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Critique my wife's ultimate shit test

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July 9, 2017
11 upvotes

Last night my wife wanted the dogs to sleep in the bedroom with us. A rule we've always had since we bought them is that they don't. Occasionally, like on a weekend I'll allow it as a treat to them and my wife. Last night she wanted it, I said no, not tonight, she started whinging so I just went to sleep. Today I got this bombshell text: literal copy and paste

I have never been so sad for so long. Almost 2 years now and i don't feel more settled or happy. Yes, i have moments of happiness, but the sad moment are much more and i don't think that's how it's supposed to be. What you said last night made me realize that i am here under your conditions, "if you want to stay here, that's how it is", i know you were talking about staying in the room and the dogs, but that's the thing, it's always about "your rules" and what "you think is better", but you don't think about me, about what makes me happy, about what i want. It has been like that for a while now, this is not the first time i tell you this. And about your "rules", aren't they supposed to bring us closer and make us a better couple? Because so far i don't see it, it only makes me feel like i live under your power and your command. I can honestly say that i haven't felt this alone in my entire life. I know it might make you sad but i can't wait for you to go to go on ur work trip coming up. Im pretty sure that's not how it's suppose to be, it's not normal. I Can't wait to go to Sydney and spend time away from you. Maybe that's what we need. And i have been feeling like this for a while. I cried myself to sleep the last 3 nights, just because i feel sad, and you don't make it any easier, the person with whom I'm suppose to feel better, makes it worse sometimes. Im sorry if this hurts you, i needed to let you know. I found the words just today. I've been thinking all morning how to organize my thoughts, exactly what i feel and how to communicate it. I don't have a solution, I don't have any ideas on how to change this. Im not asking you to solve this, i just wanted to let you know.


Post Information
Title Critique my wife's ultimate shit test
Author motivated777
Upvotes 11
Comments 50
Date 09 July 2017 12:29 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205898
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6m4ima/critique_my_wifes_ultimate_shit_test/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
shit test
Comments

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret32 points33 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'll translate for you:

I feel sad now therefore I've always been sad. I expect to be happy all of the time and you're responsible for my feelings. You have set boundaries and I'm going attempt to erode them forever. I'm going to equate your assertiveness to control and cry about loneliness cause guilt. This doesn't have a solution, I'm not going to do anything to fix this. It's not a real problem, i just wanted to let you know it feels bad when I don't get my way.

Sincerely,

Today's Feelz


Someone needs a hug.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, agree. Great take down translation.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sometimes I don't even go past the first post...

[–]bala-key1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Beautiful.

[–]BobbyPeru24 points25 points  (13 children) | Copy

Need more background information... Let's start with when did you swallow the pill?

Have you done the sidebar readings?

Do you lift? For how long... Is she in shape?

This doesn't look like a shit test. This looks like a woman who has checked out.

My gut tells me you may have gone Rambo.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I got a few of these about a year or so ago (1ish years in). She likely really has the negative feelings she's describing. They may be misplaced...for example she doesn't do what she likes for herself and expects him to please her like he used to...so the fault now is in her waiting for him to solve her problems.

But she also doesn't respect OP in the least and still feels like she can manipulate via feelings and societal morals (IE "That's not how it's supposed to be") I count at least three covert attacks in here masked with the strings that she used to manipulate his BP self.

Agreed that I'm not sure where OP is at. But if he's done some reading and has a plan: OP she needs some rock solid guidance here. Do not engage over text or email, let her bring it up in person. Do not address her points. It may be a good time for a vision and an embrace. She may accept it, she may not...but hey, no one ever said MRP was a guarantee she would. Here's some links with very similar events for some more thoughts:

Comfort test -> Shit Test

Edging the Main Event

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah it's tough to see exactly where OP is or if he's even running a MAP. But, if he is running a MAP, it seems like she's running the frame.

From MAP: "If they cry because you said a “mean and nasty” Phase Four statement, don’t comfort them. Just let them cry. They are in the wrong. You are in the right. If a bully wants your lunch money and you say no and the bully cries, you wouldn’t comfort them."

On the other hand, it could just be a comfort test.

Hard to say with what he's given

[–]motivated777[S] 4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

Background is: swallowed the pill 6 months ago. Read all sidebar. Already lifted, both of us always been in good physical shape, she's very good looking and youthful. I earn very good money, not as good looking but have a good body. Both solid 8's. Both 30. No kids yet. I disagree on Rambo. I also have Beta, earlier that very night I wrote her a love letter which she loved. When she says 2 years, she's referring to getting married. I disagree she's checked out. She's dramatic. The very night before in bed she was telling me how much she loves me and how she wishes I could come to Sydney.

I'm adamant about no dogs in the bedroom. I'll allow it occasionally, I don't feel I should bend on that.

