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I soft NO rejected sex from wife.

Reddit View
May 24, 2017

Since finding MRP maybe a year or so ago I have been working to internalize the sidebar, but mostly books like Pook and SGM have helped me the most to get a higher quality lay from my wife. The rest of the sidebar was great to internalize and understand those topics, but I have always had a good mix of AF/BB so our relationship since HS has been in my frame for 99% of our time together.

Sex with the wife is fine, however I have done my best to move sex from an event that happens “after the kids go to bed” to whenever and wherever. This has been great, and we still do the night sex but it is the 2nd session of the day or something. I like to unwind by 7-8pm and sex just amps me back up and I have a hard time sleeping and turning the brain off. This is during the week mind you, on the weekend I’m down for whatever, but during the week I’m up at 5am to start my day.

I have been working on a new business venture for myself and am about ready to pull the trigger, so as a result a good deal of my mental energy is focused on that. The last few nights around 8pm when I am about ready to meditate or something the wife has tried to initiate sex.

The first night this happened, I’ll be honest she got on top and I gave her male starfish sex. The second night I was a little more awake and took control. Last night however it would have been 2x that day – I gave her a soft NO at 9pm, then a slightly harder soft NO at 9:30 when the lights were out. She got super butt hurt and asked why I play with her all day just to reject her at night. I tried to AA, but it was only half accepted. This morning I have gotten a few comfort test texts from her so I can tell she isn’t over it – which is fine.

Athol talks about guys rejecting sex, and that once they do this the woman is highly turned off, but being married changes that dynamic a little but the message he has is tread with caution.

So my question is – I work remote, so I spend a good part of my day bouncing between Starbucks, or wherever that has good high speed internet. Wife is a SAHM so today I think a little comfort is in order after last night. Something along the lines of “You know I am starting the new business up, and that has been at the forefront of my mind – last night was about me not you” then proceed with noon sex or some AM if necessary. I am feeling the need to give her a little comfort, but don’t want to overdo it. Thoughts?

My other question is – if you pillow has a zipper do you put the zipper on the inside of the pillow case or the outside part that is open so you always see the zipper?

Post Information
Title I soft NO rejected sex from wife.
Author red-sfpplus
Upvotes 6
Comments 19
Date 24 May 2017 03:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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[–]SexistFlyingPig7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

The zipper/tag/non-smooth part of the pillow should be buried at the bottom of the pillowcase.

I think that your wife's major butthurt is that if you reject sex from her, then what value does she have? Especially as a SAHM, if you don't want sex, then what is her purpose in life, in the very long term?

All of this is silly, but it's at the root of what's going on with her. The next day you comforted her and you should give it no more thought. I can assure you that she has forgotten it except to gossip about it with her girlfriends.

[–]thewholefnshow5475 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't think declining will hurt your standing if you are getting it as regularly as you say. I would ask myself, does she get me off when she is not in the mood? If so, then you should always return in kind. Fair is fair, and she gets horny too.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, something to think about for sure.

[–]stdrp3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rejecting an initiation from the wife is serious business and to avoid undesirable consequences, needs to be done strategically. My rule of thumb is that if I say no, I better be ready to deliver no later than the following day. I have communicated this self-imposed rule to my wife and consequently any "no" from me is not seen as a rejection of her, and she knows that it's merely been postponed for a maximum of 1 day.

Note that this is my rule, not hers.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been through this. One day, after turning down an initiation from her the night before, I put my email on auto-response "out of office reply," and met her at home just before 11:30 am.

At 5:00 pm, I sent her out to go pick up the kids from after-school with a healthy glow, a hickey on her neck, and a brain fucked clean of the night before.

The zipper needs to go on the inside. I'm a hirsute mother fucker, and arm hair stuck in a zipper is annoying.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

Some of the married guys, when they got back from deployment, they used to have a line: "First ones for me" It's a thing, guys do that. I was still single, and first one was for me too.

As for comfort, she stays at home and babysits all day, how much more comfort does she need? Is she constantly throwing out comfort tests? Are you happy where her value is in your life? If not, then stop being a bitch.

And you should have a hidden seam on the zipper, so when you put it on, it disappears. the pillow case will have a good and bad side with the way it lays out (think like tin foil has two sides). So even if you're thrown off by a french seam (no surge stiches, and the inside looks nice and clean) you know which was is right.

Otherwise, most just have a surger stich the edges, that goes on the inside, and the shinier side is the outside

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Our sheets have the hidden seam, but the kids do not. So I like to tease her when she puts the pillows in "backwards." Thanks for clearing that up!

As far as the other part, nah the kids at 7 and 8 and are in school all day. She hits the gym, keeps the house clean, cooks and leads when I am not around, however is HIGHLY sensitive when I withdrawal attention. She is very submissive and this dread doesn't work well for her.

I easily operate up to level 8 dread and since reading Pook, Roosh and SGM have internalized kino, pickup artistry with the wife, etc. These were large gaps in my playbook. Now the feeling of sexual tension is palpable in our relationship as it starts when I wake up.

She does comfort test more than I would like. Shit tests are nearly non-existent. I tweaked some behavior when I traveled based off advice I got here and it has gone down, but the is still more tests in this area than I would like.

I should also mention that there are two times of the month where she is overly horny and is really DTF however. The three days prior to when she ovulates and the 3 days before shark week. I have tracked her cycle for years, and should have known last night that she was starting this weekend, so the over-reaction of the soft NO is now more understood as I checked the app this morning. So I own it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

She is very submissive and this dread doesn't work well for her.

Let me guess. She either yells, cries, or starts acting panicy, right? Those are emotions, and you are hardwired to be manipulated by them.

