714,030 posts

Let's have a group hug and talk about expectations.

Reddit View
August 4, 2017
8 upvotes

Let's not dance around it. The majority of us are here because we did a search for why we're not having sex more in our married lives and came across /r/deadbedrooms, then from some comment came across /r/redpill, then somehow found /r/marriedredpill.

The foundation behind MRP has, and to me, has always been, how can I get to have more sex besides the once or twice a month (or, once every six months for some of you poor bastards.....).

That lead most of us to realize that frequent sex with our SO isn't the issue, it's us. Queue the sidebar. ---> NMMNG. Those of us who have read NMMNG have dropped the book with our jaws in our laps and undoubtedly proclaimed "this book described me to the atom". If you've read Rational Male, you've for sure pulled your head from the book and silently whispered "fuck. right?".

So that brings us here. We're not misogynists, we're certainly not advocates for rape culture, hell we're not even against women's rights and liberties. We're here to learn about who we are as the other 50% in a relationship that too often get's forgotten about in a modern relationship. We have needs, we have feels, we have expectations and and most of all, we have a carnal desire to have sex. We want to fuck things that are nice, we want to fight and we want to do awesome shit. Why is that a bad thing. Im not a slave, Im a free man with free thoughts. It's OK to want sex every day. That is NOT a bad thing.

Why wont my SO of 15 years fuck me like she did when she first met me? Whos chad, and why would she rather fuck him than me? Oh god, I've lost everything that she wanted to have sex with and become this placated piece of shit.... that she created. Is it her fault? Hell no. Is it my fault? Hell yes. But its time to wake up and set some rules here.

So you find this place. What you read and listen and hear about makes sense. You hear about not going rambo, which is true, no one likes a newly found religious preacher anyways. So you take it slowly. This sub is about improving yourself as a MAN, about taking control of your own destiny. Women be damned! Right? But, let's assume that you're new here. What, veterans, is your advice for a realistic timeline for change.

This is to help the newbies to the MRP that think they can make change in a week.

My personal experience? It's quite shitty, TBH. I've been being the best I can be for 4 months. Owning my shit, dread level 5 and as far as financial stability is concerned, lifting and fit as ever.... . Married 12 years. BARELY seeing any sort of change, but with (1) reminding myself I'm in this life for me, and no one else and (2) should shit hit the fan I'll be ok, and (3) While I love my wife with my heart, her unwillingness to be emotionally available to me is a deal ender if this doesn't work out, and thats OK. This life is about ME and not her.

4 months in. What have I seen? A slow uptick in respect. Maybe, MAYBE, sex once more a month than usual. It's to hard not to spray emotional vomit all over the place when I initiate and she denies, but since I stopped negotiating sex (planning) and talking about it all the time, I can certainly see a change. Small, but it's there.

This is 4 months. Expect nothing until you change the paradigm. I used to be such a beggar, a negotiator, an explainer of my feelings. 4 months is nothing. I suspect this is a few years to switch the direction of MY ship.

So. For You veterans who have bettered yourself, and aimed for higher horizons, please, let's teach the newbies once and for all what to expect.


Post Information
Title Let's have a group hug and talk about expectations.
Author mrpwatlol123
Upvotes 8
Comments 26
Date 04 August 2017 05:39 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205751
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6rihk0/lets_have_a_group_hug_and_talk_about_expectations/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
Chadliftthe red pillNMMNG
Comments

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

I already don't like you.

Stop pretending you want everyone to get together. You're asking for people to tell you that you aren't wasting your time, and to guarantee results.

Which means you still don't get it. It's your life, and no one here cares if you dive off a bridge tomorrow.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I already don't like you.

lol

OP, it starts to snowball but not at 4 months after that long a marriage. Keep going and don't bend over here, you ass hair is showing.

[–]thunderbeyond0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am 4 months in too. When I started, I was pretty amped too. Full of vim and vigor. Full of opinion. Posted comments full of energetic advice.

Now I'm a bit more circumspect. At 4 months you should realise that yes.... you will improve your lot if you stick at it. But you should also realise that the more you know, the more you realise you don't know. That's why I've STFU even here, and gone back to reading and learning.

There are enough newb mrps here giving unsolicited advice.

So OP - as advice from a 4mth "peer" - start off with an OYS post. Start introspecting. Start killing the ego.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

expect to live your life on your terms.

[–]RPJMRP1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's a money fucking quote. I can't imagine anyone wanting anymore than that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

most guys don't have their own terms . hence the fear.

oh and I am NOT saying I am there yet fully either.

[–]BobbyPeru6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Like the honesty.