[–]rocknrollchuck13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're adamant about not having the dogs in the bedroom, why do you still allow it occasionally? She sees your inconsistency and is using it against you.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm adamant about no dogs in the bedroom.

I'll allow it occasionally

Then you're not "adamant" about no dogs. Do you know what adamant means??

[–]trp_dude4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

she's very good looking and youthful. I earn very good money, not as good looking but have a good body.

Lot of red flags here. "She's very good looking" -> you have wife goggles on. After you've really swallowed the red pill and those goggles fall off, you'd say "she's decent looking for an older chick but not as hot as women who are hitting on me." How old are you? If you are both in your 30s or older, and you're really in shape/ripped, your SMV should be considerably higher. Women's SMV falls off a cliff after they hit the wall.

"I earn very good money" -> you've got it all wrong. The more money you make, more she sees you as beta. That's a negative, not a positive.

[–]bala-key1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

swallowed the pill 6 months ago.

[...]

earlier that very night I wrote her a love letter which she loved

Dude wat.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nothing wrong with a love letter- from an Apex Family Alpha to a submissive wife.

Think of it as giving her a box of cracker jax for dinner. She will cherish every word.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Apex Alpha' don't come here.

[–]WTFnoAvailableNames0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What other rules do you have?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Checked out? I dunno. Looks like a comfort test to me. It translates to me as "just give me a hug once in a while".

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy

Your wife apparently doesn't think it's okay for you to say no when she asks for something.

But this isn't about the dogs and whether or not they should get to sleep on a people bed. This is about your grown up child thinking you always say no all the time about everything.

Remember, kids don't get it. When you say "no you cannot have candy for dinner", your kid doesn't know that this is in her best interest. She just thinks you hate her. When you won't buy her a new car because you don't have the money, she just thinks you're being mean and unreasonable.

Imagine that your wife is a kid. Since she kind of is. Every once in awhile, you have to take her out for ice cream. Otherwise, your constant barrage of saying no loses its effect.

[–]motivated777[S] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

I couldn't agree more with this. She sulks whenever I say no. The last few times this has happened was 1) me choosing a particular car park over her preference, and b) the time that I fed the dogs at.

Both times she was going on about me not doing as she asks..

I can't help but feel as part of my frame and captaining my ship that it's necessary for me to say no sometimes and make decisions that she doesn't agree with. That way, I won't be the drunk BP captain.

[–]2235523 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Well, this is what could have happened if you picked her parking preference.

This is what happened to me 3 months ago. Drove to a park with kids, a few parking spots free, I pick one, start parking, wife tells me, park over there, its a better spot, I said OK. Park in the spot she suggested, she opens the door, and tells me that its too narrow, and I should move, I said " you picked this spot!!" she replied " Well you should't listen to me, and you should do as you want"

As you can see, you can never do it right in their eyes. So, might as well do it your way...

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And that, my friends, is why we need MRP...

[–]PreOrgasmGroanLness0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

lmao

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

  • Hug her and listen to her, STFU
  • She's constantly eroding away your frame because you haven't made it clear to her "This is who I am".
  • Be more fun and take her out for ice cream

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

going on about me not doing as she asks..

These are shit tests

[–]gadfly_am_I7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I cannot tell much about your relationship from this post. All I can say is that when my wife starts talking about "feeling alone" it is a clue to me that I have not been giving her enough time, attention, affection, etc. In mrp we have to balance alpha and beta qualities for the relationship to work for her. Too much alpha and she starts feeling alone. This might be a comfort test.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

K.

[–]KolaDesi2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Woha, this is a bomb, dude!

I guess she's giving you a last chance to be a good boyfriend (or she would have left you without explanation), or she'll go away since she is so sad with you.

If you want to continue this relationship, talk with her and see if you two can keep to be together. Good luck.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

It's not a shit test; it's a comfort test.

[–]Red-Curious8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

MRP principles are supposed to foster attraction and increase your SMV. You are obviously having the opposite effect. From what she describes (if her perception can be trusted), you're too alpha. MMSLP talks about this. /u/cholomite said it best:

Tingles without fuzzies won't last. Fuzzies without tingles are worthless.

You have built your entire relationship on tingles. This is the biggest issue I've seen since coming on MRP. Most people are from TRP where fuzzies don't matter at all, or they're beta guys who have already mastered fuzzies. As a result, most of the stuff that gets pushed here is the need to alpha-up. Your need is to beta-up, and you're not going to find many posts about that.

Learn to give her some fuzzies and she'll settle down. Go re-read (assuming you already got through it) MMSLP's chapter on good beta qualities and report back.

[–]chachaChad3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is best advise here. Not sure why it’s down voting.

She’s sad and letting you know it’s serious. She’s not surving you papers. Don’t let threats shake you. Be a rock for you and her. Get in there and give comfort.

[–]Red-Curious3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

As NMMNG says, the beta's answer to everything is: "Try being even more beta! Maybe that will work."

