Married to a Beta Husband - How Can I Ask For More Leadership and RP Attitude?

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July 20, 2017

As a wife, I am trying my best to follow RP guidelines and do right by my husband. I love him dearly, but I need him to take more leadership in our home... To make more decisions, to delegate tasks, to up his sex drive (I have a much higher sex drive), to take on projects, etc. How can I turn him on to the idea of a RP marriage? He knows about this sub and the RP philosophy but he's not buying into it... Our marriage needs role clarification and it's currently failing because I have submitted and surrendered but now there's no one there to pick up the reins. I've asked him if he could do this for us, but he straight up just said he's not comfortable with taking control... What can I do?!

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Title Married to a Beta Husband - How Can I Ask For More Leadership and RP Attitude?
Author throwawaymarriedredp
Upvotes 7
Comments 45
Date 20 July 2017 05:54 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you have kids?

Do you get the value out of your relationship that you put in?

Are you on top of your sexual and physical fitness game?

If your partner does not meet your expectations, and you are owning your own shit, then my advice to you would be the same to any man here. NEXT.

MRP is designed to improve men, not marriages. If your marriage sucks, own the parts you are failing at first, before demanding change from others. Glass houses, stones, you get the picture.

It's no man's (or woman's) job to make someone else happy.

[–]throwawaymarriedredp[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

No we do not have children yet. I don't necessarily think an rp marriage would make me happier but I think it would make our relationship easier, as we would be on the same page with expectations and we would have established roles and responsibilities. I am happy with myself but I see our relationship as something to improve upon. EDIT: Although I acknowledge I can always improve upon myself even further

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Now the tougher, more personal questions:

Do you have a visceral attraction to your husband? Have you ever given yourself "more" sexually to a prior lover? Did you and your husband discuss roles and expectations within the marriage prior to tying the knot? Are you a "Modern Woman" regretting choices made regarding career? Are you the main breadwinner?

I promise answering these honestly will lead to actionable advice. It will give me insight into some dynamics of the relationship.

[–]freshona5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy

Start being a Cunt.

[–]JackGetsIt2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

This could also just shut him down completely.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

... I can't argue with this.

You can't lead this horse to water. It'll just have to be thirsty enough to drink and know about this watering hole.

ie. the only way he'll come here is if he has a reason.

or Where positive stimulus fails... negative sometimes prevails.

If my wife ever has to truly "take over", even if it's a special occasion (and I stupidly take her up on it ... like "drink what you want, I'll drive us back"...<what am I? A rookie? facepalm>) she reflexively has her contempt levels dial up to 11. And it scales to situation.

This dance , after a as checks and balances as it should. Not discussions about it, urging or pleas.

And if it doesn't work... well... go swing to another branch. You're no snowflake, but neither is he.

[–]throwawaymarriedredp[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think he thinks I'm already being one when I am acting indecisive ...

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

We mean if you bitch about his indecision.

Being a "cunt" to a man is invalidating his contribution and withholding sex.

[–]mrpthrowa4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Be more passive. Read the surrendered wife.

The paradox is that asking him to step up and lead is the definition of not leading. it just doesn't work.

Yielding, submissiveness and trust can wake up the right instincts in him.

Read the book. It's actually good.

[–]throwawaymarriedredp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Noted. Thanks.

[–]JackGetsIt1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Step 1 is to decide if he's a tolerable beta that you can live with till the grave or he's completely intolerable and you can't cope. If he's intolerable you need to apply heavy heavy dread and get ready to leave; don't be rude but really start getting ready to leave. There's a chance he wakes up from this so only put one foot out the door.

Step 2 Assuming he's tolerable at the moment... Improve yourself. Look better, dress better, get fit, be a good wife. Do not cheat or flirt with other guys during this process even if you start getting more attention. Do not tare your husband down for being the person you married. It's not his fault you made a selection mistake. He's just being the person he's always been. If he get worried that you might leave him reassure him you love him and have some quality sex with him. Sometimes when we see our partners improve and they continue to love us it reminds us how much we love them and then we feel an obligation to be a better person as well.

