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Your opinion of open marriages?

Reddit View
July 24, 2017
6 upvotes

Hi guys,

Newb checking in again. I'm curious to hear your thoughts for or against the idea of open marriages. It looks "on paper" to be the best of both worlds (Stable LTR with it's benefits, and freedom to date with it's benefits), but in reality I suspect there are quite a few landmines one would need to be mindful of to pull it off- if it can realistically be done in the first place.

As a newly unplugged dude who is also experiencing some heavy midlife crisis type feelings, I've begun to question my own intentions. Would I really just be satisfied fixing my dead bedroom circumstances in RP fashion, or am I just wishing I were single? Miss those exciting new partner feels. Like most other married guys who have invested a few decades to one person, kids in the mix, and large financials to consider, simple divorce doesn't look that appealing (although not ruled out). And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I cheated- just my own personal feelings (not from a religious BS viewpoint and also not judging anyone else).

Is an open marriage a dumb, great, or (fill in the blank) idea?

cheers


Post Information
Title Your opinion of open marriages?
Author covertcontractor
Upvotes 6
Comments 39
Date 24 July 2017 11:57 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205813
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6p7was/your_opinion_of_open_marriages/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
cheatinglong term relationship
Comments

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet30 points31 points  (3 children) | Copy

An open marriage is cuck tier shit if you ask me. Women will naturally lose respect for a man who still loves and provides for a woman who is getting slammed by other guys. She will know you're only sticking around because your trapped and don't have the balls to leave. A real man would just say "fuck it" and leave her ass.

[–]PitchingGranite14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

This, and she'll be instantly able to fuck 100x more people than you at the drop of her panties. There are plenty of FRs of open marriages going shitty for the man, still haven't read one that went well for him.

MRP is red pill on hard mode. Open MRP is TRP on nightmare difficulty.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

On the Deadbedrooms sub all the men somehow think it is only them that will be going out on dates in an open marriage.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

/r/redpillnonmonogamy

Red Pill on Satan Mode.

As Athol Kay wrote: If you are gonna swing, you better be the biggest dick in the room.

If you are talking open marriage as in the wife picks up girls for threesomes and more then I am on board with that. If the wife is screwing other guys, there is only ONE way it plays out.

Wife goes on dates and get's railed by a series of cocks for 6 months to a year.

Husband suffers in silence or enjoys the putrid taste and smell of well used pussy. Then Husband- after sitting at home sobbing and crying for 6 months or more finally finds a girlfriend.

Suddenly Wife realizes that she doesn't want to be passed around and slammed like a sour whiskey bottle and also realizes that NOW wife and husband are on equal footing.

Of course "equality" cannot stand! Wife says we are no longer swinging. Dump your sluttly little girlfriend who is giving you the first good sex you have ever had.

Wife engages in 1-2 weeks of passionate sex with husband and then cuts him off again. Wife makes up for it by periodically going out to get railed. Husband dumps girlfriend and sits at home fapping for the rest of his life.

The End.

[–]atlhartRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This story is told in /r/askmrp like twice a month

[–]The_LitzRed Beret9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

When a woman tells you they want to have an open marriage it means 1 of two things.

  • She grants you freedom to have outside relations because she can't fulfill you. It is woman speak for 'I want a divorce but I am waiting for you to initiate the divorce'. Women don't want to be the bad guy in the story. It will backfire in the long run because somewhere you will transgress some or other rule you agreed upon with your wife and you then 'cheated'.

  • She can't wait to get some strange in her. She is not low libido, she is low libido for you. So once again, you lose because you will be some other dudes cuck. She could already have someone in mind, and wants to swing to another branch but wants you to be her backup plan.

People often have this open minded idea about open marriages. The feel very progressive and cool. In reality it is just two people who do not have the guts to pull the plug on a marriage on life support.

And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I cheated

Yet an open marriage is not cheating because you have permission.......rrrriiight.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well, I can see that this open marriage idea is pretty fucking awful, so take my next comment with the knowledge that I understand that now. But in defense of the cheating comment- yes, it would not be cheating, if she knew. Why do you imply it would be?

Also she did not suggest this idea, thankfully. I think the implications as you mention would be pretty bad.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

But in defense of the cheating comment- yes, it would not be cheating, if she knew. Why do you imply it would be?

Because women change their minds all the time. The rules you "agreed" upon will be subject to Feelingz - and Feelingz change often in Girl World.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I love women in open marriages.

they are fun.

[–]tacko2765 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is simple She will have a lot of sex And you will have a lot of free time

[–]askmeanything25 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not do an open marriage unless you are at dread 11 or 12

Don't try the quick fix, there is none

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Its a great deal for the woman, bad deal for the man.

