I need, more shit to read!!

Seriously, I've actually had to budget my time and declare 'reddit' one of my hobbies. When I first found MRP, I was so fucked up I took 3 days off work and nearly drowned myself in this shit.

Thanks for the suggestions.

I will check them out!

And thanks for YOUR contributions. I have a lot of respect for you.

no homo

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Similar starts, hopefully similar endings

[–]AtlasCuckd1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hope that you post a revenge story soon. In other words, Godspeed; May you be one of the greats in the coming years

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

emotional affair

Emotional affair my ass.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You might be right.

If I ever find evidence to the contrary, I'm gone.

If I get to my decision apex and it still bothers me one way or the other, I'm gone.

Either way, the stay plan and go plan are the same plan.

That's what I'm working with right now

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If I ever find evidence to the contrary, I'm gone.

U sure bro?

Her: "I never had sex with him! We only kissed!!"

Nigga please.

(it is okay for me to write that because I have a friend who is a racist)

EDIT: when you divorce, man up and fuck some married whores, you'll understand that there's no "we only kissed". Never fucking ever. You don't do this shit. You rip her panties and fuck her hard. "Only kissing" MY ASS.

[–]throwaway99999123455[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I like this. Clear and to the point- which is how I try to communicate with her on these types of things. If needed, I'd totally use a variation of this - thank you

[–]trp_dude4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, that's a good response.

Except one thing. He has frame and you do not. It's clear from your post that you're insecure and she knows you're insecure.

I mean, for crying out loud, she's not even meeting the guy 1:1. There are a bunch of people around them.

I would not mate guard. I would not marry her. I wouldn't marry at all.

See, it's like this. Mate guarding is only appropriate when guy is harassing your SO, and she needs protection. But if the sheep is trying to jump the fence and trying to get to the wolf, the problem is not the wolf, it's your sheep.

Prohibiting her from seeing male friends is putting the cart before the horse. It's like saying, "I demand you respect me!" or "I demand you find me attractive!"

If you have to tell your SO not to see someone, you've lost already. She should be so worried about losing you that she wouldn't even think about testing the boundaries.

Your SMV needs to be higher. Your frame needs to be stronger. You need to give less fucks. Getting married will be like shooting yourself in the head.

Action Plan:

1) Put off the wedding. Don't give any explanation. Just say you are not ready. Full Stop.

2) Go hang out with women. Work on dread,

3) Put off the wedding some more.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, that's a good response.

"Good" as in "101 how to be a cuck" good

[–]TrenGod378 points9 points  (9 children) | Copy

Mate guarding is unattractive, Let her go. And Go do your own thing.

There's not much more you can do here that's not going to make you look insecure. Let her throw her temper tantrum. STFU and go lift. But from here on out watch her actions. How she dresses as someone mentioned and if she starts trying to hang out with them more often. Then I'd say it's time to create a boundary. But this time let it go.

Oh and when she comes home don't go looking for hints as to what went on ask her if she had a good time and leave it at that

[–]bsutansaltRed Beret4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Mate guarding is lame as fuck.

Yes and no. Acting outwardly it is, like restricting who she hangs out with or whatever. Trust, but verify is not. Nor is having standards and expectations.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

One man's mateguarding is another man's boundaries. I would never have an LTR with a party girl, or a girl who socialises with dudes. If you set your boundaries at the beginning of a relationship it is amazing how few problems you have down the track.

[–]TrenGod370 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Unattractive is what I should have said

[–]Downhere_Seeds7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

If the guy is getting married, his SMV just went up, as he is being pursued by another woman (there's a term for this). She wants to see if he has somehow turned into an alpha stud (he hasn't).

It sounds like you have already started to enforce a boundary by not being "overly" affectionate as you say, tell her you are not comfortable with her going to lunch with this guy and see how she reacts. You don't have to explain why or say anything else, she will know why, but want you to comfort her to make her feel better about her shitty behavior, don't. Be prepared to keep her at a distance, you want her as uncomfortable as possible during this lunch and worrying about you the entire time. Good luck!

[–]ahackercalled4chan4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

(there's a term for this)

preselection, my friend

[–]Downhere_Seeds1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There it is! Thanks it was driving my crazy

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If the guy is getting married, his SMV just went up, as he is being pursued by another woman (there's a term for this). She wants to see if he has somehow turned into an alpha stud (he hasn't).

