Wife not kinky

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May 18, 2017

Context: I started following redpill since February. Have seen a great improvement in my relationship. Wife is becoming more and more submissive day by day. She is always sticking to me, while awake and in bed. She initiates sex 50%+ of the time aka doesn't wait for me to. However, she is not kinky at all. I have tried talking dirty to her over text/in person, but get a very basic response. I get bored to be honest. I have asked her to send me nudes from work/wear sexy outfits, she rarely does.

I am tired of initiating kink every time. What am I doing/not doing right? How to make her want it? What did you do in your marriage that helped?

Post Information
Title Wife not kinky
Author renupachi
Upvotes 14
Comments 33
Date 18 May 2017 03:19 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206141
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6bwudt/wife_not_kinky/
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[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wife not kinky...yet.

Read Sex God Method.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

I started following redpill since February

That's your problem.

[–]BrazilRedPill5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

[–]renupachi[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'm not sure if dread is the right answer here. I have gone back and forth on it. She is sexually interested and initiates sex, but not kinky.

[–]BrazilRedPill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you fell like that, then create your slut (ooooo yes!)

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

It doesn't change overnight. Make it fun for her and don't pressure her to donkinky stuff. It's likely to backfire. Get really fit and increase the dominance in bed. It'll probably take at least a year

[–]renupachi[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She responds to my kinky moves - had sex by the window last night. She likes it when she does, but doesn't take initiative. Agree with having patience.

[–]rocknrollchuck3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Taking initiative is your job, not hers. It's great when she does, but it's the man's job to initiate things, especially new kinky things. Your success with her responding to your moves proves it.

[–]renupachi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with man being responsible for taking initiative. But taking initiative 100% of the time seems like an overkill. I'm happy she responds, but would love to see her get creative. Will stfu and lift for now. I want to get the body fat% below 15% by end of the year.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The Married Man Sex Life Primer would be a start

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your unicorn initiates a lot...but it spoils you by making you think she is going to initiate your kinks as well. Grow a pair and bring the kink out of her. Dont just tell her to talk dirty to you. Tell her what to say.

[–]renupachi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have thought about this.. But seems too prescriptive. Only way I see us to focus on myself and keep getting better physically and mentally.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

How long have you been married?

What is your % body fat?

[–]renupachi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Married for 2 years. Dating for 7 years. We were in long distance till Feb this year .. (I know)

[–]renupachi[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Married for 2 years. Body fat 20% , down from 23% in Jan. I realize that I have a long way to go. Have been working out 4-5 tones a week - 3x hiit, 2x lifting

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The answer is the same as for guys whose wives won't even have vanilla sex with them. It's not that she isn't kinky, she just isn't kinky WITH YOU.

She's kinky in her imagination, but she won't be kinky in bed with just anyone. Lift, sidebar, pass shit tests and you can become that person. The other comments on here (dread, porn, leading her into it) can be implemented AFTER you have improved yourself.

Edit: fixed autocorrect

[–]wn360 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy

Was she a virgin when you got married?

[–]renupachi[S] 1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy

I'm the only one she had had sex with.

[–]wn364 points5 points  (12 children) | Copy

And have you taught her? Worked her up to things? Been a leader at home and in the bedroom? You just can't go full Rambo on her and expect her to follow your wild porno fantasies.

Speaking for porn, how many days have you been nofap, no porn? That right there might be the foundation on most of your problems.

Check out this link and read in full about porn addiction. I was addicted and now I'm not. It's very important to resetting your brain and therefore your bedroom. https://www.nofap.com/porn-addiction/

Then go here and read about "rebooting" your brain. Work on yourself and be patient with your wife. Read these things, change your mentality THEN revisit the bod room with your wife. https://www.nofap.com/rebooting/

Once you've done the homework. Go to the NoFap Reddit, get yourself a badge counter to track how many days. Currently I'm on day 79. Use that community, as well as here to hold yourself accountable.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

What the fuck is the connection between OP's problem and nofap?

That right there might be the foundation on most of your problems.