You see how her cycle affects her, this is no different. Focus on the results. Does she fuck you enthusiastically after the tension-release?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

If anything, it would be panicky - but it is the quality and level of the comfort tests she uses to try and chip away at my frame, and it is almost always over text, none of which I respond to. When in person I can easily fix the feelz with a touch, ass slap, 10 second kiss, fake 10 second kiss, or if words are needed, AM.

As an example, this morning after I left (before the kids had left for school) by 9am I had several texts - one was logistical about kids stuff tonight, and the other one was:

"What happened last night - I thought all guys wanted sex any time, and all the time"

I responded back an hour later with the smiling emoji with glasses and she responded back with a the emoji blowing a kiss.

10 minutes later, I get another text saying "These damn kids don't keep their rooms clean, I'm off to the gym"

I respond with the thumps up emoji and the flexing bicep emoji.

I think sometimes she just gets bored at home and wants validation....

And yes, she does fuck me enthusiastically.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

you've described nothing to tell me that occasionally hitting the dread button to wetten that pussy isn't working as intended.

She's supposed to be sleightly uncomfortable, thats the point. Comfort builds complacency. Complacency gives you an annual handjob and an eventual job making meth in Arizona

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thank you for the gut check.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I won't lie, it's a hard step. So many guys seem to have a real aversion to making women feel bad in any way. A single tear, harsh word, or raised voice, and these 'alpha men in training' shut the fuck up, and get back to jerking off in the corner.

When I post shit like my 'call her a cunt' strategy. It's to ease guys into being comfortable around the full range of female emotions

[–]freshona0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Hijacking a bit here. Pretty much same situation as OP, except I mostly lounge around home while working. Even the texting he describes fits, when I deign to answer her whateveritis.

Anyways, there hasn't been a lot of feeelz around the house lately, so today I gave her some shit. A lot of she's and her's below.

Earlier during the day, I see the vacuum on the floor, but the floor is all shitty. "You get interrupted vacuuming, or something?" I ask her. "I vacuumed the bedroom rug, since it was all dirty. Why do you ask?" " 'cos the floor is all shitty." She huffs a bit at that. (side note, floor is still shitty, vacuum is still where she left it..)

Later, we go out for a walk with the kid (1,5y), and when we come back, kid wants to hit the swings, so I go in and prepare to head out. Here I'll note I hadn't communicated that I'd be heading out soon. So, wife and kid come inside just as I'm ready to leave and got my stuff, and she says "I left the stroller outside, could you take it in?" Reasonable request, right? It's only a little bit out of my way etc etc.. Right. "Your hands not suddenly working, or something?" I ask. And not going to lie, not with a smile on my face, so forget about it being playful much. She gives me a look like WTF did you just say to me, and rolls her eyes. Nevertheless, the stroller still needs to be taken care of, so I say that I'll care of it. "Actually, yeah, my hands aren't working." she quips at me as I'm headed out. She actually does have some strain on one of her hands, but.. "Hasn't stopped you from doing it ever before." I say. Considering she does take the stroller into the storage daily. Of course. I took care of it on my way out.

Later in the evening once I get back, little kid is asleep, older one is headed to bed. She comes and sits on the floor next to me as I'm reading the news. I let her sit a few minutes, then ask her "What's up?" -Oh, just waiting for the kid to go to sleep, I wan't to talk to you. Wonder why.. So, kid goes to sleep, wife is planted on my lap.

She: "Is there something wrong?" Me: "What do you mean?" "Just that you've been saying some pretty passive-aggressive things at least once a day for a while now" (see above, no argument there) "Oh, like what?" "You know damn well. So is something wrong, or..?" "No." I say, while smiling and looking at her in the eyes. Things are actually a bit wrong, but I'm not going to open up that bag right now with her. And honestly, it was the best answer I got at the moment. I have no idea how to fog this one.

A little bit more of back and forth of "really? -really" until I disengage from the conversation. Zero comfort was being given, in case you're wondering. It's not my strongest suit. Super hard time on figuring out when to dole out some comfort.

We go to bed, she's very huffy, while I read a bit. Not a word being said anymore. About half an hour later, a few minutes into me putting down my book and dozing off, she gets up and goes to sit in the kitchen, brooding at the kitchen table, staring into the distance. Very picturesque.

I fully expect to see this unfold tomorrow.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, that was passive aggressive.

Next time, try cleaning up the house, dont be a lazy fuck.

More dirext

[–]AustralianArm0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So much butthurt pent up inside you.

Can't wait to hear how tomorrow goes down. I bet it ends in DEERing and a great big pussy (not hers)

[–]freshona1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wake up, floors are clean. Not even a single shit test, honestly I'm a little disappointed.

I start ironing my shirts, and the young one is taking a nap. I've still not eaten, so I can't recall the conversation verbatim, but I told her to get ready for sexy times, she responds that she needs to shower first. Does. Still have a couple shirts left to iron, I tell her that I want to have sex with my wife, not the mother of my children. "Oh, you mean make up? It's going to take me a little while.". And then a while later, make up.

It's still early, but so far the biggest cockup of the day was when I held back a bit as she climax'd, thinking I might want to have more sex later.

[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Just fuck her good tonight. Notice how guys react when they turn down their wife- guilt, pain, second guessing. Then recall how girls act when they turn down the husband- remorseless, cold rage, NEVER a thought that maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. Of course we can't have that- it might lead to self introspection.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh we did at lunch. I was never worried about the rejection and those specific feelz it was the ensuing comfort tests that follow. Maybe they are the same....

Either way she was fine when I came home for lunch and surprised her. Left went back to work and came home around 5 and we went about our lives like normal.

That evening in bed she was still frisky so rather than sex I just used my fingers to play the violin and she was satisfied.

I think the takeaway here for me is just trust her hamster to run and not have a heart attack.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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