4 months is yet a blip in MRP time. Keep at it. Everything gets better, but it's blood, sweat, and tears if you want it.

[–]hystericalbonding5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Many guys came here from deadbedrooms and were looking for a fix, but those who maintain that covert contract either fail, or get more sex but stay angry.

Stop obsessing about sexual frequency like a thirsty beta. If you stop the unattractive behaviors, then women will be more receptive. Maybe one of them will be your wife.

[–]BigAjax3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

u/scurvemuch hit the nail on the head and his response is really is all that needs to be said. The truly hard work involves (i) actually going through the process of reckoning with yourself about exactly what you want out of life and how you want to live your life, and (ii) developing the mindset to allow you to truly follow through on that and accept the consequences of it.

But to play a long just a bit with OP's question about his marriage, it's important to realize that unattracted-attracted is not a smooth, linear scale. There's a hump you have to get over to move from the unattracted bin to the attracted bin. So, you probably won't see a gradual uptick in sex as you improve yourself. Lots of guys, myself included, made the mistake of expecting that and poorly dealing with things not working out that way. That false expectation is grounded in the deep misunderstanding of attraction that helped land many of us in a dead bedroom in the first place. And covert contracts, of course.

Women who are attracted to a man will want to fuck him, often and enthusiastically. Just how often and how enthusiastically depends on the woman's "true" sexual nature and just how attracted she is. Once she's attracted to you (again or for the first time), though, everything changes. Prior to that, maybe you get better quality and higher frequency duty sex as you become less unattractive in her eyes, with the occasional genuinely good fuck thrown in when she's ovulating. But, basically, before you get over that hump, she's going to treat you the way women treat men they aren't attracted to. And we all know that's not very good.

Of course, there's no guarantee she ever becomes attracted to you. In that case, if you've done the work, some other women will be attracted. And you'll be prepared to deal with them.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you go to the "top" posts tab on MRP, select "all time", and go through the first several pages, you will find many "summary of my MRP journey" posts, most of which give at least a rough timeline of their progress and their wives' responses. You can dig deeper by going to the other posts of those users.

Here are some examples by "career betas": FR: You're not the man I married by /u/sh0ckley; Here's your example by /u/GargantuaBlarg29; and another one.

Since this is important to you and of interest to others, why don't you go do a deep dive on this and add value here by writing and posting a summary report for your unplugging brothers?

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

hahahhaha. keep dreaming.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But this one is special, can't you see? After all, he's "been being the best he can be for 4 months" already. He's got the financial stability locked down, "owns his shit" (which probably means that he does the dishes and other chores now before she has to nag him), he wears clothes that fit him, and he even lifts! Wow! Sometimes, he even manages "not to spray emotional vomit all over the place when I initiate and she denies" although it's so very hard not to, so his frame must be really something now. What the hell is wrong with that bitch?

But he's not doing it for her. Really. Not All Newbies Are Like That.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

the value leeches never do

[–]SeamusAwl2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I found TRP and then MRP while looking for divorce stories. I hated my wife and wanted some evidence that i could recover if i dropped her from my life (reality was i was too much of a chicken shit to actually pull the trigger and was looking for encouragement to actually do it). But I also didnt want to lose my kids. I read the posts with a modicum of hope and wasnt sold for a few months. That changed last November when i suddenly realized my wife's entire behavior was entirely due to my behavior. In an instant my mind was changed. She was constantly harping on me to not just be a man, but to be her man. I just took it with resentment and thought she was being a cunt. She wasnt, she was pleading with me to man up and be the man she married, not this fat beta loser wasting his life away. That is my story. I now love my wife and i know i will be just fine if we ever did split. In someways my life may be better if we did, but i like my life now and my hopes involve her coming along for the ride if she wants to.

[–]askmeanything25 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

When one has been a beta for most or all of the time, usually it takes dread 8+. You will find the next six months very interesting. In particular when your wife fully awakes to your changes. When other women are very "interested" in you right in front of your wife, your sex life will be changing.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here it is:

NOW GET TO WORK!!!

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I came from maybe worse than you.

She sucks on my dick whenever I want during the day and is up for pretty much anything, anytime.

There's a lot of moving parts in a timeline. I was already fit and I had good social skills - I mostly had to unlearn the blue pill bullshit and employ the same tactics I knew from management, negotiations, and my youth. I got most of the way in about 6 months.

Remember that progress isn't linear. There should be a gradual increase in sex and her shit tests should get worse and worse. If you're owning your shit, passing shit tests and have good SMV and she's not complaining that you're a cocky asshole and how she hates guys like that, you need to push the envelope. Be more you, get your alpha zen on: let your desire flow freely into intent and action, unimpeded by how it inconveniences or offends her or anyone else. She'll test your frame harder and harder until the Main Event - pass that and her sexual submissiveness instantly goes way, way up.