This

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm glad you brought this up. It's a fairly minor issue, but it represents a whole slew of larger problems. We preach 'don't be jealous.' But, sometimes, it's ok to tell her what you want. It's ok to say, "I'm not jealous of this guy, and I want you to have friendships, but if we're going to get married our bond has to be the strongest partnership of anybody we know because marriage is a risky proposition. Sure, it's harmless now. Our relationship will have ups and downs. If you're cultivating friendships with former lovers, the likelihood that you go crying on his shoulder is astronomical. So in the interest of US, I don't want you to go to lunch with him."

I've been the other guy. I was an orbiter. And I took advantage of the rocky times of a marriage. So if you really want to get married (which doesn't make much sense anyway) frame the issue in terms of strengthening your relationship.

[–]throwaway99999123455[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, that is a great way to put it. I may have DEERed back in a text response, but I conveyed a similar message. I didn't take a firm stance either way on it though, just basically said I wasn't jealous about it, but more trying to figure out if I should make it boundary, but that I was overthinking it and texts are useless and unproductive and not to worry about it.
This lunch already happened yesterday, but even knowing about it beforehand I don't know if saying 'don't go' is really the move I'd take on impulse or not. As far as marriage, we've lived together the past 5-6 years, have a baby, both make good money, so I don't know if I'm really more hosed if we split up either way to be honest

[–]InChargeManRed Beret7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

I then tell her about something unrelated and she flips out for not including her on it. I told her I was making an order days ago and tell me what she wants or I am going to order without her. Gave it a few days and made the order - she flips out and does a little girl tantrum and in essence hangs up.

I'm more concerned about this. Unless you were ordering something major for your household, like what kind of tile for the kitchen or something like that, why the hell would this be a flip out-able situation?

In general, before marriage even the shittiest of women are able to hold it together, biding their time to start the shit show. If this is before marriage I'm significantly concerned. If I were you I would put a temporary hold on marriage plans, like a LONG temporary hold, to make sure you have everything in order before moving forward.

[–]throwaway99999123455[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, it was over a grocery order - I take care of all of the household stuff like cooking and so on, so I make sure we don't run out of things. I even get the stuff she wants without her telling me- I just always ask if there is anything extra she wants beforehand. I was trying to read into that reaction to determine if it meant something else as it was out of character and looking at the action versus words since it logistically wasn't tied to the order itself if that makes sense.

Yeah, we've been engaged close to 2 years, so I've been delaying haha. Two years ago relationship was not meeting my standards, stumbled on to red pill, started making positive changes (wasn't that bad off, but definitely needed improved), was going to continue to improve and then determine whether to stay or go... about that time she got pregnant (imagine that).. and here we are. Relationship-wise it's good enough and getting better, but I know there options out there if it comes down to it.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's likely not that serious. She feels cut out of something and I bet it touches on several areas where she feels either confused or uninformed and the order happening without her is symbolic to that end.

There's likely a loose end of communication that hasn't been addressed or she feels like she's on the low end of the power dynamic. They may not have the right split of responsibilities either.

Only OP has the info to fully diagnose the source but fights are almost never about the thing of the fight. It's always symbolic of something else or some deeper anxiety/frustration but this does not sound like the kind of sign of a mental illness or mood disorder that you should go running to the hills over.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Eyes open, mouth shut.

As per anything

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's an ugly truth to always keep in your thought process:

If a chick wants to cheat, she's going to cheat. And the more obvious the situation then the less likely. But fuck all you can do about it other than push her towards it or force it underground.

My wife wants a GNO and they go out dressed like Rocky Horror Picture show extras...with all their stuff hanging out? I applaud her and send her on her way. They decide to go out on the town after. OK. Are guys more likely to hit on her. Yep. Is it more likely she'll cheat on this occasion when my radar (even from the coolest GNF's demeanor I can project) will obviously be on high observation mode? I'd say not unless she's an idiot or wanting to give me an out-of-alimony pass.

That was a real life example there.

