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How do I know if I'm on the right track with all of this?

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August 8, 2017
11 upvotes

I'm still learning and reading the side bar. And I don't want to rely on asking tons of questions everyday. I want to figure this out on my own. But I'm wondering how do I know if I'm doing things the right way or not?

If I'm getting sex? My relationship isn't bad but I want to be a better leader and make it even better.

I get confused when to do a lot of things such as agree and amplify. Ignore. Shut the fuck Up. If I'm DEERing. If it's okay to deer when I'm wrong. etc.

I'm a perfectionist so that makes this shit very stressful. Idk if I'm handling things good or really wrong. Without posting and asking all the time. Is there a way I can figure this out on my own but have a guide point to know if I'm doing things the right way. Or if they can be done differently. Or better?


Post Information
Title How do I know if I'm on the right track with all of this?
Author beta-to-boss
Upvotes 11
Comments 52
Date 08 August 2017 06:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205706
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6sfezw/how_do_i_know_if_im_on_the_right_track_with_all/
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Comments

[–]Aaren_Augustine6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your Male Action Plan.

Athol Kay calls it Mindful Attraction Plan, but the fucking words mean something to me when I call it Male Action Plan. I will attract someone or I won't. But foot should be firmly on the gas in the direction I want it to go

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm reading it now actually just started that chapter

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

You have to know what you want, not what you think you want.

http://stonepimpletilists.blogspot.com/2016/05/flawed-mental-models-discovering-what.html

It's old and needs a rewrite, but do look into mental models. You need to frame the world in such a way that you can have a goal, distilled as best you can.

Otherwise, none of this matters, and you're just LARPING.

Some guys want to have sexual freedom. I chose a "Never Again" Policy. Others treat it like an obligation until the kids leave, and to live it like they stole it. etc.

As for perfectionism, you've got to ditch that mentality quick only thing that comes from it are panic attacks when you fail (or worse yet, you stop trying, so you save your ego)

Remember, process, not perfection. You should embrace failure, fuckups, hostility, conflict. The works. All this non-comfort-zone shit can be your bread and butter...

So to answer your question direct. You set the terms of success/failure. Then when something happens, its trivial whether it's a good or bad thing, because you can measure how much closer/further it gets you from your goal.

On top of that, start trusting that you know what you're doing, once you pick a goal. Second guessing, analysis paralysis, and fear of failure (or worse, fear of success) are what cause weak guys to keep the pedal to the floor, while in neutral. You may fuck up, and your fuck ups will teach you more than weeks of inaction can.

The trick? When you do fuck up (and you'll know when you are going ass backwards from your goal) you have to be able to spot it, and calibrate off of it. Take it with a 'devil make care' smile, and move on.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Good read. And that's my main issue I guess I dk what i want career wise. I have everything else figured out but that.

But I'm still confused on how, let's say I want to become a medic and I go to school and all. How does having that goal change any of this. If my SO is giving me shit about another girl or some bullshit. How does having that goal in mind change any of this from now to then? It's still shit and I have to deal with it. When that happens (shit with my SO) how does knowing what I want in life change that

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I didn't say career, I said goal. A career fits into a goal, it's not a goal.

Jordan Peterson has his '5 year' experement, theres the 5 why's I talked about in there, tons of different ways to get your philosophical house in order.

For why it's helpful...

to let what does not matter, truly slide

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

What would a goal be when it comes to that

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

THATS FOR YOU TO DECIDE, I CANT HAND IT TO YOU.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I don't want you to. I want to understand what you mean. Just an example.

When my SO is giving me shit about something. What would a goal be? Getting her to stfu? Kill her? Jk but really

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Mine, never to be in a position to be taken advantage of/for granted again.

I won't give all the details, but it's the driving factor. How do I implement this in career, home, travel?

At this point, you're asking for handholding. Tons of research you can do into the topic, stop asking for handholding, you're on your own at this point. Come back when you're worth a damn

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes sir

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy

It's controversial nowadays but you don't actually have to entirely turn off your brain and be irrationally confident following a hivemind of internet retards. You can always read and lift until you start to get a clue.

Always been a fan of "don't just do something, stand there."

[–]hystericalbonding2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

you don't actually have to entirely turn off your brain and be irrationally confident following a hivemind of internet retards

I'd expect the hivemind to give a vague answer to a vague OP.

read and lift until you start to get a clue

He's reading and roiding, but still has no clue.

"don't just do something, stand there."

Great for Rambo, or for guys who don't realize that authenticity is important. OP sounds like the latter. Maybe he'd enjoy some of /u/TheFamilyAlpha's stuff.

I wonder how OP deals with passive aggression like this when it comes from his LTR...

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Not good. And it's funny you said that about the family alpha. I listened to his podcast today really liked it

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Which one?

