I am in this for about 6 months now. I certainly made progress, but nowhere near where I thought I would be, this is a very, very slow process... More and more shit keeps coming up, that I need to work on. Done most of side bar, lift, dress... Improvements in all areas, except weight loss, lost nothing. (will have to starve myself to loose any weight, will cover it in my next OYS) I understand most of RP principles now, but the internalizing process is taking a long time... Took me about 4 months to really start to recognize shit/comfort tests, and, only now, I am getting better at passing them (still fail from time to time).

The situation: The past few weeks have mostly been calm. I am doing my best on being the captain (it still feels foreign, as I have always been BB), fun dad, and flirty/fun husband. Generally, the wife is showing little response to my changes/attitude/behavior, though she is coming back to me for decision making more and more now.

Sex is still only 1/week, better than 1-2/month 6 months ago, her attitude in bed has not changed, and it still feels like a favor. The only reason for increased sex, is that I don't feel bad for initiating anymore, and will do so 3-4/week at least, I still initiate 100%. Last week (Wed) I started to initiate, wife does shit testing before sex (very common), we banter for a bit. During conversation she said something that she is my only option for sex, I indicated I have options. She got all pissy and started saying "what do you mean, explain yourself..." I was holding frame, and tried to deflect it for a few minutes, and then I thought, I am just going to say it how it is. I said "we all have options. We interact with people everyday, and its my values and my morals that keep me committed." I proceeded with initiation, and we had a great sex sessions with her having a big O, while i was from the back, and had my hand around her throat(first time I tried it...) She was trembling afterwards for about 30sec. After sex, we just talked about other things like nothing happened. This really made me realize, "Shit tests = Female way of flirting".

She was shit testing me non stop for the following 2 days, no problems, mostly dealing with them well. Tried initiating a few times, hard no, handled it well. On Saturday night, initiated again, this time not only got a hard a no, but she made me feel like I was some fucking sex starved creep. I laughed it off, got up, dressed, and left the house. Drove to the beach and listened to NMMNG for about 1.5 hrs. Was starting to feel anger/frustration, but managed to calm myself down.

Next day we were having a garage sale, wife said she wants to get up at 6, to set up. I told her I am getting up at 7, and not earlier, tried to convince her to get up at 7 with me, but she wanted to get on to thing earlier, that's fine.

7:01 AM Sunday morning - she wakes me up, " get up, I need you to get the trestle table out for me", all said with contempt/anger. This really rattled my cage, her attitude was - I am not happy, and therefore, you should do this and that for me..." As I lay in bed digesting this, I thought to my self, If she asked nicely, no problems I would have got up and helped, but that attitude will wait. So I lay in bed for 10 minutes (just rested), got up did my morning routine, and went down to the garage, when I was ready. Got the table out, she says " i dont need it any more..." She sat everything up for the garage sale, I see a lot of stuff lying on the floor. So, set up the table, and put things on the table, she joins in. Still holding frame, her attitude seems to pass. Go inside, get kids up, make her/kids breakfast/tea. Till 2pm, she sat outside, while I dealt with kids, drove around for some errands, painted walls, regrouted a bathroom, did things that needed to be done (getting house ready for a sale). All day she was complaining, - too cold, too hot, not many people, its such a waste of her sunday...etc.etc.. She was also giving me the cold shoulder all day. I was disregarding most of it, and kept up a good /happy attitude, and toyed with a her a bit. Halfway through the day, I started to get enough of her whinging, and her attitude. How can someone be so negative ALL the time, that just got to me, and I did say to her, "all I have heard from you today was whinge, whinge, whinge,.... "

When she was packing, she asked me for help, I said I can't help you as I am doing other things, leave things that you can't lift/pack and I will do them later. That afternoon we had her co-worker come over for diner at 5. A couple of days prior I suggested I could do pizzas for dinner and she agreed. Later in the day I had to go the shops to get some final ingredients. That took longer than I expected, and I was in the shop, it was 4.30 when she rang all in panic, people are coming over in 30 minutes, nothing is ready, she should have cooked dinner blah, blah... I did not want to deal with this shit, and all I said, "I will be home in 5-10min. " Got home at 4.40 pm, in 20 minutes put out nibbles, rolled out 3 pizza bases, put topping on all 3 , put 1st one in the oven, and went upstairs to change. All while she was flapping around complaining. The food was great, we had a nice dinner with her co-worker, but I could tell, I was getting very angry on the inside, and she was still giving me the cold shoulder. I did my best to hold frame, when guests left, put kids to bed, and went to the gym.

Monday morning, still cold shoulder, she left just saying buy, no morning kiss (we usually do it), after that all day radio silence.

All this constant barrage of shit tests, attitude, cold shoulder, constant negativity, - just got to me. I have been working my ass off for the past 6 months, and feel little change in my marriage, I know, I am doing this for me, but I can't help still getting butthurt, still getting this huge bouts of anger, still use sex as validation, still get dragged down by her shitty/moody attitude.

Got it off my chest now. I would appreciate feedback.