706,399 posts

What type of test is this really?

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June 27, 2017
9 upvotes

There have been a few posts lately with the wife communicating some manner of permission for the guy to see/fuck/whatever other women; up to and including this post with the marriage terminating. There was another--can't remember where--talking about the wife bringing up the NYT article from late May about open marriages to the husband. Trying to interpret my woman in this regard...

Quick background: 34M/32F, no kids, barely married a year, generally DB unless I go out of my way to initiate(she won't hard no, will starfish), busy professionals, etc. I'm upping the kino, trying to be more flirty with her, etc but its one way and if I don't initiate she doesn't in any form. I'm pretty sure she's half checked out of the marriage but still acts girly, asks my opinion, tries to plan shit together, etc. Roommates punctuated with some affection. She is, however, extremely insecure with herself, stressed due to work, and a little overweight.

I'm still early in the MRP process for 6-8 weeks; lifting again, working through sidebar, better at holding frame & STFU/anti-butthurt, better at being busy/out and doing things I enjoy, building a new social network, flirting, all that. Long way to go and focused on execution.

A month ago she brought up the open marriage article after a dinner date (and a few drinks) and stated the following:

"You need someone who can support you emotionally" Interpretation: you're a whiny little bitch and I can't handle you. I got the hint loud and clear: work on STFU/Butthurt/Frame/Oak ASAP Turning point on that front.

And then:

"I wouldn't be mad if you fucked some other girl."

I replied something in the negative saying if that's the case we should end the marriage because I'm not interested in that. Probably DEER'd, whatever. She was unfazed, I got butthurt but hid it, night went on.

A week or two later: "You're too good of a guy for me, blah blah blah." I forgot what I replied with initially but ended up telling her she was a hottie and kissed her.

Yesterday I'm packing a duffel bag and she asks what I'm doing. Reply I'm going trail running after work tomorrow(today), she responds "Sounds fun, you should bring a friend." I totally miss the emphasis on friend and made some joke about an autistic guy runner friend of mine, she LOL'd, end of it. She was referring to a female friend, went straight over my head, missed opportunity for some better response.

I'm having trouble differentiating whether this is massive insecurity bubbling up on her end as a comfort test, a shit test, or if this is some early iteration of the Please End It phenomenon that seems to be going around here lately. Given her demeanor of standoffish but receptive to affection I'm not entirely sure she's totally asking for the latter but frankly I have no idea.

Thoughts?


Post Information
Title What type of test is this really?
Author BirdManBrrrr
Upvotes 9
Comments 25
Date 27 June 2017 07:29 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205939
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6jv3yy/what_type_of_test_is_this_really/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
hard nobutthurtDEERframekinoshit testcomfort testlift
Comments

[–]PersaeusRed Beret26 points27 points  (4 children) | Copy

yeah, well she is checked clear the fuck out of the building for sure.

you're implying she makes these statements rather matter of the fact, like "how about those Bears (NFL team)". if she were screaming them with a big long "you motherfucker tone" then they might be a shit test. if she were sobbing about her hurt she was then they might be a comfort test. i am guessing none of this applies.

as scurve said, she wants you to kill the puppy already

i would say your wife knows how to adult really well; and is not a loud mouth cunt. she's so nice that she wouldn't even swat a puppy; or deny him sex. however, attraction cannot be negotiated (even insider her head with herself) so you get starfish.

could be wrong, but with:

she brought up the open marriage

and,

You need someone who can support you emotionally

and,

You're too good of a guy for me, blah blah blah

and,

Sounds fun, you should bring a friend.

and, finally the coup de grace

I wouldn't be mad if you fucked some other girl.

she is most definitely getting railed by another dog. unless your ready for NEXT, you got some serious verification in front of you. bummer.

it's amazing how repeatable this MRP origin story is

Preamble - i have been a nice guy for X long, not owning my shit, and my marriage sucks . . . but hey i got the x-box, NFL, cheetos, and Y drug of choice.

Step 1 - strange itching sensation in the back of my skull and guts, WTF . . . to the internet

Step 2 - discover TRP . . . whoa man wow . . . start OYS and some Rambo

Step 3 - intro / victim puke (bury the lead DEEP)

Step 4 - hey guys, btw my wife has been saying some bizarre ass shit, has GNO four nights a week, or sleeps at someone else's house but their just friends

Step 5 - FUCK, wat do now?

if i were you at your age with no kids, i would run like the building was on fire. i am not you, i stayed, and i am cool as a motherfucker with the past.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Top notch breakdown here . Pay attention OP. +1

[–]BirdManBrrrr[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

i would say your wife knows how to adult really well

Yes. She's had to adult since 15, fucked up childhood, massive insecurities, extremely focused and workaholic as a result.

you got some serious verification in front of you.

Correct, and did some of that. Due to the prior statement on insecurity I'm attempting to figure out the noise/signal ratio on how much is talk vs. getting fucked on the side. 85% certain she hasn't, but I'm well aware I could be totally wrong.

it's amazing how repeatable this MRP origin story is

Yup. The patterns are remarkable; in speaking with a number of younger married folks my age this entire template is considered "normal".