Most people here idolize being alpha, so they make the same mistake: "Try being even more alpha! That's how to fix the problem!"

What I've learned most in the last 24 hours is that this sub is not about fixing/saving marriages; it is about putting a guy in a spot where he'll bounce back with a great sex life after a failed marriage ... and if you happen to save your marriage along the way instead, that's great. As a result, the fuzzies side of things gets extremely downplayed in favor of the "more alpha!" mantra.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mother fuckers are NEVER happy. NEVER! They bitch and bitch about being "alone" because the husband won't make a decision. Then they bitch when you start making decisions. Then they bitch about something else when they forget what they were bitching about.

TLDR: Bitches gonna bitch.

if you want to stay here, that's how it is

Damn right!

it's always about "your rules" and what "you think is better", but you don't think about me, about what makes me happy

Is this true? We preach over and over again to men on MRP that they need to stop worrying about what the wife thinks.

HOWEVER, that advice is for pussified men who worship at the holy golden uterus and THAT doesn't sound like you.

Guys who already DNGAF and who are already pursuing their personal interests may need some direction to actually start thinking like a leader!

Good leaders consider the interest, needs, and wants of the people they lead.

Are you? The wife doesn't think so and you SHOULD NOT argue with her or even discuss this. However, you SHOULD consider the complaints of your First Officer. The MRP paradigm isn't Captain-Deck Hand! It is Captain-First Officer! I would examine with masculine introspection whether you are treating her ideas, thoughts, and opinions like a trusted First Officer- or whether you are treating them like they are coming from an unworthy (and annoying) subordinate.

[–]askmeanything20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Given this is the ultimate shit test, in your opinion, your reply should be the ultimate agree & amplify

[–]anotherswingingdick0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also, what's she doing in Sydney? You mentioned she's hot and you're wealthy. Is she using your money to go on solo vacations?

concur

hey OP.... what's the last excellent thing this woman did for you?

If you're so "motivated", then Flip The Script

Fight Fire with Fire.

Tell her she can have the dogs in the bedroom every time that she [insert something you want that she seldom does for you]

In this subreddit, brothers, we do not issue free Pussy Pass'es

[–]bodybuzz4200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Holly fuck is she going to pound a dude while you are away on your business trip....she's been thinking about if for some time and she's made her mind up with this nothing fight... big warning signs

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I ... I ... I" = comfort test (its not about the nail, she actually spelled this out for you, poor girl). She wanted you to secure the relationship, not deal with whatever words came out of her mouth*.

I'm concerned about these rules she's bringing up. You are not her father, you are supposed to enforce boundaries using covert communication like dread.

What she's describing is tyranny, no free human (adult) should have to live like that. You want to dominate her so she instinctively, voluntarily and happily follows your leadership. Being domineering is just being an asshole narcissist.

I haven't seen your history, but this sounds like a case of another redpill rambo. You need to calibrate your reactions [and A/B ratio] before its too late to lock your shit down.

And just to be clear, /u/fuckmrp is giving an accurate translation, this is why MRP is TRP on hard mode.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What I would say. "This is who I am. What am I supposed to do with this? You seem to be rewriting our marriage. You recently went on about how much you love me and how you wanted me to go to Sydney with you and now your telling me the opposite. So which is it? and how am I supposed to take anything you say seriously now? If your building up to tell you me that your feeling less for me and feeling less committed to the marriage then maybe you need to come out with it and this needs to be a different conversation. How is you telling me this right before we are planning on spending time apart not akin to dropping a bomb on my trust in you?"

[–]ghcoval0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Some of these replies are good, others are not.

You're wife isn't happy, give in a little it won't kill ya, make her feel like you're willing to give up a little comfort for her and she'll do the same

[–]Stolles0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I just have to ask, does she know about TRP? Has she seen any of this? Why or why not?

[–]MrsMandelbrot[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Perhaps you've successfully implemented your MAP and she is starting to view you as a captain. "Just checking in, Cap! Wanted to let you know that I'm feeling really shitty lately."

[–]motivated777[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Better yet. Just write your reply.

[–]BigAjax1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

User name does not check out

[–]All_Ads_Deceive-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're right it's a shit test not a comfort test. She's over exaggerating a simple issue and trying to dread you and make you feel guilty.

Don't "act more beta". That's exactly what your wife is trying to achieve. If she calls you "mean" and says she's depressed, you'll cave into all her demands.

Also, what's she doing in Sydney? You mentioned she's hot and you're wealthy. Is she using your money to go on solo vacations? This is the actual issue I see in this post.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I doubt it. She isn't trying to do anything. She is expressing her fee fees.

OP is going on a business trip in Sydney and she is telling him she can't wait to leave because he is so controlling.

This isn't about forcing OP to cave but simply to vomit her feelings all over the place for no particular reason and no real goal.



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