Turning down duty sex

Reddit View
June 18, 2017

Would love to hear thoughts on this.

Sent her to bed early. With a 3m old, she's exhausted. Gave her a good ass grab and squeeze... didn't get swatted away, orange light.

Few minutes later walked in doing the helicopter like a big cheesy asshole and started rubbing it on her nipples. She said 'get on top of me' (which equals I'm going to lay here like a starfish) I started rubbing harder and said 'nah I think I'm just gunna cum all over you boobs' and she grizzled and covered up.

I rolled her on her side, slapped her ass and said 'your loss' and went back to my meal prep.

I know I didn't handle it badly, and I'm sure if I just climbed on top of her I would of lost frame because starfish is a massive turn off for me. But could I have handled it better? How do you A&A having sex with a warm corpse? (She's not always but the 'you should get on top' line is a garuntee)

Edit: not nursing. Baby is bottle fed... Hormones are back. Period is like clockwork, she's a couple days from ovulation.

Post Information
Title Turning down duty sex
Author Cre4tiveUserN4me
Upvotes 11
Comments 51
Date 18 June 2017 10:41 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205987
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6hz1pd/turning_down_duty_sex/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]atlhartRed Beret21 points22 points  (41 children) | Copy

To OP and the rest:

You've got to remember that getting in the mood for a woman starts hours before sex.

It's not like us chimpanzees. We think: "A bra -> sex -> I'm in the mood for sex" or "Tight ass-> Sex -> I'm in the mood for sex" or "Broccoli -> sex -> I'm in mood for sex".

For me, usually it's like this: "time for bed -> an orgasm puts me out like a light -> I like to fuck my wife -> I'm in the mood for sex"

All of that happens over the course of about 1/4 sec for dudes.

For ladies, it just doesn't work that way. If you want her in the mood you've got to start early. Keno, all day.

My wife loves physical touch. Me? Not as much. I don't dislike it, I just don't consider it. I have to work on it. But I've gotten in the habit of just touching her all the time. A rub in the small of her back. A light ass grab. A three second kiss, a four second hug. All day every day. A hug from around the back with a light boob squeeze. Holding hands.


As a result my wife is in the mood any time I am.

But if I don't do this, if I forget or get to busy: soft no's left and right.

Start early. Your wife needs build up.

Edit: one more point. You have to do this every day whether you want sex/have sex or not. If you only do it on the days you want sex, it becomes just another covert contract. You've got to make it part of who you are.

[–]RPJMRP1 point2 points  (40 children) | Copy

I disagree. If you're attractive, your wife will fuck you at the drop of a hat. In fact, spontaneity is a great tool most of us would be well served to embrace.

If your tools are working for you, then there's the proof it works for you and your marriage. I think this kind of pigeon hole thought process can be counter productive and is a bit of ego protection for the OP. Yes Kino and the like are valid tools in your arsenal. That is undebateable.

With that said, the best tool is to be a man worth fucking. All the remaining tools allow you the best chance at success more often.

In this scenario, she didn't want to fuck him. There is a myriad of reasons why this could be the case. It is hard to know with the derth of information in this post. I suspect he gives as little effort in other areas as he did his post, thus he hasn't earned great sex. He's earned shit sex from a woman following his lead.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (30 children) | Copy

Oh this is tough. Yeah I agree with both of you however a woman will typically be more "into" it if you build up the sexual energy.

Women tie sex to emotions heavily. The higher her emotional state is towards sex the better it typically is.

[–]RPJMRP0 points1 point  (29 children) | Copy

Agreed. I also agree with alt, just pointing out something. "You have to warm her up feels a lot like "women are the fairer sex" and I think it can lead to some skewed thinking. Women love to fuck every bit as much as men. I guess that was the point I wanted to make, even though I did a poor job of it.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (28 children) | Copy

Yes. Just to put a bow on it I'll say this.

