Working on myself and trying to take back frame slowly but surely, making baby steps.
One of the biggest issues in my marriage is wife vs mother. It is adversarial, dramatic, and immature. They are no longer even speaking to each other when we visit. I don't know if this is eternal shit-testing, or what...
I get either side has issues with the other, things they do / don't do piss each other off. My wife has drawn a line in the sand, and wants nothing to do with my folks. They are my folks and I believe that despite being weird, they are due some respect for raising me half-decent.
I also get setting boundaries, leave-and-cleave, and all that, but I'm sick of being in the middle/ having to pussyfoot around their relationship (another post on this sub discussed a relationship is between 2 ppl, and it's up to those 2 ppl to repair it).
I've stood up to the "I don't want to go to your parents to visit, but you can" shit-tests. I've left my wife behind a few times, to visit with my parents and boy she was pissed.
To boot, our young daughter is stuck in the middle, with grandparents who want to take her for visits, sleepovers, swimming, etc, and I know our daughter has fun despite a bit of spoilage and smothering (likely due to the fact that they rarely see her). I'm cool with it - I know my parents would never do anything to harm their grandchild, but the wife has shut down every single possibility.
Any advice appreciated. thx