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Wife is spending time with her coworker during our "trial separation" want to stop handling this so poorly.

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July 19, 2017

Together since 18, 30 now with no kids. She started a job at another place with better pay four months ago. One month ago tells me she has been miserable for the last few years, does not want a divorce but wants space. Two weeks ago gets her own place. I did some digging on this guy she would text who she works with. His Instagram is filled with pics of him at the gym and my wife likes all of them which even makes me feel more like shit.

Anyway I have drove to his house a few times at night and her car was parked there both times. In my gut I know what she's probably doing but I have not confronted her. She denied there was someone else to the core and was angry at me for even suggesting that.

How can I just handle this with my dignity?

Post Information
Title Wife is spending time with her coworker during our "trial separation" want to stop handling this so poorly.
Author vprgt
Upvotes 16
Comments 70
Date 19 July 2017 04:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205833
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6o9giv/wife_is_spending_time_with_her_coworker_during/
Similar Posts

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.058 points59 points  (4 children) | Copy

Next her. Lift. STFU.

You have no kids or options at this point. It is going to hurt like hell but enjoy your new free after divorce life.

[–]vprgt[S] 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

It does hurt a lot. It does help to know she showed who she really was after all of these years before we had kids. It hurts like hell, but tomorrow I have a meeting with a lawyer to start a hopefully better chapter of my life.

[–]trp_dude7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

How can I just handle this with my dignity?

Only one option. Next her.

It's going to be rough, but thank your lucky stars you dodged a bullet, since you have no kids.

And, do not take her back when she comes crawling back after the dude is finished using her as his plaything.

At age 30, she will downgrade and you will upgrade after this.

Hit the gym, bro.

[–]zeno_of_shitium0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

who she really was after all of these years

Not who but rather: what

If you do the work here, you'll have your own of that "what" and be ready for women the next time.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret45 points46 points  (20 children) | Copy

Well.....since you're asking me

  • I'd wake up.

  • shower enjoy the cold water and feeling alive.

  • Have fucking great breakfast you know one of those all white omelets with spinach and feta cheese? Maybe some rye toast. Cup of coffee.

  • Enjoy the sun coming up.

  • Go fill out a gym application.

  • find a lawyer and get a divorce agreement drawn up

  • drop it off at the dudes house when she's there.

  • go monk mode for one year and get my head right.

oh and orange juice. ice cold.

maybe sausage. no. definitely sausage. extra. 4 links.

fuck I'm hungry.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret5 points6 points  (15 children) | Copy

oh and add tomatoes to the omelet

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret5 points6 points  (13 children) | Copy

4 eggs not 3.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret8 points9 points  (10 children) | Copy

Dude, I'm fasting fuck off /s.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy

I'm not.

I might save some. Might. heavy lift day tomorrow.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

I'll eat again tomorrow, so between reading MGTOW bullshit in the main sub and being hungry, I'm just hangry.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

now that's just two mistakes in a row. fasting AND MGTOW.

Either you're the strongest man i ever knew or you just like punishment.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

The fasting is intentional, but the MGTOWS just keep populating a larger and larger percentage of TRP posts.

Just be yourself. Lifting is optional. TRP has gone to shit, you all worship pussy. TRP is for self-improvement. On and on with this shit.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


well fuck.

[–]officerkondo0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I water-fast two days a week. The pseudo/caffeine stack is a game-changer.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I fast in 44 hour increments. I'm thinking of adding a 21-30 day water fast in there somewhere just for the mental toughness aspect, but I'm still in the planning stages.

When I lifted for performance the ECA stack was the rage. I still use a modification of that (since the natural "E" became vilified) by taking Bronkaid (a grandfathered ephedra "asthma medicine"), with a 81mg baby aspirin, washed down with bulletproof coffee. (Coffee blended with Kerrygold Irish unsalted butter until rich and foamy). Makes morning lifts go well.

[–]Terribledragon4Hire0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mango salsa on the omelette

[–]HelloImRIGHT6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

drop it off at the dudes house when she's there.


[–]MuhTriggersGuise5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Eh I can see the desire to do that, but in the end it's probably better she not know what OP really knows. Let her spin her hamster and die of a lack of "closure".

If she can't be bothered with being honest and forthcoming with OP, he should return the favor. Divorce her. Go no contact. Disappear from her world. You'll save face and her hamster will go nuts.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Real oranges, not orange juice.

You know the flavor is fake right?

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

damn skippy.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret23 points24 points  (5 children) | Copy

Make it a permanent separation and kill the puppy for God's sake.

No kids, thirty, an n-count of less than five, and a job, you could be a complete pussy magnet with the right mindset. You need to dig into the sidebar, lift and get attractive.

I know you thought your teen sweetheart would be yours forever. Take off the blue lenses and learn this now:

She's not yours, it's just your turn. More frank, your turn is over.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

if you have a sinking feeling in your gut odds are you're about to be kicked in the nuts.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Good rhyme.

