First of all, I'm not married, but I think this is a better forum for this question than AskTRP. I used to think I might marry this girl (not so sure anymore), so I think it's relevant. You might help save my future marriage.
We're around 30 years old (her 27, me 31) and in a relationship for a year.
- We often go on weekend getaways. She trusts me to plan them and doesn't want to know where we're going -- she wants to be surprised. On those trips, she's pleasant and follows my lead.
- Sex is good and frequent. She initiates blow jobs. I manhandle her in bed and she likes it.
- She's going to the gym and says she has to lose weight for me.
- She cooks for me, even at my place.
- When she's on bad behavior, instead of getting angry I hold my frame and distance myself a bit. She senses that and tries to win me back with nice behavior.
- She disrespects me fairly often. I've noticed she's also disrespectful to her parents, but mostly to her father. Her parents are a dysfunctional couple -- her mother makes more money than the father and he's just going around the house angry. Oh, and she cheated on him about 10 years ago. I don't want to end up like them, but my SO resembles her bitchy mother too much. Last year I told her that negativity and disrespect is not okay, then reminded her a couple months ago -- it has improved but it's still too much by my standards. It took her very long time admitting this, see the next point.
- More importantly, she has trouble admitting mistakes. I actually don't know a single woman who can admit mistakes easily, but this one is slightly above average. It's exactly as in this bit by Bill Burr: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNSt3wJXZk0 Whenever she does something bad, she tries to counter-attack instead. I am very stoic and handle those as Bill says -- I see that I won while she's trying to find excuses or things that I did.
Even though there are many good things in the relationship, I too often don't want to be around her. That might be fine in a casual relationship but I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. And I sure don't want to end up like her parents.
Part of me just wants to leave this relationship and part of me wants to try fixing it for one last time.
Do you think it's worth trying or beyond repair? Her becoming an exact copy of her mother scares me as hell.