So I had "the talk" yesterday... and I am not sure if I handled this correctly.
I had a talk with my wife about my changes. I sticked to "I am improving myself." I tried to fog, but at some point she sayed: "Don't talk to me like some shrink". (I guess I asked to much questions while fogging) So I got derailed here.
She wanted an explanation whats going on. So I told her again: "I am improving myself and I want to become a better man". She told me that I am egocentric and I don't care for her. I accepted the egocentric part but explained (DEER) that I neglected myself for a long time and I have to catch up.
She inquired further so I told her that I got a plan. I want to relief her from stress by being more dependable (I was depressed about 1 1/2 Year and she was always there for me, and somewhat weaponizes it now when she is in distress).
I also told her, that it will take a while and I cannot make up for 5 years of bs in just 1 month and that I am going to change and i don't know if she likes it or not, but it will happen.
I somewhat explained her the captain / first officer dynamic - told her that we should be a team and stop working against each other, but did not mention any leadership roles. (Since its been just 4 weeks I am in no solid position to reclaim my position without attending the captains duties)
And guess what, she is into it (no surprises for you guys I guess).
I guess I somewhat hold frame but I gave in a bit. I know this is bad for dread, but I am at dread lvl 1 at this point. But I can clearly see her hamster working.
E.g. she said in the conversation: "I was there for you all the time and now you are going let me fall, I knew this would happen". I took it for a comfort test and told her that I am going to improve myself and I am not going to dump her. (This was maybe too much of comfort)
I thought about handle this with AA but at this point I wanted to comfort her, this could in hindsight be a mistake. She could throw this at me if things get hairy but then again IDGAF.
I am not really sure if I messed up or handled this well. What is your opinion on this?