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Masculine by design

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hint, he's not talking to OP.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Not really. OP says is he's doing things without an expected outcome. It doesn't matter whether your expectations are correct, they just have to exist and make personal sense to you. This is how all experimental work operates. If you don't have any reason (=working hypothesis etc) why you're doing something, you're just fucking around or expecting magic while operating on faith. You certainly won't learn from your mistakes and make better predictions after you fail.

You know you're on the right track when your outcomes match your predictions and the outcomes are what you want. Unless you've got both, you're shooting in the dark.

The risks of reading and lifting and thinking are extremely low. It's action that can be done with very predictable results: knowledge and muscles.


More detail: OP is asking "how do I avoid making mistakes?" This has been studied extensively (in aeronautics and in health care). Human errors are related to performance in three domains:

  • Skill-based performance (auto-pilot mode)
    To prevent errors you stop, think, act and review.

  • Rule-based performance (if-then response mode)
    To prevent errors you (1) qualify the source "Do you trust the source?" (2) validate the instructions "Does it make sense to me?" and (3) verify the instructions by checking with independent expert sources.

  • Knowledge-based performance (figuring it out mode)
    To prevent errors do NOT proceed in the face of uncertainty. If you don't know what you are supposed to do, if you have questions or if someone else raises a concern you need to seek advice and learn.

The bottom line is that if your goal is to prevent errors you must turn on your brain. This is indisputable.

[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

you're shooting in the dark

That's OP and this entire thread in a nutshell.

I have a vision of OP as a guy with a poorly formed identity. He doesn't know who he is or what he wants. He's like Patrick Bateman:

...there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: I simply am not there. It is hard for me to make sense on any given level. Myself is fabricated, an aberration. I am a noncontingent human being. My personality is sketchy and unformed...

Of course, that's an assumption based on the lack of detail in an post, to which I have already dedicated too much time.

Maybe this is where your idea of OYS flair would be helpful. That's where this guy needs to be.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's probably more of idk what I want. With my career is my biggest thing. I literally don't know what to do or what I want.

I have fitness goals. I want a family. Kids. Buy a house one day. Those types of goals. But as far as knowing what I want on a day to day basis. I just go with the flow. I know it's a habit I probably need to change. I'm in a routine. Work 11-7p. gym. Meal prep. Read. Repeat. I throw some shit for me and my SO to do on the weekends when I am off. But other than that I'm not sure what direction I should be taking on a. Day to day basis.

Let's say I want to be a medic. I start going I school and continue everything else I'm doing. How would the way I response to things change from here to then. Yea I have a direction but when my SO gives me shit it's still shit. I don't see how having that goal in mind can change any of this

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well what do you find rewarding? Deeply rewarding? That will give you a clue as to a direction to begin hypothesizing life outcomes regarding a career.

Stonepimples suggestion of Peterson's future authoring program (ie... 5 year experiment) could be a powerful tool for working out what will bring more meaning into your life and connect that with concrete goals.

The process of writing will help untangle a lot of your thinking since it requires you to distill down the abstract emotions to written ideas.

Pikadildo also has a great point in saying that at some point your readings and thought experiments will start to coalesce into a model of action you can pursue. Right now you're doing the readings but don't have a model together yet. Which just takes time. (Hopefully I'm reading his comment right)

Regarding tools/skills as it relates to game, that will just be a process of experimentation and figuring out what does or doesn't work for you. Just take it slow and deliberate and have patience with the process and things will start to click.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret0 points1 point  (24 children) | Copy

Help us out. What have you read? DYEL? age/height/weight? there isn't much to go on in your post.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (23 children) | Copy

I've read WISNIFG. NMMNG (a while ago). The rational male. and am ready MMSLP right now. I'm right at the beginning of the MAP chapter

Along with some side bar posts. Yes I lift. A lot I also take roids so I'm good in the jacked department 27/213/6 foot

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret0 points1 point  (22 children) | Copy

How long are you in your relationship? How long have you been lurking here?
You said >My relationship isn't bad but I want to be a better leader and make it even better

How did you come to find this sub? if everything is good and you only want better I don't think you would be here.

you seem to have your fitness in order so, read, reread and then reread once more.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (21 children) | Copy

I've honestly been on TRP for years. Mastered he single life. But now I can't for the lift of me grasp this MRP shit. I'm trying. But I AA when I shouldn't. And freeze up thinking what should I do. And go silent. My SO constantly is hitting me with idk how to respond to. It's annoying to me. But sometimes I guess she has a point. Sometimes. She don't. And I can't see what the difference is.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

as in life you have to fail to learn sometimes. if you have a good understanding of TRP then keep reading and practicing. Fogging, broken record, and STFU are your friends while you figure out your own nuances. Maybe a revisit to NMMNG and definitely reread WISNIFG(for assertive techniques).