The man will have to endure all the downsides of marriage, like having to deal with her drama, family problems, provide to her, support her, give her time/attention/affection, deal with PMS and bitchiness, constant shit testing, nagging, fix shit, financial problems, etc etc, while getting a bit of starfix sex from her once in a while after Chad used all her holes as he wanted, and if for some reason hubby wants to be out he will lose half his shit and potentially have to pay alimony / child support for who knows how long. Not to mention that if you have kids they are not going to grow in a healthy and stable environment.

For the woman is a great deal. She gets the upsides of being married/having commitment, she can post on facebook photos of her happy family, she has her safe BB to provide to her and deal with all her problems, support her, provide to her, and she can fuck any Chad she has the hots for whenever she wants. Chad will use all of her holes as he wishes and send her back to her hubbys home when hes done. She starts giving shit to Chad? Chad ninja bombs the fuck out of there. Hubby on the other hand loses half his shit and endures endless drama if he wants to do the same.

So basically you are paying a high price to have a slut in your home. Its a good deal for the wife, for Chad, Brad, Jamal and Daquan, and its a bad deal for hubby.

And remember that you cant outslut a slut. You can be a 9 and your wife a 6 and she can be fucking a different guy every day of the week if she wishes, all she has to do is be willing to spread her legs.

Bottom line: you want an open relationship? Spin plates. Or have a open LTR where you dont live together with her and have no strings attached (which is basically the same as spinning plates but you tell people she is you GF). Take your plate to a swing house or something, watch her get ravaged by big black cocks or whatever your kink is, then drop her off and go back to your place, and if you want out you can just dissapear without risking losing half of your shit.

[–]rocknrollchuck4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I thought /u/red-curious had a great perspective on the whole "getting sex from outside sources while married" thing here.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahahahaha, your wife will be plowed by her favourite Chad and if you are lucky you will fuck a HB6 and your wife will punish you for it. You will be lucky if it even works out that well for you. If you are the sort of guy who needs to ask, then you are screwed. Like they say in high end stores, "if you need to ask the price, you can't afford it".

[–]Schlippery_Schlong4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Great! You can work on your dread game while she's fucking Chad.

[–]chachaChad2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Chads... many, many Chads...

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not sure how dread game is supposed to work in this scenario. "Oh no I might lose the guy who has such low value and lack of pride that he openly agreed I could fuck Chad."

[–]chachaChad3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're in a bad situation and you've come up with perhaps the shittiest solution for yourself that is possible because you're too afraid of doing what you really want to do.

An open marriage is a bad deal for you and a great deal for her. She gets all the benefits of you (money, security, time etc.) while you're left to fend for yourself for sex, companionship and love. Once you do find a female willing to bang you, which won't be easy because you won't be bringing much to the table, you won't be able take full advantage of her. Your relationship with your wife will deteriorate quickly on both sides once all the bad feelings between you and her get triggered.

Don't cheat. Don't open the marriage. Fix yourself first then do what you want.

[–]mrpthrowa5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Open on your side only.

[–]Red-Curious2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

In addition to the comment I made that /u/rocknroll chuck linked to, there are a few more reasons why an open marriage is a terrible idea.

The biggest one is that you're giving her a blanket invitation to turn her hypergamy back on. When you're in a committed relationship, hypergamy looms in the background, but is often outweighed by the fact that a divorce will decrease her SMV and lower her position in the FSM, as well as from an enjoyment of the beta comforts she receives in the marriage/LTR.

A woman can raise her SMV really fast when some of these threats aren't present or have a psychological impact on her. Although you might be a 7 right now and she might be a 6, with a little makeup, some sexy moves, and that little black dress, she might be dolled up to an 8 and will be pulling better men than you.

In fact, in virtually all marriages, "The grass is always greener." If your SMV hasn't gone up drastically beyond hers, you're probably going to be pulling women on-par with your wife/LTR, but you'll enjoy it more because of the newness of it. You might find people slightly higher. But she's going to realize just how high her heights can go. If you're going to do an open relationship (which I never recommend), it'll almost always backfire if you do it before she turns 40. Even a little post-wall, she can doll herself up a lot faster than you can.


If it helps, I had a client who went this route-ish. He and his wife were very sexually active, but it just wasn't enough for him. So, they started doing threesomes. They began with FFM at first, but she eventually persuaded him that it wasn't fair, so he brought another dude in the picture. One month later, his stuff is on the street, the new guy is living in his house, and he's calling me to handle his divorce. Don't be an idiot. Don't be that guy, whether it's through threesomes or an open relationship. It never works.

[–]WesternhagenWinner5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

she eventually persuaded him that it wasn't fair, so he brought another dude in the picture. One month later, his stuff is on the street, the new guy is living in his house, and he's calling me to handle his divorce.

Short version: "open marriage" is how she interviews your replacement with your full cooperation.

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a good way to put it.

[–]smokecheck19762 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's a dumb idea.

Your wife is into you and having sex with you? No? Why are other women going to want to have sex with you?