If she was going to, would she instead be more likely to bone some random or preplanned day during the week day go visit Chad at a grocery store and pound out back? More likely if she was disposed to because of <whatever end of the contract I'm not holding up by not being a good branch()>.

A chick is going to do what she's going to do. All you can do is continue to be the prize she doesn't want to trade in on. Be cool, give no fucks. Scold her if she behaves inappropriately or acts like a kid trying to get attention. But never from a place of insecurity.

Rp for 2 years? Keep being rp. This situation doesn't change your tool set.

Seems like you're also being a bit preoccupied with her activities. Why is she not preoccupied with what you will be doing while she's out? Sounds already like you give more shits than her. You don't want to win that contest of shit giving.

Bonus points: Get a sitter and have plans that night to go out without her. When she sends a text, go dark. Any calls pre-screen and send to voicemail. If it's not an emergency , stay dark.

EDIT: Do want to throw this in there: as it's a situation where there is 3 of them..this would almost make it a non-issue. If something just "happens" where the girl drops out of the evening...it's a date. Which obviously means it's cool for you to be setting up dates as well and plate her. Even if she's yo baby's mamma.

[–]throwaway99999123455[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks everyone for the helpful replies - I really needed some outside perspectives on this. I think the answer is a bit of both and not clearcut - I'm going to maintain an "IDGAF what you do", but combine it with a "but you aren't going to be disloyal" - and back it up with an if so, you're gone, but not verbalized. I honestly couldn't believe how much of an impact just not being overly nice had on her. Takes me back to when I first started red pill and got accused of cheating on her like one week in (mild rambo back then haha).

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Grow a set, put off the wedding and set the tone for the rest of your life, on your terms.

You got a lot of reading to do. Not all guys are trying to fuck your SO and your SO May not always trying to Fuck another, especially when you are high value.

Mate guarding is inattractive. Reacting to her living vicariously in another's shoes while relating a story of experience is normal day to day Shit. It's not always about a jump, but there is excitement involved. Tip. Live your life to be exciting. This takes work. As in OYS

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Option 1: who cares

If she doesn't have a history of desperately seeking attention from other males, I'd chalk this up to just a luncheon with friends. If it is actually something more than that, there's not a whole lot you can do about it anyways. Telling your SO who she can and can't hang out with will make you look like an insecure, mate-guarding pussy.

Just continue being awesome, but observe how your SO acts on the day of the luncheon, what she wears, etc. "Trust but verify".

[–]throwaway99999123455[S] -3 points-2 points  (5 children) | Copy

She was blowing up my phone with texts this morning and I probably messed up by caving in/texting back a somewhat lengthy version of "I was internally conflicted on whether I should not care or set a boundary in regards to your lunch mates yesterday. I was just dumb and overthinking it - 100% at peace with it with it now - smiley face". She swears there was no history there. Oh well, that should calm it down, but like you say trust and verify and I think this will blow over. Honestly, I couldn't tell you what she wore, but she always dresses nice (leadership role at a big corporate org)

[–]TrenGod378 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

Oh Jesus Christ bro, why did you say that shit to her.

DEERing at its worst.

Now you not only look insecure. But you look weak as fuck for second guessing yourself AND explaining it to her. You sound like a damn chick getting over her period in that text. And you said that was the short version? 🤦‍♂️

[–]throwaway99999123455[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah exactly, I think she used my lack of extra affection to construct a hole, and then I went and dug that imaginary hole a little deeper by being like an idiot and trying to use words to throw dirt back on it. I should have just left that alone and dismissed it. SHIT. I have done well in combating DEER IRL, hopefully this doesn't set me back too far.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You cared too much about the anxiety her own thought process was producing. Next time just say some version of "we're good" and then demonstrate that via actions at home with some affection, touch, whatever gesture is appropriate to the relationship.

Her hamstering won't stop until she feels your actions to that end.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah exactly, I think she used my lack of extra affection to construct a hole, and then I went and dug that imaginary hole a little deeper by being like an idiot and trying to use words to throw dirt back on it.

I don't know what's gayer.

  1. Your text to her.

  2. Your hamstering about her constructing some proverbial hole.

  3. The fact that you ended your pussy ass text with a SMILEY FACE

I had some hope for you, until I go to this part...

