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MRP and Wife Vs Mother

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June 7, 2017

Hey guys.

Working on myself and trying to take back frame slowly but surely, making baby steps.

One of the biggest issues in my marriage is wife vs mother. It is adversarial, dramatic, and immature. They are no longer even speaking to each other when we visit. I don't know if this is eternal shit-testing, or what...

I get either side has issues with the other, things they do / don't do piss each other off. My wife has drawn a line in the sand, and wants nothing to do with my folks. They are my folks and I believe that despite being weird, they are due some respect for raising me half-decent.

I also get setting boundaries, leave-and-cleave, and all that, but I'm sick of being in the middle/ having to pussyfoot around their relationship (another post on this sub discussed a relationship is between 2 ppl, and it's up to those 2 ppl to repair it).

I've stood up to the "I don't want to go to your parents to visit, but you can" shit-tests. I've left my wife behind a few times, to visit with my parents and boy she was pissed.

To boot, our young daughter is stuck in the middle, with grandparents who want to take her for visits, sleepovers, swimming, etc, and I know our daughter has fun despite a bit of spoilage and smothering (likely due to the fact that they rarely see her). I'm cool with it - I know my parents would never do anything to harm their grandchild, but the wife has shut down every single possibility.

Any advice appreciated. thx

Post Information
Title MRP and Wife Vs Mother
Author majorsemple
Upvotes 6
Comments 12
Date 07 June 2017 03:58 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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[–]anythingincRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

They are my folks and I believe that despite being weird, they are due some respect for raising me half-decent.

Your wife doesn't value you enough to tolerate your parents, and your mother doesn't respect you enough to tolerate your wife. They have no motivation to be civil to each other via you, and apparently lack the normal politeness, courtesy, and respect most people try to show to others, especially family.

In a normal, happy marriage or nuclear family I would say that your mom needs to behave to have access to you and your family, but this being MRP I can't assume that.

[–]AquitasVeritas7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Read this.... it helped me a lot... a lot..

A conversation between a father and son

At some point, every father should have this conversation with his boy(s):


As you are coming of age, your desire to be loved by a woman is growing. To feel the daily warmth of a woman by your side. To have and to hold. This is a natural instinct and one of the strongest ones you have. With that said, it's my responsibility to make sure you enter these interactions with a knowledge that I and very few other men have had the benefit of knowing beforehand.

I love your mother. You love your mother. Your mother loves us both, but not in the same way. You see, she loves me for the life I provide her with. My humour, my handyman capabilities, my sacrifice at work and my emotional support. She loves you as the most important thing in her life that she would do anything for.

This is very important for you to understand, because when you find a girl you want to commit to, you can't expect her to love you like mom does. In fact, if you try to make her love you like that, not only will she resent you for your weakness, she will be repulsed it.

This may seem a little harsh, but it's a reality you must accept if you want to get the most out of a relationship. That same unconditional love that you want from your girl, will be reserved for the offspring that you provide her with.

The irony to this son, is that the love you feel from mom and the love your woman will give to her children, is the same love you will need to give to your woman. She will want a leader. A strong and confident man who makes her feel safe and secure.

Furthermore, she will hate the fact that you still want that love from mom. So you will also need to cut the emotional support you get from her off as well. You need only look at the people in our lives who are mama's boys. They all live in very miserable relationships. This is because men don't need their moms love. They have already gotten all they needed in their youth. I had to find this out the hard way myself.

If you absolutely need to express some of your feelings, do it with your best friends, your brother or especially me. Never with your girl, your mom, your sister or any other female in your life. They can't tell you how to be a man. From this point on, you have joined the fraternity of masculinity.

This may sound like lonely road to travel. That's because it will be. We no longer need that emotional support. Men embrace the loneliness. We learn to accept it and thrive in it. This is where you will learn who you truly are and what you truly want out of life. It's when you realize that you don't need anyones approval to be who you want to be. This is essentially where you become a man. Believe me when I say it son, being a man who lives his life like a man, will be the best decision you ever make.

I love you son

[–]I_pace-around_12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sigmund Freud would like to have a chat with you.

[–]gixxerthouguy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great reply.

[–]rocknrollchuck4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

To boot, our young daughter is stuck in the middle, with grandparents who want to take her for visits, sleepovers, swimming, etc, and I know our daughter has fun...I'm cool with it...but the wife has shut down every single possibility.

What do YOU want in this situation? If you want your daughter to spend time with your parents, then make the decision, set the boundary and fog your way through the inevitable argument with your wife that will follow.

[–]thewholefnshow5472 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

From my observations:

Wife marries beta - Wife's mother calls the shots, husband's family is froze out. Wife tries to shield his family from the stupidity of her and her mother running the show and all of her retarded decisions about his money.

Wife marries alpha - families generally get along.

Just saying. My brother-in-law is a born and conditioned beta and he is freezing out my mother-in-law. Mother-in-law is very hurt, but she is the one who raised him that way. She has nobody to blame but herself. I actually almost told her that one day, but bit my tongue.

[–]Chinchilla_the_Hun1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women love their drama. Stop caring what they think/say/do in regards to the real and manufactured strife. If they try to rope you in (take a side, provide an opinion, adhere to an ultimatum) withdraw your time and/or attention. Same mrp conditioning you'd do in your relationship with your wife

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It sounds like you don't lead and oh your wife and Mom are frustrated. You need to have the talk with your Mom where you tell her that your love for her hasn't hanged, but she needs to find a way to put the work in to make your wife feel comfortable. Then listen to her complaints about your wife. Now have the same conversation w/ your wife and tell her your Mom is going to make changes (and now bring up whatever your Mom told you in a constructive manner).

[–]goodbeertimes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've never seen two women get along; and that too wife and mother. Head to /r/JUSTNOMIL a sub specially devoted to bitching about their MILs. Its a complete sub culture, full with its own terminology, glossary etc.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First things first, work on you. Fuck this whole mom/wife dilemma and fuck the attitudes of your mom and your wife individually.

Fix YOU. You should be lifting, you should be shutting up, you should be reading the books and internalizing. You should be getting the clothes and leaning out and making yourself the best you can for you. Then, when you are well on your way with that mission, then you can start extending your sphere of influence and amass your crew as the captain/oak/rock.

Because right now you are the equivalent of a squeamish bystander to a shark attack victim. The man is bleeding out. You really want to help, but you don't know what to do.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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