Early FR and a Couple questions

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May 9, 2017

Will keep this short. Quick background, M30 married F28, no kids yet (another issue). Both 7 - 8's. Both physicall fit and work out. I have a very good job and a very high income, she is SAHW. I have definitely become the push over beta over the last couple years. Dead bedroom the last year. Only swallowed the pill a week ago, and have read pretty much everything on here since then. Even getting through the books in side panel.


  1. Only been a week, but she hasnt responded well to the new alpha responses and STFU. Seems initially to have got even worse, wont come near me and is moody now because of "how i've been acting this last week" and "no longer talking to me". Is this normal in the early stages or have I gone too Rambo?

  2. Bit of background, obvs I always initiated in the bedroom, shut down 90% of the time, if not then i'd get some pity sex. How are we supposed to act like we dont want it, yet still initiate and get rejected? Understand dont show any bother by getting rejected, which ive now implemented. But it seems like a catch 22, act like u dont want it yet still initiate. it seems with me if I dont initiate then it wont happen. Again maybe i'm expecting results too early.

Appreciate comments.

Post Information
Title Early FR and a Couple questions
Author zelmanz
Upvotes 7
Comments 27
Date 09 May 2017 01:24 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206179
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6a2e4p/early_fr_and_a_couple_questions/
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[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Are you misinterpreting STFU as giving her the "silent treatment"? This is not what is meant by STFU; read this top post, and The meaning of STFU and how it relates to Dread Level 4: Begin Conditioning your time and attention to her on her sexual availability to you.

Are you misinterpreting being "alpha" and OI as behaving as if you don't care about her? Are you being an aloof energy vampire? I suspect you are. Read The Value of Maintaining a positive frame especially for new guys and this long comment about being enervating rather than energizing.

Edit: Here's a long post with some good insights on OI.

[–]nightmancommeth0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I never read that post but my number one point in life is to complain about your life. Even if things are shitty I will always talk up how this is good and that is good to friends spouse etc. People want to be around happy people.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I never read that post but my number one point in life is to never?? complain about your life.


Even if things are shitty I will always talk up how this is good and that is good to friends spouse etc. People want to be around happy people.

This sounds good, until it becomes a covert contract that if I always act positive and happy even when people are shitting on me ... they'll be nice and stop shitting on me and give me what I want. Don't use this as a DEER to justify being a Nice Guy or to excuse yourself from asserting yourself or your frame when you should.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Someone needs a job and someone else needs to learn how to say "No."

Care to guess who?

[–]AustralianArm4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Someone needs to say "Yes." and someone else needs a blow job

[–]InChargeManRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

no kids yet ....... she is SAHW

The bad news: WTF are you doing having a SAHW with no kids? Seriously, NO, BAD DOG

The good news: No kids yet is an ocean away from with kids. "Marriage" is a piece of paper, she knows it, you know it. Under no circumstances are you to get her pregnant until everything is turned around 100%. If you are in a shitty relationship already without kids, there is no chance for you after kids.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's a 7, has no job, is approaching the wall, and won't put out. Why do you give a fuck what she thinks or does?

[–]redxanaxe4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're far from Rambo, don't worry about it. Rambo would be escalating from being a beta cuck to "fuck me or fuck you" in a week. Yes she's going to notice you're making changes and talk shit, hence shit testing. Learn to welcome it.

It's been a week, you really expect a full turn around in her behavior? She probably things you're having a life crisis or started doing drugs - or both.

Consistency is key. If you go full "alpha moves" (lol) in the first week and then slide back into beta bitch land after 3 days, she'll see you as a flip flopping fag. If you're going to go from 0 to Chad you better have a frame of steel to withstand the shit storm that will follow. Best course of action is to FOCUS on each area of your map and dial it, cause you're doing this to improve your life and not get laid, right?

Initiate when you want, because you want it. If you get turned down what is there to be mad about? Either you have improved your life to the point where her denials don't mean shit, or you're initiating for validation. Chances are it's the second. Stop that, it's a turn off. Or look at it this way -- if all she does is bitch and complain and deny sex, you come home from work and she starts with the "why didn't you do blah blah blah", you'd want the ability to say "not now babe, it's been a long day and I'll get to it." Right? Well that's how she feels about having sex with you. It's a chore. You're a chore.

So you initiate because sex is fun and you like doing it. You invite her to participate, and if she agrees it's good for everyone. If not, you'll keep initiating and either she'll get on the ride or someone else will. If you're not a point where there's a waiting line, what you got to be mad at?

[–]SgtSilverBack3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's the difference between WANT and NEED. You should WANT to bang your wife and flirt and have fun. But you don't NEED to bang your wife. Flirting and having fun is the part of the new man that you are trying to recreate separate from anything your wife says/does.

For example. On my cheat meal I want the last piece of pizza, but so do the kids so they get it. Since I don't NEED it I just thank them internally for saving me some extra calories and go about my day. If my wife doesn't put out when initiate then I internally thank her for giving me a chance to finish studying or work on my woodworking projects. WANT not NEED. And it will take you some time to get there mentally.

On the other stuff. No shit. You guys have had a certain dynamic up to this point and now you are changing the rules. She sees you as acting out of character (which you are) and not knowing what it means (b/c her hamster so says you are her bitch and shouldn't act otherwise). Also chances are you say or do things while EVERYTHING else about shows you waiting for Mom to punish you for talking back.

So first thing first. Lift.

Second. Sidebar

Third. Find your goals

Fourth. Be an awesome guy.

When these things aren't something you have to plan, then the mentality, your actions and most likely her actions will all fall in place.

I seem to remember someone writing a book and many clarifying posts about steps if dread........

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start setting your boundaries.

There is no reason she is a SAHW. None.

Deadbedroom is s function and result of you misplacing your backbone and she does not respect you.

