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I rejected the starfish [FR]

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[deleted]
May 9, 2017
35 upvotes
askMRP

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Post Information
Title I rejected the starfish [FR]
Author
Upvotes 35
Comments 30
Date 09 May 2017 05:39 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206176
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6a6yoi/i_rejected_the_starfish_fr/
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I fucked up

Summary: I vomited my feels to my wife yesterday and I think I may have

Comments

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (11 children) | Copy

I acted like everything was fine

was it?

Texted the wife a picture of us having fun.

That'll show her!

I discretely took of her ass as she was bending over to pick something up earlier in the day.

This is new to me. Anyone else know if this is a thing or not?

Decent ending, A few tweaks in being deliberate, but you had a goal and reached it, thats the goal right?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not gonna lie and say I've mastered OI already, but what I meant by "acted like everything was fine" was that I knew she was still upset with me but I "acted" like she wasn't. In the past I would have gone the whole day barely speaking to her, being so butthurt, withdrawing all of my attention to "punish her". This time I made a conscious effort to bring up casual convo, flirted, smacked her ass, and initiated when I wanted to...when I knew damn well a rejection would occur.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I see, a couple tweaks for you to internalize

  1. not that you pretended she wasnt... It's that you didn't care if she was, because its just feelings, nothing substantial.

  2. And I am a huge fan of the one idea you're going with. It's only when youve lost everything, you're free to do anything. Accepting the failure before it starts is the easiest way to avoid old thought patterns, and avoid expectations.

good job on no buckling over a few tears.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

usually isn't.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

I will say this. The man didn't give a fuck if she cried...

You know how much further men here would be, if they didn't treat her 'getting mad' or crying as a reason to jag it in?

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

They would go alot farther when they realize they don't have to cater to her emotions.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

and wouldn't it blow their minds to realize that she will still fuck you, even though you made her mad.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

probably made the sex better.

anger isn't your enemy. it's a strong emotion. and girls get wet over strong emotions

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No this is wrong! My mom and sister and first 4 girlfriends all assured me that girls get wet when you bring them flowers and do what they say.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is new to me. Anyone else know if this is a thing or not?

inherently I don't see a problem with it. other than maybe it was done secretly? That doesn't sit well but maybe because it smells of validation

Still taking a pic of your girl shouldn't be an issue.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea I didn't put much thought into it. I liked how her ass looked at a particular moment so I took a photo of it. Then later I found it on my phone, forgetting I even took it, and thought "My bitch has a great ass. I should let her know.."

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is new to me. Anyone else know if this is a thing or not?

This is totally a thing. My wife loves finding pics I took of her ass when she wasn't looking. Her profile pic in my phone is just a pic of her ass.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

This is a pretty good FR but I wouldn't break your wrist jerking yourself off just yet. Good sex is your department and if this is something that keeps occurring you need to rethink your overall strategy. You are missing alot of the DEVI but you are also trying to pull this off too soon. If she is not receptive you are not valuable enough yet. Take a moment to work over where you are missing in the overall dominance of your household that has led her to be the leader in the bedroom.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Spot on. One of my goals is to take over the disciplinary role for my household. I've always been the carefree, fun dad and my wife was the one to always bring down the hammer on behavior problems with the kids. This is one area I know I can improve on and earn points in the dominance & leadership department. I've already made some moves in this area.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do it one little step at a time. We don't need another rambo.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

We don't need another rambo

Or we'll need a good supply 'a body bags

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

bring down the hammer on behavior problems with the kids

Just a little advice... I wouldn't suggest bringing down the hammer on the kids. That's not really what they need. Never let your kids see that they have rattled you. They need leadership and you're the confident, rock of man that is going to lovingly correct your kids when they need it.

I'm pretty sure you already know that just wanted to highlight that being harsh with the kids will produce results you don't want.

Best of luck and congrats on rejecting bad sex.

