I'm still processing this and I would like feedback on what I saw and experienced. I.E. am I correct in my interpretation of events.
Backstory: Wife loves her grandparents dearly and likes to make the 6 hour drive to spend time with them multiple times a year. I enjoy the isolation and break from tech as well and usually I go with. This time I had to stay at work and was unable to go with her. She gets back yesterday after us not seeing each other for a week.
On the way home, I pick up some Lucas for the car (transmission is shifting hard). You have to apply that stuff with the engine hot and running and I needed scissors. I was so focused on that with my autistic ass that when I came in I didn't say hi, I said "I need scissors," knowing she's got a pair of ratty scissors somewhere she would prefer I use rather than the kitchen ones for cutting meat. She gets pissed, yells at me and storms off. I grab the kitchen scissors (because the car is running in the apartment parking lot and I don't want it stolen) and walk out the door. I ignore her. I take care of the issue (fucking transmission dipstick is UNDERNEATH a radiator hose. WHO THE FUCK DESIGNS A CAR LIKE THAT!?). She comes out watches me, goes back in.
I head back in, act like I've done nothing wrong, smile, give her a kiss and start making a protein shake for my dinner. I ask her whats wrong, she gives me the silent treatment, I shrug and put on some tunes. Finish my shake and pull her up to dance. She starts talking about how she's mad at me and I should apologize and she doesn't want to dance, trying to hid half a smile the WHOLE time she's talking. I just kind of flail around a bit (I suck at dancing but hey, it's fun).
We end up cuddling on the couch. She asks what's wrong with me. I smile "You're finally home and I've missed you and I'm in a good mood." She huffs, I tease her. She tries again on the apology thing, I ignore it and tease some more. She grabs a pillow and starts hitting me with it as "punishment" for being an ass talking about trading me in. I tell not to unless she thinks she can get a better model. This dissolves into tickling and pillow fights that I win "unfairly" by disarming her.
We cuddle a bit and then out of fucking no where "are you seeing other women" HOLY SHIT. I was not expecting that. I've been reading and testing on or two ideas from here for about a month. TOPS. I go full autist mode and ask her why she thought that. I was REALLY fixated on what motivated her to ask that. I just wanted to know. There's no way there's that much dread going on already. She goes on about the book on the table (NMMNG) and how it's telling me to leave her.
I corrected her "it reminds me of the importance of getting my needs met."
"It tells you to leave if they aren't and you don't do that you communicate"
"I'll tell you if I'm not getting my needs met and if nothing really changes I'll have to get my needs met elsewhere. Everyone deserves to have their needs me after all"
"I'm just going to leave you won't even notice I'm gone"
"Of course I'll notice, I'll get stuck doing the laundry"
She huff, I tease her some more and we go back to cuddling.
I initiate latter. She shoots me down, and I go to bed because I have to get up in the morning. She's got one more vacation day. She ends up staying up until 2am. I'm curious as to why since 11 is normal 2 is not. shrug
Some takeaways, the dread is real. It really is, even though we have had conversations about cheating and I've flat told her I would leave her before I would cheat. (I'm monogamous by nature, we'll see if that changes. I doubt it will, but we'll see).
This was the first time a my frame just so obviously overpowered hers. It wasn't 100%, but by being happy and staying happy her anger just dissolved. (BTW, she never did get that apology. I decided to err on the side of STFU, not sure if I should have just given her one. Maybe that was just god-awful rude of me).
I realized when she got back that I enjoy her presence. While I definitely missed her, and was mopey while she was gone, I didn't NEED her in my life. I WANT her in my life, but the NEED is slowly fading. I think as my frame increases the moping of being alone will fade as well.
Anyway, thoughts gentlemen?
UPDATE: Tried to initiate last night. Kept getting soft no's until this gem popped out.
"Why are you always so naughty! Go eat a cheeseburger, lay on the couch, stop going to the gym!"
The tone was playful, but the words cracked me up. Finally she just admitted she can't engage with me sexually because she's freaking out about her grandparents. (In her defense they aren't doing well, and live 6 hours away from family, including us).
Time for me to start reading up on section specifics and how to pull her into my happy, positive energy frame, rather than her negative skull sucking one.