FR: When you catch yourself in the middle of a covert contract.

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June 10, 2017

I've been home for the past month while my GF works as I finish my thesis for grad school. I often go to a coffee shop to work/apply for jobs as they come up, but because I'm at home often I take time to clean the kitchen (why do I want a messy house?). I'm not Cinderella scrubbing floors, but I make sure that the kitchen at least is clean.

Anyways, we we're about to leave the house today and she starts going off about "taking 5 minutes to clean up this shitpile, it's so hard to live in this mess, blah blah blah". Instead of laughing because she was acting like a child, and recognizing that she was just pissy because of something else in her life not going right (which I knew about) my thoughts immediately went to "I clean this god damn kitchen every day, I make SURE it is spotless....blah blah blah", I got butt hurt, we exchanged jabs, got in the car. She asks why I'm so mad, and on autopilot I started saying "This isn't about you..." and realized, god damnit. I have a covert contract with my GF that she will appreciate all the work I do around the house while I'm home, and I caught myself starting to explain that the reason I was mad had nothing to do with her, it was about my own bad habits. I was angry, because I was hurt, because I took her comments as being directed at me instead of just letting her have her tantrum.

Thank you MRP for showing me how ridiculous such covert contracts are, and how taking anything your GF says personally means you've failed (and are in her frame). When you wrestle with a pig in mud...

Keep on trudging.

Post Information
Title FR: When you catch yourself in the middle of a covert contract.
Author RedishPill
Upvotes 10
Comments 13
Date 10 June 2017 11:33 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
framecovert contract

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Throw some trash on the ground and give her that Daddy look. Good catch.

Edit: I give so little fucks I can pull this off.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

It is an awesome thing when you can recognize the covert contracts in your life. We do this with everyone in our lives and it is a source for most of our anxiety. Good catch.

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, because MRP isn't geared towards your wife (it's geared towards improving the man) you realize that it applies to all relationships in your life, and it really opens your eyes.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

MRP is a lifelong habit as you just realised...

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's good that you caught yourself. The question is why was she still in the car with you? If your wife pulls this shit again, you leave her at home.

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That seems like going Rambo, no?

I bet it would feel very good...but maybe giving into the anger a little too much?

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not Rambo, but check your nice guy status! Why would you take a bitchy women with you when its going to be better to leave her at home.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Rambo or No Rambo is about Frame. Same behavior. Different attitude. Internalize with practice. Fall off the horse? Get back on. How long the "difficulty" goes on is entirely up to you. She will follow. Or not.

[–]CasperTFG_8080 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

/u/bogeyd6 brought light to this which I think is a bigger issue than covert contracts. Why is you GF talking to you like that? That is the same way my wife talks to our 10 year old boy, are you good with being talked to like a little boy?

Now I get that she is working and you are looking for work but that should not define your dynamics at home. Sure go ahead and pick up additional house work to do your part while not working, but don't pick up the behaviours of being a house slave.

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I responded to your comment with a main post. Thanks for clarifying my question.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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