In a LTR/wife situation when you are good looking with high SMV and your shit handled, then by warming your wife up with Kino, etc is what really allows her to release her inner slut that Rollo speaks of.

The poor fat fucks with no game and their shit not handled HAVE to warm their women up just to get sex. But the dedicated few who are owning their shit use this not to get fucked but to get fucked by their inner slut of a wife/LTR.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (27 children) | Copy

Are you saying your wife will suck your dick if you walk up and dangle it in front of her nose without making any effort to warm her up?

[–]atlhartRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Pretty sure even Chads dick doesn't get sucked if he acts like a god damned chimpanzee.

[–]RPJMRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, yup

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]RPJMRP1 point2 points  (17 children) | Copy

At this point it is define "warming her up" but to answer your question- "hey hun, give me some head" will absolutely result in a great blow job. "Dangling it in front of her nose" isn't my style.

Heres the reverse to your question- you walk in from a hard day of work. Your hot wife is standing in the bedroom folding clothes. You take her, pin her to the wall by the throat, kiss her passionately, move her panties to the side and fuck her hard and deep.

Now according to your implied point- you can't do this. You need to warm her up first. I say you're wrong. I say she actually craves this behavior and spontaneity.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She craves it. Just not from OP.....yet

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

Well, I do all that and I'm still a fat fuck. It just takes a little effort to keep the relationship sexual.

I'm not sure what your point is. On the one hand you're talking about "fat fucks with no game" and on the other hand you're talking about being so "alpha" you don't need game.

Game is important.

[–]RPJMRP0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

I don't use terms like "Alpha" there are too many inherent meanings to those types of terms. I'm saying that Alt is 100% correct, warming your wife up, Kino, etc are all great tools and MAY be necessary at times. However, don't fall into the trap of thinking this is the rule. It isn't. Your wife wants to be possessed, she wants passion, she wants sudden bouts of affection and sex. That's all. There's a duality to women. I don't want newbies getting caught in a Disney- like definition of their wives.

Unless they're asexual, which is extremely rare, women love sex. There is not magical combination needed to unlock that type of behavior. Usually an attractive, masculine man taking what he wants will bring it out.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

Seems like replacing a Disney fantasy with porn fantasy would be an easy fallacy for Rambo's. But certainly not something for newbies. Game is all over the sidebar.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Your wasting your breath. piladildo freely admits he is still a fat fuck, so his wife doesnt want to be possessed, bolts of attraction, etc. FROM HIM.

Chad, sure. But not him. You are talking on level 10 shit, he is still on level 2. He doesn't understand the concept of sex anytime, anywhere because your so fucking hot your wife NEEDS it in her.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your over complicating this. No one is saying that it isn't a lot of work to keep a relationship sexual. It is a fuck ton of work. Day in and day out. I do t have to warm up my wife because she is always warm because I never stop long enough for her to get cold. Not even when I'm gone for two weeks at work.

Let me put it a different way. Imagine you own a sports car....a Corvette. Do you understand the difference between what that car is capable of doing on city streets vs what it can do on a race track?

Your wife is no different. Releasing her inner slut is analogous to taking a sports car and driving it on the street vs the track.

If you don't know what an inner slut is google it and read up on it from Rollos website. Or his book which you should have read or getting close to. Maybe then you will understand what we are talking about.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Am I overcomplicating or are you oversimplifying?

Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.

Fundamentally that's two lines of attack.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't even have to remove it from my pants first. She will do that to.

[–]NightFire450 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Sometimes I'll pull my dick out and slap the LTR in the face with it while she's on the toilet. Probably 1/2 the time I get a BJ out of it. I don't do it often though because it's kind of weird to get a toilet BJ. Now that I think about it been awhile so I'm going to try for one this week.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Sounds fun! I haven't tried that one--thanks for the idea. Honestly compliance testing is pretty great. I never really thought I'd be into that but just her sheer eagerness to please and the way she lights up is so hot. You have to keep inventing challenges and raising the bar.

