Does she always have to enjoy sex?

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June 8, 2017

PreMRP and when I was first starting to get it on with the ladies I was an exemplar nice guy: my satisfaction in bed came from my ability to give her pleasure, and reciprocity (while desired) was ignored in favour of whatever tidbits I was getting.
Fast forward to now: I still derive great pleasure from giving her pleasure, but in a much more dominant attitude and setting, namely from taking control in bed and fucking her good (when she cums, it's rare I don't give her orgasm some friends).

So a concern of mine recently has been that while my girl will spread her legs every day or so, she only gets off about half of those times. I'm into it, loving it, but she's just elsewhere so I when I start grinding against her (for her pleasure) to try and get her involved and having fun, I get something along the lines of "I'm so wet I can't feel a thing" or "This ones all about you".
Most of the times I chuckle, give her a "Aren't you the sweetest"/"It's ALWAYS about me" with a grin and a kiss, I finish up (usually caveman), she wants to cuddle for a bit, then we go about our day...but yesterday it really cut me up (yeah yeah, I'm in her frame).

My problem (as I see it) is that I shouldn't be using her as a source of validation. It should come from within. ...but when she's coming down off of multiple orgasms, head on your chest, panting "thank you", it certainly puts a grin on MY face.

My question then: is this normal with you gentleman in your relationships? Are my expectations too high for my girlfriend to be screaming on my cock once a day? It's obvious that she is willing to put in at least some effort to maintain the sexual side of our relationship, so I do see that as a positive, though MRP culture definitely cultivates the thought that: she would be more into sex with you/spread her ass cheeks for you/swallow your cum with a big smile/etc. if ONLY YOU WERE A BETTER MAN, because AWALT, and you're not Chad yet ...with the cursory "YMMV" thrown in there somewhere.

UPDATE: similar thing happened this morning: lazy sat. morning sex, she's dripping like a damn faucet, and says she can't feel a thing. After a bit, I get between her legs and use my mouth. Mix it up. She goes "you know I can't feel a thing right?" to which I respond "Who said this was about you?" and go back to enjoying her freshly shaved pussy. What happens within the next 15 seconds? Whose hips start rising off the bed because she wants to cum? Mmmhmm.

So either she needed to have the pressure taken off that I was doing this for her pleasure, or she needed some foreplay, either way, I enjoyed teasing the fuck out of her before letting her cum.

Post Information
Title Does she always have to enjoy sex?
Author RedishPill
Upvotes 8
Comments 34
Date 08 June 2017 04:11 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

You've got to mix it up man.

Sometimes you've got to fuck her mind into oblivion.

Sometimes you've got to sit down, share some wine, and watch Netflix then go to bed.

I doubt anyone enjoys the frequency and quality of sex I am having with my wife and we are both enjoying it. There are times where we're laughing in the middle of it.

You can't keep a running tally, as if you have to have sex or something is wrong.

As soon as sex is scheduled or planned, it loses the passionate aspect to it.

There has to be balance between sex and stimulation. Some days I will flirt with my wife all day and then just have a hard makeout session with her and go read a book while she paints, then we'll lay down together.

Life isn't about getting your dick wet daily, it's more than that.

I don't think your expectation is too high, I think you're too focused on sex as opposed to an optimal relationship.

[–]RedishPill[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think you're too focused on sex as opposed to an optimal relationship

You can't keep a running tally, as if you have to have sex or something is wrong.

This is awesome advice, thank you for pointing it out. Once I read it I realized that frequency was definitely a big rubric for how I measured the quality of my relationship.

We frequently laugh in the middle of sex too; I have her convinced she gets tighter and it feels better for me when she laughs, which causes her to laugh more, etc. Or I race her to see if I can nut before she stops laughing, always in good fun though.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have fun with it man, don't get caught up on every day.

I've had 7x a week

Sometimes (last night) 3x in one night

Then other times 2 days with 0.

Enjoy her presence, life is too short to worry if you're keeping up with Ron Jeremy.

[–]freshona0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I doubt anyone enjoys the frequency and quality of sex I am having with my wife and we are both enjoying it. There are times where we're laughing in the middle of it.


I'll trade you for that bit with the sharpies and UV-lights (very nice, gotta do that again sometime) with Motown/70's pornodisco on the background, stopping the nasty to dance like idiots. 70's pornodisco really goes down well when you're in the nude.

