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When the wife discovers Fight Club

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DoctorNini
June 22, 2017
6 upvotes
askMRP

So I saw this previous post about a man wanting to discuss RP truths with his wife and you guys ripped him a new one. This raised a question I've been considering for quite some time...

To clarify: I am the wife (to be, getting married in 2 months) in this scenario. F26, M27, together for almost 3 years, engaged since December. I discovered TRP at the beginning of this year, around the same time when we started the obligatory marriage course from my Catholic church. I immediately felt like "this is what I've been wanting without even knowing what it was". Told my fiance, he was sceptical at first, but got more into it when he found the MRP and family alpha. We combined talking about the side bar and posts here with the information from the marriage course, and started to implement RP truths in our relationship.

I guess my question is: is this something we can do together? I personally feel just as responsible for our relationship as he is, especially now that I have found this. It feels wrong to be like "I found all this wisdom about how men and women work, so now you have to internalize it all and make sure our marriage works while I behave like the bitch society expects me to be". On the other hand, I read everywhere on this forum that we should not talk about Fight Club, and thus I should let him do him and keep my nose out of it.

Up until this point we have discussed many relationship truths, both from MRP and RPW. We have implemented some into our relationship, with success. We have discussed what this means for our future children, and how we should raise them in our feminine focused society. This all feels great to me, and I love discussing these things with him and feeling like our relationship is a mutual project we are trying to perfect TOGETHER. The fear that keeps gnawing at me is that this may feel good to me, but that I am keeping him down by trying to make it an us-thing instead of a him-thing.

Do any of you have advice on this? Any men or women who have come from a similar situation?


Post Information
Title When the wife discovers Fight Club
Author DoctorNini
Upvotes 6
Comments 47
Date 22 June 2017 06:24 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205961
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6irqmg/when_the_wife_discovers_fight_club/
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Comments

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

The fear that keeps gnawing at me is that this may feel good to me, but that I am keeping him down by trying to make it an us-thing instead of a him-thing.

Whether you were a man or a woman my advise would be the same. You have a need, he can fulfill it or not. Put your need to him out there, in a clear and consistent message.

Sometimes men need 2x4 love, and you need to smack them with it to get their attention. Years of preconditioning maybe holding him back from stepping forward in being a leader because he wants to be "fair and equal". You communicate primarily with emotion, he with content. Sometimes you need to move the dial and step into his style and say directly what you want.

Ask for your need to be met. Let him meet it. Communicate if it's not being met.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I guess my question is: is this something we can do together? I personally feel just as responsible for our relationship as he is, especially now that I have found this. It feels wrong to be like "I found all this wisdom about how men and women work, so now you have to internalize it all and make sure our marriage works while I behave like the bitch society expects me to be".

Here's the problem, and u/stonepimpletilists alluded to this.

The problem is that you are going to be leading your husband on this. You can't gin up attraction and dominance by saying "husband, I need you to be more attractive and do it like this and do these things on this list. I need you to be more dominant and you can be if you'll just do these things."

A woman is never attracted to a man she had to tell to be attractive and how to do it. She won't submit to a man she had to instruct on how to be dominant.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

I was thinking and this is yet another one of my pet theories, it is about marriages of addicts in a situation when one tries to get sober.

If they have anything else in the relationship except the substance abuse, maybe, just maybe it is worth fighting for. But - a guy gives up booze and the girl suddenly starts seeing him as unattractive - IF that girl has anything in her head, she should understand where this is coming from, read some books and get help for herself. This is where the "fighting" part arises from - people start to understand their own mechanisms caused by the substance abuse and codependency, they logically understand why the attraction suddenly fallen and they decide TO WAIT WHILE FIXING THEMSELVES, but not together, not as a couple, but each one for their own.

Of course this assumes good will from both parties. I'm not sure if this sounds sci-fi or is possible, what do you think u/alphabeta49 ?

Once the guy AND the girl are somehow fixed, they can clearly decide if they want to have anything in common in the future or just part their ways.

I'm not sure if this scenario is realistic enough to happen.

What does it have to do with your situation? THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW. You have a vayjay and you expect me to give you sexual advice?

Or, maybe you should understand from my letter somewhere in-between the lines, that a good idea is to shut the fuck up about improvement because THIS DOES NOT BUILD ATTRACTION. I believe you should rather focus on the end-effect which is spending quality time together BECAUSE you did some reading at TRP/MRP/RPW and you didn't forget to lift.

As for that poor schmuck you're trying to divorce-rape, my advice for him is to never marry, as his soon to be ex-wife already lurks on some internet forums how NOT to suck his dick and what she should do instead, like - talking about self-improvement or something.

Get that schlong in your mouth baby. Show him that you love him.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Of course this assumes good will from both parties. I'm not sure if this sounds sci-fi or is possible, what do you think u/alphabeta49 ?

I have a theory. Too long for here.

Get that schlong in your mouth baby. Show him that you love him.

u/DoctorNini, this is the best advice you'll get on this sub. Follow it and you'll be doing your part.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Summarize

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The success of a relationship when one or both partners are addicts depends largely on how they started. Were you an addict when she met you and fell in love with you? Then getting clean will destroy the relationship. Were you clean when she fell in love but then fell into addiction and beta bitchiness? You have more of a chance.

It's the difference between a career beta and a drunk captain. And it's what I was getting at here.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The success of a relationship when one or both partners are addicts depends largely on how they started. Were you an addict when she met you and fell in love with you? Then getting clean will destroy the relationship.

