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What do you get out of your marriage?

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qovnowon
May 23, 2017
8 upvotes
askMRP

I recently told my wife I want a divorce and after some denial and anger, she has moved into the bargaining phase. We had a long talk about what she can do to fix all the things that I'm unsatisfied with and has made some pretty significant changes immediately that have certainly helped make me more comfortable. However, I realized later that the conversation was basically just how she can reduce the negatives I experience, but there's no mention of the positives. That got me wondering what other men get out of marriage. I don't have and don't want kids, so that isn't a factor for me. I've lost my attraction for her and don't really care for sex with her. I have a group of good friends that I get together with for great conversations and fun. I don't know what positives she can bring me that I can't get elsewhere. What do you get out of your marriage? Am I missing something or is there no reason left for me to stay married?


Post Information
Title What do you get out of your marriage?
Author qovnowon
Upvotes 8
Comments 61
Date 23 May 2017 02:55 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206118
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6cv5a2/what_do_you_get_out_of_your_marriage/
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[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (47 children) | Copy

  • Awesome Sex Frequently
  • Great Cook
  • Interesting Person
  • Feminine Youthful Balance to my sometimes serious demeanor
  • Great Cook
  • Someone who knows when I'm giving my all or not
  • A person I trust to Raise my kids
  • Someone who keeps my castle clean while I run the kingdom
  • Awesome Blowjobs
  • Another motivated individual who I take pride in leading as well as observing her achieve her own personal and professional goals.
  • A reliable person to help me get the top on/off my Jeep with ease
  • No worry of STDs during sex
  • A person who educates my kids & holds them to the same standard I do
  • Someone who helps show my daughter how a woman should be as opposed to the shit examples provided by society.
  • A pair of tits and an ass that I can touch whenever, wherever
  • Someone who needs me and adds to my sense of purpose
  • A chick who doesn't annoy me and makes me laugh

Should I keep going?

Your relationship is a reflection of your performance. You married this woman, you allowed her behaviors to continue and now that you've got your shit together you want out?

Then walk out the fucking door.

If you don't want out, then help your wife become the best woman she can be.

My wife compliments my life, she doesn't make it more difficult.

Just the other day she bought me a planner and filled the entire thing out, color coordinating and everything.

She also bought a 100 year old desk and is refurbishing the entire thing on her own (not her normal project) for me for father's day as a writing desk.

Why is she like that?

Because I don't view it as Her vs Me I view it as Us vs The World

[–]CasperTFG_8086 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Someone who knows when I'm giving my all or not

And ...

My wife compliments my life, she doesn't make it more difficult.

It's important to distinguish the later statement will not be true if you fail on the previous. My wife knew Beta me was not giving my all and she did not support me, instead she stood in the way and made me feel like a failure and discourage me from taking risks. Once I TRP'd and started changing so did she in how she compliments my life and goals.

Example: In 2009 (BP Me) wanted to change jobs, risky move but way better pay and chance for promotion. She stood at every door, calling my parents her parents etc. to convince me to not take the risk.

In 2016, (RP Me) tells her about an offer I got for an executive role with bonuses and perks, huge risk we would all need to move for me to take the job. Her first reaction, "Incredible, they know how valuable you are to the company, what do you think we should do?"

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

My wife shit tests regularly, but I view it as a positive.

As long as she shit tests, we're good.

When she stops, there's a problem.

Your comment is perfect as men need to see both sides of the coin.

[–]CasperTFG_8082 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That just gave me a newfound way of looking at shit tests. They are not an opportunity for her to see if I pass, they are an opportunity for me to prove myself.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Transfer that to all challenges in life.

Don't feel beaten because they exist, appreciate their presence as an opportunity to show your worth.

[–]qovnowon[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks so much for this great reply. You have given me a lot to think about.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Enjoy the Ride Man

Life is too short to take all of it seriously.

Smile, breath, then move forward.

[–]resolutions3162 points3 points  (18 children) | Copy

This was a cool response.

I guess the real question is how much of this is doable via changing the relationship dynamic vs. doing a really good job choosing your partner in the beginning.

I didn't vett my wife in any real way - she was my oneitis and when given the opportunity I went for it, regardless of whether I got anything out of the process.

That's the big question for me here - seeing people who have great, mutually beneficial and passionate relationships....how much is achievable in retrospect?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (13 children) | Copy

The answer for each man will be as unique as their fingerprint.

[–]FailingBillionaire-5 points-4 points  (12 children) | Copy

That sounds bluepill.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (8 children) | Copy

Good thing I don't give a fuck.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Good to see you back

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Good to be back.

Twitter is like moving to a nice new place. It's great, has everything I need, but it's never the same as the good old days back home.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

That's why lots of people have a summer home and winter home. When you've got lots of resources, you can have both!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Looking to make that happen now.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

With houses or social media?