On that note, you should write a list of the "mixing it up" methods you've done in the past. Not everybody has the imagination.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


I'll craft something along the lines of my Masculine Moves

[–]RedPillDetox5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's normal, dude. I used to be all paranoid if i didin't make my woman orgasm, but seriously many times women really enjoy it without orgasming. The thing you're talking about also happens a few times to me. You don't have to be some sort of super-human-sexmachine no matter what people here tell you. I'm preety sure your girl is minimally satisfied in bed.

[–]WesternhagenWinner3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Does she always have to enjoy sex?

I'm trying to imagine hundreds of generations of men before me (starting with my own dad, working back through history) asking this question, and I'm not getting any pictures. Of course, they lived in a totally different world...

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

"This ones all about you"

Tribute for the king. You wouldn't refuse a gift from a loyal subject would you?

[–]RedishPill[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She always gets a necklace after saying this...she's much prettier in pearls.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy

she would be more into sex with you/spread her ass cheeks for you/swallow your cum with a big smile/etc. if ONLY YOU WERE A BETTER MAN

I have always disagreed with this assessment. The BEST you can get is for her to spread her legs on command- aka "submit"- and for her to enjoy it, sometimes intensely and enthusiastically, sometimes just to make her man happy. If you doubt me, ask Brad Pitt. He is a demi God (literally) married to a harpy with no tits and no reproductive abilities and look at him. Do you guys really think Brad Pitt isn't man enough for Angelina? That if he was MORE of a Chad she would not have divorced him?

I don't.

The problem is if you focus on her pleasure (like the bloops and society demands and trains you to do) then it will actually be less pleasurable for her in most cases. She gets off from getting you off, not from acrobatics and cunnilingus until her clit bleeds.

Accept it.

However, if she is so wet she can't feel anything maybe one of those dick extenders or a dip in the brown starfish might perk her up?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

dick extenders


[–]resolutions3162 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I.....what?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cuckdd by plastic?

[–]RedishPill[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

...have you actually tried this?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Never needed it. I was taking a wild guess at OP's problem :)

[–]freshona2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I blame porn. You take any non-amateur clip, and you'll have closeups of the chick climaxing and in general acting like she wants the D, can't have enough of the D, JUST. GOTTA. GET. THAT. D. And also come like a squealing pig.

You then take a normal guy, who watches porn the average amounts, and he is brainwashed into thinking "she's gotta cum every time and enjoy so that the neighbors know too!". Not saying these aren't ok goals, by no means, but when it's the only goal, it gets bad. That's when you get the "tickle clit like this, then lick the labia like that and insert penis at 46 degree angle and do the hokey-pokey" achievement olympics.

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

ahaha it's funny, because there's a few times (usually inebriated) where her walls come down and she is clawing at my crotch in the car because she can't wait till we get home for my D....but yes, usually she's much more reserved. what your saying is I need to get HER to watch porn, so she knows what it is that I'm after aha

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck. Dat baitline yo

[–]RedishPill[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, this is great. I'm going to pass on whatever a dick extender is, and go back to focusing on me during sex; it's better for everyone.

[–]thewholefnshow5471 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah you are over thinking this. You do what you can to facilitate her orgasm, with good technique and variety, but at the end of the day, her orgasm is her responsibility. Just enjoy the ride, and if you see she is ready, then go for it. If not, finish up and call it a day.

She should probably have a better "finish up" tell. She probably has to be overt about it because you are getting weird. Stop it.

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

ahaha okay, I'll stop whispering "how about this?" in her ear every time I change positions and just worry about me

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Frankly you should A) be leading the direction and change ups B) understand what gets her off and what she isn't in to.
I tie a ton of my satisfaction to leaving my GF breathless. I can tell what she's into and what she's warming up to. Just like if you walk into a bar that is dead, you'd turn around and leave. I'll change a new position w/ in a few minutes if it isn't working. But I've never asked her if she likes something unless she's already given me the positive body response.

[–]RedishPill[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

my bad, my response was sarcastic. I definitely DO NOT ask her if she is enjoying herself (unless I know she is...but then that's just dirty talk).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She has to or she will die. 🍆

Boys got back from the gulf, back to their women. The running gag was "babe, first ones for me, ill get you on the next one"

Then go for broke.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Her ability to orgasm can be increased with your performance, but her inability to orgasm every time is not caused by some perceived lack of performance on your part. Rarely should it be your goal to focus solely on her ability to orgasm. This includes spending your time analyzing orgasms to determine if they were real or not. That is a complete and utter waste of time.