Exactly this happened in my case. Add a lot of beta slips, when I was drinking my T levels were probably negative and inversely correlated with my body fat level.

[–]DoctorNini[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you! :)

[–]Hillary_For_Prison1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Keep doing what you're doing. You are on the right track.

[–]DoctorNini[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you. :)

[–]Hillary_For_Prison1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

R/redpillwives might also be a good fit for you.

[–]DoctorNini[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's a great suggestion, I hadn't found that sub yet. Thanks so much for your input!

[–]gixxerthouguy1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If this is a legit post, maybe you should head over to the Red Pill Women sub.

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/

[–]DoctorNini[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am already active in the RPW sub. The problem is that most women there don't have partners that are active in TRP or MRP, so I am afraid that my question does not really apply there. Additionally, I know what RPW teaches me to do and how I should apply that in my relationship, I am just afraid of being in the way of my fiance's MRP progress.

However, if the mods feel my question is not supposed to be in this sub, I will gladly move it of course.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

FWIW my wife and I have a "separate people working on a mutual project" thing for about a year based on Schnarch's Intimacy&Desire book. That particular book may be too focused on solving dysfunctions, though. He has another book Passionate Marriage--which I have not read, but that people have said they read early in their marriages that seems to describe the same structure. I like how his relationship model is able to holistically integrate the conflicting needs for individuality and intimacy within a framework of mutual growth.

while I behave like the bitch society expects me to be

I really want to tell you to fuck off, but my wife and I enjoy ironically playing these roles so much now that I'd be a hypocrite. The keyword being ironic. If you think it's an excuse to be a genuinely shitty person, get fucked.

[–]DoctorNini[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I tried to find the book, but there is not a single store in the country I live that sells it. :( The other one is available though, so I'll look into that one! Thanks so much for your advice, and great to hear that you have a similar relationship and it is working! :)

About the being a bitch part, of course I was not being serious. I have implemented many things into our relationship already (doing most of the chores, fix him dinner and/or a drink when he gets home, try to accomodate to his wishes sex-wise, don't nag, etc). My question is not "should I try to be a RP-wife" but "should this be two seperate processes or can we be in Fight Club together". Even before finding RP, I was not one of the nightmare-wifes I read about here. Might also have to do with culture, I am not from the USA and I don't think women here are as entitled.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Laura Doyle's "The Empowered Wife", as well as her other book "First Kill All the Marriage Counselors", would both be good reads for you instead, since they come highly recommended on here for women that have a more RP point of view and desire a harmonious relationship.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Have you read Schnarch? What parts do you find problematic?

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I have not. I'm simply saying that the other two come recommended on MRP, and the other does not.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

MRP doesn't presume to recommend anything for women and neither do I.

Have you read Doyle? Is your wife RP aware?

Schnarch's been discussed here a few times and always accepted as MRP compatible and complimentary. Bottom line is it's the common ground my wife and I operate within. It works for us and I recommend it. So there.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough, I have never seen it recommended but I have never read it either.

And I have not read Doyle yet, but if /u/bluepillprofessor recommends her stuff, that's good enough for me.

And no, my wife is not RP aware, she's actually very old school traditional from Eastern Europe.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

RP wives is for you. MRP for him.

He is going to want to do this. Good luck

There are something's you should not read and leave well enough alone. As a man leading the home, there are just some things not up for discussion.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

when we started the obligatory marriage course from my Catholic church

When I took that, it was not TRP at all. It was pure beta/cuck/feminine imperative propaganda. They totally downplayed the Ephesians 5:22 "wives obey your husbands" stuff and explained that it really meant "mutual submission" in which the husband and wife submit to each other (which is, of course, not what the Bible verse says, completely unworkable in practice, and a logical contradiction in terms). There was also a heavy-handed emphasis on how you have to forgive your spouse anything they do (including especially infidelity) because marriage is forever. Catholic Church is all but completely BluePilled IMO.

If you got interested in TRP via Catholicism, that's a plus, I guess. I'd definitely have your husband approach it from reading the other sidebar readings, not from a "Catholic" perspective, though.

[–]DoctorNini[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Oh that's a shame! The church I go to is quite traditional, and what they taught was generally in line with TRP. Of course they also said you cannot get a divorce whatever happens, but I doubt any Catholic church is going to deny that.

My fiancé is not religious, so while he has implemented some of the things he found worthwhile from the course, he doesn't feel like it is absolute truth. I think he finds the sidebare more informative, but he has never compared the two.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If your fiance is not religious, then why is he taking a Catholic marriage course? From this detail alone I know you are wearing the pants in the relationship. You should move on and find a man who is more naturally alpha and already Catholic because your current relationship is doomed.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is what I was thinking too. Trying to lead from behind and him not caring to lead may not end well

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dalrock's Reframing Christian Marriage article would be a good read for you. Actually, Dalrock's whole site, especially his earlier stuff, is great perspective for the Christian point of view.

The church I go to is quite traditional, and what they taught was generally in line with TRP

For the woman, it seems traditional. The teaching geared toward the men is more what this article talks about.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great that you found it and endorse TRP, but now it's his work to do. I'd advise backing off. Either he puts in the work or not.

[–]FailingBillionaire-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

To clarify: I am the wife

tits or gtfo

edit: Cunts got me

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Isn't TwoX the one full of boys LARPing as women? lol

[–]Hillary_For_Prison0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ass.



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