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You seem really familiar with the lingo.

[–]jigglydee0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hope this gives you your alpha sprinkling you so desire

The answer for each man will be as unique as their fucking fingerprint.

[–]FailingBillionaire0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That sounds definitely more alpha.

[–]qovnowon[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Exactly. It sounds like you and I are in a similar position. BPP says you can change the sexual behaviors with dread game and its true, but I wonder if I could change her into the kind of person TFA describes above. I know I can change myself, and I am changing myself for the better all the time, but I don't accept her how she is now and the only reason for continuing the relationship is if I believe she can become that kind of person. Of course the source of this problem is not understanding and accepting red pill truths when making a commitment to a woman. If only I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now!

[–]2gunsgetsome1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wonder if I could change her into the kind of person…

No, YOU can't. Maybe you can inspire her, but SHE has to change HERSELF.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've felt the same as you at various points over the last year. Every other month my wife and I have some blowout and I consider moving on. But it passes and we generally have a good time.

Whenever we struggle I can see it was caused by some failing on my part.

Now, my wife is pretty hot. I look forward to sex with her-- but that wasn't always the case. Despite her looks, I craved other women. Nothing wrong with that, but I realized that high quality sex with one chick is better than mediocre sex with lots of girls.

Another caveat-- if my wife was fat I probably wouldn't have put up with a lot of her shit. There has to be some draw. In my case, it's physical attraction

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's a little voice in your head that loves to say shit like: "This is really hard. And it's only this hard because you fucked up. Imagine if you didn't fuck up. Wouldn't this be a lot easier? You could probably just blow everything up and start over. I bet that'd be easier. You should do that."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I needed this today. Thank you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Got your back brother.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

Maaaan it's nice having you back. I missed having that youthful, energetic, non cynical, positive outlook here.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

Thanks

My work unblocked reddit (for now)

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Be careful. They can still see (and track and report on) each url. You'll have RP next to your name. Might not matter where you work, but if an SJW decides to make it an issue, it could be troubled for you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm aware, I find it to be worth the risk.

If I ever go radio silent, you all know why.

[–]MuhTriggersGuise0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

While I appreciate your response and your list, a part of me wonders how many items on the list are possible without marriage.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All of them, why wouldn't they be?

[–]redditJ50 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You you are telling me she is okay I'm the kitchen?

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you posted here as much as you posted n /r/divorce then you might know the answer to your questions.

Why am I going to give up hard won knowledge to someone who has put in minimal effort?

[–]drty_prRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Do you like her? I mean, is she your friend? Do you enjoy spending time with her? Do you make each other laugh?

The most important thing a woman can provide you with is companionship. Without it, you're wasting your time. As you said, everything else you can get elsewhere. Stop being a pussy.

This community is a place where men can come to make themselves better. Not a place for fuckin relationship advice. Go back to fuckin r/divorce if you want to get advice on shit like this.

[–]qovnowon[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you like her? I mean, is she your friend?

This is something I've been thinking about because the answer isn't immediately obvious to me. I care about her and consider her to be a good person, but I really don't crave spending time with her anymore.

Stop being a pussy.

What am I being a pussy about?

Go back to fuckin r/divorce

I'd prefer advice from men who are on this journey, not beta males and women. I don't think they can give me insightful answers because they lack awareness of red pill truths. I think "men making themselves better" includes how to make life-changing decisions like the one I am considering, so it seemed appropriate. If the general consensus here is that this post isn't appropriate, I'll stand corrected.

[–]FailingBillionaire1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ever thought about introducing new women into your relationship, without breaking up?

I believe /r/RedPillNonMonogamy is the sub for it.

Not saying that you should Soft next your wife, but if you are going to break up anyway...

[–]qovnowon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I have considered that. Thanks for the link.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Crazy slut sex, slobbering blow jobs, dinner, a clean house, my laundry done, lawn mowed, car cleaned, a person I can rely on to run a side hustle or take care of a task I need done, someone to raise children with, a cheerleader, back rubs... A lot actually. Thanks for reminding me. Oh yeah, and crazy slut sex. All of which I could lose tomorrow and be fine. Thanks dudes.

[–]jigglydee2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Here's another take. But note, different culture, strong family unit.

  • Sex on demand - great sex on demand
  • She initiates roughly as much as I do
  • Someone to have sexy talk when ever I feel like
  • Company- you're never alone
  • Looks after the kids
  • Meals are prepped when I get home. I haven't cooked in the last 8 years
  • Looks after the family, relative social responsibilities so that I don't have to worry about the mundane (gift giving etc)
  • Family is important to me (parents, siblings)- she makes a full effort to appease them - genuinely cares for my parents - as I do with hers
  • Cheers me up often, brings in same amount of humor into the relationship as I do.
  • Can test out bad jokes on her (someone to share bad jokes with).
  • I was always introverted, she was extroverted, a very happy balance ensued in hind sight as she made me go out of my comfort zone several times.
  • I've done things- good things - e.g. travel, because of her.
  • She genuinely cares for me.
  • She cleaned up my wounds for days after a significant operation- without hesitation.
  • Someone to boss around every now and then - just because.
  • Makes for a great sparring partner for handling shit tests.
  • Most importantly: I've stepped up as a man because I have a wife. Had I not been married, I may never have come this far.