I'm big on alliteration. Placing pussy on a pedestal and praying patiently for a placating partner is pointless.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I didn't even see that.

Like the alliteration.

now say it 10 times fast.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bravo! hahaha

[–]anythingincRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No kids, thirty, an n-count of less than five, and a job, you could be a complete pussy magnet

Ask me how I know this is the truth. I wanted to be back in a relationship pretty quickly though, and all those high-value women in their mid-late 20s were eager to please.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (8 children) | Copy

What u/reddjive said.

All I needed to know was "no kids". If there are no kids, just go ahead and divorce. There's no reason not to. No child support, no kids' lives to fuck up. You won't pay her alimony. It will be a nice, clean divorce. It's what she wants anyway. Remove her from your life.

Let me translate some things for you:

she has been miserable for the last few years, does not want a divorce but wants space.

She wants a divorce but isn't quite ready to tell you that straight out because she wants to make sure all her ducks are in a row first. Also, she wants to know if things with this new guy/these new guys are going to work out or not.

Two weeks ago gets her own place.

Getting her ducks in a row to prepare for the divorce.

I did some digging on this guy she would text who she works with.

You have not accepted that your marriage to this woman is over.

His Instagram is filled with pics of him at the gym and my wife likes all of them which even makes me feel more like shit.

Your wife is, at the very least, attracted to this man and is probably already fucking him.

In my gut I know what she's probably doing but I have not confronted her.

You don't have the guts to end this marriage yet either. She's definitely fucking him.

Look. Your marriage is over. She's moved on already. Go see a lawyer, get the divorce papers drawn up, and after you have the breakfast ReddJive suggested, go to work and then later that night, have a good steak dinner with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Don't confront her. Just give her the papers and wrap it up. No kids, young marriage, you can have this whole thing concluded in 30 days.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]SeamusAwl13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

By accepting the truth. It is over. You are a beta. Your wife got a new job and Chad was there. Chad does what chad does (i.e your wife). Her hamster couldnt spin faster. She contrived that she has been miserable for years. But reality is that she was happy with you, but Chad excited her. This is her hypergamous nature. She is stringing you along because chad might not work out. Hence the lies about not having wild crazy sex with him that she would never do with you.

Now is the time to get yourself in order. Read the sidebar. Lift and prepare for the divorce you should be giving her.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll give you the same advice I gave my best friend when this exact scenario happened to him:


If she's already moved out there is no need for her to still have access to your place when you are not home.

My buddy wouldn't listen to my advice or his lawyers, wanted to keep everything non-confrontational with her, a "nice guy" right through to the end.

She came back when he was gone with her new guy and family and cleaned out his place knowing he was a pushover and wouldn't fight to get it back. By that point he just wanted her gone.

Listen to your lawyer and do exactly what they tell you to do and nothing more or less.

[–]WesternhagenWinner8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

does not want a divorce but wants space

Translation: I want to fuck this other guy while maintaining the option to come back to you if things don't work out with Chad.

How to handle with dignity: Accept it's over. Break your branch off so she can't try to swing back to it. Divorce now. Then go do everything Reddjive said.

If she says she wants to come back and try to rebuild the marriage, that means things didn't work out with Chad. It would not be... dignified... on your part to let her back into your bed all covered with Chad's jizz.

[–]anythingincRed Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Been there bro, it sucked for a couple weeks. From college to 30s, no kids. Same deal. Thankfully I had enough pride and common sense to immediately know it was over, and the abundance to know I could replace her with better. We were divorced easily and amicably the day after the minimum waiting period was over.

You need to know that too. You've been replaced. You don't have to deal with this shit. You have no reason to stay. Grieve your relationship a little, but know that it only gets better from here.

She is trying to be nice and not hurt you, but doesn't care about you romantically, she can't help it.

How can I just handle this with my dignity?

Do both of yourselves a favor and tell her you are filing for divorce and want to make it easy and fair to get it over with quickly. No need to be mean or get revenge because this should be easy.

Do you own a home or rent?

[–]MuhTriggersGuise1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is trying to be nice and not hurt you

While I agree with most of what you said, I highly doubt this part. The reason she's doing what she's doing is she isn't quite confident the branch she's trying to swing to will hold her. She wants to leave an out of she finds a need to come crawling back (temporarily). OP's feelings aren't truly even on her radar.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wanting space is the married version of "let's just be friends"; alternatively it could be ILYBINILWY.