Step 5 - FUCK, wat do now?

For me: Continue with the MAP and let things play out for the near future.

i am not you, i stayed

We'll see.

[–]Aechzen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

85% certain she hasn't,

Smartphones are tracking devices that also make phone calls.

I found out about a feature in my iphone called "frequently visited places". It's very, very deep in the menus. Sure enough, there's the home address of my plate, along with the exact times and dates I've been there.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Take her advice.

Bring a friend home for the evening.

See how she feels about it then.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

she wants you to kill the puppy already.

oh, and she is fucking other guys.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Can concur with your opinion. She is probably banging other guys. The whole you should fuck other girls is not a hint, its an actual request.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

well yes, how else will she blame the failure of "the marriage" on him yet still feel ok about herself?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, the puppy goes.... now.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Geez, barely married a year and already have DB? Cut your loses and move on. She is clearly checked out

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound smart and you appear to have connected the dots quite well. I think you just don't like the picture it gave you when you finished tracing them. So, you wrote to Reddit asking us to convince you otherwise.

[–]rocknrollchuck7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think if you go to your page and read your comments, one at a time, from bottom to top (oldest to most recent), you will come to the same conclusion the rest of us have. I just read them and there are so many red flags there, from sleeping separately to checking emails and "group work chat" to "her withdrawal, passivity, and nosedive into her job", and now her statement about you sleeping with some other girl. Have some self-respect and start making plans to end this.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you re-read your post, you are on auto pilot of living a shitty life

[–]BirdManBrrrr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you are on auto pilot of living a shitty life

Was. The past 6-8 weeks have been intensive on sidebar, frame, lifting, etc and I'm starting to feel the improvement myself ex. the marriage- mood, social, etc. Whether my improvements are too little too late or not for the marriage is outside of my control.

[–]Itstinksoutthere3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

She's already fucking someone else bro. The guilt is real and she wants you to do the same so she won't feel as bad.

You've been married less than a year and have no kids. Goddamn I wish I was in your situation. Move on. Get your shit right first and then find someone who actually wants to be married to you should you so choose. Hell, give her another shot if you fee so inclined. Just make sure you've got your shit straightened out first.

Here's the best part. You are entering your prime. She is hitting her downward slope. You will get more attractive and she will only get older and worn out. You will continue to be awesome until you are about 50-55.

Make sure whoever you are sharing your awesomeness with is worth it. This woman is not.

[–]BirdManBrrrr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just make sure you've got your shit straightened out first.

That's the plan.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

has she given you the ilybinilwy talk yet?

[–]BirdManBrrrr[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

No. I'm interpreting her withdrawal, passivity, and nosedive into her job as essentially that, though.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

You sure she's spending all that time at work?

[–]BirdManBrrrr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, she works from home and I know her schedule, and she doesn't go out much. Most probable opportunity is during business travel (mine and hers).

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You dont have kids right? You wouldnt want an "open marriage" right? Your marriage is one year only and its already a DB right? My guess is that your relationship already sucked before you got married, but well that doesnt matter now.

Well, if it was me It would be enough to walk. If you want to give this a shot, you could tell her something along the lines of:

"I would never do an open marriage. If this is what you want, then it means we are not compatible and we should get a divorce".

If shes been giving this some thought at THE VERY LEAST she has some guy(s) on her to-fuck list. Good chance shes getting side dicked. "Well I told him he could fuck other women so no problem if I fuck other men".

Whatever you do, do NOT knock her up.

[–]BirdManBrrrr[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I would never do an open marriage. If this is what you want, then it means we are not compatible and we should get a divorce".

Pretty much what I told her last night, along with a broader discussion of stuff we've been ignoring for some time.

Whatever you do, do NOT knock her up

IUD. We've been talking about kids recently (despite everything) and she's hellbent on NOT being pregnant for the forseeable future.

[–]MRPFuckMe12 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yikes buddy. Hehe. Just adding to the chorus of calls to GTFO.

[–]rockingood2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Years back there was a little hole in my back yard. I watched it get a little bigger every day. I'd let my dog out and think nothing of it.

Subconsciously, though, I knew there was some kind of issue... something at stake... something amiss.

One day he burrowed right through that hole he'd been digging.

Carrying my dead dog home I wondered why I had ignored it. I had so many opportunities to fill it, to reinforce it, to do something, anything.

I ignored it until it was too late.

I miss that damn dog.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are a pleasure seeking sort, this could be the opportunity of a lifetime. Granted the following isn't for everyone, just my take.....

Considering that you have a DB already and IMO this LTR is on life support, riddle me this.

Take her up on her offers and get her to set you up some serious side action and some 3 way action. Get her to pimp for you and give her all the freedom she needs and wants. What have you got to lose? your marriage? all the sex you aren't getting? What can go wrong?

Change you view and get some goodies for you, on your way out, or not.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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