[–]Cre4tiveUserN4me[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Boom! Thanks.

I dunno if I was fishing for answer. I was trying not to waffle too much in the post.

'Shit sex from a woman following my lead' is the answer.

Working out how to 1) not coming out of this situation like a bitch and 2) keep on improving.

It's also strange that the only place in my life I feel like I need to explain myself is when I post here. Too many fucks given.

[–]RPJMRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You got this. You can always tell when someone is focused on improving. You'll find the answers sooner rather than later with a low ego approach and a focus on improvement.

[–]atlhartRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I hear what you're saying, but I think this is wear TRP and MRP diverge. A woman will fuck Chad at the drop of a hat. A married man has chosen a relationship. Chad doesn't marry.

You must fulfill Alpha and Beta needs.

Women don't marry Chad. They Fuck Chad. You've got to seek that infinitesimal duality: Both Chad and Brad, and yet neither at the same time.

[–]RPJMRP1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I've never been to the TRP sub. Again, I agree with much of what you said. You're assertions are time proven. You can absolutely fulfill alpha and beta needs without subscribing to the idea that a woman needs particular behaviors to cause attraction and ultimately sex.

My error was saying "I disagree." That's false. I agree that Kino and building arousal over a period of time is very effective. Where I disagree is how the post relates to women and the nature of their sexuality.

Women embrace their emotions, correct? If we believe this, then my points are inherently true. You can create powerful emotions with sudden bouts of passion. The ability to create a push pull is central to what we do here right? I do it all the time. I've been with my wife coming on 17 years. Fuck the idea that she needs me to cater to her through the day to get access to her "golden pussy." That's all I'm saying.

[–]atlhartRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fair enough. You're right. You can't put the pussy on a pedestal. So it's walking a fine line.

[–]RPJMRP2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agree with the fine line aspect of it. And as pika is hammering to me below, the points of your post is much more accepted modus operandi here. I was giving a counter argument.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If you're attractive, your wife will fuck you at the drop of a hat.

Not necessarily. I know plenty of good looking guys whose wives play the see how many times I can turn him down game.

[–]RPJMRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Granted. In this case, the definition of attractive wasn't isolated to physical looks. We've all seen those guys that you would think would have their pick of ass, but can't get laid at home.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would avoid the ultimatum approach. You proposed sex and she was receptive. She suggested "get on top of me" which you say is a trigger word for some relationship PTSD. You need a plan to cope with that when it happens again.

Part of the problem was that you allowed the interaction to enter too overt of a negotiation mode and you missed an opportunity to escalate. Basically you got ahead of yourself.

You proposed sex, she proposed an act, you rejected her proposal, you proposed a different act, she rejected your proposal.

Starfish is a shitty experience for you both so certainly navigate away from it. An approach that works well is to agree to the intimate physical contact and propose something open-ended that she's unlikely to reject. Do something that escalates and allows more foreplay. "Let's cuddle" for example. Cuddling or spooning is a good option to see if she'll warm up more after physical contact.

[–]Cre4tiveUserN4me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I like the term relationship ptsd. Definetly hits the nail on the head. Something I gotta work on.

I don't last long enough to escalate (or can't get hard enough) for starfish. And seriously struggle with how to warm her up to escalate.

[–]theviciousfish3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

dude maybe she wants you to actually be nice to her, and do things that turn her on. Women are not machines. I swing my dick around like a helicopter when I want to annoy the shit ouf my wife, which I do all the time, but not when I am actually trying to get laid. Take her out to dinner somewhere nice, dress up, go dancing, she will be far more animate I guarantee it

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're unattractive & have no game.

Learn how to flirt & not act like a teen who wants to see his first pair of Tits.

[–]Mildly_Sociopathic9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

"why won't my wife fuck me when I act like a moron?"