[–]bsutansaltRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Whaaaaaaaaaat thhhhhhheeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeelllllllllllll?

That was just about the worst possible thing you could say and have now dug yourself an even deeper hole.

[–]throwaway99999123455[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well my small wall of text was now returned with an even longer wall of text saying how much I mean to her, how she wouldn't want to jeopardize our relationship, loves me so much, all she talked about was me etc etc.. and come to find out the new wife was apparently there too... all good enough except for two things: 1) I still want to talk through this with you 2) I don't want you to get worried every time I talk to a male, especially if you aren't communicating to me

Now, I am very upfront with her about how I don't talk about my feelings, so I will just dismiss it if she brings it up later. And for 2, this is where I hope one lapse in judgement doesn't set me back. I usually just say one thing and leave it at that. This is just giving me a hard time because internally I'm still kind of teetering between IDGAF what you do VS out of respect you don't hang out with other guys you have any kind of past with (which she still denies, but again AWALT).

I'm sure I'm making this a bigger deal than need be, but I want to set my future self up the best I can.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

OP I am struggling with some context here about this lunch. Are the three of them going, without you? Are you invited but declined? Is the other girl marrying the friend or is he marrying someone else?

This lunch, is it a grab something to eat over lunch break or is it drive out to somewhere nice and have a extended celebration? Has it been decided you are staying to look after the kid?

Was she invited or was she the initiator of the lunch?

On the surface it seems innocent enough, but my spidey senses are not happy.

[–]throwaway99999123455[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My apologies if my post wasn't clear - the lunch in question actually already happened. It was during her lunch break at work yesterday. She told me about it when she called me on her way home from work and that's when she said it was her, her girl friend, and this guy friend. Went on and on about all this stuff going on for guy (how he's getting married, all of his family live under one roof, things I could care less about, etc). At the time I just blew it off and talked like normal. Changed the subject, then she had a tantrum (about a grocery order). Which was weird behavior, so that got my mind thinking - the whole watch their actions mantra. The red flag was that her girl friend in the past told me that she (my SO) had been with said guy (we're talking quite a few years, but I don't forget things - I doubt my SO knows she told me). Which is what got my mind thinking as to what the right way to proceed would be - DGAF what she does or set a boundary to not see old "friends" like that. She denied then (and now) ever hooking up with this guy, but it seems unlikely her friend would lie about that plus I had some intel back then that points to yes. I'm familiar with AWALT, so don't really care about the past (we weren't together at the time, etc.). FWIW, she said they invited her along.

Since my original post, I may have slightly DEERed back in text to her (oops), but think I recovered. She then replied back and was sure to imply that this guy's future wife was actually present. A convenient detail she left out when she first told me about said lunch.

Is this guy real competition? I don't think so - objectively I'm higher on any SMV scale. It's really a matter of am I setting a precedent letting it slide or is this an opportunity to set a hard boundary.

Right now, I'm leaning towards there is no black and white answer. When she tries to "talk" about it later, I won't DEER, just dismiss and be concise. Hopefully my nonverbal actions convey enough boundary to avoid a more overt route.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So it has already happened, it belongs to the past. Making a huge fuss about it now would be reactive, and thus weak.

Trust but verify would be the standard go to going forward.

The only dust in my eye is why her and her friend's claims differ.

To put a positive spin on it, she denies it because she sees you as the prize and he is just a hookup from the past.

A negative spin, he alpha widowed her and you are a good father and provider.

You have your shit together to a great extent, I am leaning to towards the positive spin.

My spidey senses were on high alert when I saw her and her friends driving out to the countyside, drinking wine and longing for the old days with you sitting at home babysitting.

But still.... keep 'em peeled.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My opinion is an outlier opinion in here, some think it is mate guarding, others think it is unfair to wimmin. If I have a SO, she does not have male friends and she does not go out with male friends. She does not go out drinking alone (she is a child, she cannot be trusted with alcohol). However my situations are different, firstly I would never enter an LTR with a party girl or a girl who has orbiters. If your girl had that sort of social life beforehand then you are going to look like the bad guy if you shut it down. What some people call mate guarding I call boundaries. I figure if a bitch wants to behave in a manner which does not conform to a tradcon manner of conducting herself, then she is no longer my girl.



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