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"Do you think I need to lose 5 lbs?"

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June 12, 2017
17 upvotes

Over the past 6 months I’ve been lifting, eating healthy, and building a much stronger frame. It was incredibly weak for a while there but I felt my frame really reach a new level about 30 days ago when I just stopped caring about her feelings at all. This might be a little too extreme but it really got my frame calibrated to a much stronger place than it had been for quite some time.

During my MAP I have steadily increased the whole foods that are incorporated into my diet. It’s a pain in the ass to go to the grocery store at least once a week, and it’s a bigger pain in the ass to have to cook all my own meals, but I’ve made this a new part of my lifestyle. Over this period, the wife has fluctuated from supportive to pissed based on her mood or what I cooked etc.

We have a big trip planned this summer to an exotic location that will include lots of beach time, and we recently got a new scale in our bathroom. My wife came out of the bathroom a couple of weeks ago and said:

W: “Do you think the scale is broken?”

M: “No, its new”

W: “Well it says im ### lbs. The other scale said I weighed less. The most I’ve every weighed is ###. Do you think I need to lose 5 lbs?”

So, this is just the worst question I think any guy could ever be asked. I literally stared at her for a good 3 seconds and then just said it…

M: “That’s a good starting point” I didn’t laugh after I said it. I wasn’t trying to be mean, but it is what it is. I just maintained eye contact and then she gasped (half smiling strangely enough) and said

W: “What does that mean?”

M: “It means it’s a good starting point. You can easily lose 5 lbs by the trip and I’ll help you if you want it”

Fast forward to the end of that day, and I’m putting together her meals for work the next day. And on days she doesn’t work, I prep breakfast, come home for lunch and cook lunch, and lay out her mid day snack and then I cook dinner. The other day she even made a comment that was basically “I’ve wanted to lose weight but never could do it by myself”. WTF? Where was this 6 fucking months ago?

MRP is right with the assessment that they will bitch and moan but eventually they act like it was their idea. And at times I feel pretty beta prepping all her meals, but if that’s what it takes to make her eat better then so be it. I’ve wanted my wife to lose weight as long as I’ve known her. She was always a little big for my taste, but she has so many other amazing qualities that I didn’t want to let her go for that reason. I really thought over time she would figure it out. Wrong. When I started this journey I did it because I wanted better sex and wanted her to get in better shape. After 4 months of my MAP I gave up on her ever following my lead and was legitimately doing it just for me from that point on.

Not that I had many doubts about MRP accuracy, but when something you’ve read about and heard about for some time finally manifests itself right in front of you, (that being that the woman will follow you when your smv begins to rise or she at least calibrates with the new normal) it feels really good. I know this isn’t the sort of field report where a guy finally gets his wife to try fisting midgets because he’s ALPHA, but this shit does work and more importantly, it will improve your life and the lives of people that associate with you, in my experience. Good luck


Post Information
Title "Do you think I need to lose 5 lbs?"
Author cabanaboy46
Upvotes 17
Comments 27
Date 12 June 2017 08:07 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206018
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6gus1p/do_you_think_i_need_to_lose_5_lbs/
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Comments

[–]screechhaterRed Beret12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Prepping food is not beta shit. It's taking care of business.

The answer is "if it's important to you, than address it .... ".

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Take your clothes off, it's the simplest way to lose weight."

"Shut up. That's only about 2 lbs anyways."

"then we'll lose the other 3 with some rigorous exercise."

Then you plow.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Imagine your on a boat, pulling a boat that your wife is on which is being towed by a 1000 foot long rope. When you turn, it is going to take her a long time for her boat to start to turn. 4 months you say, which is pretty typical for a woman to realize you are serious about your changes.

I think you handled the conversation OK. I do most of the cooking at night so I can control what the family eats, and as the kids get older they get less picky which is nice.

Food prep and taking over the grocery shopping are great ways to get your wife to eat healthy without having to bring the subject up. This is what worked for me, and will probably work for you.

I personally wouldn't go so far as to "lay out her mid-day snack" but I don't see prepping her food as beta assuming you are doing it for you, and she is actually eating it and not throwing it away or wasting it. If you do all that work, and she still doesn't follow your lead then you have a larger problem with her.

[–]cabanaboy46[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. Shes been following the new meal plan for over almost 2 weeks. Not a long time in the grand scheme of things but more than enough time to slip in some cheat meals and justify regressing to old behavior. Whats impressed me is that she is definately taking it seriously. She quit snacking on sweets because they blow out her daily calories and shes even trying new things like protein shakes that she used to say tasted terrible. (Insert sex joke here). Im sure part of her new commitment comes from seeing me be disciplined for a period of time. Which is why i posted. Im no badass but i hope new guys have faith that the new and good habits they are forming now will bare fruit at some point if they dont quit. It may not play out how they expect but commitment and consistency will yield results.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's not the worst thing you can be asked. Like /u/RPAlternate42 just stated. The only faster way to sexy times is with alcohol. Plus, never miss an opportunity to practice frame and get her riled up. She will love you for it anyways.

P.S.

Fisting midgets is never as fun as it sounds.

[–]atlhartRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My standard response is "I'll fuck you right now, but I think you'd be happier seeing yourself if you were 5 lbs lighter"

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Agree and amplify. "Do you think I need to lose 5 pounds?"

"No, 30! But not in the breasts."

Then grab her somewhere, give her a kiss, and move on with your day.

This conversation very easily could have gone the other way with the way you responded.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Or: "5? I'll see your 5 and raise you 10..."

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is this weight loss for ants?

[–]recon_johnny1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"More like 10."

She laughs, bitches a little. Then will bring it up later, more seriously. "Do you really think...."