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just bought NMMNG audio book now. Thanks

[–]anythingincRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So were you just going along aimless in life and ended up in a relationship accidentally? If you have any RP background then you should have:

Mastered the single life

Great. So letting someone into your life who wants to be there and add value to it is easy as shit after that.

Are you telling me you have years worth of TRP knowledge and lifestyle, yet accidentally ended up in a relationship where the woman runs your life and doesn't fuck you, and now you are having to dig yourself out? Really?

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

what makes you think MRP and TRP actions are different?

You think MRP is about letting your SO be the judge of you?

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mastered he single life. But now I can't for the lift of me grasp this MRP shit.

these two things should not be any different besides passing comfort test; and priortizing your time some more for her and kids. you are the same.

And freeze up thinking what should I do.

sounds to me like your afraid of your bitch.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

what does she say that bothers you?

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy

I know a lot of it has to do with me. But she's very naggy esp when she wants to know something. As I write this I realize I should just fucking tell her and deal with her bitchy attitude.

But it will take me a down a road I don't feel like dealing with

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

I know a lot of it has to do with me. But she's very naggy esp when she wants to know something. As I write this I realize I should just fucking tell her and deal with her bitchy attitude.

you know, I know all the shit you feel about her. but I still have no idea what she says at all.

do you always talk to her about your feelings too?

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

Mostly it's about women I used to fuck. Why I have them on social media. Do I still talk to them. If she sees a chick say hi to me she wants to know if I slept with them. She wants to know why I don't say I love you back. She wants to know if I miss her. Etc.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

I see

tell her that yes, you are fucking them right now.

or you can tell her that her ludicrous questions are going to end up with her not having a boyfriend.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Isn't that DEERing. Explaining that to her ?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

how do I know if I'm doing things the right way or not?

What are you goals? You didn't give us much info here to work with.

I get confused when to do a lot of things such as agree and amplify. Ignore. Shut the fuck Up. If I'm DEERing. If it's okay to deer when I'm wrong. etc.

For the first 3 good months (maybe even 6 months) you should just STFU, lift, and read. Nothing else.

STFU does not mean "ignore". Do some research on what we mean when we say "STFU" and you will have a solid foundation to start with.

is it ok to DEER when I'm wrong?

If you actually read the fucking sidebar you would know that it's never OK to DEER. If you are wrong, own up to it and move on.

without posting all of the time...

I certainly do not speak for everyone, but I would say it's OK to post here when you have questions or need a pulse check. It's what this sub is for. But read the sidebar. Most stupid questions that are posted here are answered in the sidebar. Do your homework.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

But isn't owning up to it DEERing?

For example I did something that was probably not something I should be doing while in a relationship. I owned up to it and fixed it. But she wanted to say I was lying. And looking stupid. And I had to explain to her I owned up to it. And fixed it. I didn't lie. Conversation over

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

DEER- Defend, explain, excuse, rationalize

An example of owning your shit:

Her: were you looking at midget porn last night?

You: Yup. That was me.

Her: OMG why?

You: why is the sky blue? A better question would be what's for dinner?

See how there was no defending or explaining or excusing or rationalizing? You admit to the fuck up or whatever and move on.

An example of DEERing:

Her: were you looking at midget porn last night?

You: Um yea, that was me.

Her: OMG why?

You: well I was bored. And curious. And you know I have needs and I can watch what I want and it's none of your business and you shouldn't be looking at my browsing history and because I like midgets!

Her: You are pathetic. I think you should sleep on the couch tonight.

See the difference?

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What about why do you have your ex on Snapchat still?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I have her on Snapchat still because I never deleted her."

Her: "What the fuck, why didn't you delete her?"

"Good question. Can I delete you instead?"

Her: "you're such an asshole!! You should delete her if you love meeeee!!"

"I understand you feel that way but I don't agree."

Her: "you don't agree that you should delete her?"

"Correct."

Her: "but if you loved me you wouldn't make me feel this way; it seems like you're cheating on me"

"I understand you feel that way but I don't agree."

And on and on and on. Learn how to fog. You aren't responsible for her feelings, so don't try to solve them by giving her a nice neat little package of explanations. She'll throw that package right back into your face and say you didn't wrap it well enough.

[–]Downhere_Seeds0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are you newly married? Basically you have to learn when to apply these, based on her mood, context and common sense. For example, it's not a good idea to crack a joke about her killing a dog, right after she's hit one with her car and killed it. If you try one and it doesn't work, you've learned something, try another one. You'll find out what your wife prefers and what she responds to. You'll know if you are successful if you are both happy the majority of the time and you know how to turn it around in the hard times.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there. - Cheshire Cat

What is your vision? What do you want out of life? Figure it out, make a plan, execute it, and evaluate your progress. The sidebar is a toolbox. What do you want to build?