[–]ragnorak710 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

1 month per year of marriage the old way is the norm. My arrival method was different, my googling was all about me and how far i had descended, it has never been about sex (although that has improved wildly) but my marriage has definitely improved objectively as well as from my perspective.

I have been lurking and reading here for just over a year and it has been plenty of ups and downs. I am still at it and enjoying the challenge of it but I have dropped pretty much any expectations of the wife due to danger of covert contracts. Instead, my family now understand that my time matters and if situations or people are not meeting my standards then I take action, whether to rectify or leave.

This works for us, you will find what works for you. I see there is still a lot of 'she' and 'her' in your post above, when you are more focused on what you want and need this will all be less of a hassle.

One last thought, the analogy someone gave of the wife being in a dinghy behind your ship on a 1000ft rope really resonated with me and helped me worry less about someone else's progress and just worry about mine.

Keep it up mate, reflect more and appreciate how far you have come today to push you further tomorrow.

[–]2ndalRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So. For You veterans who have bettered yourself, and aimed for higher horizons, please, let's teach the newbies once and for all what to expect.

The one and only thing you should expect is that you become a better man.

[–]RPJMRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There is a tipping point. There's a sector of time you will pass where everything comes together and she recognizes you as the man she wants. I don't know how to pin point it. How many days straight have to go right before she submits fully? Depends on the man, depends on the woman.

But you are an attractive man by that point and you don't care by that point, and when you add those two facets together, a response happens as old as time.

Keep working the process. Everyone wants to measure results, that's natural, but it is the process that's the important part.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck your expectations.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We're not misogynists, we're certainly not advocates for rape culture, hell we're not even against women's rights and liberties.

Dude, did you just D.E.E.R. for mrp? (jk)

Everyone will experience varying pasta as we're all working with different sauces. Although it is still...pastaaaaa.

I think the key is to recognize whats at play. Get the basic mechanics and start doing what you can and what you want.

MRP or not, life and relationshits are a rollercoaster. Two fucking monkey brains trying to impose their version of reality on the other. Vet or newb , old or young. There's going to be highs and lows.

Some will come in and get a vast and quick intense increase in all that they want. (and then maybe a subsequent crash followed by resurgence. you name it...we've probably read it by now).

Some , maybe a nudge in the right direction. Some come out of desperation, some out of curiosity.

Like ANYTHING IN LIFE, expect results proportional to the effort you put in.

Example: If your focus is the ONE woman you are married to, and she isn't as responsive as others , and you aren't willing to try with someone else...ie. you're not just trying to be RP Chad, but save what you have and that's YOUR personal goal. Well who the fuck is anyone to tell you to change your life in a way you don't want. You set your goalposts. We talk tools and methods.

Paradoxically if you don't want THIS type of life and you come in and eat what is fed you and you become what you DON'T want ...from us no less..well that isn't very rp is it?

Just start the path. See what happens. Take what tools you experiment with and use them. Make yourself better/what you want. We hear "What's the end goal of MRP", and the mantra is there is no end. Just always improving... so from that perceptive and the right attitude I think even the greenest new guy could keep his expectation in line with reality.

Although it's fun to throw this in as an endgoal: be so mrp you aren't mrp.

Snatch the pebble, grasshopper!

There is no spoon, Neo!

Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger. Wait...wrong pseudo eastern saying..

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

what to really expect ?

zero to hero. Just as long as you do the work. Take some time but it happens

Sex from on her terms, to my terms when I want and now her initiating cause she once again, can't get enough

Menoupase ? Low Libido ? Anti depressants ? All excuses to fend off the unattractive dude in your skin. Don't have to be fat, don't have to be bald, just have to check out and she will too.

So check back into your life and enjoy a great fuck or two.

And, don't forget to lift ..... don't feel like lifting ? , go eat shit. Then you can look, smell and be shit. The enchilada

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

700+ words to ask how long it takes?

Congratulations getting to dread level 5 in four months.

15 years?

15 months.

11 more to go.

And 5 more levels of dread.

The answer is always simple.

But not always easy.

Follow the structure and the plan.

Your wife will get onboard or she'll jump ship. And then you can find another first (next) mate.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop with the "we" shit.

There's a shit ton of priceless resources here and I'm glad I found this place but I fixed myself.

And group hugs are for faggots.

4 months isn't that long but if you're seeing results then build upon them. It snowballs at a certain turning point. Keep going.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter