What does it mean when the wife offers that you could fuck someone else?

The_Litz · 2017-06-20T10:57:40+00:00

Forget what she says and look at what she does.

From what you have told us thus far:

She avoids spending time with you.
Getting her to have sex with you is near impossible.
She wants you to leave her alone and fuck other women.
She stays over at her male bestie's house over weekends.
She goes drinking with her friends in the city and stays over, without you.

Did I miss anything?

Her actions, if you tally the scores, are telling you she wants out.

Be a gracious host and show her the door.

anotherswingingdick · 2017-06-20T10:02:58+00:00

She already has; or wants to; or intends to..... fuck some guy. Without telling you.

mrpthrowa · 2017-06-20T12:38:51+00:00

you have one of the strongest cases of oneties I've seen and you need psychatric help.

next time you'll walk in on your wife with someone's cock in her month and you'll still come here asking what it means.

gettingmymojoback · 2017-06-20T10:43:12+00:00

She sleeps over at her male "friends'" house and is telling you to go fuck other women as she's getting ready to move out.

Do I need to draw you a fucking picture?

It sounds to me like this train has already left the station. Good news is, if you actually put some effort into lifting and sidebar, you won't repeat the mistakes that got you in this cluster fuck of a relationship.

Persaeus · 2017-06-20T16:10:26+00:00

I've offered that to my husband prior to RP. For me it came straight from a place of depression and being told by him that because of my depression I was worthless in that department. So I figured if I wasn't good enough it would be ok for him to seek out others. I don't ever want to be a ball and chain. Like you, he was not there when I needed him for support and our relationship was really messed up later because of that. There wasn't any trust, because how would I know when I could be open and vulnerable when he purposely hurt me before? I found myself in a position of constantly being at odds with him because whenever I tried to hand him the reins or leadership he would crumble under me. Obviously unattractive(although I never actually stopped boning him) and I was distant in many other ways because of how clear it was that I couldn't rely on him. To this day I still have a lot I fight against(internally) because of all the old wounds.

I don't know why she doesn't want to have sex with you, and I don't know if it's 100% true to say that the problems are only on your end. Ultimately you can't fix her issues and she has to work through them, with or without you. Really it's up to you to decide what you'll put up with and for how long. I do think there is improvement you have to work on because that can be motivating for your spouse. Divorce is of course a perfectly valid option and in the end you have to do what's best for you and your life. If you don't want to talk to her as an ex, just screen her calls or change your number, not really a big deal. She's a big girl and will deal with that.

anythinginc · 2017-06-20T15:03:22+00:00

Things are fucked up since our daughter died 2 years ago.

I am so sorry man. Relationships rarely survive that. There is too much pain and grief. We usually say "fuck other women" is a shit test (she thinks you are too unattractive to get laid and too codependent to divorce her) , but I maybe she is waiting for you to kill the puppy (divorce her).

Are you still in the same house? Is the child's room still a shrine? Have you ever talked about having another child?

Without some real and effective therapy, or the two of you really revisiting that time, and digging back into everything involving your child's death and the aftermath together I doubt there is a way forward. Sex with you makes babies, but those babies die.

convo was about her moving out and ending the marriage

I really think you are going to have to go to a lawyer, have the papers drawn up, and the next time she mentions divorce lay them there in front of her to sign. She is either going to be relieved and sign, or she'll break down, you'll break down, hug, cry on the floor, and maybe finally have a cathartic and relationship building moment that lets you strive forward. Now, she might reset and want to sign them again the next morning, but you will both have clear heads and a sense of purpose that this relationship had a purpose, but it was cut short due to circumstances beyond your control, and now it is time for the both of you to move on.

CopybookHeadings · 2017-06-20T10:57:12+00:00

What Would Admiral Ackbar Do?

[deleted] · 2017-06-20T13:56:40+00:00

Maybe she's trying to figure out what you want and where you want to go and what the future could look like together?

As your frame starts to emerge your wife will realize her mental model of you is no longer accurate. So she'll work to update her understanding of who you are and what's changed, what's important to you now, what you think of her, and try to orient herself. She'll experiment with you various ways. I found being clear with her about what I want, my goals and my priorities (and uncertainties) worked much better than trying to be silent and mysterious.

[deleted] · 2017-06-20T18:15:34+00:00

OK OK OK.

Your daughter died 2 years ago. You got depressed. How did your wife react? How old was your daughter at death? How old are you? How old is your wife?

That's a huge, huge thing right there. Most people don't go through that in a marriage. You did. Your marriage went through extreme, extreme stress and strain. You need to back up and take a look at that, friend.