Also, feel free to become an observer while you are still learning. But, don't stay an observer and be forever on the sidelines. Just work your way into it. Lift in the meantime. When you are strong physically it is easier to be strong mentally.

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Being a perfectionist is not a good mindset for learning if you're applying your perfectionism to the result. You can't bat 100% yet and you shouldn't try. Where you are now, trial and error is part of the process.

You should focus on getting better, on learning, on building frame. Don't think you can rush to the end. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.

Why try to figure this out on your own? Read the sidebar, learn from that. Post here, get feedback. The greatest men in history had mentors - like them, suck the knowledge out of the smartest people you can find before you start making something yourself.

Once you get further in the process you will see that is more about finding something inside yourself. It's more about frame, character and identity than anything else, and what you doing now is building that more than anything else. And the part that is skill is requires fingerspitzengefühl, it's not something there's any simple way if understanding. It takes experience and the intuition that comes with it.

You have my permission to go fuck up. STFU when you should have made a witty remark - you'll come up with it 30 minutes later. A&A and realize later it was cringy. It's ok, it's a learning process. You'll never figure it out if you're confused and stressed and overthinking it. Just do it, and hit or miss as long as you gave it a good shot and you're evaluating it later instead of beating yourself up about it, that's mission accomplished because it made you better.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hint the shit fits and temper tantrums of the SO are "eh, whatever" or, you laugh and she cries, then laughs or not, but you are in your frame so WGAF ?

Make sure you lift and lift hard should be walking pumped and in "worked the fuck out of myself" mode

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

how do I know if I'm doing things the right way or not

Anal and unsolicited blowjobs. Sex picks up. Shit Tests may or may not pick up.

If it's okay to deer when I'm wrong. etc.

If you must, then DEER about how you are fixing the problem. Don't ever DEER about something you did wrong. Admit it if warranted and move on.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Perfectionism is often a sign of insecurity. You don't feel good about yourself, your true self, so you identify with what you DO, to the exclusion of who you ARE. Therefore, every mistake you make is a negative reflection of you. That's false.

Right now you should consider yourself in MRP boot camp, at least until the beginning of dread level 3. You are expected to make mistakes. You are a trainee. You are reading and assimilating new information for the first time. Every mistake is one more identifiable step closer to success.

The average person retains 7-10% of what they read the first time. You might be special and get to 15% the first pass through. But to understand the reading, to really internalize it and be able to use it requires study. No different than learning a philosophy book in college, plan to spend some time in the prerequisites and other areas. You will start to pick it up on your 4th or 5th time through. And when you come to the exercises like those in NMMNG, do them. It will help you internalize the information and make it usable much more quickly.

Along the way take notes. I have note tabs in my phone, red pill quotes, red pill wisdom, awesome MRP links, etc.

Sex from your wife cannot be a metric for success. It leads you to chase pussy. The whole point here is to get the pussy to open to you and invite you in, to desire you.

You know you're doing it right when you add more weight in the gym.

You know you're doing it right when you feel better after a workout and receive IOIs from random cuties.

You know you're doing it right when you read something and have an AHA! moment, thinking about the last time you fucked up AA or AM or even fogging/broken record, and what you'll do better next time.

You know when you're doing it right when you are in your frame, shit tests and comfort tests are identifiable and passable, and you are fun to be with.

You are re-wiring your brain to function in a different way to project your masculinity from your new masculine core. Give yourself the opportunity to do that through the course fundamentals. And don't be afraid to fuck up.

If you want to use a metric for success, plug into the dread levels. By the time you complete #5 you should have a good working knowledge of most of the fundamentals.

I'm still in dread level 1/2.

Others around here have gone all the way as necessary.

Keep reading, over and again.

As long as you don't quit, you'll succeed.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you I needed to hear this

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, how old are you? We'll say you're 34.

Dude, you've known for 34 years now how you know if you're on the right track. With anything. When you wanted to get your parents attention as a baby and you cried and they came, you knew you were on the right track.

When you got all your chores done at 8 and your mom gave you your allowance you knew you were on the right track.

When you flirted with that girl in high school and she giggled and gave you eyes you knew you were on the right track..

How? Because you got what you wanted. You know you're on the right track when you get what you want.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

are you happier today than yesterday?

good.

not happier? - try something different.

[–]Soberskipper-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I'm a perfectionist bla bla bla...."

No your a pussy that's scared to get into choppy deep waters so you want the Mrp community to give you a step by step life assessment.

Fuck that throw yourself in at the deep end,realise your a man and stfu and read for 3 months.

Lift every day.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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