I've had discussions on this topic with my LTR several times. From what she has described it to me, and what I've realized through observations are two things. Female orgasms have a mental component. If there is something that is really bugging her (disagreement with a friend, work project, bad hair day, whatever it doesn't matter) then it makes it more difficult to focus just on sex and allowing her body to relax enough orgasm. Additionally, my LTR has an orgasm limit. Typically that is 5-6 orgasms per sessions. She can tell when she has reached that limit, and signals that to me. That is not a signal for me to finish, but rather that the session is about how I want to finish.

Women do enjoy sex even without orgasm. They enjoy the physical pleasure, but also the feeling of being submissive. I personally aim towards creating an environment where my LTR and I can talk openly about sex. For example, in the past, she has come to me and explained that she was struggling to achieve orgasm. She explained that she'd get close, but just couldn't get there, and that it had been going on for several days. She told me what different positions got her close, and asked if we could try those and see if we could get her over the edge. Those are times where I've focused solely on her orgasm, because I know once she has one and gets over the edge that it will help with the sexual frustration and help induce more.

I also focus on her orgasm when I'm working to make her squirt, but that's not exactly a selfless act.

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

spending your time analyzing orgasms to determine if they were real or not

Ahahaha, if she wants to fake an orgasm she's only hurting herself.

They enjoy the physical pleasure, but also the feeling of being submissive


[–]anotherswingingdick1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

do you think your wife worries about whether you always enjoy paying the bills?

[–]straius0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Women don't have to cum to have enjoyed the sex, especially when it comes to feeling satisfied in their ability to please their man. If it's every other time she hits a massive O and you're not pulling a nice guy move, you're in a great place.

If she is having sensation problems due to wetness, try pulling out, lick that butthole to change the focus on sensations, let her pussy get sensitive again, and back in you go. Good practice to make sure she's good an warmed up and sinking her hips into whatever you're doing before moving to the butt. Depending on the comfort level of the girl that may be more necessary or less...

(Also BluePillProfessor's answer is on point)

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I had forgotten this point:

Women don't have to cum to have enjoyed the sex, especially when it comes to feeling satisfied in their ability to please their man.

So true. Just make sure she feels nice and submissive. I'm still working on getting her warmed up to butt play... I usually elicit some form of "Ahhhhh you know I hate that" when I play with her winking eye. I'll have to try what you suggest and get her begging for release first.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What's worked for me is going down on them and/or using toys and looking for a few signs:

  • Clit becomes engorged
  • Voice begins to deepen
  • She starts sinking her hips into you

Not all three have to be present, but when she reaches this point and you feel around down there, the butthole will have already loosened up, it won't be the normal tight pucker and that's your best window.

It may be even easier if you blindfold her as it changes the dynamics to "I'm going to do things that surprise you" and usually helps bypass the "that feels funny and I'm gonna clench up and get out of my O and into my head" mode.

Getting a small and smooth vibrating butt plug to use in addition to clit/vaginal stimulation can also be a great way to introduce butt play. Same rules of getting her fully warmed up apply.

If you do get a butt plug, point of technique: don't just move it inwards to relax her and open things up but you gotta go forward a little back out and then forward again slightly deeper, back out... it has a rhythm to it. Otherwise it's just "tension... tension... tension..." if it's only forward pressure. That will help from hitting the reflexive "ow" that causes her to lock down.

The usual caveat of all women are different so ymmv, but those are some options you can play around with.


[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Getting a small and smooth vibrating butt plug

This assumes whipping one out in bed, or telling her about it before hand would elicit a positive response, no? I'll stick to fingers and tongue for now, but the rest of your suggestions seem good. thanks!

[–]straius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would suggest using it with the blindfold and letting her in on what you used afterwards as the sensory depravation from the blindfold adds sexual tension and increases a sense of mystery that should excite her. The more excited and novel the experience is, the more likely you'll have a positive reception to it.

But you will know what's best. Obviously I don't have the context of your history. Either way, it will all be fun.

[–]maxofreddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've heard from my wife that sometimes, even though I'm pushing all the right buttons, it takes a lot of effort on her part for those super-toe-curlers to happen. Because of kids, her cycle, or fucking life, sometimes she just can't relax enough for that to happen. Just imagine if you had to pull a true 1-rep deadlift today, then your wife wanted you to do it again tomorrow... You'd be all, "Shit, I can go heavy, but I don't think I can hit that again quite yet." For some ladies, it's that much of an effort/release, they quite literally can't hit that same peak every time they hit the sheets.

From the sounds, you've got nothing to worry about. Keep up the good work... and we're always open to stories. ;)

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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