At some point you must realize you created this mess. Feel blessed you don't have kids yet, as this brings in a whole nother level of shit.

1 learn to pass Shit tests

2 lift and diet.

3 smile and laugh no matter how butt hurt you are.

  1. Learm to STFU while avoiding being a deaf mute fucktard. Smile laugh. Be careful not to react to her emotional outbursts now that you hand seem the light.

Lift. Lift

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Take it slow. Make small changes.

Best way to start increasing your SMV is lift. 5x5 has yielded me great results, google it.

Best way to start improving your frame is learn to STFU and change the subject. Discontunue DEERing.

Best way to start increasing sex is to KINO, flirt, and initiate often. Don't get butthurt upon "no's."

Best way to Not be boring is be unpredictable. Plan fun stuff and "tell" her what you're doing on the way there or just go there.

But again.. Take it slow... And trust me on this... wear sunscreen.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Again maybe i'm expecting results too early.


Think about it this way. For years you just barely did your job at the office. Scooted by, just barely met deadlines. Your boss had to be at you to make sure things got done. Not that you never did them, you just had no enthusiasm. there was no fire, and you always seemed to be overwhelmed at even the simplest task.

Then suddenly you're on fire. You are hitting your stride, knocking out goals. Its been a great week. Then you get all pissed because you aren't getting a bonus or the raise you wanted.

You're in her frame too much. You are still seeking her validation.

only this time you're thinking. Hey, mom, i'm doing alpha things.

You want her to pat you on the head like a good little boy?

[–]drty_prRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are expecting results way too early. With that said, you make good money, have been lifting for years and most importantly have no kids. View her as a training partner. Learn STFU, develop frame, become fun, learn to flirt properly, etc. Either she decides to be become the woman you want or she gets nexted. You're in the drivers seat here.

Oh and absolutely do not get this woman pregnant. It will not fix your sex life. It will only cause child support should you nuke it. Your birth control is your responsibility. Wear condoms. She may hate it, but fuck her. Repeat after me, DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Example of some of these alpha interactions...

[–]zelmanz[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah already well into lifting, have been for years so i feel im ok on that front, i've just tried to go even further and harder..

I accept i'm the reason we've got to where we are.

I just need to stay strong when she comes on with the hard shit tests, especially now, its like a power struggle.. And i just gotta make sure i dont get roped into responding or getting pulled into her whinging... I guess its very early, only a week of me being alpha, but ill stick to my guns and see what happens... but for now, shes just getting angry about it and distancing herself..

Another example is a slap her on the ass (like i've always done). except now its "You dont deserve to slap me on the ass if u wont even talk to me anymore".. I guess the only response is to act like i dont give a shit.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're pretty deep in her frame still.

Who gives a fuck what she thinks? Do what you're gonna do and let her be pissed. You aren't responsible for her emotions.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're lucky in that you've woken up before you got attached to a kid. Most guys would be envious of that situation. Personally, I'd have zero tolerance for a wife with no kids who doesn't work and won't touch my dick. I don't even care if I was 300lbs and played video games all day. Women have a sex drive too-- makes me wonder if she's getting some on the side. I wouldn't blame you if you went Rambo because what's the downside? She leaves and you get to stop supporting dead weight?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What you need to do is sit her down and say something to the effect of, "babe, I've been doing some soul searching lately. I looked deep inside myself and I didn't like what I saw. I'm going to be working on improving myself, and there will be some changes. But don't worry... Our lives are going to fucking awesome!"

End it at that. If she asks for details, just go broken record and say, "I'm doing this for me, and I don't really want to discuss details."

Then expect a barrage of shit tests in the form of, "oh is this the new you?". Just smile and say, "yep! He's fucking awesome, isn't he?". AA/AM as necessity from there.

But your first 6 months should be all about improving yourself. Don't even worry about your relationship with your wife. You can still be a bit beta until you have mastered the basics. Take it slow.

Also, stop thinking in terms of what an alpha would do. Think, instead, what would a high value man do. You aren't an alpha, but you are a high value man.

[–]nightmancommeth0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

12 stages of dread my man. Look it up. Also when she rejects you shut down and give her less attention. Also sometimes its too much for you to break away after being blue pilled for so long. You might want to drop the hammer and put the nuclear option out there or at least bring it to the table. Clearly she is not afraid of you. It has worked for me in the past but only because she knew I was not scared to follow thought.

[–]mattizie-4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

How long have you beem married? Leave, and leave now, she's about to hit the wall and it's only going to get worse.

You have no kids, and no obligations to stay with her. Get the fuck out, spin plates.

If you ever want kids, this woman is not for you. At 28 she's about to hit the wall, and her fertility is going out the window, chicks can't bounce back from babies at 40 like they can when they're 20.

You did this to yourself.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

While we discourage getting married to begin with, divorce is a path that only a man can determine if it's right for him.

If he wants to stay married, so be it. MRP is how you have an awesome life whether married or not. It's not about the marriage so much as making yourself a high value man. The wife will naturally follow.

[–]mattizie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see what you're saying and I agree. No-can really make that call except him.

A better choice of words would be: it is going to be infinitely easier, you are going to be more happy, and your life will be better if you let this one go.

MRP exists because we take the hard path for reasons such as raising our children in a stable family. This does not apply to OP.

A lot of people come to MRP because they want to fix broken relationships. It has to be acknowledged that the best way forward for a man is to simply take it as a lesson learnt and move forward. This changes when you have kids or there is a significant financial risk.

From what he's posted thus far, he already lifts and has his shit together, he's wife has already dismissed him as a loser. It's very hard if not impossible to change their perceptions, and even then, only if there was a starting point of alpha and game to begin with.

My recommendation is to split. OP can take it or leave it. I stand by what I originally posted.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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