EDIT: OK, after comment reading I've now read some other submitted posts. Your wife didn't handle things well either. She sleeps over at a "male friend's" house. Yeah. Married women do not do this. She is either having sex with other men, or is getting ready to. You really need to prepare for divorce here because that's where this train is heading and I don't think anyone can stop it.

[deleted] · 2017-06-20T18:33:54+00:00

Women dont share anything of value willingly so you can guess what her appraisal of you must be

InvincibleKraken · 2017-06-20T12:40:07+00:00

Did you edit the OP to take out the part about her spending nights at the house of another male?

straius · 2017-06-20T14:16:13+00:00

She's not going to fuck you while you're angry and resentful. She's not going to want to be around you while you're angry and resentful. You're not attractive when you're angry and resentful.

You need to find a therapist that works for you. Strangers on the internet haven't yet and are not going to be the help you need. Combine with therapy and maybe you have a shot, but you don't have the emotional control yet to put the sidebar into practice.

recon_johnny · 2017-06-20T15:21:09+00:00

Am on mobile, so don't see your history, especially with her hanging with other men or staying overnight.

Normally, with just what you've posted, I'd say she's already fucking someone else, and is looking to make it ok by "giving" you the "option", so you're not surprised/bitter when trickle truth comes out.

She'll want access to everything else, like house, money, beta orbiter (that's you); so is a good ploy on her part.

If she's already hanging out with a guy and spending the night...come on man. You KNOW what's going on.

Move the fuck on and focus on improving you.

weakandsensitive · 2017-06-20T15:58:20+00:00

I seriously can't believe you're still successfully trolling people.

8/8, gr8 b8.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-06-20T16:32:13+00:00

Why would she like me to fuck other girls?

Because her opinion of you is so low she doesn't think that you can. She is subconsciously desperately desiring you to become attractive so that you can fuck other women. Only when you are at that point will you be attractive to her and she knows it somewhere inside that pile of grey-red goo she calls a brain.

[deleted] · 2017-06-20T13:22:19+00:00

I agree that you need more help than a bunch of internet dudes can provide. Your wife is checking out.

On thing that stands out is the safety-- women use this excuse all the time for not having sex. And for the most part it's true for them. She doesn't feel safe with you touching her body. Find out why. It's probably got less to do with you being unnattractive than not connecting emotionally.

Make yourself attractive. But at the same time, take time to listen and validate her feelings. And for god sake get a real hobby beside LARP

JudgeDoom69 · 2017-06-20T15:48:17+00:00

A woman is never yours, it is just your turn. Your turn is over with this one. She has already swung to the next branch(es). It is time for you to adjust to your actual reality.

Secretly consult with a good divorce attorney. It costs about $250 and is very empowering to know exactly what your rights are and where you'll stand after a divorce.

Start hoarding cash in a safe place.

Probably in about two years, with her bills piling up and her ass getting bigger, she'll see the awesome life you are living and she'll come crawling back to you. By then it will be too late and you'll have upgraded to a better woman.

Godspeed my friend, things will get worse before they get a whole lot better.

bsutansalt · 2017-06-20T16:28:29+00:00

It's a shit test.
She's gotten the idea to ask because the though has already crossed her mind to try the same with another guy.

Code_Combo_Breaker · 2017-06-20T21:04:18+00:00

She wants you to have sex with someone else so her current infedelity can become validated in her own mind.

OP you are losing the battle ATM.

binrobinro · 2017-06-20T21:10:32+00:00

It means she's fucking someone else.

Kommanderdude · 2017-06-21T14:49:39+00:00

In my friend's case. Wife suggested he fuck someone else. He was resistant to it. Then she brings hot coworker friend home and they get naked. He fucks her while the wife watches. Next day wife says, ya know since you fucked someone besides me now I get to fuck someone besides you. Turns out she already had a guy in mind. Buddy agrees out of blue pill guilt because fairness.

Fast forward a few years later and she has cheated on him 4 times with 4 different guys and gives him herpes. He tries to make it work after finding out. Fast forward another year and she's cheating again. This time he had the balls to leave her.

Could be she wants to fuck someone else or it could be that you are so high SMV she feels like she needs to share you to keep you. Only you can decide which decision to make.

Title	What does it mean when the wife offers that you could fuck someone else?
Author	number123356
Upvotes	9
Comments	64
Date	20 June 2017 09:55 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/205973
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6id1pw/what_does_it_mean_when_the_wife_offers_that_you/