This shit right here reminds me of Jehova's witnesses coming to the door. You're broadcasting nofap as a solution to problems you aren't even identifying.

[–]chachaChad0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm not a proponent of nofap. I agree they seem a little cultist. However, I do see benefit to decreasing my masturbation. When I masturbate a lot, I'm less interested in making a connection with a real person and my desires get more and more extreme.

I still masturbate when I feel like it but I used to use it as a stress reducer when I was anxious or lonely. I recognized that behavior and changed it and I feel better about it.

I don't believe stopping masturbation all together is healthy.

[–]wn360 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The NoFap Reddit itself is weak as fuck. I use it only as a counter for days, so I can see the cultist idea.

As for the benefits of fapping, I can see your point but I disagree. Completely stopping jerking off is probably the second most important thing I've done since sliding into MRP. The first being becoming aware of the real world around me.

Now, I can see how some pie pounding here or there would maybe work but it's my opinion that if you can't just close your eyes and pull yourself off, if you must have porn to complete it, you have a problem that needs further investigation.

Read those links I posted above before (if) you respond. Tell me your thoughts.

[–]chachaChad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I guess I would have to agree with you about the porn. I've actually started having a problem looking a porn now because I kind of see how each category is sort of a result of some kind physiological problem.

Thanks for the links. I'm off to reading.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not debating the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of it. See reply to wn36

[–]wn36-2 points-1 points  (5 children) | Copy

This guy reminds be of another puke espousing drivel that really adds nothing to the conversation.

Hey genius, where do you think the ideas of kink stem from? Do teenage boys have thoughts of kink or are they just searching for a hole? Kink is a learned behavior. OP states that he's bored in the bedroom. Maybe he can start working on himself by rewiring his brain to get his dopamine fix from his wife/lover rather than from porn.

Isn't the idea of MRP to improve yourself before we try to fix the women? Isn't the idea that once you fix yourself that the women will follow? Do you even read?

There are some major benefits to NoFap. My original post was a self reflective one in which he may be able to look inward to see if he's the problem before he just try's to fix what he perceives to be the problem (his wife).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

OP states that he's bored in the bedroom


Maybe he can start working on himself by rewiring his brain to get his dopamine fix from his wife/lover rather than from porn.

Between these two you have a logic disconnect. He's bored in the bedroom...because he isn't following SGM and training his wife to be kinky...NOT because he's addicted to porn. He doesnt even mention a porn problem. You assume this, and then go off on a tangent preaching your nofap holy bible.

I'm not debating the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of nofap. I'm saying from the few users that have mentioned it on this sub, it's always this grand cureall idea that you need to try because:

That right there might be the foundation on most of your problems.

[–]wn36-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

You really are dense, aren't you?

I'm offering guidance. A starting point. He's seems to agree with me and it certainly can't hurt. SGM also works as you suggested, but if you read the entire thread, she was a virgin when they met. Doubt you've ever been with one though, they take lots of time and effort to come around to pornstar mode.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You are backpedaling your intentions, still implying his position, generalizing, and throwing blanket statements down. It's like wrestling jello.

[–]wn36-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

Am I? (Thick sarcasm)

Trust me dude, I'm not backpedaling. That's you projecting and conflating your ideas onto me. The OP was responsive to my suggestions so at least he sees the possible benefit in my suggestions.

In the future, please try offering more substantive posts rather than one word or one sentence answers like the majority of your posts. After all, it seems we're all here for the same reason. Doesn't hurt to try and help our brothers.

Oh and it sounds like it's been a while since you pulled one out. Maybe you should try that before your next post.

Good day sir.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]renupachi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks.. Will check it out. I was off porn for a month after she moved in, but got back to it as I got bored of vanilla sex.. Will check out the websites and give it a try.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I tend to gravitate toward women that are natural sluts. But even then it can be like Almond Joy versus Mounds: sometimes she feelZ like a slut and sometimes she don't. Sex God Method will help your cause. And remember that she's your wife and not a hooker. There is technique involved.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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