I just did this twice last week. She said she was interested but exhausted and laid there like I should do all the work. I told her we'd just cuddle. Normally, I would have been in tears and almost heartbroken from the "rejection". The odd thing was that I was able to not be butt hurt about it and actually just enjoy spooning.

In the morning, she was a bit sheepish because she refused me the night before and said, "I'll give you 2 minutes". Normally, I would have grovelled for that and had humiliating, shitty sex. Nope, not this time. Keep your 2 minutes. I have things to do. Was also able to not be butt hurt and get up and make coffee.

[–]RPJMRP2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good post, congrats on the win, and it is a win. But you are still in her frame a good bit. I know that is a term thrown around a lot around these parts so let me illustrate a few things to you.

First, you obviously implored some acting and covert contracts through this process.

For instance, "I would normally be a butt hurt bitch over this, but I had mentally prepared to reject the starfish and knew this would be the outcome" - This is a bit of "fake it to you make it." That's cool, we all have to start somewhere.

However, what would have happened if you would have dove into the process? If you would have talked dirty why holding her from behind and fingering her? When she demurred if you jumped into an aggressive position and tried again? You engaged in ego protection. You were scared to be vulnerable. This is unattractive. The high-value man isn't butthurt when he gets rejected because he understands there are more than one option. He rarely gets rejected because he acts like there is more than one option.

You went into this process looking to fail. You were guarding your ego. You told yourself, "I bet this low-value harpy tries to give me starfish again." So you set the expectation that you would accept the starfish sex, then you flipped the script and essentially said "This isn't going to work." Why fake it at all? Internalize this shit and stop waiting for her to respond the way you want. Make your frame so robust that she can't leave that arena.

Stop testing her. That is a woman's game and you will lose it in the long run. Be direct in your intentions. If you want rough sex, initiate roughly. If you want kinky sex, then toss her a ball gag and put on a cocky smile.

You're the man she wants to be in bed with right? If you are that type of man, then why are you leaving it to her to initiate? Why are you setting up for the "sideways" sex you don't like?

Again, congrats on the progress, but don't forget your end goal. You won't win this game long term. You are playing checkers. She is playing chess. The testing bullshit is her world.

It's easier to just be a high value man than fake being one. On a side note, good job owning shit with your kids.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Combination of powerful factors here everyone should take note on. OP does not fake his DNGAF mindset in order to punish his wife, he truly DNGAF. OI goes hand in hand with this. He initiates and is prepared for the rejection but does not stop gaming his wife in the aftermath. This sends the message to her that she cannot punish or control him through denying him sex. Her emotions also do not sway him from his MAP. Good FR, sir, keep up the good fight.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't DEER, especially during sex.

Also, you're kidding yourself if you think she didn't see your butthurt. As soon as you defended, the butthurt became visible.

[–]thunderbeyond0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good FR, nice result and you have acknowledged you're still on the path.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A couple of concerns, though overall it's a huge improvement over the usual victim puke/ validate through her bullshit that comes here.

Overall good, congrats you're making progress. On mobile here so specific quotes aren't easy:

"Request a blowjob"- no dude that ever deserved a blowjob had to request one. If she isn't volunteering, grab her by the back of the neck or by the base of the hair and initiate said blowjob. If she isn't receptive you have self improvement to do.

"I tell her everything will be ok"- don't bullshit her. If she doesn't modify her behavior, everything won't be ok. The whole point of MRP, Right? Fix the man, the marriage will either come around or dissolve. It's hard not to be the comforter in that situation, but don't make false promises.

The covert picture- you know your relationship. It'll seem odd to some, but if it works for you go with it. In my case I would've made a big deal of it immediately- "wait dear hold still". (Snap picture). Send to her immediately. "See, that's a nice ass. My girlfriend would agree" with laughing tone. But that's all a matter of your specific relationship- if you say it's all good then you know the better than us.

Overall, a big improvement from where you started. Congrats. Still work to be done, but small victories build confidence for bigger campaigns.



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