Step 3 Encourage him to get away from you and the house and do shit he loves. Sports, hobbies, socializing. Sometimes men get in funks because life beats us down and our testosterone kicks down. Finding/re-discovering something he loves might just kick him back into a more alpha like state or at least might make him more fun to be around and remind you less of his betaness. At least he will be away from you more and you will be able to reform some affection for him/longing for him while he's gone.

Step 4. get on redpill women and look for a post about the different types of leadership dynamics. You're guy might not want too take the reigns but there might be other ways that he will want to lead that will satiate you. I'd highly recommend reading the redpillwomen sidebar. Here's one article from there

Do Not

panic and cheat/divorce

flirt with guys to make yourself feel better or find a penis exit ticket

act like a shrew or be passive aggressive

find party type girls that will validate your feelings

nag him to lift and lead

break up with him in your mind

[–]throwawaymarriedredp[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This was all actually very helpful. Thank you! And that link was exactly what I needed to read. Thanks for taking the time to reply with all of that.

[–]JackGetsIt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No problem.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know that acting out of control will be an impetus. That still feels like a covert communication and he's not even getting the overt requests.

I would be more inclined to overtly communicating that this is what he's got to do to make things satisfying enough to keep you and escalate it to "we're over if you don't start putting in effort."

He'll either take it seriously or he'll do a token effort of appeasement and then you leave him and he suddenly has his "epiphany" or blames you for his inadequacies.

If he's not worth the work to himself AND you're not worth him ridding himself of his laziness... Pretty much spells out the end right there.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

DREAD - worked on me. was not even intentional on her part.

Lit a firecracker under my ass.

You would need to do it in a way that makes you look innocent

[–]Realworld520 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let him walk in on your blowing another guy. Best diet In The world for a husband

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Did he ever act like a man? You can't turn a poodle into a doberman, but you can help a doberman with a broken spirit remember he is a doberman. You need to look deep inside yourself, is there a real man inside him you can look up to? Can he make you cum? If not then he is no man at all and it is certainly not your job to try and make a stone house from shit.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not sure man. My old neighbor had a big black standard poodle and he was alpha as fuck.

This is spot on though OP. If you have shown him the pill and he rejects it, he is not a man who will lead you. You need to ask yourself if you can handle being with a guy who doesn't want the reigns?

On the bright side though, if he rejects the pill, there is a good chance he'll let you fuck who you wants while he watches in the corner with a video camera..

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

From this:

Women hate communicating overtly as much as we hate communicating covertly. So when a wife is finally driven to communicate overtly to her husband, it's too late. Months, if not years, of resentment as built up. She wanted him to "just get it," and it's clear he hasn't. She gave him countless chances (covertly, so he didn't even know they were 'chances,' but that's irrelevant to her) to redeem himself and step up, and he never did. She does not want to give an exhaustive "performance review" and overtly point out his deficiencies, she wants him to "just get it" so she doesn't have to reduce herself to doing that. It's easier to just fire his ass and find a replacement.

I would advise the OP to communicate overtly before her disgust and resentment reaches the point where she's "done" and just wants to fire his ass.

He will not change without significant pressure.

[–]Red-Curious-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

The dangerous answer is that if he isn't comfortable taking control, be out of control so he has no choice but: (1) take control of you or (2) leave you. The problem is that he probably knows you well enough to know when you're acting out just to get him to do something. This will actively work against any RP directive he pursues because he's only doing it for the sake of fitting into the RP frame you want to create for him rather than him creating his own frame that you can rest in. It's a catch-22 for you.

Softer answers can be found in my post here

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Laura Doyle describes driving past the exit and the wife just passive aggressively STFU while they go further off course. I never understood before but think I do now. Doyle is a woman and holds to the opinion that unless really bad shit stuff happens a man can't change. I disagree. Have to admit I like the STFU advice she gives women. Sometimes it's like a mosquito buzzing in my ear.

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha, good point

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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