[–]nonnimooseWoman, something something dark side4 points5 points  (15 children) | Copy

From my own personal experience with weight loss, I think many women don't just "figure it out" because it takes so damn long to see any results. It seems like a guy can give up donuts for a week and lose 8 pounds. A women's weight naturally fluctuates with her hormonal cycle. She can be doing everything right but water retention shows the scale going up 3 pounds in one day. Ravenous hunger at certain times of month can make it hard to "do everything right" in the first place, and then it's especially hard when the scale number goes up instead of down. I think this is what causes women to fall for ridiculous fads. They work a little in the short term but are unsustainable.

I share this to say that what really helped me was to focus on the process, not the results. She may not lose 5 lbs by the trip, but she can stick to the new eating program and that 5 lbs and more will eventually come off. A FitBit is a great motivator too. Even though walking 10,000 steps isn't going to burn enough calories to lose weight if you're not eating right, it makes you more inclined to stick to the program.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

Do you even lift 'Moose?

[–]nonnimooseWoman, something something dark side0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Yes - I do Body Pump classes. Girly, I know.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Why are you doing it if you consider it girly?

[–]nonnimooseWoman, something something dark side2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Because it keeps me in good shape at my age.

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lifting is best at any age IMO. I'm in my late 40's, and I'm more ripped and stronger than I've ever been.

[–]nonnimooseWoman, something something dark side6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Body Pump type classes involve lifting weights, but not anywhere near the level of a man looking to get ripped. I am older than you. I wouldn't say I'm the strongest I've ever been but I'm definitely stronger than I was 10 years ago. Unfortunately, this doesn't equate to looking better than I did in my late 40's - exercise will not cure aging. But at least I'm staving off osteoporosis!

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

nonnimoose is a woman.

[–]red_blue_and_hot2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I laid off the donuts all last week, and only lost 7 pounds. I feel totally cheated. At this rate, after 6 months, I'll be huge at 42 pounds on a 6' foot frame. This is terrible; please send donuts to make me feel better.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Nice hamster. Women never seem to have any trouble losing weight when they are motivated, like when they get dumped or are trying to attract a new guy. It's almost startling how fast an overweight girl who gets dropped can slim down and increase her SMV.

I think the real problem is that most women don't really have to try very hard to stay in a relationship with a typical AFC. He's not going anywhere.

[–]AustralianArm3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women can slim down quite rapidly when they really want to.

Common situations:

  • attracting a new guy
  • getting married (most go way too far for this one)
  • when their guy is owning their shit and are way more attractive

The 3rd one is the best, because most of the time they don't even realise why they want to. They just do.

[–]nonnimooseWoman, something something dark side1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

OK then, if you are ever trying to help a woman lose weight, go ahead and focus on the number on the scale, not the process. Be sure to compare how much weight you've been able to lose in a week with how much she can. I'm sure this will motivate her to try harder and compete with you because that's the way women work. Or you could just dump her and watch her get thin for the next guy. No need to get jealous about this - she'll blow up again.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anyone else hear a hen clucking? That's all I heard after "Ok"

[–]cabanaboy46[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I completely agree. Im trying to steer her away from the scale since thats not necessarily going to tell the same story as the mirror and the only way this works long term is if it becomes her lifestyle too. I could cut carbs out of her diet and within a week she would lose 5 pounds of water weight. But she would be misserable and unwilling to sustain it. The approach with me and now her is to get rid of junk food, quit snacking on garbage, and eat at maintenance. Even though she doesnt work out, she has to walk a lot for work and chase our kid around. Shes not going to lose a ton of weight in 2 months but small habit changes are lot more sustainable and easy to adjust too in my experience.

[–]g_e_m_anscombe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good on you for not looking at the scale. I say this because your wife said that this is the most she's ever weighed.

When I hit the most I ever weighed, it was due to a thyroid condition. I gained 10 pounds in a year, after having gained steadily over a couple years. I also found it hard to work up the motivation to exercise, but I ate better than most 25 year olds. I would skip meals all the time because I just wasn't hungry. Once I started treatment for my thyroid and went on a related diet, I dropped 25 pounds in like 4 months without much effort. Since I've been doing strength training, I have gotten trimmer but I'm about the same level on the scale.

If your wife has ANY of the other symptoms of thyroid problems (body temp below 97 degrees pre-ovulation, irregular cycles, irritability, depression, anxiety, dry skin, hair falling out more, you can google more), I would strongly recommend getting her thyroid tested. Thyroid problems are one of the MOST common medical problems for women (over 10% of women have them) and they often develop after having children. If she gets tested, she should make sure to get a full thyroid panel (including TPO(Ab) which tests for antibodies). If her TSH is anything above 2.0, her thyroid could be contributing to her weight gain. Thyroid problems for women are like the low testosterone of men - it shapes a lot, so it's worth looking into.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I would not engage in serious conversation when she brings it up like this. "Totally", eyeroll, on to the next topic.
 
If you want her to want to lose weight, keep losing weight. Also, it helps to talk anecdotally. Basically you are bringing her into your frame when you say, Damn, I can't believe how much Martha let herself go. Sucks for Steve. If I were Steve I would totally say something or try to get her working out. I mean, I'd give her a chance to make it right. It's like she doesn't even care about him. Who would want to be in a relationship like that? Gross.
 
Then I'd launch into a tirade on the obesity epidemic and how acceptable it is nowadays to not take care of yourself and how we are doing the right thing by staying fit and teaching our children the importance of it. Realize this is just how I talk.
 
If she values you, she will never want to be on the receiving end of that conversation. You just threw down the gauntlet though so you better not slip.

[–]cabanaboy46[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thats good insight. Thank you.



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