She's nursing, and has a husband that acts like a tool. I'm absolutely shocked she's not in the mood, shocked I tell you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, how surprising that she didn't feel like being a cum rag at that time.

[–]Chinchilla_the_Hun2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You know women want to be made to feel sexy right? Tingles and all that jazz.

My wife knows I enjoy a good penis helicopter every now and then, but I'd never use that as my mating dance to initiate sex unless she was acting equally goofy and we were trying top each other.

When in doubt, use a 10-second kiss to guage receptivity and prime the pump.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Jesus Christ man...

She's fucking exhausted, feels ugly, probably has no libido and you "helicopter in"??

Maybe, just maybe, you could try actually gaming your wife a little? A naked back massage? Some candles? Some new lingerie to make her feel pretty?

There is a time to caveman fuck and a time to romance her. New mothers are typically not wanting to be caveman fucked.

[–]roadblock821 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife was 3-4 months post-partum when I started initiating the 10-second kiss and gaming my wife constantly, and it's been surprisingly effective. She went from "sorry hun, I just don't have any sex drive when I'm nursing" to : "I used to think I just had low libido, but I clearly don't".
I asked her what she thinks will happen when her cycle starts back and shes ovulating. She paused for a minute, smiled and said "oh, you're going to be in trouble".

[–]ProbablyAMonkey1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

So your 3-month post partum wife is exhausted, you send her to bed to get some rest, then change your mind and come into the bedroom like a big nerd with NO game, offering to cum on her chest?

And You think "I didn't handle it badly?"

Wtf, is this a troll? If not a troll, learn about DEVI / Sex God Method. Even better, let her rest when exhausted. IMHO first six month after pregnancy should be strictly off limits for higher levels of dread and should largely be considered as an exception to many of the common rules. Let life, exhaustion, stress, etc. return to some kind of equilibrium. But still don't do whatever gay helicopter shit you were trying. Ugh.

[–]Cre4tiveUserN4me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And yet last night I helicoptered out of the shower straight into her mouth.

I was asking how to turn down or escalate duty sex. Not some generic time line (that I do agree with) She gets plenty of comfort and a little frat boy style asshat which is what gets her moist. Plenty of balanced DEVI. Because of her high need for comfort I need to be super carefull of dread... what would be a L3 on some is double that on her.

I want sex. I'm gunna initiate, my mediocre initiation got me a mediocre acceptance of sex. Shoulda known that before I posted but I was questioning my frame.

[–]BigB19011 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would turn down all starfish fucks up until about 7 months ago. Now when it occurs, I just make it a caveman session.

Here is a good post about it https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5goxww/she_gives_you_the_starfish_you_give_her_the/

[–]youcantdenythat0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Sounds like you know very little about turning a woman on or maybe you've watched too much porn. Foreplay is usually needed.

You probably should have gotten on top of her but just kissed and grinded against her for a bit. Started kissing and nibbling her neck and ears and working your way down. Give her oral until she's begging for it. Then give her the business.

Sex needs to be mutually enjoyable. It's not all about you. (But don't make it all about her either. Find a good balance).

[–]Cre4tiveUserN4me[S] -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

Thanks. That's what I would/do do. But 'you should get on top of me' literally means all that's off the table. And it's nothing more than starfish. Hence why I walked.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Helicoptering is the male version of "get on top of me". She knows she's not gonna get any kind of foreplay or anything, and this isn't going to be enjoyable for her, so why wouldn't she starfish?

Really curious, but exactly what reaction were you hoping to get? That she'd get wide eyes, bite her lower lip and start furiously giving you a blow job because of how alpha you are with your swinging dick??

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

How is what she says to you prohibiting you from giving her some foreplay?

[–]Cre4tiveUserN4me[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Get swatted away, 'no I just want you on me and in me' Combined with too many years of me being a puppy dog settling for mediocre sex

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Check your ego.

Based on your responses in this thread, my guess is you're getting mediocre sex because you suck at sex.

Up your game.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter