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[–][deleted] [score hidden] 6 years ago stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
OPs got 2 days to kill that little ego and get to work.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I feel I have maxed out several alpha traits including amateur body building, a master of academics and religion, a master at my trade and income.
This was the #1 reason I told you not to keep this in MRP proper. These are not alpha behaviours. These are things YOU value, and then get frustrated when panties aren't wettened from them.
your problem is you. You seem to think how YOU value yourself is how OTHERS should value you.
Much work ahead of you
Well, the bodybuilding can help, unless you are an unsufferable bore, talking to women, and checking your watch to meet your next refeed
[–]lynchfield1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes that's right, income is a beta trait, not alpha.
I agree the problem is me and I have much work. Any thoughts on improvements?
[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Any thoughts on improvements?
That's what most of the sidebar is about. Read.
[–]ArchwingerRed Beret19 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
So you: 1) Make money; 2) Have a degree; 3) Are good at your job; 4) Are "intellectual"; and 5) Have an amateur gym hobby.
I don't think your problem is that you're too alpha and not beta enough, buddy.
And responsive to the man you are today, your wife: 1) Rules the roost while homeschooling your kids and also working part-time; 2) Doesn't keep the house clean; 3) Is stressed out and lets it show/complains about it; 4) Is constantly angry and disrespectful and resentful; 5) Doesn't appreciate your contributions.
Yeah, definitely. I don't think being too alpha and not beta enough is your problem.
You're a pseudo-intellectual turd who makes a decent paycheck, you're not leading your family effectively, and your wife feels like she's doing the bulk of the heavy lifting and leadership while all you do is make money. You're a paycheck and a workhorse. Not the man of the house. Your wife is the man of the house, and she's in charge of you. She uses anger to keep you in line, just like she does with the children.
[–]lynchfield4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I agree. How should I respond to her anger?
[–]ArchwingerRed Beret15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I started out with baby steps. When my wife bitched at me, I'd say "Stop", and nothing more until she quit bitching. If she kept it up, I might add, "I said stop. That's enough." The first few times, when she wouldn't quit, I just left.
But once she actually started shutting the fuck up, I didn't chastise her for her lack of respect. I just said, "What do you need?" Invariably, she'd say "Huh?"
"You're being a bitch. If you were five years old, I'd think you were hungry or tired. How about we talk about what you need, I make it happen, and we fix this instead of being shitty to each other?"
Now, she, of course, took this this as carte blanche to start railing on me about how I always/never do or don't do X and making general derisive statements about me and our marriage, but I cut her off after about five seconds and said, "I meant what can we do, right now, to fix your today problem. That's how we fix the marriage long-term. By making a habit of fixing each other's today problems."
It's a little bit of a "purple pill" approach, but I wasn't ready to go balls to the wall asshole with my wife at first.
[–]lynchfield3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This sounds like a good approach. Thanks!
[–]ArchwingerRed Beret10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Don't go the slippery slope route of being a doormat, though. You're not offering to be her servant and start following her instructions. You're being the leader of your family. When you recognize that one of your subordinates is having an issue, you ask her what her issue is and figure out how to make the ship keep running. If you approach this like a child asking Mommy what chores she needs done, doing them dutifully, then running back to her for a pat on the head and a piece of candy, you're getting it all wrong.
You need to couple something like this with getting comfortable ordering your wife around. You have shit you need her to do as well, and she needs to get into the habit of doing the shit you need her to do. That shit may include picking up around the house, and it most definitely includes sex. If she's not interested in fixing your today problems, too, and just expects you to do shit for her, you'll need to move on to withdrawing instead of addressing her.
You need to couple something like this with getting comfortable ordering your wife around
This stood out to me since I do not feel comfortable giving her orders.
[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you have employees? If not, you're a well paid drone.
If so, orders are always in the form of requests. If they are not done after giving reasonable expectations and set times and/or logistical boundaries, they lose said job.
Instead of a job, your wife loses your attention and affection, and eventually, her place as wife.
The need to react also goes away if you are proactive in the planning of the household. Get to the baseline of a spotless house this weekend (just do it) and proactively do what you can to maintain it while giving "requests with boundaries" to your wife and kids to keep the house clean.
This shit is not that hard. It's about pulling in front after "catching up" then staying in the lead with your actions.
[–][deleted] 20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
You sound like an entitled prick who thinks he's deserving of more than he really is.
Making money doesn't equal attraction or submission.
Expecting a spotless house from a woman who is homeschooling and around 3 kids all day is not 'alpha'.
Your wife probably doesn't even have an identity of her own as she is with kids daily then has an adult man child doing stupid shit and not helping when he gets home.
Caring for your family isn't a second job, they'd all be dialed in if they had a masculine leader who helped them lead themselves to a better place.
The family and wife you have is the one you deserve because it's the one you created.
You can't demand submission and respect, you must earn it. That's the difference between dominant and domineering.
You talk of yourself as Gaston, watch beauty and the beast - Gaston is a fucking prick.
[–]lynchfield-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I do help when I get off work. I often feel like I am working all the time. I'm trying to find advice here. Do you have any thoughts on actions I could take?
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
You can start making it fun again.
you can remove the Me vs You which has built up between your wife and your self.
you can ensure that your wife has passions and hobbies outside the home.
You can ensure that everyone knows what the standard is by setting it yourself.
Leaders pick up the heaviest thing first and put it down last, all the while they tend to those they lead and delegate the tasks accordingly.
[–]lynchfield2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Best comment here. Thanks
[–]mountainbiker178-2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It seems like it would too easy to drift into choreplay...
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Being a responsible adult is not chore play.
I'm assuming OP will lead, not write covert contracts.
[–]mountainbiker178-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for replying (I enjoy your blog).
Truth is before my wife cheated on me and divorce, I helped out tremendously. I never thought of it as covert contacts and (perhaps fooled myself into thinking that) I helped responsibly.
Now, I'm in a wonderful LTR after swallowing the RP, but I'm wondering if I swung too far the other direction. I pretty much let my GF do everything, while I work (exclusively) on the house when I'm there.
[–]redxanaxe2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Chore play is the expectation that you doing "womanly duties" or "helping her out" will lead to sex.
A high value man owns his shit. This includes keeping his house in order. Dishes, laundry, tidiness, making the bed, etc. Traditionally the lady of the house takes over these duties to help the man on his mission. But if you have no mission and no other displays of value, and expect her to clean up after you, she will resent you.
[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There was a time when I was between jobs, taking classes, and my wife was paying most of the bills. You bet your ass the house was fucking spotless because I don't live in a trashed house. If I were single, same thing. Prob even light a Yankee candle in my pad. You know, one that fit with the smell of the season.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If that works for you then don't change anything.
Each relationship is as unique as the man's fingerprint.
[–]HelloImRIGHT0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm not great at this shit but personally, I'd back up and get my kids into real school.
I mean really how hard is it to do what you do? Cause really, I would do what you do a million times before Id do what she does daily.
[–]Terribledragon4Hire6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Stays at home with 3 little ones....expects house to be spotless. Lol.
As a stay at home father at one point this is pretty much ridiculous. Probably the source of some of the issues.
Have you expressed gratitude for what she does? Why do you expect gratitude and give nothing back.
No matter how red Pilled or alpha you are. If you don't give out respect, you will never get any.
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you. The first comment here with an actionable piece of advice. I'll make sure to give out gratitude for what she does.
[–]FailingBillionaire1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"sincere" gratitude.
[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Also, are you giving it to her good?
Often an angry woman is sexually frustrated.
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This could be part of it.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
You want respect, but you haven't earned it. Nobody cares if you're the primary breadwinner. That's just a part of being a man. In the words of Chris Rock "what do you want, a cookie?".
Your wife works and homeschools 3 kids (we can debate the virtues of homeschooling and MRP-- the general consensus is that it puts you at a disadvantage in terms of being the leader of the family, because she's actually the leader 90% of the time). Of course the house isn't going to be clean. Of course she's stressed. Then comes some dude, who thinks she should be sweet and submissive just because he memorized some bible verses, and of course she gets angry at you. Because you haven't done any self reflection and you're blaming her for all the problems. Slow down and read some books, Reverend
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
I have ready MMSL 3 times and spent probably 200 hours over the last 2 years in self reflection. I am currently going over No More Mr Nice Guy and will continue to reflect and read. I appreciate your comment. Any specific thoughts on immediate improvements?
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
If you're as defensive in real life as you are to internet strangers, I'd work on that first
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
I agree that I can be defensive and should work on that. But I do not see how my comment to you was.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lots of guys are giving you actionable advice, but you're not seeing it. You want them to spoon feed you answers, because right now your life feels like shit and you don't want to feel like shit anymore. But there's not any easy answers because learning this stuff takes time and practice. If you're reading NMMNG, you'll learn about DEERing (Defend Explain Excuse Rationalize). You Defended yourself by listing what you've read and the time you've spend in reflection. It's little things like that that make you less assertive, less self confident, and less effective in getting what you want out of life.
[–]lynchfield1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you.
[–]HeyItsHarvey1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
No one cares that you did 200 hours of self reflection the past year. That is what he means. We don't give a fuck, basically. You're DEERing.
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
DEERing
What is deering? I shared that information not because I think he or you care and not because I am trying to impress or deflect but to inform that I have done a lot of self reflection and still am and will continue to do so. I was responding to this, just to share the information, not to prove anything.
"Because you haven't done any self reflection and you're blaming her for all the problems. Slow down and read some books, Reverend"
[–]HeyItsHarvey2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Uhh. Bullshit and now you're backtracking. Read all the books in the sidebar. You haven't done anything.
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Because you haven't done any self reflection
Its not bullshit, its just the way I think. When I read the above comment I knew it was false so I provided corrective information. I am OCD and dislike false statements and prefer true statements. I do not care what other people think or try to impress. But I do have a strong desire for accurate information.
Perhaps that personality trait is anti social.
[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Oh. so you're an autistic retard? got it. this all makes sense now.
[–]lynchfield points points points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
autistic retard Perhaps I am on the spectrum. Are autistics not welcome here?
[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Defend, Explain, Excuse, Rationalize
[–]nantucketghost4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
deleted REMOVED BY AUTOSCRIPT - GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You sound cool. Hell I'd fuck you if I saw you. Gosh darn it people like you.
Huh....yeah I have no idea what your problem is.
I feel I have maxed out several alpha traits including amateur body building, a master of academics and religion, a master at my trade and income. I make more than most men, can lift more than most men, can talk about intellectual things with all men. But its all for nothing if I can't get the beta right.
All new alphas. Listen. Right now. This shit means absolute dick.
Stop seeking validation.
Yeah yeah yea...we tell you to lift, be attractive. This is more about mindset, and working out your shit like a man does as it is about anything else. But if you have to tattoo to it on your chest it means nothing.
But if you want to measure dicks...
I have 2 BAs, a Masters, I have climbed 10 mountains in 10 days. Hiked over 20 miles barefoot with a 60 pound pack. I am a volunteer paramedic, some weeks I work 70 hours. I have been on a 52 hour operations with no food no sleep. I have seen 15 countries, on 2 continents. I have fired and qualified on more small arms then most have seen in their life time. I have saved lives, and I have taken them.
I have been offered teaching positions at West Point, briefed before the Senate Arms Service Committee, i have 2 black belts and actively train in one.....should I go on?
I can....
but it all means exactly dick.
What you have done is for you alone, and the stories you can tell later in life. Do you really need someone to come by and tell you what a great person you are?
Selection never ends.
No one gets out alive. Every day is a hero to zero moment.
It's what you do right now that matters most.
[–]lynchfield-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Why do those accomplishments mean dick? Sounds like you should be attracting women with all of that, no?
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No.
You are missing it, brother. Yes I have great stories. I tell them, but it takes a long time. I don't go out and wear these things like medals on my chest. I have a life time of experiences, but they are mine.
I don't give them for free nor for the hope of validation. I reward those in my life with my stories and experience. They aren't pretty baubles to be dangled in the hopes for sex.
These things are my life...me. Not something for a dandy looking to get laid.
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
and if you read my post history as well as any flared member here you will see that experience doesn't prevent from being a beta pussy.
[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen. All it takes is a weak response to a crisis or complacency.
Past accomplishments become the basement to a woman. What have you done lately?
[–]atlhartRed Beret3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I think for starters you need to read more and learn what Alpha and Beta behaviors are.
Maintaining your castle, keeping it clean and free of clutter, is not beta.
Helping out with your kids is not beta.
Cooking dinner is not beta.
All of that is owning your shit and taking control of your life. All of that is leading. Take control of your house. If it needs doing, do it. Be a man. Stop complaining, and instead start handling the shit you see wrong. Start handling the things that need doing. Stop bitching about what your wife doesn't do.
Part of all of this is becoming a man that can handle everything in your life that needs handling without anyone else. That's Alpha.
A dude that expects everyone to do everything for him, and expects an award for the little he does do, that's a beta ass bitch.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Two quotes:
I am not sure why she resorts to using anger and resentment as her primary emotion in our relationship.
and
If I have to communicate an expectation I have to tread lightly because she gets angry.
You've answered your own question here. Because, from her perspective, it works. Anger works as a tool to get you to back off. Because you're afraid of her being angry. Behavioural patterns don't form based on what is idealistically the best thing to do. They tend to form based on experience of what works in a given situation. By giving less fucks, you help to untrain this behavioural pattern since it becomes less effective.
"By giving less fucks" does this mean just do my own thing and don't worry about what she is doing? How should I respond when she starts to criticize me?
As long as you go to length to avoid her emotional reactions, she has a "hook" in you she can use to manipulate you. Becoming able to weather the storm if she gets upset, angry, irritable, whatever is how you get past that. Nothing in life is ever 100% smooth sailing and goes 100% how you want it - you will always ruffle some feathers and so you have to get used to being able to do that. In it's most autistic form it's just ignoring her and walking away, but Archwinger gave some good advice in another comment trail. If you have difficulty dealing with criticism, you should definitely read a book on developing you assertiveness and practice it - we generally recommend WISNIFG (on the sidebar).
[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You haven't realized that respect is earned. Also sounds like what you think of being Alpha is really just covert contracts that allow you to justify your lack of leadership. The house is a mess because you aren't leading and your wife isn't on board your crappy boat. She doesn't see you as a captain because what are you doing to act like one?
[–]Life_advice_me points points points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Did you just find this subreddit today or something? There's no indication that you've read or implemented anything MRP. Keep reading and improving yourself and being fun to be around. Develope do what needs to be done and develop outcome independence. Eventually you will learn how to lead and then maybe your wife will follow. Do not blow up your marriage until you know what you are doing.
No. I found MMSL 2 years ago and have read it 3 times, among other self help books.
[–]freshona1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Well, fuck.. can't have that. /s
And yet, you're complaining on the internet that your house is dirty. Got any ideas on how to fix that?
Cleaning = beta? Too beta for you?
Mirror. The general consensus around here is that the wife mirrors the husband.
If you want a clean house, clean it. If you don't, then why should she? Clearly you're happy with clutter everywhere. And hey, if you're too afraid that she'll get angry if you communicate this to her.. The sidebar is ----> that way.
[–]HeyItsHarvey1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
The hilarious part to me is that he's bitching about the messy house, and then paying someone else to do it. How fucking lazy do you have to be? This is just signaling to his wife that he's okay with the mess and that someone else is going to do it anyways. I'd get rid of the cleaner, create a chore chart if necessary, or fuck, just do what I do: when I see something that needs to be done I do it. My wife is finally in the habit of cleaning her side of the bedroom because my side is always spotless.
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
She gets mad when I clean her stuff. I bought some storage bins to declutter and pick up all of her stuff and that really ticked her off. She expects me to know where her stuff goes and put it where it belongs.
[–]HeyItsHarvey0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
So she's mad. Who gives a fuck. My wife's panties go in the top left drawer of the white dresser. Are you incapable of remembering things like this?
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Not clothes. Random things that I don't even know what they are or what they're for, let alone where they go. Are you saying I should pick up after her?
[–]HeyItsHarvey1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
When you are doing the cleaning you dictate where things go. I even put stuff in the wrong spot to fuck with her. "Ohh I thought those nail polishes went in the fridge." Grin. Next time she'll put them up because you've pointed out to her that she's making a mess in a fun way. If you want your wife to clean, the best way to get her to do it is to do it yourself.
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
She recently did something similar to me. She put my protein in the wrong spot and then admitted to doing it deliberately. But her reasoning was because I do that to her. I do move her stuff in the wrong spot but because I want it out of the way, not because I am being malicious. But she seemed to be okay with doing it deliberately.
[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is her way of saying "Leave my stuff alone, I don't want to clean it and I don't want YOU to move it either. If you do, I'll deliberately misplace your stuff just to piss you off."
She's lazy. One way around that is to just STFU and do it all. Live like you're single, and keep the house clean like you would if you were the only one living there. Keep the cleaning service and just do the picking up that needs to be done. If she gives you crap, just say "I live in a clean house." Then fog when she tries to argue. I suspect it won't be long before she sees you living life as if you don't need her, and starts pitching in.
Often I'll wear head phones when I am cleaning. Usually listening to an audiobook. She has commented several times that she doesn't like it and she would like to talk to me. Should I comply in a situation like this or have the attitude of "i am going to do what I want?"
[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"How about you help me clean and we can talk while we tackle this mess together?"
If she balks, put on your headphones. YOU are the prize, remove your attention to make the point.
[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can tell the trash from what's important or low-priority. You can tell your things from hers. Take care of what you know, and set her stuff aside. The kids stuff gets put away as best you can, and if you don't know, then make a system.
[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Try "Owning Your Shit".
I could spew my high slx figures and all the material shit I got and all my achievements, but guess what ? Who gives a fuck ? Not my wife. Neither does yours.
Anger is a direct result of what a lack of masculine identity you have, lack of frame and your unwillingness to lead.
Side bar>>>>>>>>
Walking on Eggshells
[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What I would like to see out of my wife is "respect".
You want her respect, you want her happiness, and you want her adoration? Why are you so focused on your wife's feelings?
You say elsewhere you've read MMSL, but have you read WISNIFG? One of the core premises is that you are only responsible for your own feelings -- not hers. You have several covert contracts regarding what she owes you, based on how much you earn, how much you know, or how much you can lift. You claim how "alpha" you are, but you're still here trying to get an attaboy for helping keep your house clean -- because your wife won't give you one.
MMSL is fine for improving your sex life, but FFS, that's less than 10% of what marriage and parenthood is about. You need to stop giving any fucks about what she thinks, and start managing your household. That will mean:
Her feelings are her own responsibility. You can't make someone respect or desire you, but you can be the type of person that people respect or desire. If it's not your wife, then I'm sure there are other women who will admire those alpha traits. But first, you need to get past these feelings of entitlement, and establish the life that you want -- on your own terms. Then it will be up to her if that's something that will make her happy.
[–]fen00py0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You feel like you have a second job when you come home from work.
She feels like she has no home to come home to, because her home is her work.
Three kids is a monster task & being nagged about clutter in the house by your husband when he gets home from work probably feels like there's no escape for her.
With kids, there really is no escape from work - if that's what you see looking after kids as. Work.
Regardless, she should be able to cope - but she's a woman and you're a man. Women are a step between men and children. You should take responsibility and care for her.
[–]2235520 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know exactly how you feel. I spent last few years feeling the same way. Coming home to a house in a complete mess, wife miserable, kids creating chaos, little sex or affection etc. etc. I was fuming, I would walk in and start snapping at everyone, constantly being angry at my wife for not managing the house properly, while I was working 6 days/week, and paying for everything, allowing her the freedom to be at home, buy anything she wants, live in a nice house, drive a nice car. It got to a point, where I would have to sit in a car for 5 min, to prepare myself before walking into my own house, and facing the chaos. I started MRP beginning of this year.
With MRP I slowly came to a conclusion that its all my fault. This part is different for everyone. (for me it was expecting my wife to be like my mum....) Like you said, you want certain things that you are not getting, that is your EXPECTATIONS not being aligned with reality, so either lower your expectations, OR improve the reality.
How I have been dealing with it: Its my house, 1st step, things should be how I want them to be. So I started doing IT. What helped me, was imagining if I was a single dad. I would simply go and do everything that needed to be done, how I wanted it be done, without getting angry at my wife. If she ever asked anything, I told her, this is how I like it to be (without anger). It took me months to slowly overcome the anxiety and anger over it (still get happens though). I also actively started parenting the kids. My wife would never make them clean their toys before bedtime. So i started getting them to clean the toys every night. If i came home, and they were in bed, I would simply go and clean the toys, and leave the living area how I wanted it to be. (honestly takes 5 min to put things away....) Every time I would start getting annoyed at my wife, I would imagine that I am a single dad, and do things how I want them done/parent kids how I want them parented.
Every Saturday, I will come home after work, and go and spend 1-2 hours cleaning the house to the level of MY expectations. Here is an interesting part, last Saturday, I had NOTHING to clean, because my wife did everything during the week.... If next Saturday, the house needs 5 hours of cleaning, then that is what I will do.
Gaming wife: I actively worked on walking in with a smile, and kissing my wife. If she was shitty, I would smile and go do my own thing/play with kids/take the dog for a walk. This part takes time, and you have to Fake it Till you Make it... Over time, my wife started to relax when I would come home, and things generally have become smoother. Because, I became smoother.
Hope that helps.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
WOW. I am sorry I just saw this.
Do you pay your wife to fuck the pool boy too?
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[–]lynchfield4 points5 points6 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]ArchwingerRed Beret15 points16 points17 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield3 points4 points5 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ArchwingerRed Beret10 points11 points12 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 20 points21 points22 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield-1 points0 points1 point (9 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mountainbiker178-2 points-1 points0 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]mountainbiker178-1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]redxanaxe2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HelloImRIGHT0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Terribledragon4Hire6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FailingBillionaire1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HeyItsHarvey1 point2 points3 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]HeyItsHarvey2 points3 points4 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield points points points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nantucketghost4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret3 points4 points5 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield-1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]atlhartRed Beret3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Life_advice_me points points points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]freshona1 point2 points3 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]HeyItsHarvey1 point2 points3 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]HeyItsHarvey0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]HeyItsHarvey1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lynchfield0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fen00py0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]2235520 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link