Further, I have never seen an open marriage arrangement that was stable. The only time I have ever seen one last was when the partners ended the open part of the marriage and went through some serious counseling. This is even if your wife will agree to it, which I can almost guarantee that she won't.

You have other questions that require more immediate attention. You say you have a dead bedroom. Okay, why is that? An ephemeris message from her saying "she wants more sex, too" is basically a throw comment on her end with no statement of why things are the way they are. Were things always this way? If they were, then you are looking at a libido mismatch and one of you is going to resent the other, usually the partner that wants more.

The good new is that if they weren't, then there are other issues to look at. What is her routine like? What can you change to give her a little more free time so that she may feel more in the mood. Are you spending enough time with her otherwise? How is your communication with her? What I am getting at is "Is this relationship toxic?" and if so "What can you do to eliminate your part of the toxicity?" Start there.

If you improve your part and how you act toward her, and believe me that won't be easy, and you fail to see the improvements that you need in the marriage for your happiness then you can think of other plans. Is the relationship with your wife the one that you want your kids to model? What is the long term cost to you, in more than just financial considerations, of staying in an expired relationship? Figure those questions out for yourself, but work on your interactions in the relationship first.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, and overall I think this is a fantastic comment, which I have committed to executing. Somewhere else I saw someone write that if a doesn't go forward with the required personal development, he can't expect his next relationship to ultimately turn out any different should the current one end. I know that RP is more than fixing a low sex life, it's about fixing men's lives. So should all my improvements fail to "fix" the DB, I'll be "ready" for the next girl.

Sadly, we've always had a libido mis-match. This makes me somewhat pessimistic. But at the same time, over the last year or so (even before knowing anything about RP / MRP) things have improved. They still suck, but they suck less. I'm going to put in a solid effort to save our marriage over a year period, provided there is evidence of improvement over that year...

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

Damn guys. I went into this suspecting that it was a bad deal- but now I can see that it's not like that at all. It would be worse than a nightmare you couldn't wake up from. It's so easy to think of something like an open marriage and immediately start imagining how awesome it would go for me. But I can clearly see that's a very one dimensional view. Marriage is hard enough without that shit.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Have you talked about this with her, or is it something that remains in your head and unspoken?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Unspoken

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's good. At least you didn't plant the idea in her head before coming here for advice.

You should update your post with that info, it is important info. Many of the comments I've read here are written from the perspective of assuming you had a conversation with her already about this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're absolutely right, I should update the post. Silly of me! [FOGGING and NEGATIVE ASSERTION]

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And....

We have a winner!

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Redpill is amoral and above all, pragmatic. u/RPSigmaStigma runs the r/RedPillNonMonogamy sub, so there are some that do it.

But the hidden message in all of what these guys are saying is this, you need iron frame. You need to have your shit together so well and be such a high value man that you can pull women and manage the woman you have, plus manage all the chads she has on the side (or even worse beta orbiters).

If my life had taken a different direction, and I got divorced, I know I would not be monogamous. I can see the appeal of a series of LTR's (or semi-committed relationships), with some side plates. But, and this is a big one, the option to let the LTR demote to a plate would be there.

In an open marriage your wife will still be (and should be) vying for head plate so to speak. This comes with pitfalls and a fuck ton of shit testing, comfort testing and the like.

Most men are simply incapable of the kind of effort you need to do this. Plus on a pure value proposition, I can't see how the effort couldn't be spent more wisely.

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You need to have your shit together so well and be such a high value man that you can pull women and manage the woman you have, plus manage all the chads she has on the side (or even worse beta orbiters).

A high-value man with iron frame does not have to accept a wife who has Chads on the side so what's the point of an open marriage for him?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

A high-value man with iron frame does not have to accept a wife who has Chads on the side so what's the point of an open marriage for him?

Why does anybody get into marriage? There's a whole slew of reasons I could name. Maybe he redefined the contract?

It does seem like a paradox, right? But there's guys doing it. Guys like u/RPSigmaStigama. I go back to it's a praxeology, rule zero. Get the sex you want. Hell there's guys on the main sub who would consider us as illegitimate to the Redpill moniker.

[–]FlyingSexistPig1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"open marriage" means SHE gets to fuck whomever she wants. You're not getting anything from it.

She has a beta to pay all her bills and a buck to fuck her til she sees stars. Why would you think this is a good idea for you?

[–]FlyingSexistPig1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you have a dead bedroom situation, then an open marriage won't fix that problem.

The problem is you. You need to improve yourself. She's not attracted to you and that's the problem.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the sidebar and do your best to correct you and I mean your best

Then let it lay If she wants to add value back into the relationship then she will, if she doesn't then move on

Open relationships are bullshit and it's not a win win

She will have the opportunity to fuck @ will. You will not Don't ever forget that

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A literal cluster fuck.

I wouldn't be interested an in open marriage.



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