There are cons, but I won't go through them, I don't think you're after those at the moment.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've stepped up as a man because I have a wife. Had I not been married, I may never have come this far.

much truth to this. it maybe sad (for us); but pussy makes the world go round

[–]BrazilRedPill3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Sex, feminine company. If you don't care about these you are not a man, mother fucker.

I understand if you say that you are not attracted to her, that she is ugly and annoying as fuck.

But what I read is you saying that you wanted something, she gave it to you, and because you aren't used to be a leader, you don't know what to do next.

Think about it: you don't wanna have sex with her or with any other woman?

You get a new woman. After the initial attraction, after months your new relationship will fade to the same state of this one. What would be different?

The problem is her or you that don't know how to act after you got what you asked?

[–]qovnowon[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I want sex and feminine company, but with other women. I am not attracted to her anymore. I think having a series of different girlfriends is what will be best for me. I don't see the value in an LTR.

[–]Clapboom1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Without sounding like Captain-Save-A-Hoe.. can you help her to become attractive to you again? Gym, exercise, whatever. You must have liked something to want her in the first place. I agree with everyone else on the rest though, this is not a wife problem, this is a lack of leadership problem.

[–]paterfamilias780 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I want sex and feminine company. I don't see the value in an LTR.

Well you can have a lot of the first item in a series of STR's, but here is the compromise:

If you want quality feminine company with a woman who can complement (not compliment) you and bring out the best in you in an environment of trust and share your history with, you really need an LTR. Especially if you want this history to ever involve your own family.

It's conceivable that I might find a woman as amazing as my wife, but I will never find someone who has shared my entire life up to this point and the lives of the children we have created.

[–]BrazilRedPill0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I don't know, but you sound indecisive about this (you are basically asking people on the internet if you should dump a woman you don't like anymore). Take your time, think better for some more time. It's your life, own your decision.

[–]qovnowon[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you. I appreciate your input on this. I'm definitely indecisive about this. Its an incredibly important decision and I know the men here have great insights into these issues!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dafuk will any answer help you?

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Value.

The only answer that matters.

[–]lintheswithd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you're looking for some external validation on your decision to stay, or your decision to leave for that matter, you've come to the wrong place. If you're looking for your balls so you can make a decision, you've come to the right place, but you need to start with the sidebar.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've lost my attraction for her and don't really care for sex with her

Have you pinpointed why? The answer is important

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't have and don't want kids, so that isn't a factor for me. I've lost my attraction for her and don't really care for sex with her.

You take away the 2 main reasons people get and stay married- kids and sex- and ask what does a man get out of it? After taking away about 90% of the reasons people stay married and then ask are there any reasons for me to stay married. The answer without sex or kids is...not bloody much.

You get sex- if you qualify as "alpha" enough- and you get kids that she can take away from you at any time for any reason or for no reason. Maybe you get a second paycheck but you don't get a companion who listens to you and keeps the criticism and manipulation to a minimum. Not since we stopped spanking them.

Can you hear me now?

[–]FinallyTriesHard0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The man who told me to try a John Wayne movie seriously f'ed up when he did not suggest that one. Thank you for the link.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

your biggest problem is

"what she can do to fix all the things that I'm unsatisfied with"

what in the fuck are you doing on your side of the equation ?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you have to ask other people what they get out of marriage, you probably shouldn't be married, at least not to this woman.

There are no kids. Just divorce her and move on. Then you can think about all this metaphysical shit.

[–]gizmozed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Attention, affection, sex of any kind any time any where. Maintaining my house and garden, doing most of the legwork for our business, never letting me doubt what we have.

Everyone is different. I tried the plate thing for a while but it just does not fulfill me. I need to wake up and touch my wife in my bed every morning. I prefer marriage. But maybe that isn't working for you. Only you can decide what you need and how to get it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

At this point, since I have found RP, the only reason I'm keeping her around is to avoid paying child support. Around the time my youngest turns 16 I'm going to stop giving any and all fucks (it'll take about 1 year for her to finally decide to split up and another to do the court/lawyer shit) We will both be mid/late 40's and she can have half of the house. I'll take my half and buy a big fucking sailboat and a jeep (fuck a house, economic disengagement, no taxes just slip fees) Then I'll spin plates until I'm old and get a dog.



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