In NJ her vacating the residence would be legal separation. You could file a divorce agreement on her. I would at least get something put in place in case she gets some you go girl friends who encourage her to go get a new Bentley which you end up on the hook for.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. A married woman telling her husband she "needs some space" or "wants space", is saying she no longer wants to have sex with him and wants a divorce, but cant' quite get to saying the words "I want a divorce" just yet.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. The only dignified move here is to divorce, get shredded at the gym, and experience single life for the first time ever. Nobody feels bad for you; with no kids and only 30 years old you are lucky. These are the prime years of your life and you were about to waste them with a woman who doesn't care about you. That changes now. Read the sidebar.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I want space is womanese for "I want to ride Chads dick and try to lock him down, if he just pumps and dumps me, i´ll get back to you."

"Trial Separation" is horseshit. You dont even have kids. Walk away from this, read the sidebar and apply it, improve yourself, spin some plates, and THEN you may consider another LTR again.

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'd draw up the papers and then meet with her briefly. The key is to keep it brief and don't let her words lure you back in. Actions speak louder than words, and her actions are loud and clear - that she's moving on with Chad.

I agree with whoever said she's stringing you on to make sure it works out with Chad. Don't settle for 2nd place. Kill the puppy, and do it with one shot.

[–]anotherswingingdick0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

and then meet with her briefly


Pay the few extra bucks to have her served by a third party. It's not that much. The lawyer will handle it.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

close any joint bank accounts/credit cards before you present her with any divorce documents. She will empty them...all of her friends will tell her to. You're only 30, drop her ass and enjoy the freedom that comes with divorce.

[–]bob13bob3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Divorce lawyer, maybe the infidelity will help your case. Get guidance from a pro whether you should collect it.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Skip to the acceptance phase of loss.

Don't rake yourself over the coals or essentially invite her to by continuing with the perception that you two will ever get back together.

Get divorce, cut all ties, move along.

Work on yourself for a while before you get involved with anyone else. Since you were together from 18 -> 30... you're really going to have to re-solidify your sends of individuality-without-her.

You are essentially repeating a variant of how my first marriage began and ended (18-28...no kids... her sudden desire to bolt). Hint: she just waited until she had that next branch within sight. (and that end was 17 years ago now)

It sucks for now, but you'll learn boatloads about you in the interim and now can focus solely on that you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What marriage?

Dignity involves divorcing her now that she left you.

What do you think, she gonna realize she misses something after swallowing that guys jizz?

[–]dandar46003 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

...Two weeks ago gets her own place....I have drove to his house a few times at night and her car was parked there both times.

You don't have to confront her. All evidence you need stares you right in the face. The Rational Male, Year One from marriedredpill sidebar will explain it to you very succinctly. You don't have kids, wife is moved out, you have plenty of time. Hit the gym (heavy lifting, use program like starting strength,) read the books from the sidebar and start to move on.

[–]Wel1083 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's 100% fucking him. Move on.

If she asks you for space, give her so much space it will make her feel like Neil Armstrong.

Vomit, cry, lift, sleep. Do whatever it takes but it's over. How do you keep your dignity? The fact that you haven't told her you're stalking, and you're asking here, tells me that you know exactly how to keep your dignity. Go do it. Be better.

[–]freshona2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You do what everyone else in your shoes does. You write a diary, while in tears. Really pour your heart out and shit.

Or, you know. Change your shoes. And locks.

[–]BIG_HUB0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You've got some good advice here. Protect yourself and pop smoke on this one and get your ass to the gym.

[–]Soberskipper2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

The worst bit of the whole post is that your wife sees a man who takes validation seeking instagram selfies in the gym more masculine than you. Think about that. Seriously what type of battyman takes instagram selfies in the gym ffs. In fact what type of man has instagram? Sorry dude.

[–]AtlasCuckd0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You from Toronto bruh?

[–]Soberskipper1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Na Northen England UK.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The fact that you have not answered any of the perfect responses you have tells me that you are either a troll, or you have been crying since you realised that your little snowflake is DEFINITELY getting railed by instagram gym guy. You do not have kids so just do what everyone here is saying. Next her, join gym, get ready for your single life.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No replies to sympathy comments on his r/divorce post either.

[–]trp_ocd10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read. The. Sidebar .


[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Divorce. She's moved on already, you just haven't figured it out.

She has her own place and moved out? Umm... That's a not a hint, that's a slap across the face.

[–]tacko2760 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn dude! look I've done some beta shit but DAMN! She moved out and she is banging someone else. Move on The side bar helped me with my shit it will help you with yours

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Denial is a motherfucker and since your friends haven't bitch slapped you Into reality, take it from me, it's over.

Yeah, it's a real mother fucker, but once you realize you can do better, you'll see her perspective. You done fucked up. Now fix it.

Side bar lift. Side bar lift. Side bar lift

[–]triclops410 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's already over. It really is. Your mind still has to catch up, but the die is cast. Are you going to begin moving on, or waste time giving CPR to a cold, dead patient?

[–]bobtheseal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Time to move on buddy... shes cheating on you.. Get lawyered up and prepare yourself.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's already over bud. Make a clean break in your mind now and find someone new.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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