Wife threatened to take the kids from me over a non issue. Need advice

My wife tried to make that threat against me once. It was one of the few times when my alpha-side really got to shine in its natural spotlight: I'm a divorce attorney. Ain't no way was that gonna fly.

I really can't explain it (though I'll try), but when your wife is fuming mad at you over something like that, no matter how internally wrecked you are (and from what I gather, if you've been taking TRP for any length of time, you shouldn't be; but let's say you are wrecked) ... just go over and:

• hug her for about 15 seconds, counting it out if you have to; remain silent during this time, even if she tries to talk (let her, but don't respond)

• lean your head back and brush her hair away from her cheek and put your hand on her cheek briefly

• lean in and kiss her cheek

• say, "I love you and appreciate that you are intensely passionate over this issue; but in this particular moment you are over-reacting and I'm not going to let it get to me."

• peck her on the forehead

• walk away with a smile

  • if she lets you go, the next time you see her in a calmer environment you HAVE TO re-raise the issue; this time it will be on your terms. Have an action-plan ready to go for how to solve the conflict, showing simultaneously that: (1) you care about her concerns; (2) you understand her perspective without validating the thought itself or how she handled the situation [don't underestimate the importance of this in any argument]; (3) you will take charge of the situation so she doesn't have to be the one to worry about it anymore; and (4) her over-reaction was not going to solve the problem. This is a perfect quadfecta (and if I really took the time to think about it, I could probably come up with 2-3 more benefits), but I feel like 99% of men miss the opportunity by forgetting to re-raise the issue on their own terms.
  • if she follows you, still yelling and screaming: repeat all of the above until she doesn't know what to do. If that doesn't work or ...
  • if she doesn't let you leave in the first place ("No! I'm not over-reacting. This is seriously an important issue. How can you not see that?!?" Proceeds to block the door.) ... fog. "I agree that this issue is important. You're right, we should be spending more attention on this issue. I actually have an idea for how we can address the issue," and then pull an action plan out of your butt, even if it's a crappy one. If she doesn't like it, let her make some adjustments. The point isn't to come up with the perfect solution; it's to show her how idiotic her over-reaction was when you could come up with a solution to the problem literally on the spot and you can all tweak the solution from there. This has the same benefits as the first option ("if she lets you go ...") except #1, as it usually comes off as you brushing the issue aside quickly, which is outweighed by the other benefits.

It's also worth noting that with this path you'll never get the "he's just trying to fix everything!" argument. If she calms down after the soft affection, you're not fixing anything ... you're being exactly what she wants to see in a man: simultaneously affectionate and dominant. Then, the re-raise of the issue blows her away. If she forces you to deal with it on the spot, as long as you're convincing enough on the "I agree that this issue is important. You're right, we should be spending more attention on this issue" part, the burden shifts to her to prove that you're not meeting the exact need of the moment that she's demanding you address - but you're subtly shifting dominance in the conversation away from her and onto you by throwing her off balance. Because, most women are emotionally-driven, they will pretty much never adapt to this tactic. It will continue to throw them off-balance every single time because when they're in the heat of anger like that, they usually lack the ability to think logically enough to remember how they told themselves they would react the next time you tried to pull this on her. More to the point, most women simply like this tactic enough that they wouldn't want to defray you from exercising it in the first place.

I've done this with my wife over a dozen times in the 9 years we've been married (4 years since I developed this tactic) and I've never seen better results in any other approach. Although my wife is generally frigid (for reasons I have only started to look into, leading to my recent discovery of this sub and its companions), I can only think of one time after doing this where she hasn't tried to initiate sex with me that night or the next day. Beta me rejected her at those times and we haven't had a fight like this in almost a year, so I haven't had the chance to respond differently with another attempt :p That's probably one of those things I'll have to change if it comes up again.

I should also note that I didn't develop this approach as a result of any TRP/MRP thinking, as I didn't know this sub at the time (only discovered it today), so it may not entirely jive with the philosophy here, as I had other huge sources of influence at the time (and still do). So, take it for what it's worth.

Tag: /u/BluepillProfessor (random mod, since I'm new to this whole TRP/MRP thing and wouldn't mind feedback on my approach)